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Randy Couture Isn’t as Retired as Randy Couture Thinks He is, Lawyer Dude Says


(Couture definitely should’ve checked with his attorney before putting those trunks through the wash. That shit was dry clean only. PicProps: Heavy)

So, it turns out the obvious retirement message Randy Couture posted to his Twitter account yesterday was definitely, absolutely, totally not a retirement message. This according to Couture’s lawyer/handler Sam Spira, who had to do some damage control last night after Couture appeared to electronically call it a career, obviously without checking with Spira, his contracted employers and/or even considering the potential merchandising opportunities inherent such a major declaration.

"There’s been no official announcement," Spira insisted to multiple sources. "There’s been no decision. Any announcements or decisions would be likely coordinated with the UFC."


Huh. Not sure how much more official it can possibly get than the man himself writing, “I think I’m at the end of it, y’all. It’s time.” Especially since Couture has said all along that he didn’t want to make a big deal out of his retirement this time, lest this one be confused with his last couple few. Especially since it was Spira himself who started all this retirement talk a few months ago when he proclaimed it “a toss-up” if Couture ever fought again. Especially since Couture’s current “acting” schedule makes it look like he wouldn’t even be able to consider an MMA fight until mid-2011, at which point he’ll be forty-freakin’-eight. Then again, since Couture’s most recent "retirement" attempt got his ass dragged into court by the UFC, maybe it’s understandable that his attorney would prefer a slightly more measured approach than just popping off on Twitter this time around.

So who to believe?

On one hand, it’s hard to fathom that Couture would want fans’ last memory of him to be that squash match against James Toney at UFC 118. On the other, it’s obviously better to go out on win than a loss, Couture hasn’t exactly sounded pumped about fighting in recent interviews and – as for an “interesting” or winnable fight Couture might consider accepting at this point – I can’t for the life of me think of what it might be, barring the sudden appearance of You Know Who

Then, there’s all this movie bullshit to consider. We already told you that Couture thinks he’s on board for “The Expendables” sequel sometime next year and he’s reportedly good to go with a small part in the upcoming film “The Setup” opposite Bruce Willis and 50 Cent, a clever trick of cross-branding which ensures that hip hop fans, MMA aficionados and old ladies who still think fondly of Willis as that nice young man from “Moonlighting,” will all go see it, regardless of whether it’s any good or not.

What we’re trying to say is – as hard as it is think that Couture would ever hang up the gloves – and despite what legal ass-covering Mr. Sam Spira, Esq. is trying to pull off here, each day it starts to feel more and more likely that we’ve seen the last of Randy Couture as a pro fighter. Clearly that’s probably for the best, because did we mention: Forty-freakin’-eight? 48!

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dranokills- December 15, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Captain America needs some depends, and some ginkgo biloba.
macreadysshack- December 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm
I'm on the toilet AND on the phone with your mom.
LOKI- December 15, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Attention whore.
Fried Taco- December 15, 2010 at 11:52 am
Randy was actually referring to a very large dump he was taking. Yes, he twitters from the toilet, like so many other people do. Don't be a liar and claim you don't.
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