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ReX vs. Jason – Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Henderson Edition

Photographic proof that ReX tried to end Jason’s baby making days.

Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Henderson goes down tomorrow night at the Sears Centre just outside of Chicago.  To help get you in the proper spirit, Doug “ReX13” Richardson and Jason Moles have returned to eloquently debate some of the more important storylines surrounding this historic event. Will Fedor go 0 for 3?  If so, will the internets asplode?  Are we nearing the end of women’s MMA on the big stage? Who gives worse gambling advice, ReX or Jason? Do us a favor and slog through this painfully long column, then let us know your own thoughts in the comments section.

OK, let’s talk about the big one:  Fedor vs Henderson.  Who takes it?

RX:  I’ve picked Fedor to win his past two fights.  One of those went down as one of the worst predictions ever.  Now, I never took no fancy book-learning classes in statistics, but surely the Law of Averages or Occam’s Spyglass or the Fourteenth Amendment or some damn thing says that Fedor can’t lose three in a row after winning for a decade, right?

Right?

Look, Fedor has obviously made some changes; he’s slimmer and i could have sworn i saw a facial expression on him when he was hitting mitts.  That would suggest that he’s motivated.  That would suggest that he’s dangerous.  Fedor has proven that he can take a shot and continue to fight while his brains are scrambled, plus I hear he’s pretty good at this Russian Bear Wrestling or whatever those commies learn growing up on the frozen tundra.  I think their skills are pretty evenly matched, so I say Fedor takes it by virtue of his weight advantage.

JM:  I’ve gotta side against Vegas, Henderson is going to put the final nail in The Last Emperor’s coffin. Dan’s not cutting weight like he did for the Jake Shields fight, quite the opposite in fact. Rumor has it he had to eat a newborn calf just to make the minimum weight for the heavyweight division. The proverbial rug has been pulled out from underneath the Russian Sambo practitioner in his last two fights and Saturday night will be no different.  Don’t let the pics fool you, Fedor’s a fat, bald guy who hasn’t faced a tough challenge since PRIDE 32.

If Fedor loses, what happens to him?

JM:  Correction – WHEN Fedor loses, it’ll come after eating a steady diet of hard right hands from the current Strikeforce Light heavyweight champion. Either that or he’ll get T-boned by Tito and end up in the hospital before arriving at the Sears Centre Arena.

RX:  Damn, yo, why do you hate the Russian Orthodox Church?

JM:  Who said anything about the church?

RX:  Doesn’t make sense, does it? Look, if Fedor can’t win this, maybe anything he does afterwards would only diminish his tarnished legacy.  Maybe.  But the truth is, there are some fans that will still watch him fight, so i’m not going to be shocked when Strikeforce keeps him around.  Provided, of course, that M-1 is willing to give up those million dollar paydays.  Now look at this silly monkey.

Miesha Tate and Marloes Coenen could potentially decide the future of WMMA, at least under Zuffa.  Do you think they’ll put on a show?

JM:  There’s always a show when Tate’s in town, I mean seriously, have you seen some of her pictures fights?  She’s fighting the current women’s champ for a reason – she’s just that damn good. Case in point: Meisha Tate’s last loss came back in 2009 at the hands of the judges Sarah Kaufman. The fight marked the first time Kaufman went the distance and she barely eeked out a win. Since then she’s been on fire riding a five-fight win streak.

RX:  Both women are acutely aware of what this fight means for the women’s division, so absolutely there’s going to be a show.  Tate went full blown Frank Mir on her opponent, saying she wants to eat her children or some other crazy nonsense, and Coenen is a great champ.  She’s not going to be intimidated, and she doesn’t go to the judges very often herself.  I expect a good fight and a submission stoppage.  I’m just not sure who’s getting it.  If Tate has picked up the Alpha Male guillotine

Tim Kennedy says he doesn’t like boring fights or judges.  Is he playing with fire if he tries to finish Robbie Lawler?

JM:  I knew there was a reason I liked Tim Kennedy. Is he playing with fire? Does Arianny love bananas? Kennedy loves going for subs, but this time I think he’ll opt to cut the carbs and settle for a salad. When you’re hungry, it doesn’t matter what is ordered off the menu, as long as it’s edible. This will be a close fight, one in which neither man really has a clear advantage. Let’s just hope the judges show up with their A game.

RX:  Damn, did you just use the Chewbacca Defense on me?  Nice, playa.

Anyway, we agree that Tim Kennedy is a card-carrying badass, and that’s no fun.  But I disagree that judges will be needed.  Both guys are just too aggressive.   Yes, Kennedy is playing with fire — you have to be a special kind of crazy to disregard Robbie Lawler’s KO power — but Tim Kennedy plays the piano with an M1911 in each hand.  Special kind of crazy?  Uh….check.

Alright, aside from the headliner, which you obviously have to be insane not to watch, which fight looks like dynamite to you?

