Photographic proof that ReX tried to end Jason’s baby making days.
Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Henderson goes down tomorrow night at the Sears Centre just outside of Chicago. To help get you in the proper spirit, Doug “ReX13” Richardson and Jason Moles have returned to eloquently debate some of the more important storylines surrounding this historic event. Will Fedor go 0 for 3? If so, will the internets asplode? Are we nearing the end of women’s MMA on the big stage? Who gives worse gambling advice, ReX or Jason? Do us a favor and slog through this painfully long column, then let us know your own thoughts in the comments section.
OK, let’s talk about the big one: Fedor vs Henderson. Who takes it?
RX: I’ve picked Fedor to win his past two fights. One of those went down as one of the worst predictions ever. Now, I never took no fancy book-learning classes in statistics, but surely the Law of Averages or Occam’s Spyglass or the Fourteenth Amendment or some damn thing says that Fedor can’t lose three in a row after winning for a decade, right?
Look, Fedor has obviously made some changes; he’s slimmer and i could have sworn i saw a facial expression on him when he was hitting mitts. That would suggest that he’s motivated. That would suggest that he’s dangerous. Fedor has proven that he can take a shot and continue to fight while his brains are scrambled, plus I hear he’s pretty good at this Russian Bear Wrestling or whatever those commies learn growing up on the frozen tundra. I think their skills are pretty evenly matched, so I say Fedor takes it by virtue of his weight advantage.
JM: I’ve gotta side against Vegas, Henderson is going to put the final nail in The Last Emperor’s coffin. Dan’s not cutting weight like he did for the Jake Shields fight, quite the opposite in fact. Rumor has it he had to eat a newborn calf just to make the minimum weight for the heavyweight division. The proverbial rug has been pulled out from underneath the Russian Sambo practitioner in his last two fights and Saturday night will be no different. Don’t let the pics fool you, Fedor’s a fat, bald guy who hasn’t faced a tough challenge since PRIDE 32.
If Fedor loses, what happens to him?
JM: Correction – WHEN Fedor loses, it’ll come after eating a steady diet of hard right hands from the current Strikeforce Light heavyweight champion. Either that or he’ll get T-boned by Tito and end up in the hospital before arriving at the Sears Centre Arena.
RX: Damn, yo, why do you hate the Russian Orthodox Church?
JM: Who said anything about the church?
RX: Doesn’t make sense, does it? Look, if Fedor can’t win this, maybe anything he does afterwards would only diminish his tarnished legacy. Maybe. But the truth is, there are some fans that will still watch him fight, so i’m not going to be shocked when Strikeforce keeps him around. Provided, of course, that M-1 is willing to give up those million dollar paydays. Now look at this silly monkey.
Miesha Tate and Marloes Coenen could potentially decide the future of WMMA, at least under Zuffa. Do you think they’ll put on a show?
JM: There’s always a show when Tate’s in town, I mean seriously, have you seen some of her
pictures fights? She’s fighting the current women’s champ for a reason – she’s just that damn good. Case in point: Meisha Tate’s last loss came back in 2009 at the hands of the judges Sarah Kaufman. The fight marked the first time Kaufman went the distance and she barely eeked out a win. Since then she’s been on fire riding a five-fight win streak.
RX: Both women are acutely aware of what this fight means for the women’s division, so absolutely there’s going to be a show. Tate went full blown Frank Mir on her opponent, saying she wants to eat her children or some other crazy nonsense, and Coenen is a great champ. She’s not going to be intimidated, and she doesn’t go to the judges very often herself. I expect a good fight and a submission stoppage. I’m just not sure who’s getting it. If Tate has picked up the Alpha Male guillotine…
JM: I knew there was a reason I liked Tim Kennedy. Is he playing with fire? Does Arianny love bananas? Kennedy loves going for subs, but this time I think he’ll opt to cut the carbs and settle for a salad. When you’re hungry, it doesn’t matter what is ordered off the menu, as long as it’s edible. This will be a close fight, one in which neither man really has a clear advantage. Let’s just hope the judges show up with their A game.
RX: Damn, did you just use the Chewbacca Defense on me? Nice, playa.
Anyway, we agree that Tim Kennedy is a card-carrying badass, and that’s no fun. But I disagree that judges will be needed. Both guys are just too aggressive. Yes, Kennedy is playing with fire — you have to be a special kind of crazy to disregard Robbie Lawler’s KO power — but Tim Kennedy plays the piano with an M1911 in each hand. Special kind of crazy? Uh….check.
Alright, aside from the headliner, which you obviously have to be insane not to watch, which fight looks like dynamite to you?
JM: You’d have to be insane if you weren’t completely jacked for the Paul Daley – Tyron Woodley fight. I’m not sure why, but I just like watching Daley fight. Maybe it’s his ability to mess a brother up or maybe it’s just that white trash fan in me that can’t wait to see if he’ll assault someone after the bell again.
Kidding aside though, the Brit’s been quite the wrecking ball in the past two years. Six of his last eight wins have come by way of knockout/TKO. Daley needs to do something spectacular if he wants to keep his job. If he loses, I believe DFW will cut him. As cliche as it is, Daley better go big or get ready to go home. Combine that with the emotional pull of the undefeated Woodley trying to make a splash on a big card and you’ve got yourself a good fight.
RX: Paul Daley has been wrestlefucked by one the finest wrestlerfuckers in all of wrestlefuckdom, and I believe that will happen again with Woodley. Paul Daley is going to be wrestlefucked into a living death. I cannot wait.
I’m pretty stoked about the Saffeidine-Smith bout, too. If Saffeidine decides to stick with his kickboxing background, this one is going to be a banger that could go either way. Plus it’s kind of the linchpin of my gambling for the evening…
Which leads to the last question: Have you seen these fight odds?
RX: Scott Smith can double your money with a win, if you think he can beat Tarec Saffiedine. The Sponge has the tools to easily take this fight, but Smith has shown that he can pull a win out any second. Tim Kennedy and Tyron Woodley can fill out a parley, since I’m pretty comfortable calling those guys to win.
Smith-Kennedy-Woodley would net me about 300 bucks from a fifty dollar bet. (Doesn’t Smith-Kennedy-Woodley sound like a really exclusive prep school?) I could really rack up the cash if I’m willing to call Hendo-Fedor or Coenen-Tate. Now, it just so happens that I recently found fifty bucks in my wife’s purse…what should I do?
JM: Go buy yourself the new UFC Trainer, fatass.
RX: That’s hurtful. If I hit Fedor-Smith-Kennedy-Woodley, I’m buying $450 worth of Ben and Jerry’s.
Official CagePotato Parley: Ask Ben. Just trust us here.
Overly random prediction: No cornrows for Tate, she’s going to do that sexy double braid thing again.
Quite obvious prediction: Tim Kennedy’s lack of sponsors will make a few of us shed a tear.