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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

The Potato Index: UFC 95 Aftermath


(Photo courtesy of SI.com)

Another UFC event is in the books, which means it’s time again to see who’s up and who’s down according to the Potato Index’s arbitrary numerical rankings system.  It’s kind of like Bob Reilly’s poll, only we admit it’s total bullshit.  And at least this particular brand of bullshit is more fun.

Diego Sanchez +123

“The Nightmare” proved he can cut almost forty pounds and still go three rounds at a steady pace.  That could be bad news for some other lightweight contenders, though it would still be interesting to see how he stacks up against one of the better wrestlers in the division.  Sean Sherk’s not too busy, is he?

Joe Stevenson -88

Another disappointing performance for Stevenson leaves us wondering where he can possibly go from here.  He just doesn’t seem to have enough in his toolbox to hang with the top fighters, and secluding himself in Victorville, which is not known for its elite training facilities, certainly isn’t helping.

Demian Maia +204

If you’re going to do only one thing, you’d better do it extremely well, and Maia does.  He forces another quality opponent to fight on his terms and puts him away with impressive ease.  Is there any middleweight not named Anderson Silva who can pose a significant threat to him at this point?



Chael Sonnen -99

Getting submitted in two and a half minutes is not how you want to make your glorious return to the UFC.  If that bout did determine the UFC’s best middleweight, at least now we know who it isn’t.  

Nate Marquardt +163

He fought smart and finished with a flurry that looked like a Tekken combo.  When he says he’s not the same guy who Anderson Silva pummeled, it’s hard to argue.  Up next, Marquardt vs. Maia?  You couldn’t ask for a better middleweight contender match.

Wilson Gouveia -54

Seems like someone has been reading his own press too much.  Gouveia fell in love with the idea of his one-punch KO power and never thought further than one blow at a time.  He’s got the physical tools, but isn’t long on strategy at the moment.  That’s a problem he’ll need to remedy.

Dan Hardy +92

We get it, he can hit hard.  He floored a tough, though somewhat overaggressive opponent in Markham.  Now it’s time to move him up and see what else he can do.  Jon Fitch is always good for answering questions like that, no?

Rory Markham -70

No matter how much of a bad-ass you are, no one can afford to get sloppy at this level.  Markham needs to become more of a technician and less of a brawler if he’s going to stick around in the UFC.

Paulo Thiago +57

A huge upset victory is a good way to start your career in the UFC, but we’re still not completely sold.  He looked outclassed for 99% of that fight, and he doesn’t seem big or strong enough to hang with some of the dominating wrestlers that populate the welterweight division.  Only time will tell if he’s a flash in the pan.

Josh Koscheck -94

Everything was going beautifully until he put his head down and dove into an uppercut.  Instead of complaining about the stoppage, he should admit that he got overconfident and careless.  Then never do that again.

Junior Dos Santos +50

“Cigano” beats down another opponent with his clubbing right hand.  From Werdum to Struve is a step down in competition, so hopefully we can see him moving upward for his next outing.

Stefan Struve -42

You don’t have to like the stoppage, but you should be thankful for it.  Things were only going to get worse.  Makes you wonder if there’s a place in the UFC’s heavyweight class for someone of those…proportions.

Mike Ciesnolevicz +67

He’s not a heavyweight, but he plays one on TV.  Ciesnolevicz definitely looked like a better fighter than he was in the IFL.  Up next, how about giving him a go in his actual weight class?

Neil Grove -52

When you’re the bigger, taller, stronger fighter, you should probably limit the fight to areas where that is truly an asset.  Trading heel hooks and ankle locks is not one of those areas.  Fortunately he’ll have plenty of time to reflect on this while he rehabs that knee.

Terry Etim +55

The Anderson Silva comparisons may be a little premature, but he did look good when the fight stayed on the feet.  Now did anyone understand more than three words from his post-fight interview?

Brian Cobb -49

When all you’ve got is takedowns, you’d better make the most of each one.  He just didn’t look ready for this level of competition.  Back to the gym.

U.K. Cards +178

Once again the UFC delivers from across the pond.  As long as they keep these cards free and stack the undercard with interesting fights, there’s really nothing to complain about.

