(This is a totally undoctored photo, we swear.)

Picking up the free t-shirts this week are…

Gunny on “Urijah Faber Not Getting Taken Advantage Of?”: If I’m not mistaken, he is half ballchinian on his mother’s side.

MarMAr on “Efrain Escudero’s TUF 8 Blog: Episode 9″: Anyone notice how bad the editing can be sometimes? Sometimes they have haircuts, sometimes Vinny’s hair is blonde, other times Tom is on top of Kaplan, and then Kaplan is on top of Tom.

Steve W. on “MMA Agents Unite to Block Pro Elite Contract Auction”: Conspicuous by his absence is the one and only “Icy” Mike.

Gunny, Mar, and Steve, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your addresses and sizes, and we’ll get those “Hall of Fame” t-shirts out to you ASAP. As for the rest of you, there will be plenty of opportunity to creatively toss in your two cents during our liveblog of UFC 91 on Saturday. Don’t miss it!

(This guy knows what I’m talking about.)

The first week of 2011 is coming to an end, and it seems like a good time to give away a few t-shirts. Fun fact: This is the third "Comments of the Week" post that we’ve published in the last three months. It almost seems like we should change the name to something…I don’t know…more fitting somehow. If you have any suggestions, we’d love to hear ‘em, because we’re absolutely stumped.

Anyway, three commenters stood out from the pack this week, setting a standard for the new year that ALL of you should be living up to. If your name is called, please send your real name, address, and shirt-size to contest@cagepotato.com and we’ll hook you up…

(Fight!‘s June 2010 issue, on newsstands now.)

Okay, we gotta tell you a couple-three things:

– Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night beginning at 10 p.m. ET for our liveblog of Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Werdum.

– Hurry up and enter some pools on MMA FightPicker. There will be no prizes for the winners, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.

– How ’bout a round of e-appaluse for the Potato Nation members who made their presence known in the comments section this week, and will be receiving one-year subscriptions to Fight! Magazine…

Disco-Platypus on "Knockout of the Week: Marlon Sandro Flattens Masanori Kanehara in 38 Seconds, Wins Sengoku Featherweight Title": The Sengoku championship may as well be labeled, "The Champion Who Would Crumble Most Quickly When Faced With American-style Wrestling."

DangadaDang on "Report: Batista Signs With Strikeforce; Opponent and Date of Debut Set to Be Announced": He is aware that no one in MMA can be brought out of a sleeper hold on the pure energy of a chanting crowd, correct?

And finally — uh-oh, get comfortable…

(Props: Johnny B. Submit your MMA fighter t-shirt designs by Sunday night, or regret it forever!)

It’s Friday afternoon, which means it’s time to give away some subscriptions to everybody’s favorite monthly MMA rag, Fight! Magazine. (By the way, the cover interview with Chael Sonnen in the May issue is worth the price of admission, so pick it up.) Three brave members of Potato Nation went above the call of duty this week…

Almost North on "Jake Shields Doesn’t Remember Most of First Round Against Hendo": 
So he missed the good part of the fight?

MoTropolis on "‘UFC Primetime: Rampage vs. Evans’ — Episode 3 Video": 
"I got him a snuggie since after I beat him retarded he is gonna be putting his clothes on backwards anyway."

(The cover of Fight!’s May 2010 issue, on newsstands now.)

Thank God as you understand Him it’s Friday, right guys? I remembered to actually look at a few of your comments this week, which means it’s time to give away one-year Fight! Magazine subscriptions to three lucky bastards. And those bastards are… 

steampunk22 on "Filho Blames Bellator for Visa Issues; Says Organization Was Scared Because They Heard He Was in Shape":
Ariel Helwani demonstrates what six weeks of the "Overeem Horsemeat Diet" can accomplish. Plaid shirts will never look the same again.

(We weren’t sure what to put up at the top of this post, so we figured, hey, Miesha Tate’s ass, right guys? Photo courtesy of Fight! Magazine.)

