The Russian military teaches its soldiers "everything is a weapon" ....Fedor flaunts his newly acquired off his Monkey Grenade

Come on fellas. We know this was supposed to be an exhibition match but you could have at least put on a nice gi. Plus, those gloves are maybe 2 ounces at best. It’s like you’re not even trying.

Fan: Fedor were did you get the power to knock out Rogers?

Fedor: See...Monkey power is all you need to KO a monk....darn it I said it again didn't I.

I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. Shizaru would never wear that sweater.

And here's Fedor demonstrating his "casting punch" to one of the slower kids.

It's getting pathetic when Fedor can't even enjoy some good ole monkey sperm without M-1 Global stepping in and wanting over half.

In this shocking photo - just released - we learn the real cause of Brock Lestner's intestinal problems - Fedor's fist ... ulas.

After submitting Brock Lestner with a previously unknown sambo technique, doctors were unable to remove Fedors's fist from Brock's body forcing Fedor to attend the after fight parties with Brock Lestner impaled on his arm like a hand puppet ... In related new, Brock Lestner's prostate & interanl organs are completely normal.

FAN: Hello Fedor. You look nice in that sweater. The pastels really bring out your vagina.

FE: Shut it man-tits. Another word from you and I’ll pluck out your eye and skull fuck the brain hole.

FAN: You don’t have the balls!

Special Ed. class, 1994

Fedor doing his best Jeff Dunham impersonation.

After the monkey fell out of Oleg's sweater, Fedor's sweater monkey had to jump out attack the moron for letting him get that high. All Fedor could do is fist him and try to get the world to believe he was just a puppet. "Bad Monkey, you almost ruined our little secret."

Monkey see, Monkey douche.

After last time you sneezed on my sweater, I have taken precautions. Monkey precautions.

Fedor, seen here demonstrating how M-1 controls him like a puppet monkey.

Shhhh.... You had me at zdravstvuj.

The white monkey was doing pretty good until it attempted that stupid-ass flying knee.

Everyone in the room got uncomfortable when Fedor boasted about his recent victory over Brett Rogers by saying, "And then I put fist into little monkey's butt like this."

Een America you spank the monkey, but een Soviet Russia MONKEY SPANKS YOU!

For clearer skin, spread a thin layer over the entire affected area. To ensure an even coverage, apply using a stuffed monkey.

By royal decree, anyone wishing to speak to 'The Last Emperor' must do so through Mr. Snuggums. Failure to do so will result in having one's nose bitten off by a rabid monkey.

You need to wear it like this if you want to protect from the swine flu.

Fedor doesn't spank his monkey.

His monkey spanks you.

fedor later said hanging out in the Diazs basement was his favorite part of his trip to America. here bodyguard dmitry takes a shotgun with a little help from louie and Rasta monkey.

Fedor: I hate every ape I see
From chimpan-a to chimpan-zee.
No, you'll never make a monkey out of me..

Oh my God, I was wrong.
It was Earth all along!

You've finally made a monkey
Guy: Yes, we've finally made a monkey
Fedor: Yes, you've finally made a monkey out of meee.

Gesundheit.

*Boop!*

I boop ur noes.

Feel how soft he is! Now do I buy it for my new wife, or Jean Claude?

Smell it, smell it, smell it.. Now take it!

The glorious sweater of absolute victory reigns supreme, but whats this? lurking in the background is another of fedors sweaters arch enemies, v-neck, tune in next month to see if the amazing fedorman donning the glorious sweater of absolute victory will thwart his enemies once again.

And with that, the bromance ended.

"its impossible to handle, its fwustwating its fwustwating"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXTZbZtzGZ4

as the Anti Sweater stealthily approaches, fedors Feydy sense saves him once again, distracted by the monkey, the Anti Sweater, Whom fedor calls Venom, never saw the overhand right murderball coming.

GET IT

I vish you vas vishing vell

In Russia, monkey spanks you...GET IT

Seen here at a recent M-1 Global press event, Fedor Emelianenko signs autographs and answers questions for local fans. Except this guy, he gets face-fucked by a monkey hand puppet.

Hey, you got a little something on your face ... Here, let me get it.