JM:  You’d have to be insane if you weren’t completely jacked for the Paul Daley – Tyron Woodley fight. I’m not sure why, but I just like watching Daley fight. Maybe it’s his ability to mess a brother up or maybe it’s just that white trash fan in me that can’t wait to see if he’ll assault someone after the bell again.

Kidding aside though, the Brit’s been quite the wrecking ball in the past two years. Six of his last eight wins have come by way of knockout/TKO. Daley needs to do something spectacular if he wants to keep his job. If he loses, I believe DFW will cut him. As cliche as it is, Daley better go big or get ready to go home. Combine that with the emotional pull of the undefeated Woodley trying to make a splash on a big card and you’ve got yourself a good fight.

RX:  Paul Daley has been wrestlefucked by one the finest wrestlerfuckers in all of wrestlefuckdom, and I believe that will happen again with Woodley.  Paul Daley is going to be wrestlefucked into a living death.  I cannot wait.

I’m pretty stoked about the Saffeidine-Smith bout, too.  If Saffeidine decides to stick with his kickboxing background, this one is going to be a banger that could go either way.  Plus it’s kind of the linchpin of my gambling for the evening…

Which leads to the last question:  Have you seen these fight odds?

RX:  Scott Smith can double your money with a win, if you think he can beat Tarec Saffiedine.  The Sponge has the tools to easily take this fight, but Smith has shown that he can pull a win out any second.  Tim Kennedy and Tyron Woodley can fill out a parley, since I’m pretty comfortable calling those guys to win.

Smith-Kennedy-Woodley would net me about 300 bucks from a fifty dollar bet. (Doesn’t Smith-Kennedy-Woodley sound like a really exclusive prep school?) I could really rack up the cash if I’m willing to call Hendo-Fedor or Coenen-Tate.  Now, it just so happens that I recently found fifty bucks in my wife’s purse…what should I do?

JM:  Go buy yourself the new UFC Trainer, fatass.

RX:  That’s hurtful.  If I hit Fedor-Smith-Kennedy-Woodley, I’m buying $450 worth of Ben and Jerry’s.

Official CagePotato Parley:  Ask Ben.  Just trust us here.

Overly random prediction:  No cornrows for Tate, she’s going to do that sexy double braid thing again.

Quite obvious prediction: Tim Kennedy’s lack of sponsors will make a few of us shed a tear.

 

Cagepotato Comments

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SciaticNervePain- November 23, 2011 at 11:41 pm
We know they are not real eggshells and no one watched Fedor stand in the Strikeforce Hexagon as a rug was pulled out from under him two times in a row, so we don’t need this reality disclaimer.
sciatic nerve pain
ajaykumar- September 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm
Why does ReX take so long to respond to the Chewbacca defense? Was there some kind of timewarp going on?
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Jason Moles- July 30, 2011 at 6:14 am
@Shaky With all due respect, STFU. : )

A writer can use 'proverbial' when referring to something that is well-known because it is commonly referred to, similar to an adage or cliche as you said.

Not only did I not get injured in the crossfire, I threw back your live grenade. Enjoy.
intercept440- July 29, 2011 at 7:40 pm
@shaky you might be a nerd, i am not, im an industrial mechanic..although i...i.. do have a thing for nerdy chicks that are fucking hot
Shaky- July 29, 2011 at 5:47 pm
@Wyatt
I love how you are taking the high ground here....but nobody really cares, in fact I think we all would rather sling shit down here in the valley. So we're all going to be pretty happy if you just....you know, go.
I don't think the humour on here is very frat boy either. It's clearly nerd humour and I'm fairly sure most of the CP loyal are nerdy. I know I am. I'm a cool nerd though. Seriously, for real. Geek chic bitches, look it up.
Anyway, you are not cool like us potato nationals.

We have to act serious at work or school or university, but here, in CP articles and the comment section, we are free. Free to enjoy life. Free to enjoy laughing at the 1,000,000th Alistair Overeem horsemeat joke ever made, or Tito's big head; Lyoto's affinity for urine (morning urine, the finest of all urines) and Joe Son's love of Jesus and rape.

Let us have this. This place we can just be. Anonymous, but familiar. Friends who have never met. People with common interests and also that mlkhoey (milk honey? or martin luther king hoe-y/hogie?), CAPS LOCK HAL and that "NIKE AIR FORCE ONES $35...@ guy/people. Please, Wyatt, button up your shirt, iron your cord trousers, put your sweater on (make sure the collar is either tucked or untucked on both sides, looks scruffy otherwise), slip on you loafers and get the fuck outta here.
RSparrow- July 29, 2011 at 5:28 pm
@Guapo, Spaceman, whoever
I'm seriously laughing as I type this... that mlkhoey dude actually wrote that he was gonna be locked up for awhile and it would be his last post. But he'll be back.... and in honor, we need to pour a lil out for our homie...

