With Tito on Celebrity Apprentice, Ricco on Celebrity Rehab, and Tank on Jimmy Kimmel Live, last night was one big TV party — and we have the couch-sores to prove it. If you had better things to do, we envy you. But here’s what you missed:
The Celebrity Apprentice
The episode began with Tito Ortiz working out and explaining his charity, St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. A nine-year-old girl named Elizabeth with “brittle bone disease” came to meet him and gave him a drawing of a garden. Tito nearly destroyed her with a bear hug. This segment was probably thrown together to make up for the fact that he was basically absent from the rest of the episode, in which Hydra and Empresario battled to sell the most Broadway show tickets. The men sneaked off with a very close win, and Jennie Finch was fired for always taking a back-seat “assistant” role. But Tito was equally under-the-radar in the challenge, and if the men had lost, he might have been in danger of getting kicked off himself.
Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew
Ricco Rodriguez made his first appearance at the treatment facility, checking in for his habitual cocaine use. As he explained, after finding success in the UFC, he discovered cocaine, started going through an 8-ball per day, and was the first “ultimate fighter” to be suspended for coke. His usage also led to domestic disputes with his girlfriend, which once resulted in them both being arrested and their one-year-old son being taken by child protective services. Ricco came off like the classic, freaked-out cokehead on his first day in the facility, visibly nervous when the staff went through his bag, and calling out the staff and the other celebrity addicts for their hostility and rudeness, all of which was in his head. In return, the female residents seemed to find him intolorably arrogant and cocky. We don’t think little Ricco will be making any friends at camp this summer. But the most shocking moment was Ricco’s story about a car accident he was in while under the influence.
Ricco was driving with his girlfriend, high, when he slammed into an 18-wheeler then smashed into a wall. With his license already supended for a DUI, he dragged the body of his girlfriend — who he thought was dead — and put her in the driver’s seat. The cops came and fell for the switcheroo; the girlfriend, however, turned out to be alive. During the episode, his girlfriend came to visit and Ricco told her how one of the staff members didn’t think that story was very funny. “Everybody laughs when we tell the story,” he said. “That’s because all your friends are scumbags,” his girlfriend said.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Kimmel started things off by playing the clip from Tank Abbott‘s last appearance on the show, when Andy Dick jumped on Tank’s back and was promptly body-slammed. “That’s what Kimbo’s gonna look like,” Tank said. Jimmy talked about Tank’s fighting in the UFC’s early days, “when there were no rules.” Tank said “Yeah, when it was good.” Tank blamed his last loss on accepting a fight when he was drunk. Jimmy: “If Kimbo’s people are smart, they will try to get you as drunk as possible the night before the fight, won’t they? Like, if someone were to hide a bottle of tequila in your beard, you would have almost no choice but to sip from it, wouldn’t you?” Tank didn’t disagree. Unfortunately, there were no hilarious interactions between Tank and Heidi Montag; we were hoping for another body-slam.