Hey Demitri, do you see a fuzzy monkey or is it just me?

it's so nice to see a father spending time with his young son

not surprisingly, the puppet that smoked marijuana lost to the one drunk on potato vodka

In America, we use Proactive for acne. In the former Soviet Union, its a face full of monkey cock.

Fedor Emelianenko has worked tirelessly to alter the image of himself, of Russia and of the sport of MMA.

No longer do fans think of Emelianenko as the Emperor or the Badest Man on the Planet. Now they merely think of him as a man with an exceptionally thick skull and soft mid-section that likes to eat ice-cream, play with hand-puppets, and wear pastel colors.

Go Ahead. I dare you. Disrespect the sweater one more time ...

How many times do I have to remind you Demitri? You have to keep your monkey UP to protect your face!

in my home village, the witch doctor taught us that the Albino Ape cures all acne

Wait 'till Mr. Snuggums gets a sweater of his own, then he'll rip your face off!

Fedor - Yes I swear this is a voodoo doll of Brock Lesnar. I know it looks more human then he does but LOOK!! at it I stuck a pin in the intestinal tract and he got sick. Now where did I put my Dana White doll?

I rubbed this on my wife's ass now smell it dam you smell it!!!

Your right it does taste like Andrei Arlovski's Pee Pee.

Fedor, how do you react to allegations from the UFC that Jerry Millen is your puppet master?

Fedor, how would you interpret Jerry Millen's management style?

Fedor, how would you interpret Jerry Millen's negotiations with Dana White and the UFC?

Tell us how that jab from Rogers really felt....

Monkey see, monkey do...

Fedor: Now who's stupid for spending $20 playing ring toss?

Fedor shares his new Wanderlei Silva action figure with friends.

I have killed 20 men with "albino monkey hand puppet" technique. If it is God's will, you are #21. Of course, I am sportsman. I wish you no ill-will.

Fat Taktarov Guy: Fedor, I want to meet your friend, the one who is like Donkey Kong.
Fedor: Okay here..
Fat Taktarov Guy: No, I mean is Kevin Randleman, you crazy Fyoodoor.
Fedor: Oh, sorry, well anyway this is my friend Kevin Rudlebaum, he has been my best friend since I was 5. Say hello to him.

-Deleted-

Fedor shows everyone Koko the monkey puppet. Originally thought of as a cheap publicity stunt, it was quickly signed by Dana White and became the centerpiece of The Ultimate Fighter 11 whose coaches are Hong Kong Phooey and Miss Piggy.
Dana promises that this will be the best season ever!!!!!

DREAM have organised for me to fight a Brown Bear in their next Super - Hulk Tournament, so my strategy is to use this cute bear to distract him, see even you can't see my fist behind the little guy...

"This is what Brett's punches felt like honestly, obviously it feels a little tougher on you though cause I'm wearing my ultimate sweater making me a million times stronger, but you get the idea..."

Fedor misinterpreted War Machine’s ‘part-time job’ of sticking his monkey down other people’s throats.

Fedor: Want to pet my monkey?

When Rogers throws his monkey jab like this, I throw the rhino overhand right.

INFIDEL! Any man worthy of victory knows that when in the midst of battle for the superior striped garment, he who brings the puppet shall always triumph!

Breaking News: Humble Russian man wielding stuffed animals terrorizes downtown Chicago, there were no survivors.

by the way, BEN. where's my tshirt for the "cyborg" da vinci comment?

fuck. 189 comments before i even see this. i guess that's what i get for having a goddamn life. no chance in hell to win now.

" Im tellin you man its the monkey that smells like that...What do you mean MY SWEATER I barely wear the friggen thing"

" Im tellin you man its the monkey that smells like that...What do you mean MY SWEATER I barley wear the friggen thing"

No one had the heart to tell Fedor that his Brett Rogers impression could be considered "racially insensitive" on this side of the world.

I touch them right here and they go to sleep. MAGIC!

got your nose!!

"Look at this little guy... isn't he Fedorable?!"

or...

"See? Dedovshchina isn't so bad after all!"

Fedor: Talk to the monkey pal, 'cause I ain't changing the fucking sweater.

No thanks, Vadim, I don't want any funnel cake... but my gorilla might. Why don't you ask him? Call him "Pumpkin?" and ask him if he'd like some funnel cake.

