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The Santino Defranco ‘TUF 9′ Blog #6: Damn You, Parce


(Jeff Lawson lives like he fights: Balls to the wall.)

Sorry for missing last week’s blog. I have been traveling a lot and haven’t had the chance to sit down and write much.

"Parce!" The name turns my stomach. Honestly, I can’t believe that I have to continuously see this wretch on TV and write about him. He certainly has received his fifteen minutes. And hopefully after this I don’t have to waste the oxygen in my lungs to speak about the cantankerous fellow, or the typing power in my fingers to peck away at my keyboard, giving him any more notoriety than he has already stolen from every other deserving member on the show.

"Parce" (that is "Pierce" said with a British accent) came from a day when all of the Americans were playing pool together except him. Yes, even Jason "I bang my head against the wall" Dent was kickin’ it with the team. I decided that even though there was much disdain toward the fellow, I would invite him to come down to join our dysfunctional group. I yelled to Pierce, who was upstairs at the time, to come down and play pool with us. I called and called, but was not answered. Then it hit me! I turned to the other guys and said, "Oh, he can’t understand me." Then I started yelling in a British accent (a poor one at that) "Parce! Come down here good chap. Parce!" Looking back at the guys I explained that he could only understand words if spoken like a Brit. So that’s how that whole thing got started.


The infection was pretty bad in his leg, there is no denying that. The thing with old man winters is, he was moping around when we first got into the house about some "broken blood vessels" in his foot. I thought he had actually broken a bone in his foot, or maybe aliens abducted him in the middle of the night and inserted grumpy old man symptoms and foot pain through his rectum, the way he was hobbling around on that peg. (Aliens do things like that. Anyone telling you otherwise is probably trying to sell you something.) 

But, we were not in an ideal situation and things went wrong. I had brain surgery to correct an aneurysm in my head, got a concussion fighting the mini pony, and fought a week later. Do you think I wanted to jump in there that soon? Of course not. I’ve got one foot in the loony bin as it is and certainly wasn’t up to the task of fighting so soon, especially with the anxiety I felt about my head, but I did it. Did I look good? Not even close. However, to use an all too often cliche (like how I used a cliche to introduce my cliche?), "I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees". My stepping in and fighting is by no means any act of heroism, nor would I try and sell it as such, but there are some other performances coming up that are as close to it as it gets in my book. One of the fighters in the upcoming episodes goes through so much abuse and keeps fighting it’s unreal. To see one guy not even try to fight because of an infection and another fight through everything imaginable and keep getting up and coming back is so bizarre, especially, since the former would have probably won his fight against Faulkner.

That’s right! I said it. The mental anguish in stating that Brit wannabe Parce would have beaten Faulkner cripples me like getting gorged in the spine by an unhappy bull. Jason beat the most accomplished guy to get in to the house when he beat Steve Berger (Damn you Berger!!! Why couldn’t you have won so I wouldn’t have to waste time writing about Parce?!!!). And calling Faulkner the best Brit is a bit of a stretch. Self-proclaimed best Brit? Yes. Ken Shamrock has labeled himself "the world’s most dangerous man", but I don’t know anyone who’s buying that glass of steroid-flavored Kool-Aid. I know Faulkner was regarded as one of the better Brits on the show, but come on now, they were speaking about him as if he would be more appropriately dressed in a some sandals and a robe, had a long beard, and may or may not have been walking on water. Come to think of it, he prophecized his own messiah-cal fighting skills frequently, adding intermittent bits, of how he was beating up poor saps every third night as a bouncer working the clubs in the filfy streets of London.

Parce is a gullible fellow. He listened to Faulkner’s bedtime stories about how the "Great Dave Faulkner" conquered nations and slayed all comers with his bare hands, believing his fables to be in the real history books. Maybe some day when he grows up to be a big strong honorary member of the British Isles he will learn the difference between real and make believe.

We all wondered what happened behind the closed door with Dana, Parce, and Dan, but that will probably be shown a little more in the next episode. To see and hear Dana’s reaction to Parce was very satisfying to me as I am sure it is to the other Americans on the show.

