infomercial fail gifs
21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

The Santino Defranco ‘TUF 9′ Blog #4: Turd Strikes Again


(The UFC garage-door backdrop — never a good sign.)

Team U.S. lightweight Santino Defranco gives us the inside scoop on Cameron Dollar‘s tall tales, Jason Dent‘s future as a presidential assassin, "black on black crime," and the quarterfinal fight that knocked him out of contention on Wednesday’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter.

***

From one of the greatest movies of all time, "You don’t mow another mans lawn."

That statement still holds true today, especially when you are going to announce to the world, on live television mind you, that you slept with your best friend’s wife. Bad form man. Very bad form. I am a married man and the thing I hold "most" sacred in this world is my marriage. There is nothing and I mean NOTHING more sacred to me than my wife and the bond we share. If I found out that my best friend(s) were sleeping with my wife I would live out the rest of my days behind steel bars or in solitary.

Anyways, now that I’m done with being creepy myself, back to the show.


Cameron enjoyed a tall tale here and there, and by the power vested in me I was forced to throw the "B.S." flag more than once on him, and I fully believe every penalty was justified. (I am an unbiased referee, now, what else would you expect?) 70-80 victims?…I mean girls? No freaking way! The kid’s barely 22 years old. And unless he’s paying for it, it didn’t happen. He managed to tell the "bash brothers" (don’t worry you will find out about it), quite a lot of stuff that was most likely something he watched in a movie and removed "character x"’s name and replaced his own name for the sake of the story. I don’t know if he thought we were really that dumb or what, but he wasn’t fooling us. We’re all very bright. Mensa bright.

I have to admit, though, when I first got to the house, Cameron really rubbed me the wrong way, but as the days went by he grew on me (and the others) like a barnacle on the side of a pirate ship. Just as a barnacle is unsightly and annoying on the side of your boat, as you’re trying to maintain an image while marauding commercial ships off of the coast of Africa, it is, never-the-less, relatively harmless. Think of Dollar in this sense: He is really young and one needs to take what he says with a grain of salt. He’s a good kid, just a little insecure with some stuff.

What did happen though was a very entertaining spat between Cameron, Cameron’s hat with the reservoir tip, and Jason William Dent (yes that’s his real middle name). Ever notice it’s always the people that are labeled with 3 names that succeed in presidential assassinations? Hmm? Call me Nostradamus, because if that’s not foreshadowing for Jason’s future, then I don’t know what is.

I hate cliches, but, well…never mind, I love them, and there was "no love lost" (yes, that’s the best I came up with) between 3-names-Dent and Cameron Dollar. Dent accused "Don Juan 80 victims" of stealing something from him rather early in our stay at the house (I will not divulge too much info as it may be aired) and didn’t lose any time to smack him with his sweatshirt after our little love machine slapped Mark outside the van. Regardless of what happened between Mark and Cam, I’m not sure it was Dent’s place to smack the young tween. Lee Harvey Dent was certainly looking for a reason to go at it with Dollar. It won’t be the last.

I will get to my fight after I talk about the "black on black crime" (I’m not sure it’s considered that as one had a British accent), between Damarques and Dean. I have to preface this by saying I love Dean. He was one of my favorites in the house and served as my British counter part as team cook (I did win the French toast challenge though). But, during confessional, when asked how his fight would go with "D", the only thing I could think of was the fact that he had a Mohawk with a bald spot in it. A man with a bald Mohawk can’t beat a thick head of hair and a strong hairline like Damarques’. It’s just not in the cards. The beard was one for the ages, and I do believe it bested the Meat Missile’s Afghani beard, but there was no hope for his hawk. Not with a moulting middle.

It’s too bad I wasn’t able to fight during the show and my alter ego, Turd Ferguson, had to fill in for me. How am I supposed to beat a guy with the last name of "Winner"? What is that crap?

My two fights on the show were by far the worst performances of my life. I wish I could have shown how much better a fighter I am than what was displayed. Not for the viewers, or the critics, but for myself. After having brain surgery and my wife having a much worse brain surgery, I haven’t gotten enough time in the cage to feel as "comfortable" in there as I needed to to perform at the best of my abilities going into the show. I am not taking anything away from Andre, and am not saying I would have beat him, but it should have been a closer fight than that. I’m a good fighter with good skills, but I guess I will have to showcase those skills another time.