Fedor"ISNT THIS SO MUCH BETTER THAN A CHEBURASHKA!!!!!!"

it doesn't matter what country your from when the drum fill part of "in the air tonight" starts you shut the F$@k up

Haha, Fedor no evolve from monkeys, Fedor creation story like this, one day ring was built, Fedor appear next to ring.

The monkey gave me this sweater... Now appologise to the Monkey.

Men who wear magic sweaters = sissy
Men who play with plush monkeys = sissy
Men who wear said sweaters and play with said monkeys sissies = you waking up in a hospice!

Fedor shows the one ailment Tito HASN'T used as an excuse in a loss: "monkeyfistitis" !

Fedor: "They still haven't discovered Fedor's one weakness...love for monkey"

So there I was just minding my own business when I see a Russian man in a horizontal striped sweater stick a monkey hand puppet in another Russians dudes face and I get those horrific flashbacks the the 2001 monkey exhibit incident at the San Diego Zoo...long story short I was found three days later huddled between Brett Rogers and Andrei Arlovski. Crouched in the fetal position saying "it's gonna be ok" over and over while crying softly to myself.

Fedor: "You criticize this sweater? I have people writing captions just so they can have a shirt that LOOKS like this sweater!"

Fedor: "In Soviet Russia, monkey spank you!"

"Now tell Mr Fifflenippers your sorry, and that he is real"... "He feels your apology to be insincere... he insists you must fight him to the death !"

"Now tell Mr Fifflenippers your sorry, and that he is real"... "He feels your apology to be insincere... now you must fight him to the death !"

1 Doctor's had hoped Fedor's adorable monkey cast would keep him from punching with his injured hand, but were sadly mistaken.

2 Not Pictured: Context

3 Cagepotato invites you to insert your own Yakov Smirnoff joke/blatant racism here! We'll spot you the Russians and a monkey doll...

Fedor: Hej, How's taste his pee pee pee!?

OK Fedor, show me on the stuffed monkey where the bad man touched you.

One-Two-Three-Four I declare stuffed-monkey WAR!!!

Hey, does this smell like my baboushka's borscht to you?

Let me teach you the Five-Point-Stuffed-Monkey-Exploding-Face Technique

Come-on Demitri, buy me one, please, please, PRETTY PLEASE!

"i been shakin, and stickin, and movin... tryin to get to yooouu with this monkey"

Moments later, Fedor somehow broke his hands again

"Junie Browning didn't think Red Devil Sport Club meant it literally when they told him their training was "up the ass".

Bill Goldberg: I'm not gonna touch that zitface with a 25 foot monkey, Mauro.
Mauro Ranallo: I'd like to touch it with a 25 cm monkey but we'll just call the fight.

Fedor shows love for those around him the only way he knows how. Through adorable handheld puppets.

Strict Russian Orthodox Fedor proves without and any arguments from bystanders that men did not come from apes.

deleted

Unsatisfied with Sambo techniques that have resulted in many broken hands, Fedor decides to train in the Shaolin Monkey Style.

I used to go to a regular gym, where everyone was the same. Now I go to a special gym cuz Fedor is my name. MY GYM PARTER IS A MONKEY!
MONKEY! MONKEY! MONKEY!

"How's taste my Monkey, key, key?"

Here are my captions:

1. In your best Yakov Smirnoff accent: "In America, you spank the monkey, in Soviet Russia, monkey spanks YOU!!"

2. Fedor finally reveals that Sambo is the name of his pet monkey, and not the combatative sport he participates in Russia. The real reason he didn't join the UFC is because pet Albino Chimpanzee's aren't allowed, per the lease agreement in Rampage's apartment complex.

3. Someone should tell Fedor that in America, putting your monkey in someone's face could get you 5-10 in the real "cage."

"Hey Demitri, maybe Mr. Snuggums can help with your night terrors."

Say hello to my little friend.

Talk to the bear, cos the Sweater of Absolute Victory ain't listineing girlfriend

I got two of em,....

1) That monkey is some sort of bionic creature. It doesn't poo in its hand and throw it at you instead Fedor crawls out and punches you to death.