Well, even though he bangs his head against the wall while looking at his watch immediately after counting down the days on his homemade calender, Dent wouldn’t back down from a fight like some others (well, singular: other). Dent probably would have fought the camera guy if allowed. Hell, he would have fought one of the female producers on the show if given the chance. That man just wanted to fight! Dent didn’t look great winning against Jeff, but I really think it’s just nerves. He has lost twice in the UFC before and doesn’t want to mess up his last shot. Dent could have finished Lawson much sooner, but just like he did against Junie Jr., he hesitated.

I have said that Jason is much better than he shows in his fights before and I am sticking with it. I think if he were just a little more reckless he could be a much better fighter. He is very durable and can put on a good show when someone else pushes the action. You will see a great fight with him and another semi-finalist. Dent does need to get over the mental shut-down thing he does though. If he was being coached during practice and couldn’t immediately do what was asked of him he would just stop everything. Mid grappling session he would lay flat, look at the coach and let his partner do whatever they wanted, even if that meant taking blows to the face. Like a stubborn dog refusing to go outside and take a beating to prove a point, Dent would prove a point: "He is uncoachable". When Dan verbalised that conclusion I almost spit out my drink. He’s as dry as the desert, but he has some great one liners if you can catch on to his humor.

I would like to add a little about Richie as I didn’t get a chance to write my blog for last week’s show.

Richie has Impetigo, a dirty little bacterial infection that infiltrates the skin at the most inopportune times. Unsightly to say the least. There’s nothing good that comes from Impetigo. Hell, I don’t think anything good even rhymes with the word. The bad thing about the oozy sapping sores for him is that 1) he is on national television with a bit of funk on his face, and 2) he is relegated to the non-contact portion of Team USA training. The bad thing about the sores for the rest of us, is that we had to live in fear of the creepy infection crawling on to us. Our fears came true. I think everyone but Demarques and Dent left that house with diseases they shouldn’t be subjected to even after a weekend with a kilo of illegal drugs and a Thai brothel.

Back to the Red Rocket. Richie got his funk early (you can tell when the interviews are early in filming by whether Richie resembles Sean White or a Ginger Beatle with a bowl cut…the former is earlier in the show) and could barely train. He tried to get as much training in as possible, but his options were rather limited. Running, riding the Aerodyne bike and bag work was all he could do. His timing was off and couldn’t really get his hands landing. He was on the constant defense from Ross who fought a great fight. Richie has been only training MMA for a very short period of time and has already done very well for himself. The Angry Tomato will have a long and fruitful career if he so decides to.

Santino Defranco


(Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.)

Cagepotato Comments

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IronClad- May 22, 2009 at 10:04 am
See Savegeleto...

has nothing to do with "two synapses firing"

Your boy DeFranco is just annoying dude....its not us...its you man
JoseMonkey- May 22, 2009 at 9:21 am
Ok, first thing -- I'm going to admit right off that I didn't read this post. Santino's blogs are too effing horrible to read and totally subpar compared to the usual CP content.

Having said that, I have never heard anyone from the UK pronounce "pierce" as "parce" -- no matter what their accent is.
Fight Fan- May 21, 2009 at 8:13 pm
CP, are you somehow contractually obligated to have these TUF guy posts on your site. These posts are the lowlights of your site. Always a bummer when I tune in and see these posts. Just saying, if you don't need to have these on here, you might consider putting an end to this.

These posts only have the slightest relevance to and connection with MMA.
IronClad- May 21, 2009 at 5:46 pm
@ Savageleto

hey man thats cool if you like reading novels about all the dramah in the house. I dont blame you, but his style of writting just isnt for me.

If DeFranco could keep it like the writters of CP, you know, tell a story with some facts and humor mixed in with out getting side tracked every second while trying to explain what they are talking about every one to two sentances...it might keep my interest but this DeFranco guy has some serious ADHD.