Praise Crom it’s Friday! Time to shout out our favorite members of the peanut gallery… 

chamby on "War Machine Returning to MMA in April, Still Out His Damn Mind": I wish that grenade on his neck would blow up already

Aptninja on "Photo Gallery: 17 Amazing MMA Event Posters": (@skeletor) Sperm sometimes move toward an egg rather than the space bar.

ReX13 on "Heads-Up: Win a $200 MMA Warehouse Gear Package in This Week’s FightPicker Prize Pools": (@JoseMonkey) Don’t think i won’t put on this entire outfit and run errands, including stopping at the bank, where i will refuse to take out my mouthpiece while i converse with the tellers. Despite the fact that i have hands so dimunitive that i refuse to go to Burger King, i will not remove my gloves. I will grasp the pen-on-a-chain with an overhand stabby grip and scrawl an approximation of my name, and mumble about "fucking staph" while they count out stacks of ones, per my request. When i am bid a good day, i will grunt the words "protein", "gym", "train", "appreciate your help and have a lovely afternoon", or some combination of preceding, and i will stalk out. I hope the rash guard won’t cover the awesome tribal armband i have planned. If you want to quit being a pencilneck, feel free to come by my gym, Keyboard Warrior, and ask for a free month’s membership (promotional code: Tap, Nap, or Snap).

Goog on "Tito Ortiz Rumorwatch: Now It’s a Neck Injury": "I tattooed my fathe, beat the pith out of Robin Giventh, and thquandered over 300 million dollarth and I’m thtill not the biggest douchebag in thith photo."

If your name has been called, please send your real name, address, and shirt size to feedback@cagepotato.com, and we’ll send you a CagePotato.com Devil Horns tee to you at some point in the near-to-distant future. 

(Looks like somebody forgot to "put that little extra in there."  Photo courtesy of The Sun.)

Now that we’ve relaunched our t-shirt giveaways, it’s like a hot load of reeking chum has been tossed into the water with you blood-crazed commenting-sharks. Y’all brought it hard this week, until we really didn’t want it anymore, and we were just waiting for you to finish so we could get some sleep. (So to speak.) Moving on…

mynameisalsoben on "Mark Coleman Has Been Going Through Some Times, Brother":
C’mon we shouldn’t be surprised here…Mark’s always been known to have a small gas tank.

mma samurai on "Herschel Walker’s MMA Debut Has Only Emboldened Jose Canseco":
What’s Canseco talking about? Cyborg is the real bad boy of sports.

Viva Hate on "Completely Unnecessary Rematch Alert: Wes Sims vs. Tim Sylvia II":
Loser needs to retire and the winner needs to retire.

And finally, the audience award for Comment of the Week:

steampunk22 on "The New York Times Attempts to Find Out Why Jesus Didn’t Tap":
Why am I not surprised? The church has been trying to tap young boys for the last thousand years!

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and shirt size, and we’ll get a CagePotato Devil Horns shirt out to you soon. (Disclaimer: CagePotato.com’s definition of "soon" may be very different from your own.)

tallkitchenbags on "First Look: ‘The Expendables’ Trailer":
They should make a sequel starring Ben Rothwell, Roy Nelson and Tim Sylvia called The Expandables.

beginus maximus on "Even as a Baby, Brock Lesnar Would Swallow You Without Chewing":
"I’m gonna go home and drink SIMILAC cause ENFAMIL don’t pay me. Hell I might even jump on my mother’s tit tonight!!"

cwr on "What Your Favorite Fighter Says About You, Part II":
If your favorite fighter is Nick Gonzalez you would rather jerk off then get to know a woman.
[Ed. note: Man, talk about bringin' it back.]

Wyatt on "Hot Fighter Alert: Mika Nagano":
If she wore a school girl outfit and beat some enormous freak on New Year’s eve via Aoki-plata, Japan would just f*cking explode.