2) Fedor E-monkey-enko?

In this scene from the film Vadim Finkelchtein, a Russian remake of Jerry Maguire, MMA superstar Fedor demonstrates that his agent needs to show him the monkey.

"Mr. Snuggums protects me from the closet monster, what chance do you think you have?"

Mr. Snuggums goes straight for a nostril submission from the facemount.

Even an MMA legend needs a bodyguard.

If you want to be my friend then you have to make friends with Mr. Snuggums!

... and this is how aleks got hepatitis...

guess where my hand's been... i'll give you a hint, it was somewhere in brett rogers...

"You see! It feel verrrry nice and technically you no touching yourself- Church of Russia will approve!"

FEDOR: Mom! Mom! Ma! Ma! Mummy! Mummy! Maaam! Maaaam! Mom! Mom! Ma! Ma! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Maaa! Maaa!


FEDOR's DYKE MOTHER: Whaaat!!!


FEDOR: Ape in the face!!!!

1. Let's go over this one more time; he gets you in a clinch, what do you do?

2. That's funny. Now, tell me again how this looks like me.

3. That day, he knew the bear between his face and fedor's fist was the reason why he was still alive.

4. Perhaps he should have kept his comments about Fedor's shirt to himself.

I immediately regret laughing at Fedor's notion that, although it was very cute, the monkey on the top shelf was also deadly.

"Sergei.. I want you to listen to me very carefully. Take albino monkey... and get the FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

Fedor.....he knocks out with a monkey fist and doesn't afraid of nothings

All he wanted was an autograph

How's taste my pee pee?

" UFC u ask? shut your face b*atch! "

Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. A fuckin' Russian with a monkey on his hand rips off part of your head. Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask ya, would you give a fuck what kind of sweater the son-of-a-bitch who smashed your face in was wearing?

Fedor "Look guys i'm Dana White and this is Chuck liddell"

The Amazing Larry's Last Words:

"For my next trick, I will turn your ice cream cone into a monkey!"

Show! Show on bear where he touch you! Fedor make ok. Fedor make him never touch again.

"See... That's what I felt when Brett punched my nose. ...A little monkey"

This man stole your ice cream, monkey. End him.

"Touch my damn monkey puppet one mo' time and see if I don't beat the muthafuckin' brakes off yo bitch ass."

no, this is a monkey.

Fedor must take six deuces to MAKE WEIGHT to show up in that sweater of his. Hence the name.

You guys do realize that it is supposed to be a funny caption, right?

?? ??????, ??? ??? ?? ? ???????? ????????, ?? ?????? ???????.

Fedor lands a STIFF left, to the fat mans surprise it is easier to TAKE with the eyes closed.

"This my monkey puppet, I name heem Andrei. So, 'How's taste my big peepee??' Ha ha ha you get? I call you Tim Sylvia!? Ha ha ha!"

OR

"This my monkey, I name heem Borat. 'You'll never get this you'll never get this la la la la la la!'"

Monkey: Fuckin everytime he puts on that goddamn sweater he gets like this......No hard feelings bro

Fat dude (disgruntled and irritated): Cause...it's....the..brilliant and..glorious sweater...of absolute..vic..tory.

Monkey: Are you sure it's this one, cause hes got 10 more at home just like it.

Talk to the monkey because the face isn't listening.

Fat guy getting owned (Thinking): Why does the most feared man on earth have to have the most failing sense of humor. I guess ill just go with it........

"I know! It smells EXACTLY like Tim Sylvia's shame."

Monkey: fuck my life not this again

what're you gonna do? Beat me up?

1)Monkey (Praying): Oh dear god when will it end


2)You can see the monkey praying for the day Fedor stops using his muffy genitals for self amusement.

fedor: "haha yesss, this reminds you of the treatment in that siberian gulag putin sent you to for little boy spying. don't panic friend, just sniff. how taste the baby monkey wee wee wee? oh by the way, what's that rastafarian mail order boy doing in your hand?"

While Jim Henson's sweater had brought him much greatness and strength, Fedor still found himself at mercy of its original owner, the sweater guiding his hands in the darkest of ways, cursed for all eternity.

woops repost ill come up with something
is "its me war machine suck my pee pee" been done allready?

you take that back to Mayhem and then kill him, got it?

