It now has been about one and a half months since my first professional loss, and I have to say I feel great! Well just at the moment. Let’s not talk about my unattractive cry-athon that took place for God knows how long. It’s okay though, I’m glad everything happened the way it did. Pat’s mom told me something great. She said, “It’s better to fall off a ladder closer to the ground than all the way at the top.” She’s right because some people fall when they are so high they never come back from it.
Either way it still sucks to fall, especially when so many people out there are watching your every move, waiting for the chance to kick you when you’re down. Even though they are watching you so hard that they don’t even realize how pathetic their own lives are. How sad is that? They won’t ever know what this sucky feeling feels like because they don’t have the guts to climb up the ladder. They also won’t ever see how beautiful the view is. It reminds me of another great quote that went something like, “The more you avoid death the more you avoid living.” People are so afraid of getting hurt that they fear life itself. I have fear but I won’t let that stop me from taking chances and chasing my dreams.
I have learned a lot in my amateur and first two pro fights but not nearly as much as I have learned in the past month and a half. Now I know I have things to work on, and more importantly it doesn’t seem as easy as it did a few months ago! Before my pro debut in Invicta I went into that fight knowing I would be the greatest in the world one day but I didn’t have any proof that I was on that level yet. Going from that to setting a world record for the fastest submission with a flying armbar made me forget that I am competing at a really high level with a huge experience disadvantage.
It reminds me…one day I was lifting at Horsepower and I was breaking my own personal records left and right to the point that I didn’t even care! It wasn’t that the weight was too easy to lift. I was squatting 315 lbs and jumping 51” and I was working my ass off! I trained really hard for this last fight because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? I knew that I was better than my opponent. I didn’t have anything to prove to myself. I felt like I was winning the fight but had the judges given it to me it wouldn’t have been a surprise to me because I felt like I deserved it. That is no way to go into a fight because it gives you no purpose. When you don’t have anything to prove to yourself then the reason for doing it becomes for other people or for money.
I now know I have to take what’s mine — no more going the distance, no more letting other people decide my fate. If you finish the fight you can sleep at night knowing that you have truly defeated the other person. Winning a decision is associated with scoring more points but points don’t matter when all it takes is one punch. You just have to make sure you finish. I always knew that but now I KNOW IT. I never realized how much more I can learn and grow. It’s an exciting feeling! I need to pay more attention to my thoughts and take more time. In the fight with Kathina I was under so much stress and I had all the excuses in the world to not do my job but I managed to turn it on and it gave me confidence that no matter what the circumstances were I’d pull through. Not that I could but that I would, and that was my mistake. I thought that no matter what the circumstances were I’d handle it. However, this time the stress got me! That is why we decided to not take another fight right away and take a little vacation. Sometimes we forget that healing our minds is just as important as healing our bodies. Stay tuned for my mind-healing experiences in Lithuania. Here’s a sneak peek:
Until then smiles and happiness everyone! Go outside, live a little, and climb up that ladder!
P.S. Thanks to all my sponsors CagePotato, Alienware, Fear the Fighter, my manager Brian Butler with Suckerpunch Entertainment, HYPEORDIE, Trevor Wittman, Greg Nelson, everyone at Grudge Training Center, The Academy, Matt Miller with Horsepower, my mom, family and friends, and all the fans still supporting despite my first loss. On to the next one!