GetUpAndKill on "Hot Fighter Alert: Mika Nagano":
Ok Ok, so nobody noticed that her penis is wearing a watch?

If you’re a winner and you want a CagePotato t-shirt, send your name, address, and shirt-size to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll hook you right up.

(Roy Nelson [second from left] in his younger, thinner days.)

Before we begin, I’d like to send a big Bronx cheer to those of you who come to this site every day but never comment. Register, you lazy dickfaces. We want your input and witticisms, and we want to give t-shirts to different people once in a while. Lurkers, emerge from your hidey-holes! Now then…

BigCountrysCholesterol on "A Month Out From Rogers Fight on CBS, Fedor Takes a Wife":
"What do I think? I think this girl is a fucking nobody. This marriage is a fucking farce, that is what I think."

Ouch That hurts on "Franca, Wilson, Aurelio, McCully Now Eligible to Fight for Strikeforce":
Now he’s the "UnMployed1"

Catalyst8487 on "Anti-MMA Protests to Be Featured on Sunday’s Episode of ‘The Simpsons’":
I’m waiting for the South Park episode where Cartman takes on Token and just lays on him with that big belly.

If your name has been called, please send an electronic mail message to feedback@cagepotato.com with your name, address, and t-shirt size and claim your official CagePotato shirt!

We’re fighting through the last vile hours of the work week, which means it’s time to give away some damn t-shirts. This week’s big winners:

UFC fan on "Just ‘Cause: Natasha Wicks Topless in a Leather Jacket":
Schoonover! damn it man…looking good bro

Perdew on "It’s Over: Cro Cop Calls It Quits, Disbands Team, Lingers a Moment in Empty Gym Before Quietly Turning Off the Lights":
does this mean cro cop is gonna try to teach duquan how to box?

Horror Fighter on "Josh Thomson Breaks Leg Again, Hopes for December Return":
Give that blue belt a purple.

If your name has been called, holler at feedback@cagepotato.com with your name, address, and shirt size, and we’ll send a "Devil Horns" shirt your way.

Unrelated: Our heavyweight and welterweight Power Rankings pages have been updated. Junior Dos Santos enters the heavyweight list at #9, while Dan Hornbuckle slides into the 170-pound list at #10.

(Nine months later, Cris gave birth to a litter of wolverines. Photo courtesy of YorkBlog.com.)

Wow, TGIF you guys, amirite? We might as well give away some obsolete t-shirts. (Don’t worry, a new design is in the works. These things take time.) This week’s big winners are…

Sneaky Pete on "Scott Coker Viciously Punk’d by Cris Cyborg": Of all the parties involved with the prank, I think the hypothetical baby was the most relieved.

agentsmith on "Mitsuhiro Ishida Claims Gilbert Melendez Was Greasy": I’m reserving judgement on this matter until I hear what Ishida’s mother has to say.

And finally, a "Classic MMA Moments Recreated in MS Paint" submission that hits very close to home…

("Mommmmm, you’re embarassing me!")

Netterbog on "Jenna Jameson Gives Birth to Two Lil’ Tito’s": As #2 was turtle-heading its way out, I wonder if Tito gazed lovingly into Jenna’s eyes and said, "let me tell you how you’re feeling right now."
[Ed. note: "Babe, made you me the happiest on Earth man."]

Ted Nutmeg on "Karo Parisyan Suspended, Fined, Stripped of Last Win, and Told ‘Good Day’ by NSAC": Commissioner John Bailey’s statement that the NSAC "can’t have fighters drifting in and out of reality" should have far-reaching implications. At a minimum, I foresee lifetime bans for B.J. Penn, Tim Sylvia, Tito Ortiz, Patrick Cote’s friends, and anyone who has ever had any affiliation with the Lion’s Den at any point in his life.

FEDORISAPUSSY on "Must-See: Franky Van Hove, the One-Legged MMA Fighter": Talk about a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!
[Ed. note: For real. I bet Franky's cornermen never have to tell him to "stay busy".]