Fedor practices for his big New Years Eve showdown with Jeff Dunham.

"Check out this sculpture of Bret Rogers wife!!!"

Caption Haiku:

Fedor and Monkey
Raping Your Stupid Face, Man
A Winning Team

Upon hearing War Machine wrote "Fuck a striped sweater" on his Twitter, Fedor consoles himself with the hand puppet Aleksandr gave him...and considers how he will use his brother's blood on the aforementioned W. Machine.

As John witnessed the brutality in front of him, he could only stand there, mouth agape, wearing his painfully lame gray shirt and black jacket.

Drawing power from the glorious sweater of absolute victory, with one punch Fedor has created a fun puppet from the once mighty white gorilla.

I'm sure someone's done this already but I can't be bothered with reading all the comments:

"During the tests of his prototype gouge-proof gloves, Rogan decided that it was time to start thinking about easing up on the DMT."

I won't even risk winning that ugly shirt

Tag-Teamed your sister with the monkey earlier, smell his finger!

or

Without monkey protection, his head would have been knocked clean off.

OR

Monkey got your nose. MONKEY GOT YOUR NOSE!

Father Andrey forbids me from spanking the monkey... but he never said anything about spanking people WITH my monkey!

Fedor Emelianenko, star witness in the Roman Polanski case, shows in detail to the court what a "Russian Tuba" exactly is. Next up, the "Jamaican Jerk".

Talk to the puppet cuz the face ain't listenin.

PS. Why the no show on my T-shirt(s) CP?

Fedor’s attempt at being a children’s entertainer didn’t go down well with some parents.

Even while sleep walking with his favorite monkey toy, Fedor still knocks people out.

Fedor is touched by the bravery of the little monkey, who dropped from the tree, to save his master from certain death.

If you can dodge a monkey, you dodge a murderball!

One day, while Fedor was out looking for another magical sweater, he got swarmed by fans wanting an autograph and picture, Fedor, trying to be nice, made a joke and noone laughed....there were no survivors.

Dude, you got the biggest zit on your forehead. Like the one on your cheek. Let me get that for ya...

Mon chee, mon chee chee, all so soft and cuddly, with their thumb in their mouth there really neat, fun to tickle their little feet, soft, soft, soft...soft, soft, soft,...Happy, happy mon chee chee!~

Not to be upstaged by Warmachines foray into porn Fedor decided to take it to a hole notha level and get in to beastiality. Your move War.

Man: "Fedor, will you ever fight brock in the UFC?"

Fedor: "Oh, ask my manager."

Vadim Finkelchtein: "No! fat boy"

Man: Fedor, will you ever fight brock in the UFC?

Vadim Finkelchtein: No!

The only thing that can make a plush monkey scary is having Fedor's fist behind it

"I want you to lick my monkey...LICK IT!"

And that's what it feels like to motorboat a Russian woman.

At shutter speeds above 4000 you can actually see Fedor's totem animal appear in his fists.

I got your nose....... oh yes I do.... I got it.

Left monkey hospital.
Right monkey graveyard.
Now kindly step away from the Wack-a-Mole.

Here we see Fedor Emelianenko Heavy weight champion and sexual abuse therapist asking little Igor “he do it to you like this no. “

Even as he face rapes you with a plush primate, Fedor's icy demeanor still doesn't change.

Would you believe I'm trying to stop it?

"Oh, ya, you think Systema is so fucking great....what if somebody did THIS!"

Once again, "Let's go get some strange" gets lost in translation.

Fedor bet this guy that it wouldn't hurt if he wore this puppet on his hand while he hit him. Fedor lost the bet.

sadly kiril never saw the monkey coming... (double entendre ftw)

you may leave alive i will grant you that privilege but the nose, she belongs to me now

Fedor: Hey! Why you wearing sweater with stripes? I'm only guy with stripes!
Fedor Fan: I wore it out of respect. I look up to you. I wanted to buy the same one, but this is all I could afford.
Fedor: That is what the monkey said right before I shoved my hand up his ass. Do you see?
Fedor fan: ...yes
Fedor: DO YOU SEE!?!?
Fedor fan: YES, YES I SEE!!! *cries*
Fedor: Monkey feeds off your tears

smelling fedors farts without written consent from M1 global is punished by a fine and up to six months in prison

