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Recapping the Most Notable/Embarrassing Moments From the ‘Rampage vs. Tito’ Press Conference


(Our favorite moment? The six seconds of lead-in music that was apparently played on a phonograph. Bellator truly spared no expense.) 

Ugh.

We don’t mean to keep hating on Bellator’s Rampage Jackson/Tito Ortiz/MMA/TNA clusterfuck, but literally everything about this matchup has been equal parts humiliating and downright laughable from the get-go. A botched head fake to cap off a horrendously overdramatized staredown? Check. Straight up goofy forays into the world of pro wrasslin’? Oh, BellaTNAor’s got that in spades.

Which brings us to today’s press conference, an hour-long suckfest in which Bjorn Rebney dutifully tried to convince us that he was both a tried and true MMA fan and honestly excited about the prospect of watching the two half-asleep gentlemen sitting on either side of him fight in the near future. He tried, dammit.

Being that your time is way too valuable to spend an hour of it watching Rebney stroke two former champions egos to full completion while they both push their newfound love of the sport on us like a Ronco Rotisserie, we’ve recapped some most notable moments from yesterday’s press conference after the jump.

Bjorn Rebney: MMA Superfan

Perhaps the most earnest moments from the Jackson vs. Ortiz press conference (or at least attempts at being earnest) came from that of Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney, who really, truly wanted to convince us that he was just as diehard an MMA fan as the rest of us. At one point during the aforementioned suckfest, he discussed Rampage vs. Liddell 2 down to the exact second that Rampage KO’d “The Iceman,” as if he didn’t just look that stat up two minutes before the press conference began. We get it, Bjorn, you’re just one of the guys. But you’re starting to sound like Lois Griffin on the softball field.

Quinton Jackson and Tito Ortiz are Excited to Be Here, You Guys

Maybe it was jet lag, maybe everyone involved had just rolled out of bed, but the utter lack of energy or anything resembling enthusiasm was noticeable from the very start of this press conference. “I’m really excited to be fighting for…uhh…Bellator,” started Ortiz (to be fair, at least he got the promotion’s name right). “I got an offer I couldn’t refuse,” he continued, which is odd considering that Ortiz has been discussing his un-retirement from pretty much the exact moment that he retired.

Jackson, on the other hand, sounded about as lethargic as he did when we forced Danga to talk to him about smartphone apps. He repeatedly stated how upset he was that his previously rumored fight with Roy Jones Jr. was off and alluded that the reason he agreed to fight Tito was because Bellator “made his dream come true of being a pro wrestler.” I really don’t know what world I am living in anymore, but I fucking hate it.

CagePotato Bans Violated: At Least 4 

Whether it was Tito discussing his unretirementhis past personal troublesblaming injuries for his recent performances (he’s FINALLY healthy, you guys!) or Rampage’s declaration that he is “working on a lot of old skills that I forgot about,” CagePotato bans were being treated with less respect than a Florida bus driver. A truly defining moment came when Ortiz dropped this little nugget of wisdom:

“The way to be great again is not to fight chumps.”

While this is undoubtedly true, it also does not apply in any way, shape or form to the career of Ortiz. In fact, the only “chump” you could argue that Tito has fought in the past ten years was Ken Shamrock (twice) back in 2006. You know, back when Tito was winning.

Rampage Jackson’s Reasons for Moving His Training Camp to Mexico

Moments after describing “how serious” he was about his comeback, Jackson told reporters that he would be moving the latter half of his training camp to Rosarito, Mexico. When asked why he would be doing that and whether or not there was someone down there he planned on training with, Jackson gave the following response:

I like Mexico. I bring whoever I want to come train anywhere in the world with me…this time I chose Rosarito, Mexico. It’s right on the beach. The people are really nice. They got quads you can ride right on the beach, right on the street. There’s senoritas walking around. They got burritos everywhere and taco stands. I’m trying to learn my Spanish. 

I like Mexico. I got a condo right on the beach. I can look out the window butt naked and look at the ocean and nobody can see me…I can do a little penis smack, pap, pap, pap. 

It’s just good to know that all of Mike Dolce’s hard work has paid off. Where the old, careless Rampage would just hide candy bars under his bed, the new, focused Rampage will be stuffing entire gorditas and taco supremes into his pillowcase each night. Progress!

As for Jackson’s next training camp? You guessed it, Passages Malibu.

Bellator is *the* Promotion to Bring MMA Out of the Dark Ages

For every compliment Rebney threw Jackson’s or Ortiz’s way, the two former champions returned the favor tenfold. It could not have sounded any less authentic.

“I knew that fighters was gonna come over when they found out how cool Bellator is and how they know how to treat fighters. I knew it was gonna happen!” exclaimed Jackson.

“They’re not about the brand, they’re about making stars!” chimed in Ortiz, obviously referring to bang-up job Bellator has done in making Michael Chandler, Attila Vegh, Ben Askren, Alexander Shlemenko, Pat Curran, and Eduardo Dantas the household names that they are today.