Marcer on "BJ Penn to Possibly Form Cult, Lead Unholy Army of Martial Arts Instructors": I came across a few examples of the classes that will be offered at this camp:
"PENN 101 – Maintaining narcissism in the face of adverse reality
PENN 213 – Increasing Chi by consuming blood
PENN 122 – The fundamentals of shit talking
PENN 203 – Cooking with a deep fat fryer – With a short intermission to cover cardiovascular training in its entirety"

If your name has been called, e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your name, address, and shirt-size, and we’ll get a CP "Hall of Fame" t-shirt out to you post-haste!

("It is our destiny to become an advanced race and to kill the earth in the process, only in all probability to be crushed by an even more advanced and complexed system. One day we will find other human like creatures that have noses on their arms and we will find them ugly and they will find us ugly." More from this insane rant after the jump! Photo props to HolyTaco.)

Dana Mother F$%king White on "Aleks Emelianenko Leaves Red Devil, Continues to Pretend That He Can Fight in America": Instead of hatin’ on him, ya’ll should Hepa brother out.
[Ed. note: ZING!]

El Famous Burrito on "The Potato Index: UFC 96 Aftermath": The UFC needs to get Vince from the Shamwow commercials to pitch title fights to guys:
"Ok Rampage, if you act now, and call your manager in the next 20 minutes, because we can’t do this all day, we’ll send you to Vegas to fight Rashad Evans for the title. And as a bonus we’ll throw in a fight at UFC 99, because we all know the Germans need good fights, you can even use the Shamwow to wipe down those greasy Jackson fighters. You’ll be saying wow every time."
[Ed. note: Hey, it worked for Lyoto "SlapChop" Machida.]

(Seems like a pretty good way to throw out your back.)

Before we get into this week’s t-shirt winners, we’d like to announce that CagePotato.com now has its own Facebook page. Become a fan, and allow us to infect your lives even further… 

Myles Kilometers on "Videos: Maia’s ‘Science of Jiu-Jitsu,’ Ken Shamrock’s Life Story + More": Before I "jumped" I assumed the "weak old man gets beat up by an MMA fighter" was just more recent Ken Shamrock footage.

The Carpenter on "Videos: Maia’s ‘Science of Jiu-Jitsu,’ Ken Shamrock’s Life Story + More": Close Call. Jesus of Nazareth could definitely take more punishment but his chin was suspect. However, Guida is tough enough to actually fight back, even if he just hugs his opponents. Jesus is tougher in a sense that he can take more punishment, but Clay could probably kick his ass.

In one way, Jesus was a better carpenter because he was more accurate and he took it more seriously. Clay on the other hand, participates in fighting and it is his main source of income so he doesn’t take carpentry as seriously. However, Clay has the better and more advanced tools, so I’d have to say he could build a better spice rack if he had to.

punchguyinface on: "Kirill Sidelnikov, Of All People, Tests Positive for Steroids": that Kirill guy puts the lol in Stanozolol

Brian W on "Is ‘UFC 2009 Undisputed’ in Jeopardy?": 
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, Select, Start
That’s the code to unlock Harold Howard. You’re welcome.

If you’re a big winner, send your name, address, and shirt size to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get a "Hall of Fame" shirt out to you ASAP. 

(Arianny Celeste, pre-airbrushing.)