However, with the losses came such a great learning experience, and I now feel much better about getting in there and fighting without being as nervous about my health. I found out that I am not made of glass and will be fine in my future fights. I am now much stronger mentally and can’t wait to get back in there and fight. It just stinks that I had to overcome the greatest mental hurdle of my life on national TV.

I’m the champ, Pancho. I’m the champ.

Congratulations on your win, Andre.

Comments

  1. grilla lives Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:08


    well, first of all ....first... is there any news yet as to where bisbing dissappeared to?
  2. J-Dog Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:10


    He's pretty well-written. Maybe he is Mensa bright. Heck, he knows what Mensa is.
  3. Mikey Gilz Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:19


    TAKE THAT YA FREAKY PIECE OF SH*T
  4. Kadumel Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:20


    Hmm interesting... I wonder if by "much better fighter" he meant he was able to do the box turtling as opposed to the normal turtling. You know, where he is able to actually bite his opponent when he is curled up in the fetal position screaming like a little girl for his life...
  5. Not a TUF Guy Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:29


    ya, too bad you sucked so bad. Too bad I wasn't on the show..I would have won. No really, I may have been destroyed in my fight, but I really am a good fighter.
  6. El Famous Burrito Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:32


    He didn't even mention how gay everybody else is. What the fuck is he doing on Cage Potato? Fag.
  7. Fedor vs Bas Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:33


    I think we need a "Mensa bright" person to explain how a redhead could be named Santino Defranco...
  8. Brit Boy Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:34


    Fair play, well written and funny blog, seems like a good guy. Perhaps Dana can employ him as a writer for Rogan and Goldberg?
  9. Okie Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:43


    Where is the story about Jose Canseco making his MMA debut against Hong Man Choi?? Cmon CP, thought you guys would be all over this one...
  10. Myles Kilometers Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:51


    Okie's a cunt who can't scroll apparently.
  11. MMA SUCKS BECAUSE OF YOU Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 07:11


    ......Bisbing was at CAPS LOCK HAL's moms house My money is on Johnson to win the whole thing........
  12. MMA Lawyer Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 07:44


    Why, exactly, is everyone saying he can write well? Anyone who puts "quotes" around every other word is not a good writer. There are several other usage errors that would be too boring to list. He needs an editor. But, he's definitely funny and has an endearing colloquial style, which is probably what people like about his writing.
  13. JM Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 08:21


    Santino, you are a bad fighter and should retire.
  14. Anonymous Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 08:22


    What is this, English Honors? Who gives a sh*t about his colloquial style! Dude is funny! You give me gas MMA Lawyer
  15. killer kowalski Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 08:31


    Bisping was banging Cameron "Roofie King" Dollar's best friend's wife.
  16. NECROPHYTE Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 08:38


    And why the hell should we care about what this guy says? He lost...
  17. Patrick Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 08:40


    Good stuff. Amusing read. I wish my name was Santino Defranco.
  18. Myles Kilometers Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 09:07


    Considering the only two fights I've ever seen him in he was getting pummeled from the top for a combined 3+ minutes I'm impressed his blogs don't consist of doodles and incorrect math equations. And I only know of one other Santino, and let's just say he had a closer fight at the tool booths than you did last episode.
  19. Truth2Pwr Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 09:40


    I think Santino's big problem was that he was so in love with his subs off his back that he eagerly offered his opponents the dominant top position. Unfortunately, that gamble doesn't usually pay off unless your name is Penn or Maia or Mir or you're fighting the walking triangle victim, Dean Arminaslinger. As for the trendy rubber guard that Santino kept trying to set up, it's definitely a good tool to have in your belt, frustrating for the guy on top, but I just haven't seen it finish very many fights. My Judo sensei had unbelievable flexibility and could use his feet like a monkey. I can't tell you how many times I had to smell his toe jam even from side control. That having been said, in my opinion, rubber guard works better as a defensive tactic than a primary offense.
  20. Swine Flu Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 10:12


    I have Bisbing.
  21. Anonymous Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 10:15


    CP...the thing I hold "most" sacred "most" sacred? Who are you quoting there?
  22. Steve K Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 10:32


