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The Santino Defranco ‘TUF 9′ Blog #5: Booze-Lag

In which Santino calls B.S. on Michael Bisping‘s jet-lag excuse, shares some insight on Frank Lester (pictured above, with jacked-up teeth), and hints that we’ll soon be seeing one of the biggest turncoat-acts in TUF history.


I am not so sure Captain Britania had suffered the amount of jet lag as he would lead us to believe. I mean, seriously, we had been filming for two to three weeks by that point and all the other coaches of the land of the rising Brit had figured out their sleeping schedules just fine. Booze-lag would be my assumption, as we had heard of him being in bars/clubs quite frequently from reputable sources…our coaches! Not all of them, but a couple. The best part of hearing about the head UK "piss-artist" (look it up as it has a different meaning in the UK as what you are thinking) is all the run-ins he had with our Jiu Jitsu coach, Pancho. Pancho, or Pantcho as he would end up spelling it (he’s right off the boat and doesn’t exactly have the best understanding of our language) got into a verbal joust with "Michael Bitchbing," as Pantcho would say, and almost got into a bit of a fist-a-cuffs exchange one night at a club.

One of our other coaches saw Bitchbing out at the club and told Pantcho to invite him over for a drink. Well, to the average human with any ability of reason, this is a pleasant gesture that would buffer out some of the friction between the faithful leaders of this six-week shootout. Once again, The Ultimate Fighter has proved that reason has no place among fighters, and an offering of peace turns to a shot heard ’round the world.

Instead of obliging with our unnamed requester, Pantcho decides he will approach Count Bitchbing and tell him, "You are fat, man."

The Count responds to our inebriated Brazilian friend with, "What?! You are fat too. What are you talking about?"

"I know man, but I no fight. You are fat man…and you fight." Was Pantcho’s slurred response. From all accounts, Pantcho was very pleased with himself with this exchange.

I really don’t know if Count Sleepula really did have some trouble adjusting to the time, but I for one, don’t think I can buy that.

I did, however, enjoy the short snippets of snide comments between Parce (if you have been reading my blogs then you already know his last name must be spoken in a poor British accent) and Cameron. That is certainly foreshadowing the events that are to come with that creep, Parce that is.

Now to Dollar. I really can’t believe they didn’t show some of the stuff on TV that I thought to be noteworthy. When we first got to the house, Cameron was really questioning his place there and even broke down with some tears of frustration. Certainly that would have been a good lead-in to his nerves situation.

When asked what I thought about Cameron fighting Stapes’, I was not overly confident that Cameron could lift that boulder from the sea. He wasn’t exactly the most technical of our team and from all regards, his own self-proclamation and Frankie’s, Martin was a "pit bull". Cameron is definitely not a pit bull, but he sure turned Michael Vick pretty quickly as he put a beating on this one.

After Cameron shocked the world, that evened us out to 2-2. Prior to Vick and his pet putting on a show I wasn’t overly concerned with the team score, but after he won it was nice walking through the house with even numbers while in the presence of the Brits.

Speaking of being in the presence of the Brits, there were certainly spies among us as one of the American team members turned Benedict Arnold on Frankie "hit a Bi@#$ quick" Lester. I am assuming that’s how Wilks "heard Frankie doesn’t have much of a ground game". I know I didn’t say that. And I can pretty much bet that six others didn’t say it either. I do, however, have a suspicion of who did. Well, this traitor will certainly not get his face on any medals of valor like old Bene Arnold. Joke Mcjokerton is more like it. Mock my performances as you will. They were certainly nothing to write home about, but this turncoat will go down as one of the history of TUF’s worst.

Frank’s distaste for Wilks was a little underplayed during the show. James was very impressed with himself and had an air of arrogance about him that I don’t think anyone else in the house had. Next week in my blog I will share some more things about this, but I want to make sure it’s not shown first.

The fight itself was hard to watch as we were all freaking out watching the fight. Frank had dropped King James in the first round and we were all holding our breath in hopes of him repeating it in the second stanza. Thankfully, no one passed out from oxygen deprivation as James ended up taking the momentum in the second round and submitting Juice Monk.

