(Props: Nightmare of Battle)
Masanori Kanehara thinks you can, and at his open workout in Tokyo he told media members that that’s how he intends to beat Chan Sung Jung, also known as “The Korean Zombie,” (that’s who he’s supposedly preparing for in the above photo, but man what a cheap zombie mask) in the Sengoku featherweight Grand Prix. Conventional wisdom has always held that the best way to deal with a zombie is by destroying the brain or removing the head, preferably by doing something awesome/gruesome.
But the rear naked choke? I guess that could work, though your risk of getting bitten while sinking in the choke seems pretty high. Still better than an armbar or guillotine choke, though. And don’t even think about trying to heelhook one of those suckers.
Basically, to sum up: if there is a zombie attack and you are forced to choose which MMA fighter to team up with until the whole thing blows over, Demian Maia is probably not your safest pick. Your first instinct might be to go with Fedor Emelianenko, but lest you forget, he’s lived with some fear issues when it comes to darkness. Something to think about.
On a related note, the zombie embodies man’s fear of the crushing force of society and conformity. Discuss.
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Comments
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:21
a
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:25
I'm not afraid of darkness, but I fear chicks with dicks--like Cyborg, aka "Long Nuts Herself."
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:26
machida would be the best pick i mean ortiz could not hit him and zombies are just a little bit quicker than ortiz
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:28
Id go with Cro Cop.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:32
Hmmm, intresting, but I would have to disagree. I believe zombies represent man's deep fear of having thier brains eaten by some undead motherfucker. But, society is scary to, I guess.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:34
And yes, Cro Cop is a commando and is nice with the guns. Crucial to surviving zombie attacks.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:37
whats to discuss, Chuck Norris
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:38
Rampage would send Zombies running in fear....
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:39
zombies dont feel fear... they're dead
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:45
HERE WE GO AGAIN. YOU DUMB FUCKS WITH ALL OF YOUR STUPID COMMENTS SUCH AS (RAMPAGE WOULD SEND ZOMBIES RUNNING IN FEAR)WTF. DUDE, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY, YOUR A FUCKING IDIOT. GROW THE FUCK UP, AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING COOL, AND WORTH TALKING ABOUT FOR ONCE IN YOUR PATHETIC LIVES. THERE SHOULD'NT EVEN BE ANY COMMENTS ON THIS POSTING TO BEGIN WITH.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 05:56
caps lock hal. is obviously either a zombie or a huge faggot...and his post was most deffinately grown the fuck up, about something cool, and worth talking about in his pathetic life...he must just be a little worn out and grumpy from that enormous alaskan pipeline his husband shuvved up his gaping ass last night
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:03
caps lock hal should stop reading CP and go back to looking at CP.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:09
I'd pick the other Emelianenko. Zombies would be the ones afraid to get bit....
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:11
come on guys relax, you all left your selves wide open on that one.i just laughed my ass off reading that shit.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:32
You dumb asses... Kaleb Starnes would be the best because he would simply refuse to engage and thus absorb no damage. ...Anderson Silva might do the same now that I think about it...
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:33
SEE WHAT I MEAN. STUPID FUCKING COMMENTS LIKE THE ONES YOU ALL JUST LEFT BEHIND MINE. YOU CAN'T EVEN THINK OF NOTHING COOL, AND WORTH SAYING TO COME BACK ON ME WITH. YOU REALLY ARE FUCKING IGNORANT ARE'NT YOU. HELL YES YOU ARE. ANYWAY IF THATS ALL YA GOT I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR AWHILE BECAUSE YOUR JUST REALLY LAME, AND PATHETIC WITH THIS BULLSHIT. REMINDS ME OF JOE ROGAN, AND NICK DIAZ WITH ALL THEIR SMOKING POT IS GREAT BULLSHIT. FUCK THEM, AND FUCK YOU. SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR THE NIGHT WOULD YA. PLEASE,
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:36
ANDERSON SILVA IS IN FACT THE MIGHTY BLACK KALEB STARNES. AFRAID TO ENGAGE BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING PUSSY......THATS THAT, ENOUGH SAID.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:38
JUST KIDDING GUYS PLEASE SAY SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT ME. I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO AND MY BOYFRIEND AND I JUST GOT IN A FIGHT, AND MY MOMS BEEN REALY DRIVING ME CRAZY ABOUT FINDING A JOB AND MOVING OUT OF HER HOUSE, AND HER BOYFRIEND CHET HAS BEEN KICKING MY ASS ESPECIALY BAD LATELY AND I'M JUST REAL VULNERABLE. I'M SORRY IF I'VE BEEN A JERK. YOU'RE MY ONLY REAL FRIENDS.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:42
true guys. he's been realy upset lately and our moms been pretty mean to him, he's been crying alot. i mean he spends most of his time on here unless rock of love bus is on these two things are his only real source of happiness. pleas cut him some slack.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:45
this is Oatmeal and Oatmeal has been riding his bike on this 80 degree day for 5 hours....and oatmeal says FUCK ZoMBIES...get ready for the so called Apocolypse... oh shit can u imagine a zombie fedor ...RUNNN
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:50
Are you in college? Are you sitting in class right now?