    Great read, this is a perfect companion to the show. Keep 'em coming, Santino. And Lawyer...lighten up dude, go be pretentious elsewhere. For a blog post, let alone one written by an athlete, it is well written. And I'm sorry if I offended your delicate sensibilities with my folksy ellipsis and contraction. Not nearly as clever as putting quotes in quotation marks (as I believe they're technically called; hate for you to slip into the colloquial voice), but oh well.
  23. Dojima Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 11:08


    I think Hendo is hanging out at Nick Diaz's basement in between filming for the show... smoking on that humboldt county shit!
  24. Younanymous Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 11:12


    LOL @ Swine Flu I need some sort of image for that!
  25. MMA Lawyer Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 11:26


    @ Steve K I don't mind colloquial tone at all; it's just fine for blogs. But you're right that I'm being pretentious by pointing out what's wrong with his writing. Difficult question of the day: Is Santino a better writer or fighter?
  26. Anonymous Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 12:06


    everytime someone does something great someone always has something negative to say. I didn't see any of you on the show? I don't see bloggs from you?
  27. Anonymous Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 12:06


    everytime someone does something great someone always has something negative to say. I didn't see any of you on the show? I don't see bloggs from you?
  28. Kyle Sonnenberg Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 12:48


    Isn't the point of this blog for Santino to describe his insiders view of the show? Or is it to (1) debate the rules of grammar; or (2) give him your opinion of his fights. He tells us he feels he underachieved during the show. Okay, fine, next. Eventually, you know, there will be a winner. The point is the journey. Oh, Kadumel, your mom called and wants you home by 9pm.
  29. Dr. Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 03:18


    Hey Truth2Pwr: You're argument about BJ Penn being lethal from his back is laughable. He finished ONE MMA fight from his back, against Bang Ludwig, by Triangle. Other than that he's a guy who likes to take the other's back for rear-naked chokes. People give BJ's guard a lot of credit and it's not impassable or unbelievably dangerous. Shit, even Hughes took it to him from a top position in their second fight.
  30. Nostradumbass Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 06:05


    The Swine Flu shall reign... beware the aporkalypse!
  31. squirrelnuts Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 07:47


    god this santino bloke talks shit. He must love the sound of his own voice, he's the worst rambler i've ever read. Just get to the fuckin point you dork.
  32. savage Says:

    Fri, 05/01/09 - 11:19


    haha this fucken TUF fighter is a fuckin fag
  33. The Harvester Says:

    Sun, 05/03/09 - 02:30


    You could tell this guy was gonna lose. Why is half his blog talking about Cameron? Lame no one cares.
  34. Joey Antonianno Says:

    Tue, 05/05/09 - 01:28


    Kyle is absolutely right...MMA lawyer my guess is you have never step foot into a mma gym in your life...As Im sure neither as anyone else talking smack on here. Btw Kyle while I was holding thai pads for you I think you might have fractured my wrist..Thank you
  35. Blake Mutchler Says:

    Mon, 02/06/12 - 01:13


    will smith died november 22... [...]really a generally instance is almost all homes should the mothers want to consider its kids exterior for any [...]...
  36. graco trekko stroller metropolis Says:

    Mon, 02/06/12 - 07:12


    sopapilla recipe without deep fryer... [...]As shortly whilst you realize that you will be late, you rush regarding the door, consider your current wallet, cell [...]...
  37. silhouette cameo Says:

    Mon, 02/13/12 - 08:51


    sopapilla calories... [...]Judge Rodgers took time to think about whether an additional charm must or ought to not be provided [...]...
  38. Lorex LW241 best price Says:

    Tue, 02/14/12 - 10:38


    will smith just the two of us... [...]here will get into the voice of the respective little types who claimed for being [...]...
  39. dewalt dws780 review Says:

    Fri, 02/17/12 - 10:11


    greenpeace usa wiki... [...]all possibilities set before him prior to he handed down his death sentence to [...]...
  40. urlman cow Says:

    Tue, 04/08/14 - 04:29


    Souls in the Waves... Fantastic Morning, I just stopped in to go to your web site and thought I'd say I experienced myself....

Post a comment:


You must be logged in to post a comment.


Login





Register




A password will be e-mailed to you.


CagePotatoMMA