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Rock-Bottom Alert: Ken Shamrock Asks Strangers to Call him for $11.99 per Minute

“Okay, so I’m making a living as a fake fighter. Things can only get better from here, right?”

If history is any indication, it’ll only be a matter of time before this headline becomes tragically outdated. Ken Shamrock has gone from taking lopsided beatdowns from Tito Ortiz, to taking them from the UFC’s lawyers, to accusations of juicing himself in order to get out fighting Kimbo Slice, to testing positive for steroids after beating up a fat guy, to submitting to leg-kicks from Pedro Rizzo, to beating up another fat guy with the help of an eye poke, to losing to Mike Bourke after his leg gave out while going backwards (seriously), to hitting a “heavyset” woman that he thought was a guy. The point I’m trying to make is that whenever things look like they can’t possibly get any worse for the guy, we see his name in the news and think to ourselves, “Yep, I really should have seen this coming.”

That being said, you know things aren’t exactly good for somebody when…you know what, I’ll just let this press release sent to yesterday explain:

Maryland, 29 th October 2012 [Author's Note: The date was wrong, so I figured things weren't exactly off to a promising start...] – UFC Hall of Famer Ken Shamrock has announced the launch of his own fundraising chat line, allowing fans of the legendary icon to call him directly on his cell phone.

His service is part of growing micro-access phenomenon, whereby well-known public figures can connect anonymously by phone with their followers on a pay-per-minute basis.

Calls to the UFC celebrity are priced at $11.99 per minute, and he will join a growing list of sports luminaries who have agreed to have fans call them directly.

That’s right, Ken Shamrock is now allowing strangers to call his cell phone for money, through a service called Call a Champ. So all of you Ken Shamrock fans out there who have at least $11.99 that you haven’t already thrown into a woodchipper can buy a conversation with “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” himself. Maybe you’re just dying to ask him why he never fought Dan Severn over at Juggalo Championship Wrestling. Or maybe you want to know where to buy a good steak in Reno. Or maybe you just want to buy an incredibly awkward conversation with the former champion, where you can gush over his achievements while he occasionally says “Thanks, I appreciate that.” Regardless, you now have an outlet for all of this, and at $11.99 per minute, I imagine that the line will almost never be busy.

But the fun doesn’t stop there, unfortunately. Be sure to read Shamrock’s biography on the Call a Champ website, where the author talks about MMA and professional wrestling as if they’re the same thing:

Mixed Martial Arts is the fastest growing sport in the world today, and Ken Shamrock, as one of the sport’s founding athletes, is among the most widely recognized of the MMA fighters. With Shamrock’s unparalleled impact on the sport as a fighter and wrestler, he can only be described as an icon. Best known for his participation in the Ultimate Fighting Championships, The World Wrestling Federation, Pride Fighting Championships, Pancrase and Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, no other fighter possesses the credentials that have rightfully earned Shamrock the title coined by ABC of “The World’s Most Dangerous Man.”

If you’re looking for yet another reason to give up on life today, check out some of the other “well-known public figures” that have signed up for Call a Champ. If you happen to be a die-hard New York Giants fan, you can call Chris Calloway and ask him to apologize for every terrible Giants team of the mid-90s. If you’d rather talk to a champion, you can talk to Reuben Droughns, who was the fourth-string running back for the New York Giants when they won Super Bowl XLII, and is now an assistant coach for a Serbian football team. You can also call 1989′s NBA Sixth Man of the Year, Eddie Johnson, Loyola Marymount University Hall of Famer Bo Kimble and the first American to win a gold medal in inverted aerial skiing, Nikki Stone. So yeah, this service by no means comes off as a way for broke former pros to see if anyone will pay money to talk to them.

Granted, Ken Shamrock isn’t the first MMA fighter to sign up for something like this; for only $100, Thiago Alves will send you a recorded message! I guess the difference here is that unlike Ken Shamrock, Thiago Alves is still relevant in MMA, can still make money by fighting, and can almost sort-of justify the $100 talk-to-Pitbull fee.

Forgive me if it seems like I’ve been harping on this, but where does Ken Shamrock think he’s going to find people willing to pay $11.99 per minute to talk to him when he hasn’t been relevant in years? He’s not providing THAT kind of phone service, is he? Let me re-read that disclaimer at the top of Ken’s page

We offer discreet one on one talk with Ken Shamrock! If Ken Shamrock is not by the phone or on another line your account balance will not be deducted. All calls are private and fully confidential. No one listens in and calls are never recorded.



Cagepotato Comments

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crappiefloper- October 31, 2012 at 9:03 am
Hey Glen,
Maybe MMA4ever is the I.T. Computer support guy that really does get payed to talk to people?
That would be ironic,huh
glenngoldsmith- October 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Fuck you dude.. what have you ever done that comes close to Shamrock's legacy in MMA ? you'r just an 'idiot with an opinion' If people want to call Shamrock at $12 a minute that's their business, what right do have to judge ? one thing is for sure, no one is ever paying to call you...get a real job
mma4ever- October 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Id rather talk to tank's hair piece than try to console a has been that never really was and pay for it. So im out ...peace ken
JoAnna- October 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm
I'll pay $12.00 to not talk to him. What a numb nuts.
pogodog7- October 30, 2012 at 10:33 am
What would you expect from an ex-fake wrestler?
crappiefloper- October 30, 2012 at 8:52 am
I would actually pay 12 bucks a minute to righteously and creativly cussout John Kitna. Fuck you kitna! Fucking faggot! What to piss away a game,throw that mother fucker into it!
Now I need a diazepam.
Alan K- October 30, 2012 at 8:45 am
A hundred bucks to talk to Thiago Alves? Maybe 4 years ago.
ksgbobo- October 30, 2012 at 8:33 am
This is just sad
teep- October 30, 2012 at 8:16 am
It seems we are using the word "champion" very loosely this week. Former champ should be used in this case. And with Jon Jones it really should be Future Great Champion.
holeeball- October 29, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Technically he can!
Only you'll have to do it on his command and it'll cost you $4.99 extra.
blackboxmma- October 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm
At least he cant punch you in the face through the phone.
Mr_Misanthropy- October 29, 2012 at 5:07 pm
This is just a smokescreen marketing ploy for the meth lab he set up in the small tin shed in his back yard. I heard he has a top notch Peruvian chemist who is working hard to synthesize bath saltanozolol.
JoAnna- October 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
ha ha... :o) Loved it...
samclark- October 29, 2012 at 3:51 pm
This is what happens when attention obsessed, post important athletes find the internet. I wouldn't call anyone for $11 a minute..unless it was a prank of course.
Fried Taco- October 29, 2012 at 3:28 pm
$5/min to talk with Nikki is totally worth it! What, she's not home? Oh, okay. Hi Ken, what are you wearing?