LAS on "How’s Taste My Clay-Pee-Pee?": This will be the best toy ever for the first 3 minutes before it breaks, at which point you will really regret paying 5x as much as you should have for it.

dwhite@ufc.com on "Scott ‘LionHeart’ Blevins Cannot be Stopped": Guys Got more Balls, Then Anyone Ive Scene Leave a Comment on this, Guy,..Hes Talented by Heart and at UFC, Thats the Kinda Guy we Are Currently Looking for,,He can do the 145 Class,,Really,..Hes 130 but Fights alot of Over Weight Guys,..So I Beleive I Be in Touch with Mr.LionHeart,.Hes Got me Added on Myspace so I Beleive I will do that! Contract it is,Contract it be,.
DW
[Ed. note: Look, I know this wasn't written by the real Dana White; I shouldn't even have to say that. But whether it was written by a Scott Blevins fan, or LionHeart himself, or a snarky CagePotato reader pretending to be Scott pretending to be Dana White (and if so, well done sir), all I can tell you is that "Contract it is,Contract it be,." made me LOL so hard that I immediately set it as my new e-mail signature.]

manutdfan on "Arianny Celeste: Yep, Still Hot": Here we are, Potato Nation, huddled around our glowing screens, ripping apart photographs of a woman that 99.99% of us will never have the chance to land (no, TUF Guy, you are not that .01%). At the end of the day, we shall retire from our cubicles (or ESL class), go home to our shitty hovels we call ‘home’, and think "Well, I really pwned on the comment section today, calling out that airbrush job on AC!" Then our mother’s voice calls out, "Jimmy, get outta the bathroom and come to dinner. Why you stay in there so long, I don’t wanna know!"
Instead, just enjoy the pics, and be happy the Bens bring us such joy.
[Ed. note: *wipes away tear*]

If your name has been called, e-mail your real name, address, and shirt size to Feedback@CagePotato.com and we’ll send a CP "Hall of Fame" t-shirt to you at some point, when we feel like it.

(Gegard Mousasi accidentally interrupts Tito Ortiz’s brilliance at "Day of Reckoning" last Saturday. No, this has nothing to do with your comments; I just thought it was hilarious. Props to VIPete/Gnarly219.)

Scoring the CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirts this week are…

realNick on "Affliction Payouts Are as Ludicrous as You Expect…": Never realized ‘Arlovski 360′ actually stood for the spin Arlovski makes when he gets knocked out.

schnetzler on "Ben vs. Ben: UFC 94 Edition": just to piss you guys off, let’s rhyme more names on the card…

Georges "The Grizzly Bear" St Pierre
BJ "Mother Hen" Penn
Stephan "Badge of Honor" Bonnar
Dong Hyun "Trim and Prim" Kim
Jon "Nobody’s Bitch" Fitch
Akihiro "Oh No" Gono
John "Powered" Howard
Dan "The Shamer" Cramer

Outstanding. If your name has been called, please e-mail us at feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and shirt-size.

***

UNRELATED REMINDER: Fowlkes will be liveblogging UFC 94 tomorrow night from the MGM Grand Garden Arena, beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Do not, under any circumstances, miss it.

("Listen bro, you rough up your girlfriend or one of your multiple wives, that’s your business. But when you assault a grandfather clock, somebody has to go to jail.")

Hey, who wants a CagePotato t-shirt? Oh yeah? So buy one you cheap bastard. (For one thing, they’re great for hiding your gynecomastia.) Here are the witty commenters who will be getting their shirts for free:

The irish car bomb on "War Machine: ‘F*ck an Obama’":
w washed up
a ass hole
r retarded mother fucker

m mentally ill (expects sympathy hahaha)
a arguably gay
c cant hold back a full face of tears on every occasion he gets
h he acts like a little bitch
i i dont even know why he gets this much attention hes such a loser
n never going to fight in any company worth mentioning ever again
e evan tanner is one of the most respectable people in mma history so go home
and cry yourself to sleep little johnny
[Ed. note: MY GOD THIS ACROSTIC]

agentsmith on "Gambling Addiction Enabler: Affliction’s Day of Reckoning": The nostrils truly are the windows to the soul

Jugger on "Monson Update: Ex-Girlfriend to Turn in More Graffiti Pictures to Authorities": Check it out! Steph just updated her facebook status:
"I was going to rat on Monson for cheating on me and two other women, but some creepy stalker named ‘Crap Factory’ explained to me how wrong I am for answering the Cop’s questions about my ex’s past exploits. I’ve decided to forgive him for wasting a year of my life, lying to me, possibly giving me an STD, getting violent with me, and basically kicking me in vag while I was down. Thanks Crap Factory! You are my new moral compass!"

