By Jason Moles
A large percentage of MMA fans grew up as fans of pro wrestling.
Back in the day, you watched Saturday morning cartoons and then WWF Superstars. A couple of days later, you took your pick between Monday Night Raw and WCW Monday Nitro. There even came a point when you could scratch your mid-week ‘rasslin’ fix with the help of Smackdown. For a select few of you, body slams and face paint wasn’t enough and you tuned into Paul Heyman’s ECW in hopes of seeing someone power bombed off the top of a steel cage through multiple burning tables. As soon as you were introduced to “No-Holds Barred” fighting thanks to Ken Shamrock, you were hooked. You started renting UFC VHS tapes and the followed The Ultimate Fighter.
It’s been an incredible journey thus far as a fan of fighting, both choreographed and otherwise, but you can’t help but miss a few of these iconic pieces of your childhood while wishing MMA would get their own version.
Ice Cream Bars
Today’s youth are nothing but a bunch of over sensitive, technology loving, benchwarmers. Instead of snacking on Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, or the Ultimate Warrior ice cream after a BJJ or wrestling class, they prefer a SpongeBob or Dora treat (could be worse) before their LAN party. If those little snowflakes are the future of America, somebody toughen them up, and soon. Give these kids an “Iceman”, GSP, or Brock Lesnar ice cream and we may have a country to be proud of in the next generation.
’Legends of’ Video Game
The UFC ‘Undisputed’ video game franchise does include a few MMA legends here and there, and the latest installment looks to do a pretty solid job of offering us some of the best PRIDE fighters, but fans want more. Where’s our Ken Shamrock, Royce Gracie, or Tank Abbott in their prime? If the video game version of Cro Cop can’t beat Shane Carwin, the game is deplorable. Hey, while they’re at it, let’s hope they give us one-night tournaments and groin strikes too!
The UFC on Fox fight card brought the sport a lot of attention, a 64-second knockout, and the first(?) MMA foam finger-esque piece of memorabilia. Are these kinda cheesy? You bet. Typically overpriced? Uh-huh. Will the sight of you wearing one decrease your chance of scoring with one of the Octagon girls at the after party? Nope, you can’t get any less of a chance than zero. We’re guys and we love brightly colored crap we’ll never use again, if only just to have a souvenir to remember the time we saw the pride of Mexico get chewed up and spit out faster than a Meximelt at Taco Bell.