Tue, 04/21/09 - 06:57
I JUST LOVE ALL YOU WANNA BE CAPS LOCK HAL FUCKERS. YOU MOTHER FUCKERS ARE LAME PIECES OF SHIT THAT CAN'T COME UP WITH YOUR OWN GREAT COMMENTS SO YOU CHOOSE TO ACT AS IF YOU ARE ME, AND POST STUPID SHIT SUCH AS lower case hank, AND STUPID SHIT ABOUT SOME FUCK NAMED CHET KICKING MY ASS. WHY DON'T YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS GO FUCK YOURSELVES CAUSE YOU CAN'T BE LIKE ME, AND YOU NEVER WILL BE LIKE ME. YOUR TRULY NOT WORTHY OR EVEN CAPABLE OF BEING LIKE ME. I'M IN A LEAGUE OF MY OWN, AND LIGHT YEARS AHEAD OF YOU STUPID POT SMOKING SCUMBAGS MOTHER FUCKERS. FUCK YOU, AND KISS MY ASS.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 07:03
HEY GUYS THIS STORY IS HILARIOUS. I JUST UPLOADED THIS LINK TO A GREAT NEW SITE I FOUND WWW.FUCKMEINTHEASSANDILLSUCKTHEPOOPOFFYOURDICK.COM COMEON AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS
Tue, 04/21/09 - 07:04
Tito is the obvious pick. With a cranium that size the zombies will attack him. By the time they crack open his montrous dome only to find the pitiful bounty inside, you would have made your escape long ago.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 07:07
GUESS WHAT GUYS?!?!?!?! I'M GAY!
Tue, 04/21/09 - 07:08
SHIT LIKE THAT IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. YOU ARE A COMPLETE DUMB ASS IGNORANT MOTHER FUCKER. SO HOW THE FUCK DOES YOUR CAPS LOCK HAL WANNA B'S STUPID ASS NO ANYTHING ABOUT SITES LIKE THAT ANYWAY. YOUR A SICK FUCK WHO DOES'NT LIKE HIMSELF IN ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER SO YOU CHOOSE TO ACT AS IF YOU ARE ME. I'M FLATTERED BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY LEARN TO BE YOU FOR ONCE. YOU GOT NOTHING TO COME BACK WITH SO YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO TRY AND BE ME ON HERE HUH. WOW, THATS REALLY PATHETIC YOU FUCKING GOON BASTARD.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 07:38
CAPS LOCK HAIL Impersonator is the worst Impersonator EVER........U FAIL
Tue, 04/21/09 - 07:43
ill go with aleksander because his blood is infected with the Hep.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 08:44
YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID, YOU CAN'T OUT TROLL ME! I'M USING THE CRUISE-CONTROL FOR COOL! ALSO, I SUCK COCKS
Tue, 04/21/09 - 08:47
OMG STOP PRETENDING YOU ARE ME! I SUCK COCKS!
Tue, 04/21/09 - 09:06
Easy...I would team up with Wanderlei... Second would be Arlovski because he's part lichen.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 09:33
Fedors Afraid Of Check Kongo?! haha!