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and size, and we’ll have a shirt out to you in 6-8 months. 

(Shhh, Kyra‘s sleeping.)

OMFGLOL, you guys…

shitwhistle on ‘Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 93‘: I saw that pic on hotchickswithdouchebags.com 
[Ed. note: Why don't you have a seat over there...]

Clyde on ‘Kyra Gracie in VIP Magazine‘: Just remember if she’s on top of you, don’t reach for the boobs. You’re just asking to get armbarred.
[Ed. note: See, isn't that better than the endless "triangle choke" gags?]

‘Whistle and Clyde, please send your names, addresses and shirt-sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com, and we’ll mail you a "Hall of Fame" tee at our earliest convenience. Keep rockin’ the comments, everybody — they bring joy to our lives.

(UFC 97: Big Building vs. Lightning Bolt. Tickets now available at ConvolutedMetaphor.com.)

Hey, sorry we haven’t done t-shirt giveaways in a few weeks — that’s on us, player. But there’s been a lot of commenter brilliance happening lately, so let’s do this…

Lysol on "Rampage Pleads Guilty to Reckless Driving…": I want to see two guest lectures in the near future: The Importance of Sleep, Nutrition, and Exercise by Rampage Jackson and Black Belt Jiu Jitsu Grappling by Tank Abbott.

??? on "Kimbo Slice Has a ‘Boxing Machine’":
http://i713.photobucket.com/albums/ww133/CrushCo/Kimbo.jpg
[Ed. note: This comment somehow disappeared from the post, so we don't know who sent it in or what the exact setup was, but it was something along the lines of "Check out the prize I got from playing this game," and it was kind of amazing.]

John Kimble on "This Just In: MMA Is Finished, XARM to Take Over": Lyoto Machida and Kalib Starnes would be awful at this.

And finally, this idiot-savant-like exchange on our current poll:

If you happen to be any of these people (except for the multiple Anonymouses, because if you can’t come up with a clever screen-name, you’re ineligible to win) and you want a CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirt, send your name, size, and address to feedback@cagepotato.com. And have a great day!

Damn, is it Friday already? Well, you know what time it is. (No, not peanut butter jelly time.) It’s time to give away some t-shirts to some of our LOLiest commenters. This week’s winners:

Dangada Dang on "Michael Bisping Voted the Coolest Bloke in the U.K.":
Bisping makes a good point as the last person to get him on the ground was Abu Dhabi world champion Chris Leben.

Old, Bald and Irish on "No Ortiz Announcement at Today’s Presser":
All this "Affliction: DEATHWATCH (TM)" is making me nuts. Ya know when you see something horrible happen, like a car crash, and everything is in slow motion? That’s what following Affliction is like. Except, you’ve already seen the crash and you can’t peel your eyes away from the slo-mo sight of the mangled girls body ejecting through the front windshield as her $95 Affliction t-shirt gets sheared away from her skinless naked body as it sloooooowly rips on the broken glass while her pulverized bloody carcass gets forcefully expelled from the flaming vehicle.

Kinda like that…

…except Fedor is standing there on a street corner witnessing the whole thing with an emotionless expression on his face and an ice cream cone in each hand.
[Ed. note: Suck on that, Kadumel!]

milo bling on "Randy Couture Joins Cast of Stallone’s ‘The Expendables’":
if someone invited me to see this, i wouldn’t show up. but i guess it wouldn’t really matter.
[Ed. note: You had to be there.]

If you’ve been shouted out, please send your name, address, and size to feedback@cagepotato.com to claim your CagePotato Hall of Fame t-shirt. Fuuuuuuuun!

("Super! Thanks for asking!")