Cagepotato Comments

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Cap'n- February 24, 2009 at 7:35 am
I like watching Maia fight, but he's not long for success in UFC. Mark my words, Damien Maia's clock is ticking.
diego- February 23, 2009 at 9:21 pm
YEAH...........................YEAH................................YEAH..................................YEAH.................................YEAH..................................................YEAH......................................YEAH...........................................YEAH.............................................YEAH...........................................................YEAH.....................................................YEAH.........................................YEAH..............................................................YEAH...........................................................YEAH..............................................YEAH..........................................YEAH!!!
dogmaticdiscordian- February 23, 2009 at 7:07 pm
@Dave W

hahahahaha totally
Your Stepdad - February 23, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Pino Noir is for sissieslike yourself, If you've eaten children you would know a malbec is a better pairing...Asshole
ihatejardine!!alot- February 23, 2009 at 3:41 pm
sanchez vs sherk! please i would love to see that!
give it up- February 23, 2009 at 2:42 pm
jay smith ------> "Ebaumsworld.com." "break.com" try either of these sites.... you'll fit right in.
Ozone- February 23, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I like how you state that's it will be interesting to see how thiago will be able to hang with the "dominant wrestlers" at 170...it almost makes you think why kos (perhaps the most dominant wrestler at 170) didnt use much of his superior ability in that area to control and win the fight...heck we may even spend more time talking about that than the "early stoppage" if that wasnt pushed down everyone's throat...sorta reminds me of bj and his attempt to distract everyone from his shtty prep and effort and the real reasons he lost...maybe kos will actually watch some tape now on his opponents and remember what got him to where he is, and if that knocked a little humility into him that couldnt hurt either...
LukeTheDuke- February 23, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Terry Etim: "Hiahushushhshtriedhshandolzshizorformuhnectsfoyt. Thanks."
Spank Mir- February 23, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Diego looked like a bobble-head with rabies...now there's an idea for the next "action figure"...

I think his pace will give some guys fits, but anyone with good technique and/or strength will nullify that - ala Sherk (if he decides to pull his head out of his ass and remember he's not a boxer), BJ (should walk all over him in every area, assuming he gets back in shape) and maybe even Florian, who can handle the pace now that he's in his rightful weight class.
MMA Wannabe- February 23, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Sanchez talked about walking through Florian to win the ultimate fighter and then fails to finish Joe Daddy when Florian destroyed him. Sanchez looked distinctly ordinary to me.
Jay Smith- February 23, 2009 at 11:54 am
@cw
Congrats on stealing an internet joke and wasting our freakin time here with it. You're the shit dude.
Anonymous- February 23, 2009 at 11:39 am
joe stevenson should be like -200
Al Swearengen- February 23, 2009 at 11:09 am
I can't agree more! After Kos insane KO over Yoshida and the aggressive start to this last fight Kos is growing on me.
-cw-- February 23, 2009 at 11:02 am
Court Case in The News
(AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama
yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy had history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially
awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and
regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree
possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his
aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live
with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his
grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family
and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among
them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to
propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check
legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge
granted temporary custody to Joe 'Daddy' Stevenson, whom the boy
firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone.
agentsmith- February 23, 2009 at 10:49 am
I can't believe Koscheck got KO'd by a guy who looks like Bert from Sesame Street.


Terry Etim's accent is so thick, my ol' lady refused to believe he's British and that English really is his native language.
Alcholic Liver- February 23, 2009 at 10:42 am
Great show. Its funny how the small name fights tend to be more exciting than the big name matches.
Little Dan- February 23, 2009 at 10:42 am
+972 Not shelling out the $45 to watch the fights, I think it's all part of the UFC stimulus package.
Jay Smith- February 23, 2009 at 10:41 am
You guys are making me feel as famous as TUF Guy. Thanks fags.
abenormal- February 23, 2009 at 10:39 am
You know I was thinking....

That Struve guy would be HUGE in Japan.
everything mayhem420 has ever owned- February 23, 2009 at 10:36 am
Hey Potato Fuckers! U guys still want to buy some of my stuff as i bought a house I couldnt possibly afford? I have a bunch of adult diapers, 18 boxes of kleenex, a 1 gallon jug of Astroglide, several Asian themed sex dolls, several Asian indentured servants(with 4 years left until freedom!), my Natty Ice memorabilia collection, my glass dildo set and My unopened 1988 original issue Jenga! game. Good luck bidding and thanks for the help fellas! ; )
cpanger- February 23, 2009 at 10:33 am
now that is a slick business plan.
Dave W- February 23, 2009 at 10:32 am
Gay Smith just got pwned.
cpanger- February 23, 2009 at 10:32 am
now that is a business plan. i'll be the first to put in an order.
Kadumel- February 23, 2009 at 10:30 am
Mister Obvious !!!!!!

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NO HE DID-ANT! OH NO HE DID-ANT!! OH. NO. HE. DID-ANT!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jay Smith just got oooooooooooooooooooooowned!

Fucking comment of the year. Give Mr. Obvious a shirt right now!!! You got a CP shirt coming your way man! I guarantee IT!
mayhem420- February 23, 2009 at 10:28 am
I thought about that but I never dealt with that marijuana stuff before so I don't know how that works. Plus I doubt $17 will get me started in that business.

THAT IS WHay I'm waiting on this god damn site for these two Jews to put up some type of contest for some moolah. I would win for sure and then get my drug empire rolling!
CagePotatoMMA