Frank has more heart than any other guy I think I have ever seen. You’ll see.

And no more betting money for body parts. That certainly doesn’t end well. Just glad it wasn’t an important organ like the gall bladder or appendix.

Cagepotato Comments

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superkip- May 12, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Santino's blogs are excellent.
He's funny without seeming like a jackass and doesn't just recap what we just saw.
ivanhannel- May 11, 2009 at 8:20 pm
fuzzybag: What words did I use that would make you consult a thesaurus? I know the economy is bad, but save up and get your GED. And next season of TUF, what's that about? Are you trying to make a TV date with me in 2010?

What I find pathetic about you, "Fuzzybag," and people like you is that you've done jack in your own life and wouldn't dare to tell someone to their face what you think, but behind a computer, you've got some courage.

And stop talking about, writing about, and thinking about my ass.
fuzzybag- May 11, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Ivanhannel you sound like a guy that has a huge vocabulary and loves to hear himself talk. In the next season of TUF how about I shove a thesaurus up your ass? Shut up PUTA!
sxjohnson- May 11, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Totally agree!
I mean, think about it. They film 18+ hours a day for 6 weeks (that's roughly 756 hours) and we only get to see 12 hours of that.

Is that fair??

Let's start a petition or something. I could live without Manswers (I'm a girl, and they are retarded). Even if the 2 hours weren't back to back. Like air them both in the 10 spot on Tue and Wed or something.
duneflyer- May 11, 2009 at 10:10 am
I liked Santino's previous blogs quite a bit, but this one did seem to lack flow.

I agree with a few other people on here, let the man tell his story. Hell, at least he got on the show. If you are going to rip him, get off your ass and go try out as well. Then you can talk from experience and write a blog we can all rip you for as well.
DansMuayThaiMMA- May 11, 2009 at 8:16 am
Booze-lag! I love it.

Honestly, I don't think it would have made a difference. Dean was going to lose either way.

My Fight Wiffa Cheeto- May 11, 2009 at 6:44 am
While it's broken up and some randomness, Santino's Blog isn't horrible and of course it isn't the fucking Bard either. Give the guy a break you numbnuts.

This is some of the most real stuff people have put out there in these blogs. Bisping, that fucking wanker, was out drinking and that's why he missed one of his fighter's fights, Behind the scenes confrontations, and foreshadowing about that twat Pierce? This is good shit and he doesn't pull any punches. Get your heads out of your asses and take fucking Lesnar's/Fedor's/GSP's cock out of your mouths for five minutes, learn to type, spell, and use punctuation. THEN, rip on this turtling mess, because trust me after reading some of your responses, I'll read Santino's blog over yours anyday.
raspberrymight- May 11, 2009 at 6:30 am
"my performances were nothing to write home about"? they were worse than that my friend, the fetal position is not intelligently defending yourself... sounds like sour grapes to me

jog on defranco
Blumpkin- May 11, 2009 at 12:40 am
T1 is a PENIS.
ivanhannel- May 10, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Thanks, Alphamamma. When did you know Santino? It's interesting to hear from someone who actually knew someone when they were younger. I think he lives in Arizona now or trains there. Do you train MMA or your son? It's different to hear of a woman, a mother, who knows about MMA or about a particular fighter their son grew up with...
alphamamma- May 10, 2009 at 10:00 pm
hey ivanhannel, you are so right about Santino in TUF. His actions in the house and while working out are very different from his blog. He doesn't act like a stupid tough guy on TUF, I think he's the most respectable one of the bunch. That's why the blog rubbed me the wrong way. NOT because he is a bad fighter or a bad writer, but because he writes as if he's trying to be someone that he's not.
And no, I am not expecting him to be the same as he was when he was a child, I just hope he would hold onto the values he was developing when he was young. Same goes for anyone.
As for saying what we want, you're right on that too. I for one would like to know more about the workouts and training.
ivanhannel- May 10, 2009 at 9:36 pm
I'm enjoying Santino's blog. I've learned a little more about the house and fighters than if I were just watching the show. I feel like I'm the Johnny Cochran for Santino now after reading all your posts.

