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Ranking the 10 11 Most Insane Tweets From War Machine’s Latest Hate-Fueled Twitter Tirade

(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.) 

It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.

In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.

10. A WAR MMA Main Event in the Making

9. Modesty at its Finest

8. Just in Case You Didn’t Read #9

7, 6, 5, 4, and 3. War Machine: Future Fighter’s Union Rep

2. SMH

1. One Can Only Hope

And hot off the press…

May the Wunderbar Gods smile upon you on this day, you crazy son of a bitch. For your sake, we just hope that Evan Tanner does not have an in with those Gods.

-J. Jones


  1. Fried Taco Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 02:09

    Well, at least Bellator seems to be treating him well...
  2. google Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 02:10

    I dont know, the guy has some points. Celeste probably does make more We would all pony up for a PPV with MMA team fights The Evan Tanner thing, IDK about that, from what i know about him, never seemed like the kinda guy who was doing it for money I must disagree with the lotto thing. Now, if he did like Tanner, the world would be a better place for sure.
  3. The12ozCurls Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 02:43

    If this MMA thing doesn't work out for War Machine, I think he has a future as a children's educational television host. "Today's show is brought to you by the letter 'F' - as in Fuckin Cheap-ass Fuckin Sponsors. Okay kids, let Mr. War Machine tell you a story about the versatility of cold cut sandwich meat . . . . . "
  4. El Guapo Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 02:56

    And now he's fired... But not before he chimes in on Foxy Fallon!
  5. Thumblaster Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 03:07

    The only fucked up thing he say's is the evan tanner take ,i do'nt think tanner killed himself everything I read about the trip mr. tanner took to the desert was just a tragicaly poorly planned walk about. Tanner never gave a shit about $ he was all about testing his body and mind and seeing how far he could push it.
  6. noizy Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 05:01

    Hey man, Arianny shows up on weight at every fight card.
  7. SquidInk Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 06:32

    Evan Tanner had more character in his toenail than WM has in his entire body.
  8. danomite Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 07:04

    This dude's Alpha as fuck, bro! You pussy ass betas are just hatin.
  9. crappiefloper Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 08:34

    I will actively seek to work #8 into conversation tomorrow. But leave Tanner out of this War Machine, that's thin ice your skating on
  10. anderson wanderlei paulo thiago alves silva Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 09:47

    Some people are so stupid they don't even know how stupid they are.
  11. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Thu, 06/06/13 - 11:56

    To the fucking moon, Alice!
  12. TheJimSkillet Says:

    Fri, 06/07/13 - 06:32

    As insane and ridiculous as that guy is there are always these little bits of truth hidden under all that stupid garbage. Arianay almost certainly makes more than some of the guys curtain jerking for 4k, fighters absolutely don't get paid enough money for a career that has to realistically support you for the rest of your life that has if your lucky a 10 to 15 year window guys like John Fitch who are top 2 for years getting fired cause 40 grand is a "ton of money" is just mind boggling. As for the Evan Tanner comment the idea that professional athletes becoming depressed and committing suicide once they can no longer compete and the spotlight and money are gone coupled with brain trauma he has a point there too albeit a horribly made one
  13. mtnthc Says:

    Fri, 06/07/13 - 08:45

    Can you say "butt hurt"?
  14. Revengeance Says:

    Fri, 06/07/13 - 08:57

    The guy is a 2 time felon and ex porn actor, he's lucky a sponsor will pay him ANYTHING. Don't complain about not getting lucrative endorsement deals when you have aggressively pursued making yourself into something that no legitimate company wants to be associated with.
  15. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Fri, 06/07/13 - 10:36

    I wonder what happens if chicks go make him sammiches after sex? Or maybe now he just skips the sex and goes straight to the sammich?
  16. intercept440 Says:

    Fri, 06/07/13 - 01:54

    AHH.. you silly sammich fucker.. your so addled your mid sometimes thinks clearly but you have a poor way of spilling the beans.. most assuredly arriany makes more money than you WM. she makes more in an afternoon 10 minutes session sucking the children out of dana's cock than you make all year. don't be fucking with tanner though, as someone else mentioned that was just poor planning on his part. I could think of better ways to off myself than going out in the fucking desert and baking myself to death with no water. you want sponsors? don't be a fucking douche... who really wants to sponsor a 2 time felon porn actor who plucks his nose and ball hair and likes to fuck turkey sammiches?? I mean.. you would have better luck getting sponsored by a bestiality website for all the shit you've done.. shut your cakehole,train,and beat the fuck out of people in the cage..then the sponsors will come. calling them a bunch of cheap asshole's will win you no friends capt. bologna peace out bizatches
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