Perdew on ‘Joe Rogan and Eddie Bravo Enjoy Marijuana’:
he’s in 10th planet’s "chill dawg" position.
[Ed. note: And when he grabs both feet it becomes "pothead control."]

Ted Nutmeg on ‘Can a Legendary Fight Really Be Planned’:
I think we all know what Marcus Davis’ pick-up line really is:
"Sup. You chicks like to stand and bang?"

Derekrva on ‘Total F*cking Nastiness…’:
Seriously…UFC hire this guy! Imagine if all pay-per-view events started with a Con film highlighting that night’s fighters instead of that cheesy, horrible, predictable montage of the gladiator suiting up. Fans would get much more amped for the fights and not feel so bad about forking out 50 bucks.
[Ed. note: No, it's not one of those "ha-ha" comments, but it's 150% truth and worth repeating. So make it happen, Lorenzo. (I've given up on demanding things from Dana.)]

Perdew + Derekva, please send us your names/addresses and we’ll send you some CagePotato t-shirts pronto. Nutmeg, we already have your info because your shit is on fire lately. Everybody else, be more like Nutmeg.

(A fist-medallion-less Kimbo Slice arrives in Japan for his guest-commentator gig at tomorrow’s K-1 event in Yokohama. Props to FightOpinion.)

It’s Friday, which means it’s time to give away some t-shirts. Covering their torsos with soft cotton this week will be:

xogcx on "Strikeforce Payouts Prove You Can Still Get Your Bread Outside of the UFC": A real Xmas? Not like the time I cut my long hair to buy Kimbo some medallion shine and he sold his Gold fist medallion to buy me a brush for my pretty hair…..we learned a lot of about real love and real WORK!
[Ed. note: O. Henry references are always appreciated on this site.]

Poop Chute on "WEC 37 Liveblog: Small But Mighty": There’s another championship match happening tonight: My Hand vs. My Penis. It’s their 103,767th rematch. I always win. Except for those three "no contests".
[Ed. note: I just checked the Sherdog Fight Finder profile for Poop Chute's hand. Those three no-contests were due to unintentional eye-pokes.]

Mr. xogcx and Mr. Poop, please send your real names, addresses, and sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll send you those shirts right away. Bro-hugs to all our brilliant commenters. (Even you, anonymous!)

(This is quickly turning into the “Weekly Bust Urijah Faber’s Balls Contest.” Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle, obvi.)

Between Brock Lesnar’s heavyweight championship win and Jon Fitch’s temporary firing, we probably had more comments posted on CagePotato this week than any other week in our history. I can’t know that for sure because I’m not going to sit here and count them. But you guys are really starting to chime in with your adorable little opinions, and we definitely appreciate it, so keep ‘em coming. Now the question is, who will be getting CP Hall of Fame t-shirts for going above and beyond? Answer:

Patrick on “WWE Gets Its Gloat On”: A little later on in that very same article, WWE.com writers were quoted as saying “also, most UFC fighters wear baggier fitting shorts and are not allowed to slather their hard, toned bodies with vasoline or baby oil, which makes UFC events far more difficult to masturbate to.”

TB on “Lil Fabie’s First Trip to the Strip Club”: Two and a half men

To be honest, that Urijah Faber post produced so much gold it was hard to choose just one standout. (Pat yourselves on the back OB&I, abenormal, and SB.) As for Patrick and TB, please send your address and size to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get those shirts right out to you.