If its for your great, not for me. Have fun with that though
Canadian Chronic- May 21, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Hendo shoulda backhand bitch slapped that fuckin idiot right off the show. didnt belong there in the first place.
BackbaconBilly- May 21, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Yes! good decision by Dana, Pierce was without a doubt the BIGGEST sad sack of shit on the show what a tool,the guy should have been kicked outta the house and sent back home to mommy.
HAL_13- May 21, 2009 at 2:28 pm
@T1, YOU REALLY SHOULD WORRY ABOUT THE MORE IMPORTANT PROBLEMS IN LIFE INSTEAD OF ME BEING BANNED FROM THIS SITE. BOY, YOU SURE DO SPEND AN AWFULL LOT OF TIME WITH THE BAN HAL THING. YOU SHOULD GET USED TO ME AT THIS POINT BECAUSE I'LL JUST KEEP COMING BACK TIME AFTER TIME AFTER TIME. THE IP THING WILL NOT WORK DUE TO SEVERAL PC'S JUST WAITING FOR ME TO FIRE EM UP, AND LOG BACK IN. SIR, I'M JUST HERE TO ENJOY ALL OF THESE TOPICS, AND THROW MY 2 SENSE IN, AND GIVE MY OPINION OR FACT WHEN I FEEL THE NEED TO DO SO. SEVERAL OF YOU TALK SHIT MORE THEN I EVER HAVE, AND YOUR STILL AROUND. I GUESS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWEET TALK, AND SUCK CP ASS LIKE YOU DO.
NateGetsIrate- May 21, 2009 at 2:01 pm
That's right DeFranco! You vent your hatred out about those brainless mutants. Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate!
omunto- May 21, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I wasn't aware that blogs were professional articles set to be published in a friggin literary hall of fame. It's a damn blog people, chill out and enjoy the ramblings of this guy’s commentary. Next you'll be critiquing peoples Twitter posts.

***This user does not endorse or condone the use of twitter.***
C-Bus Allstar- May 21, 2009 at 1:13 pm
LOL@Savageleto.. I'm with you.. I can't stand TL;DR dickweeds. Take a second and exercise your brain meatheads.
Wyatt- May 21, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I'm used to seeing people that like to hear themselves talk, but this guy obviously loves to type. This is awful, read about three paragraphs and decided I'm not wasting my life...
T1- May 21, 2009 at 1:06 pm
is it can be HAL ban time yet?
Art Gibs- May 21, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Everyone got on me a couple weeks ago for criticizing his writing. I'm glad to see others agree with me now.

Besides tightening up the prose, he should think about the reader a bit more and ask, "Does the reader really care about this?" If he did that, his blogs would be half as long and perhaps more entertaining. There should be less about what we're going to see and more about what we didn't see.

On the positive side, he has a gift for funny nicknames. And, of course I read his blog entries every week so they're not all bad; they could just be a lot better.
Savageleto- May 21, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I like the story.. and the way it was told.

Then again I have a couple of synapses still firing so I can go with the flow and follow it to the end..

IronClad- May 21, 2009 at 12:34 pm
HAL your a fag, you probably watched the Ross Pearson and Whitson fight and thought it was gay cuse they didnt have giant cock tattoo swords all lathered up in baby oil.

Your a tool
IronClad- May 21, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Blah Blah blah this DeFranco guy gets annoying. Just stick to the story man, stop side tracking and just spit it out already.
HAL_13- May 21, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I WAS'NT TO IMPRESSED WITH THAT EPISODE. I'M REALLY NOT VERY IMPRESSED WITH THIS WHOLE SEASON YET. HOPEFULLY BISPING, AND HENDERSON WILL HEAT THINGS UP REALLY SOON. GIVE EM HELL DAN.....
sxjohnson- May 21, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Another great one from 'Tino.

Always comical.
Nut Puncher 9000- May 21, 2009 at 12:21 pm
.
Nut Puncher 9000- May 21, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Dent cant possibly look worse than the last one so its all up from here.
Anonymous- May 21, 2009 at 12:15 pm
So...I guess we know Faulkner doesn't do too great. Thanks for that.

Also, work on your syntax kthnxbai
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