A couple of you don't like TUF or the people on it. I understand that. But why watch? Isn't this season 9? Move on, if that's your take.

Several of you don't like Santino's writing style and want him to do what exactly? What about suggesting some things you'd like to know? I'd like to know more about the training and how the coaching was. If Santino reads these posts, which I doubt, at least we could suggest some things we want to hear about besides, "TUF sucks" or "why hes so shit at writing" [sic]. Yes, The HuytonHandGrenade, that's for you.

One poster, Alphamomma, even goes so far as to say that Santino has disappointed her in some deep, profound way; that she knew him as a child; and that, in her opinion, he's trying to "come across as a tough guy." Wow! Even if we all can't agree to like Santino's writing style, can anyone tell me one moment when he tried to act like a tough guy on the show?

(Sorry to rant on this point, Alphamomma, but weren't we all more innocent as children as compared to adults? I'm sure even Osama bin Laden had some nice pics as a kid on a camel in Saudi Arabia).

Anyway, I've simply not seen enough of Santino on the show to make an informed judgment on his personality or even his writing. Let's wait and see. Isn't this the fourth or fifth episode, only?
Kintamachikara- May 10, 2009 at 7:41 pm
I understood very little of this post.
TheHuytonHandGrenade- May 10, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Didnt he have somethin wrong with his brain maybe thats why hes so shit at writing, did Lester have to give up some paper for gettin his teeth knocked out?
ImaAssSpankMe- May 10, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Honestly, no one here expects a fighter to be a great writer. We're not reading your drivel because we think you have a true talent; we simply want to hear from a fighter's perspective. Why you're trying so hard to do both is beyond me. Drop the bull shit and just write what you think, man. You can't possibly speak like this in real life. You certainly don't sound like this big a jackass on the show.
Judo Im Right- May 10, 2009 at 5:39 pm
actually, unless it becomes common for refs to allow fights to go on after one fighter has curled into a fetal ball for 3 minutes then you really should start exploring some completely new avenues
Judo Im Right- May 10, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Yea, trying waaaay too hard, to the point that this was nearly unreadable.

Stick to fighting Santino, because you're future is not in writing
alphamamma- May 10, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Oh, Santino...I am so disappointed. You don't remember me, but I remember you. And your family. My son (you guys played together when you were young) and I have been watching you for sometime, even during your break for medical reasons. I kept saying how impressed I was with your professionalism, particularly outside the cage. But after reading your blogs I can't help but wonder. Sure, the MMA has rough tough fighters, and yes, I am a fan of yours. But really, do you need to be so nasty? It sounds like you are taking a great amount of effort to come across as the tough guy. Why don't you let your fans know that you are a decent person? There is no one in the MMA who scorns a fighter who is professionally accountable outside the cage.
Clue-by-Four- May 10, 2009 at 9:34 am
Santino, you need to stop trying so hard to be Amir Sadollah.
Autoguy- May 10, 2009 at 9:11 am
WAT . ben you seriously need to help this guy write his blogs.
Clyde- May 10, 2009 at 9:03 am
10 monkeys at 10 type writers could knock out a better blog entry in 5 minutes.

I kind of like T1's idea since I'm against the house idea completely. I've said before, we don't really want the drama of reality shows; we just want the fights and some of the training. If the fighters were given seperate hotel rooms, half the pointless arguments and childish behaviour wouldn't happen. And that's sadly bad for ratings.

But since there's a gap in the market now that Big brother's cancelled (In britain, I don't know if you guys stateside are still stuck with it) it could bring over a few people who want that kind of shit.
Squirrelnuts- May 10, 2009 at 8:56 am

no kidding man, reading his blogs makes me wanna rewatch him getting his arse kicked.
Ubernoober- May 10, 2009 at 8:47 am
Best line of the show:

Dan Henderson to the guy who just had a bunch of teeth knocked out:

"You'll be looking like me now."
NECROPHYTE- May 10, 2009 at 8:31 am
Defranco's a good blogger!
Poo Flinger- May 10, 2009 at 8:07 am
@ El Famous Burrito:
Baby Ruth... he he.