Tue, 04/21/09 - 09:36
O MY GOD GUYS IM SUPER SERIAL STOP ACTING LIKE YOUR ME...IF THAT IS ALL YOU FUCKERS GOT IM GONNA GO BACK TO GIVIN BLUMPKINS TO THE TRUCKERS AT THE STOP
Tue, 04/21/09 - 09:42
If a Zombie kills you, but Cecil Peoples scores the fight in your favor, do you come back to life?
Tue, 04/21/09 - 10:11
I would figure the worst submission to use on a zombie would be the triangle choke. There are things worse than having your brains eaten by a zombie.
Tue, 04/21/09 - 10:44
MOTHERFUCK, THIS IS COMPLETE FUCKING HORSESHIT. YOU ARE ARE TOTAL DUMB FUCK IDIOT ANIMAL FUCKERS. SO HOW IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL DO YOU CAPS LOCK HAL WANNA B'S STUPID SHIT BAGS KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BEING A GAY FUCK LIKE ME ANYWAY. YOU ARE ROTTEN MOTHERFUCKS WHO DON'T LIKE THEMSELVES IN ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER EXCEPT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE SO YOU CHOOSE TO ACT AS IF YOU ARE ME, TRYING TO SUCK EVERY MAJOR COCK AND SWALLOW EVERY DROP OF CUM . I'M FLATTERED BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY LEARN TO BE YOU FOR ONCE AND NOT ME BECAUSE I LOVE GAY PORN AND HUGE BLACK DILDOS
Wed, 04/22/09 - 03:51
I do three things, Funk, Fighting, and Zombies. This is my realm. If I could choose a single MMA fighter to take with me I would take Matt Hughes or Don Frye. Not only do they live in the sticks (the safest place to be in a zombie attack- population wise) they have alot of guns, bows, knives, offroad vehicles (tell me Country Boy doesn't have a jacked up F150 or a few ATVs to go get supplies) all things aside you wanna be in the country for the zombie apocalypse. Middle America. Not only is it secluded if you have a farm you have at least 300 yards of wide open space around your hideout. (easy target range) As for submitting a zombie, the only way to submit them is by blowing their fucking brains out, forget BJJ.
Wed, 04/22/09 - 04:00
YEP, I'VE GOT YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCHES RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU. ALL PISSED OFF, AND OUT OF WHACK ON ALL THESE TOPICS. YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS ARE JUST TO EASY. IT IS YOU THAT MAKES MY DAY HERE ON CAGEPOTATO ALL WORTH THE TIME. THANKS YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS FOR ALL THE MEMORIES, AND OTHER TOPICS THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT DUE TO YOUR IGNORANCE, AND STUPIDITY WITH MMA. KEEP TRYING THOUGH BITCHES CAUSE YOUR VERY ENTERTAINING. TALK TO YOU DUMB ASS COCK SUCKERS AFTER WORK.
Wed, 04/22/09 - 05:13
I'd have thought Hal's First suggestion would be Junie. The zombies wouldn't even go after him as they're interested in Brains. On that note, Rampage is not a bad choice; Coture not so wise. All in all I'd opt for hiding in my patented tri-purpose Nuclear bunker/Zombie shelter/sex dungeon with Gina Carano and Ariany (If I'm allowed the latter as she's not actually a fighter).
Wed, 04/22/09 - 06:12
That zombie looks alot like mayhem miller?
Wed, 04/22/09 - 07:42
Aren't we supposed to be talking about the metaphor about how zombies represent man's suffocation of artistic freedoms and free/radical thought by the needs/wants to conform? For instance, when you douchebags sit around just making fun of each other or forcing this Cap Locks Hal troll to come from his cave with your taunts. This is an MMA website. Talk about MMA. You're not funny making fun of this dude. Another instance would be the Rovian tactics used by some of the actual intelligent members of the Republican party with this bullshit teaparty crap. Just jacking the Plouffe way to win an election and hit the internetz. Follow the lies conservatives. I wish there was a Zombie Fedor... no I wish there was an army of Zombie Pride Fighters. Imagine Zombie Fedor, Zombie Hunt, Zombie Alesander, Zombie Silva, Zombie Shogun... The Noguiera's are already Zombies everyone knows that...
Wed, 04/22/09 - 08:34
I pick Cris Cyborg! The smell of her "women problem" will attract all the zombies so I can sneak away! me win...
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