Totally Looks Like: Sean Kingston
By now, you’ve probably heard the big news of the day: Anthony “Hey Yo, Is That My Tummy Rumblin’?” Johnson missed weight today in historic fashion, tipping the scales at 197 pounds. According to some research that I absolutely did not just do, twelve pounds is the most that anyone has ever blown weight anywhere ever, and you can feel free to correct me in the comments. Vitor Belfort has agreed to fight a catchweight at 197, but has asked that Johnson weigh-in again tomorrow at no more than 205.
Now, maybe I’m not exactly shocked by this — but damn brotato, how do you miss … how do you go UP a weight class because you have a nightmare cut at 170 and the boss has said you belong at 185, then proceed to bulk up like you got a call from Vince McMahon?
Serious question: is Anthony Johnson dyslexic with numbers or something? Just checking.
The downsides are all on Rumble’s side. Dana is already going on record calling him “unprofessional”, which may be code for “black”, but in this case is actually code for “I’m going to fuck him worse than he’s ever been fucked before”. Unless Rumble puts in a Fight of the Night-worthy performance, he will almost certainly lose his job and wind up in StrikeForce, except without their awesome salaries.
First off: bungalow fans rejoice, because this just became a slugfest. Johnson has to know that a methodical, grinding win will result in Dana firing him angrily during the press conference (which Johnson would not be invited to). Johnson is going to have to use his reach and size (ha ha, get it?) to win a stand up fight with Belfort.
Belfort himself comes out of this like a champ, because he can not lose in this situation. He’s stepping up to save the fight, which means he’ll have a job with the UFC through the next two years or four losses (whichever comes first). Should he lose, his record will have an asterisk for all eternity that Johnson was a 250 pound roid-monster in the cage, and if he pulls out a win the internet will explode because Vitor Belfort just knocked out a heavyweight holy shit did you see that, bro!? It’s like UFC 13 again, only in Brazil.
Meanwhile Johnson loses pretty much any way you slice it. He’ll be a visibly larger man in the cage to anyone with rods and cones to rub together, and any win he gets will be tainted. No one is going to be particularly impressed with a quick knockout on a smaller Belfort, and if he actually tries to wrestle Belfort for a decision?
His ass will need Jesus.