Tito Ortiz is Still Bitter Over the Third Griffin Fight

Stating almost verbatim what we’ve been hearing since the moment he retired, Ortiz made sure to inform us once again that he dropped Forrest Griffin twice and took him down four times yet somehow lost a decision at UFC 148. TRAVESTY, THY NAME IS PEOPLES. Also, Ortiz uses the phrase “like no other”a lot (you might say he uses it like no other). He entertains like no other, he fights like no other, he is even in a better mental place like no other. Sorry Tito, but Deepak Chopra you are not.

Ortiz’s Response to the Rumor (specifically and hysterically made public by Stephan BonnarThat He is Broke and Only Fighting Again for Money :

Ortiz: “How do you feed your children or your family?”
*silence*
Reporter: “Well, yeah, you gotta get paid.”
Ortiz: “OK, well, mysthethatsthe…that’s really not a problem, my kids are going to get paid either way (?). I was smart enough to save my money. I mean, I invest. And the biggest thing that you can invest that some people, they don’t make much of, it’s called land. And I own a lot of it.”

Other notable quotes/moments:

(33:25) “I’m putting my poker face on and Rampage better shuffle the right cards.” – Tito Ortiz.

(55:40) - ”I don’t know, I guess if you poke the pitbull so many times…-Tito Ortiz, who was mercifully cut off by a technical issue before he could finish murdering another common euphemism.

(56:19) - Rampage getting so bored by Tito’s self-inflated yammering that he fakes throwing what appears to be a CD case at a reporter. If only Bjorn had provided straws and paper, we could have seen Page hawk a spitball at Tito’s monstrous dome.

-Rampage asking if he can fight Darrill “Titties” Schoonover on pay-per-view in the future. We’d LOVE to see this fight, but only with the stipulation that Titties gets trounced by Aleksander Emelianenko in August. Otherwise, pairing a heavyweight on a four-fight win streak against a light heavyweight on a three (or possibly four) fight losing streak would just be cruel and unfair.

-J. Jones

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AlanJDixon- August 12, 2013 at 10:12 am
my co-worker's mother makes $88 hourly on the internet. She has been fired from work for nine months but last month her paycheck was $20277 just working on the internet for a few hours. Go to this web site and read more w­w­w.W­O­R­K­7­0.c­o­m
El Guapo- August 7, 2013 at 11:32 am
How did I bearly(get it, because of the bear)see this article? Oh, right, the facebook sellout piece. Aaaaanyway, I initially thought this fight was interesting but now shit's just getting weird. Rampage training in Rosarito? Wow. Tito giving investment advice? Yikes. GIVE ME MORE!
oc in this bitch- August 6, 2013 at 10:48 pm
why do homos hate on bellator and hope it gos down.because its not the UFC? last i checked they put on some pretty good fights with mean knockouts.i look forward to bellator cards now,ufc has so many weak ass nobody fighters that are irrelevant just to fill up cards and put on more boring ass shows.they are extremely watering down the market and fanboy ufc fans are becoming more and more retarded.i remeber when sayin ur a ufc fighter meant something.u were a star.now it just means ur one of thousands.
dranokills- August 7, 2013 at 6:40 am
I wonder what you will say when the UFC absorbs bellator like every other promotion out there. I wonder how bitter you will be then. Enjoy your no name bellator fights.
teep- August 6, 2013 at 2:37 pm
Tito sounds like that guy on the gold commercials: "When I was young my Dad told me to invest in land and I did, and did very well. But now it is time to buy gold and buy my gold at Roslind capitol. And you should too. What's in your safe?"I guess he took that guy's Dad's advice from that commercial! This is where Tito gets his sound investment advice.
Fried Taco- August 6, 2013 at 2:34 pm
So will the State Department be updating their travel advisory for Rosarito?

http://traveltips.usatoday.com/there-dangers-travelers-rosarito-mexico-13558.html
turbostar- August 6, 2013 at 2:32 pm
God Tito's always saying the same sh1t, excuses, in a good place, etc..... and promotes himself so much!
Cant believe his heads gettin bigger, woooooow! His cheeks make his head look like its about to explode!!!
danomite- August 6, 2013 at 1:39 pm
thank you for recapping that so I didn't have to sit through the whole thing (not that I would have anyway).
Phattousai- August 6, 2013 at 1:38 pm
Give it a few months and we'll see Dana White appear on Bellator like Vince McMahon did on the last episode of Nitro.
LOKI- August 6, 2013 at 1:12 pm
Jezuz, Tito is such a HUGE douche!
The12ozCurls- August 6, 2013 at 12:26 pm
JJ, you are a diligent man for sitting through that entire train wreck.
Teehee McPeepee- August 6, 2013 at 11:53 am
Maybe they'll (Bellator) lose enough cash on this failbomb that viacom will cut their losses... one can only hope.
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