To finally silence all of the critics who have endlessly attacked him for ducking quality competition, Fedor has continuously sought out new challenges in his quest to prove his dominance over the mixed martial arts world. Fedor was disappointed to learn, however, that mercilessly beating an overweight Sam's Club tire technician wasn't enough. So, with the protection of his fearsome Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory™, M-1 Global is proud to announce (in conjunction with Strikeforce and CBS), that WAMMA World Champion Fedor Emelianenko will valiantly defend his illustrious belt and his Motherland's honor in a dangerous game of "quit-hitting-yourself" with the teenage clerk at the local Toys-R-Us. All hail The Last Emperor!*

* © All rights reserved: M-1 Global

"You now have a hole in your intestinal lining."

In Mother Russia, monkey spanks YOU.

Fedor: Hey fat boy, you ran out of toilet paper and ill i could find was this monkey...

Fedor has recently added the 'baby albino baboon has your nose' jab to his repertoire. Somewhere, Brock Lesnar's deviated septum spasms in fear.

Beneath this sweater beats the heart of a champion. Beneath this monkey beats the face of Brett Rogers.

Just in from the Russian Center for Disease Control: Cover up when you sneeze, please.... or else!

Only 2 choices in Russia. Youre either Fedor's biatch, or Fedor's monkey puppet biatch. Either way, you better pretend to like it.

Sadly, despite feydor's hand being firmly entrenched in the monkey's intestinal column, it still fared better than the ice cream cone that fateful day.

So this is a puppet? Now I get why people call me M-1's puppet....

The terrifying, critically acclaimed Broadway adaptation of Monkey Shines!

Starring Fyo'door Emelianenko

Fedor: I got your nose!
Guy: Huh Huh huh

1. Tell me again how monkey has no knock out power.

2. Fedor's sparring sessions will never be the same as long as he posseses the sweater of power.

This is the evil monkey that has been hiding in my closet! Do you believe me now?!

Fedor Emelianenko is "The Baddest Man on the Planet"

You heard me.

"kiss the monkey, love the monkey, what? you no like the monkey?"

"Every time i see Meyham this is what he does to me! You like?"

How taste my monkee?

And War Machine thought his porn was a good idea.

My jungle love, yeah
I think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Jungle love
Girl, I'd love 2 show ya (show ya)

You get the petrol-face

1. Why does it smell like vodka and semen?

2. It always creeps his trainers out when he puts his hand up a monkeys ass and grins like that.

3. When Fedor's entourage told him that if he wants to become a professional wrestler he has to have a finishing move, he came up with this. The Monkey Stink Fist.

"Please don't look at my sweater, its above you"

Fedor: Go ahead... taste the monkey pee pee.. taste the monkey pee pee.!
Gay Monkey Lover: Thank you sir may I have another?

"Test phase of Fedor's own new fragrence, "Fy'odeur" and yes, it comes in cute ape dolls."

"Either I get an ice cream cone or you sniff the mini Tito Ortiz crotch!"

To everyone's amazement, Fedor's Sh?ry?-ken didn't come off as expected.

Fedor: "How's taste mon chi chi?"

OH! It's monkey. Stupid work monitor. Oh well. I stand by my caption.

"Does this sweater make me look fat?"

"Yes"

"How 'bout now?"

Even though his hand is open, the raw power of Fedor's hands restrained in the tight buttocks of a stuffed monkey, is still enough to make the lesser Russians around Fedor flinch.

TMZ has learned that Fedor is actually a teacher at South Park Elementery. When he is not fighting, he goes by the name of Mr. Garrison and referres to his left hand as Mr. Hat. The only telling sign of this is the gay sweater he always wears. But don't call his sweater gay though, or else Mr. Hat will pee on your face (as shown above)...

Monkey gives birth to pound for pound number one.

When Fedor makes a funny... Laugh.

In Soviet Russia my monkey touches you!

"And 'den Josh went like dis...mm mmMM...silly cheatin american"

Here you see Fedor's response to the question "how did it feel when Brett Rogers punched you?"