@Wyatt, quit being a douche. Get outta here buddy, you think we are bringing down the sport? You're bringing us down, ruining our high, killing our buzz if you will... set your beer down and head to the front door sir.
Shaky- July 29, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Been thinking. All sports commentators who speak in english. Stop it. Stop the proverbial thing now. I know you've done it at least once. So stop dickheads. Now.
Shaky- July 29, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Nothing against you personally Jason, more of a blanket statement but why do people have to say things like "he's had the proverbial rug pulled out from under him" or "he is walking on proverbial eggshells".
1. How is it proverbial? Are these proverbs? No, they are cliches. Proverbs contain some sort of wisdom and teaching. Cliches are just snappy sayings, some of which are proverbial, but not all. The cliche above was not proverbial.
2. We know they are not real eggshells and no one watched Fedor stand in the Strikeforce Hexagon as a rug was pulled out from under him two times in a row, so we don't need this reality disclaimer.

I'm sorry Jason, you just caught in the crossfire here. I mean, you're finger may have slipped and let a shot off causing a violent gun battle that led to you getting mildly injured but just don't do it again. Tell your friends not to do it either and whoever taught you this habit. Also, tell Australian sports commentators because they just cannot stop with this shit! Looking at you Schiavello (love you though) and Buddha (or whatever that fat rugby commentator is called). Also Kiwi sports commentators. You do it too. Stop it. Now.
k-onda- July 29, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I like MMA and gimlet martinis, I respect all fighters and mostly come here to talk shit about them cause I know they won't read it and kill me. (and I think my captcha is something about edward tampon hands)
DangadaDang- July 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm
For the next head to head I call dibs on Wyatt because homie...I'm going to syntax and grammerfuck you into a new tomorrow.
intercept440- July 29, 2011 at 1:58 pm
@wyatt you fucking think that our comments section is going to hurt the sport??? your delusional, us here (as in loyal CP Nation members) ARE the fan base of MMA, we arent yuppie gimlet sipping martini holding suits. if ya cant take our comments section.. the choice is simple.... click the X at the top left of your screen and all will be well in your world.
Machiavelli- July 29, 2011 at 12:45 pm
@Rex "meatheads fighting in parking lots after they catch UFC in the bar" I think that's true of all sports. You ever see the mouth-breathers leaving after a NASCAR event? Everyone thinks they are Dale Earnhardt.
El Guapo- July 29, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Is that a manifesto? Because it sounds like a manifesto. I'm thinking it's a manifesto.
J. Spaceman- July 29, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Damnit Fried Taco! Now every time I post something I’m going to sit there for a half hour trying to decipher the Captcha.
I’m pretty sure he was describing national geographic boobs in this one.
ReX13- July 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Wyatt >> i understand what you're saying, but really, we're going to hurt the legitimacy of the sport?
i don't think so.
Our audience is already pro-MMA; it's not like Bob Reilly visits on the regular.
And if you think CP readers are hurting the cause, what about those meatheads fighting in parking lots after they catch UFC in the bar? That ain't us.
Everyone writing here at CP loves MMA. No, really, i took a survey.
We don't hate promotions or fighters just because we say mean things about them. What other sites call fighter bashing, we call busting balls. It may feel disrespectful, or hateful, or flippant, but that's how we separate ourselves from the crowd. If it's not your cup of tea, hey, no hard feelings. But we like our oatmeal lumpy. We like chocolate-covered espresso beans. We like our news with jokes. We're just weird like that. Admittedly, i'm more profane and over the top than most, and i'm wrong more often than i'm right, but that's my role here. i'm that silly monkey for you to look at. i've been a class clown since 3rd grade, and now you want me to change?
Machiavelli- July 29, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Damn Rex! Stak40 wants to get in your wife's purse too!
Fried Taco- July 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm
As I said previously in another thread, mklyhoey was hired for a new, very busy job. He comes up with all the Captcha words. In real time.
Big_Shell- July 29, 2011 at 11:54 am
I think the revolver is a colt python...look at the top of the barrel.
El Guapo- July 29, 2011 at 11:47 am
I'm gonna go out on a very short limb here and say mlky's locked up..
Wyatt- July 29, 2011 at 11:34 am
Just expressing an opinion. As I said, I love this site. I just want to see the sport grow. Thank you for proving my point though. I'm not going to get into an internet troll argument over it.
J. Spaceman- July 29, 2011 at 11:31 am
Oh, and ReX, that last technique article was pretty good too. I mean, it was no "Finer Points of the Nut Shot" with Keith Hackney. But it was enjoyable.
J. Spaceman- July 29, 2011 at 11:17 am
Whatever happened to that guy? I almost miss his phonetically-spelled, Ebonics-filled rants.......almost. Good article!
El Guapo- July 29, 2011 at 10:40 am
Wyatt... Two words; mlkyhoe
Stak40- July 29, 2011 at 10:37 am
Good shit guys. I love it when Rex picks the opposite of what I think is going to happen. Now if i could only find his wife's purse.
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