MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Rousimar Palhares Stepping Up to Face Yushin Okami at UFC 150 and You’ll Never Guess Why


(Finally we can look forward to an injury that happens IN the cage.) 

It’s finally happened, Potato Nation. The soil has reached over-saturation point and the paper clip that finally breaks the surface tension has been dropped. Confused? So are we, because even though the UFC held that UFC on FUEL event on an Indian burial ground in Fairfax earlier this year, we were told that everything would be fine. “Florida is a tough market,” they said. “They’re training too hard,” they clamored. But we weren’t fooled by the red herrings, the smoke and mirrors. This is karma for the UFC’s aforementioned acts of stepping on hallowed ground. Those insolent baboons.

The injury curse that has pulled the rug out from the UFC’s summer plans has officially become so frequent that we can’t even finish an article informing you of an injury before another one has already occurred. The chances of us mentioning a fighter within a sentence who isn’t currently injured has dropped to a staggering 0.0126 percent, and we simply don’t know what to do anymore. Begin stockpiling your canned goods and first aid kits, because surely the end times are upon us.

Perhaps you remember a former top light heavyweight contender by the name of Luiz Cane, no? Well, after dropping three of his last four UFC contests at 205, “Banha” was set to make his middleweight debut against Yushin Okami at UFC 150 (likely in a last ditch effort to save his career). Okami, who has fallen on hard times as well as of late, is coming off back-to-back TKO losses to Anderson Silva and Tim Boetsch, and would definitely be facing a great test in Cane to kickstart his own epic comeback.

But the ghosts of the UFC’s past would not allow it.

Thiago Silva, Michael Bisping, Vitor Belfort, Big Nog, and countless other UFC stars have sacrificed themselves in order to try and repay the UFC’s debt to the earth, but it has apparently become so great that the curse has now moved on to even the promotion’s lowliest employees. We’re talking, of course, about Mr. Cane, who recently pulled out from his bout with Okami due to an injury. It’s safe to say that if we have to write that phrase one more God damn time this week, it will be with the bloody remains of the fingers we have yet to chew to the knuckle. Poor Joe Silva must be sweating through his tattered, hilarious clashing outfit right about now.

And filling in for Cane will be none other than world renowned mangler of limbs, Rousimar Palhares, who is coming off an upset loss to Alan Belcher at UFC on FOX 3. Although Okami has dropped two straight, you have to imagine that he’ll be a slight favorite heading into this one. For starters, he’s never been submitted, and being that the ground game is Palhares’ go-to offense (and only offense, in some cases), Okami should be able to fend off most of the Brazilian’s attacks.

Then again, Palhares only needs the briefest of opportunities to drag his opponents into the depths of hell they never thought imaginable, so who do you like for this one?

Actually, don’t waste your time. One of these men will go down within the next week or two. It has been written.

-J. Jones

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Sloppyspray- June 19, 2012 at 6:33 am
This actually probably really sucks for Okami. Having to fight Paul Harris on short notice isn't like any other fighter stepping in where you can just slightly tweak your game plan for them and training. For Paul Harris I would think that training for a leg lock specialist is a whole new ball game compared to what Okami was preparing for. And now he's got minimal time to brush up on his leg lock defense.
Sopapo- June 18, 2012 at 6:26 pm
People don't you guys remember Okami getting KO'd twice? Paul Harris should be the favorite here. he has the power to rip his head off, the jiu jitsu to get some offense on the ground and the desire to get back on track. Okami is a tough dude thou, he completaly dominated the barbarian.
Fletch the V Stretch- June 19, 2012 at 6:11 am
Completely dominated the barbarian right before getting completely highlight-real dominated by the barbarian*
smellypiratehooker- June 18, 2012 at 4:13 pm
"Rousi, you got some trainin to do"
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