Fedor serious has got to get a new translator.

Fedor proving once again that he can fuck with anyone at anytime and the world smiles along.

here you see fedor doing his best to imitate his manager

Next week on TUF, Dana takes the boys to a Rain Forrest Cafe where they run into Fedor. Darrill "Titties" Schoonover and Fedor mix it up, while Wes Simms lurks in the background waiting to pick his pocket.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, before I tell you any more, I'm going to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld. He was a king and a god in the world he knew, but now he comes to civilization merely a captive - a show to gratify your curiosity. Ladies and gentlemen, look at Fedor, the Eighth Wonder of the World.

Fedor shown having a little fun while he heals his broken hand the old-fashioned Russian way; fisting a dead monkey.

You think this is bad? You should see him choke a chicken!

Fedor: "Is this what you meant when you told me I should spank the monkey before a fight Oleg?"

Damn I look good in that picture! Can I get an 8.5x11 glossy of this?

You saw Kung Fu Panda, now check out Sambo Monkey!

"Welcome to Sprockets, I am your host, Dieter, now touch my monkey!"

fedor: pop quiz: so, the monkey is brett rogers...and he attack you like this...what do you do?

zit face: SHHH! fedor, dont say that out loud.

fedor: what do you mean, simple question.

zit face: they call that racism in the united states of america.

fedor: i confused

zit face: ill explain later. is the collar of my shirt too tight?

fedor: times up, my turn to play with the rastafari doll.

I'll just put them all in this one post:

1. I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!

2. Awww, he just smells MY monkey!

3. Sadly, Fedor was unaware of the local leash laws and his pet face humping miniature albino monkey, Stanley, had to be put to sleep shortly after this photo was taken.

Fedor illustrates his doubts about the health care reform :
"This is how it goes when you have to consult one of these governement payed proctologists : The guy cannot afford to buy regular gloves, and he's not skilled enough to distinguish your head from your ass".

Vadim Finkelstein wins by praying nose lock (with an assist by Fedor and the GSoAV)

Tell me that doesn't smell like tuna & vodka.

smell my hairy little monkey

Alas, it was not to be. They had tried everything, but even wrapping the hands of Fedor with furry, stuffed animals could not stop the imminent result. Fedor would simply never be able to touch a human without knocking them out.

Unlike Rampage Jackson's performance in the remake of an 80's classic, Fedor does all of his own stunts as LionHeart in CareBares: 2010.

Joe Rogans prototype for a new style MMA glove enters the test phase.

Hey can you tell if Brett Rogers rubbed his pussy all over my monkey? Smell it please!!

Doublepost.

Peak-ah-how-you-say-boo!

Hey, I found a solution to MMA gloves that prevents eye-poking. SEE??

Dr. Fyo'Door Emelianenko : Try to imagine yourself in the cage with monkeys, Kiril. You get your first look at this "little monkey" as you enter a cage. He moves like a stuffed animal, lightly, and cute-looking. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Furry Monkey. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side,
[makes 'whoshing' sound]
Dr. Fyo'Door Emelianenko : from the other Furry Monkeys you didn't even know were there. Because Furry Monkeys's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a karate chop, like a razor, on your nose. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.

(Note the Monkey coming at him from the side)

"No you are right, Brock is just in a class all his own......MONKEY!!!"

I eat these for...BREAKFAST! mfer

Distracted by his opponent's gentle demeanor and soft, pudgy midsection, he never saw the Right Hand of Instant Death coming.

Smell that? That is why I married her.

Fedor Says: "????????? ???????? ???????, ????????? ???? ????? ???????? ?????????? ?????? ??????, ??? ? ????? ???? ????."

Fedor unknowingly gives an amazing and acurate presentation on how M1 treats him. Hand up the ass, controlling everything.

*deleted* Sorry!

I had a similar Buffalo sweater back in the late 90's, but the stripes weren't quite the same. But every time I see the Fedor sweater, it takes me back to those simpler days...

"Had his overweight opponent chose not to throw his left "Jamaican monkey uppercut"...Fedor would not have had the opening required to hit with the "Albino over-hand Monkey of Justice".

He never saw the sweater coming.

These are actual photos from a non-co-promoted M-1 Global event.

ew