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Power-Ranking Michael Bisping’s Grudge Matches, By Level of Anger

#4 — Tim Kennedy

It’s pretty easy to see why these two were never destined to get along: One’s an American flag-donning Green Beret, the other is some pinko commie redcoat from communist China or whatever. Throw in the fact that Kennedy’s apparel company, Ranger Up, had sponsored and produced several of the viral videos used to trash Bisping in the lead-up to his fights with Jorge Rivera and Mayhem Miller, and you’ve got yourself some sworn enemies right there, ‘brah.

Kennedy and Bisping traded barbs in interviews and on social media for years before they were matched up in the main event of the TUF Nations Finale. Unfortunately, like the Belcher fight before it, their grudge match simply failed to deliver when it finally came to fruition. In what Bisping would later describe as his “worst performance ever,” Kennedy treated Bisping to five round grapplefucking the likes of which he had never seen. AMERICA, FUCK YEAH?!

#3 — Dan Henderson

(Apologies for the poor video quality, but this really does sum it up best.)

It’s pretty much a guarantee that any two fighters chosen to coach a season of TUF will hate each other’s f*cking guts by the time filming wraps. It’s also a guarantee that one of those coaches will go down with an injury before they are ever able to fight their newly-acquired enemy, which makes for an interesting dichotomy of America’s favorite (by default) cagefighting reality show. But no coaching rivalry in the history of TUF has ever played out to a more fitting conclusion than Bisping vs. Dan Henderson on season 9.

Despite the “America vs. UK” gimmick, TUF 9 was a largely forgettable season of underwhelming fights and unmemorable contestants. In fact, it was only made watchable for the small moments between Henderson and Bisping, which usually played out like so…

Bisping: “Dweezledozzlewanker Bob’s your uncle wanker!”

Henderson: (*stares silently*)

Bisping: “Whaddya want mee to ‘ere, Dan? Takeitup me ass, ya blimey cunt?”

Henderson: (*nods*)

It was like watching Lou Costello perform “Who’s on First?” opposite a brick wall, and it was fantastic.

After months of build up that felt like years, Bisping and Hendo met in the cage at UFC 100. Then this happened. It was almost unanimously declared as “The Most Violent Knockout in the History of Fists” by fight scientists nationwide, and the first KO loss of Bisping’s career.

To his credit, Bisping was all class when congratulating Henderson afterwards.

#2 — Jorge Rivera

Jorge Rivera was riding the longest winning streak of his UFC career when he decided to start needling the bejesus out of Bisping with a series of videos knocking The Count as a “professional decision winner” with “pillowfists.” This turned out to be a pretty terrible idea, as Bisping punched, kicked, kneed, and illegally kneed his way to a second round TKO of Rivera in their fight at UFC 127. Then he spit on Rivera’s cornermen for good measure. It was a moment Mike Goldberg described as “real classy,” and when your actions are enough to make Goldie break character, you know you done did some fine trolling.

#1 — Jason Miller

Have there ever been two TUF coaches who hated each other as much as Mayhem Miller and Michael Bisping? Cruz and Faber, maybe? It’s hard to say, but all we know is that watching Bisping and Miller prod, prank, and nearly come to blows with each other made for some ridiculously entertaining trash television. That their rivalry was already being hyped before the show even began should give you a good indication as to how much Bisping and Miller despised one another.

For a guy who has had a lot of rivalries in his day, some seemingly more fabricated than others, it was clear to see that Bisping really, truly, hated Miller. He hated his face. He hated his “toiletbrush” head. He hated Bully Beatdown and Miller’s perpetually zany antics. He even hated the impossibly adorable Gator Dog. And when the two met at the TUF 14 Finale, Bisping took out all of his frustrations on Miller, who simply looked underprepared for the relentless pace Bisping put on him.

Within one round, Miller was gassed. Within two rounds, he was broken. And in the third round, he was mercifully put out of his misery by The Count via a hailstorm of hammerfists and knees to the body. It was, tough to watch to say the very least.

The man known as Mayhem would never really recover from the beating he took that night. Failing to live up to the hype he had promised was the final push over the crazy cliff for Miller, or at least, his subsequent loss to C.B Dollaway and exit from the UFC was. It’s been nothing short of heartbreaking to witness Miller’s descent into madness in the time since his fight with Bisping, especially considering what potential he showed as a coach during his time on TUF 14. All I’m saying, future opponents of Michael Bisping: Don’t start trash-talking with this man unless you’re prepared to go the full mile to back it up. Cause you sure as hell know that he is.

At least we’ll always have that moment on the air hockey table.

-J. Jones

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