(“The belt, the flannel, and the bible — only these three things are sacred.” Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

In an effort to get more of you bastards walking around as human billboards for CagePotato.com, we’re going to start giving away CP “Hall of Fame” t-shirts to our two favorite comments of the week. (Well, out of the ones we actually read, at least.) This week’s honorees are:

Krazy Kracker on “Paulo Filho Has No Excuse”: This is no laughing matter you guys. Earlier tonight Filho was complaining of chest pains and was rushed to the nearest emergency room. After several tests doctors have comfirmed that instead of a heart, Paulo has a gigantic clitoris pumping pure estrogen through his veins. The flow of estrogen can only be slowed by wearing sleeveless flannel shirts and resting on your back once every minute. Usually cutting weight is no problem if he can time his fights into that five day window all clitoris owners have once a month, where he can purge himself of roughly ten pounds of pesky blood, but Hurricane Ike threw a wrench in his plans. Without being whipped into a PMS induced rage, we saw his true colors… a typical moody bitch, yelling at someone to do chores from the other room, looking for rich men to lay at MMA events and falling into missionary position whenever a man gets within three feet. A sad day for the sport indeed. According to Filho’s manager “All we need is four days, a lot of chocolate, sweatpants and a copy of Sleepless in Seattle and Paulo will be back in the cage the THIRD week of any month you’d like.”

("I’m sorry, Jenny, but my heart belongs to another.")

Great work in the comments section this week, you guys. There were a few lines in particular that we felt were worthy of recognition — and CagePotato t-shirts — but we have to warn you, some of this stuff gets a little blue. So tell your kids to leave the room, and read on…

(Make sure your speakers are turned all the way up before you hit play. Props: gonzagabjj)

As we occasionally do when it’s Friday and we’re bored — and my God are we bored — it’s time to give away some CagePotato t-shirts to the commenters who made us laugh this week. But first, a classic comment from last month that we never got around to honoring:

El Famous Burrito on "Behold Tim Sylvia’s New Belt He Will be Wearing Everywhere He Goes": Thousands of years from now, the discovery of a mayonnaise-cured vinyl belt around a giant human skeleton is going to turn ape society upside down.

And now, this week’s big winners…

danomite on "Can Anybody Explain What the F*ck Gabriel Gonzaga Is Talking About?": I love the "car have no key’ video. He should do a whole series where he’s just fascinated by technology.
This lamp…it go on when…walk by. I….no touch…buttons. I don’t have to turn on….clap twice…light go on….clap twice more time….light go off.

RWilsonR on "Hot Potato: Sarah McDowd": It’s odd, though… when I look at her, I wonder what her original nose looked like, but I have no interest in what her original breasts looked like.

smiledriver on "Video: Nick Ring – Oh No You Didn’t!": I would have sex with Nick Ring just to keep this joke going.

If your name has been called, please send your name, address, and t-shirt size to contest@cagepotato.com. Enjoy the weekend, Potato Nation.

Some of you have been asking us why we don’t give CagePotato t-shirts away anymore. Others have been asking us why our store site has completely shit the bed. The answers to those questions are 1) Because we’re lazy, and 2) Don’t ask us, we just work here. But it’s been too long since we’ve shouted out our best commenters, and that insult ends…right now. Picking up "Devil Horns" tees this week are…

skeletor on "Get Your Sleeveless T-Shirt Out: The UFC Now Has a Gym": I think you get to train at the gym for something like $20 for the first month, but you have to come in early when no important people are around to see you. If you do well enough they will do like a multi-month contract for about $45 dollars. The more buff you get the more you have to pay, and it can get pretty out of hand. The biggest problem is if you ever leave for another gym or they kick you out for not being able to squat as much as some of the new guys, Dana will publicly berate you. He will then begin to question the the validity of you’re max on the bench, and say you only went to the friendlier less dictator like gym down the street because he didn’t want you at his gym anymore.

If you’re not ready for the UFC gym I would suggest trying out a smaller gym like Strikeforce. They have some good equipment just not nearly as much, but the fees are less, and the owner isn’t such a dick. Also they let you work out at other gyms for as long as you want, even if they take the time to build a whole workout room around your specific needs.

I hope this clears up some of the questions you had. So to sum it all up, it looks like Chuck could use some fiber in his diet.

landOencagement on "Renzo Gracie’s Only Problem Is His Wife Complaining": BJ Penn looks like the baby from Dinosaurs in that clip.
[Ed. note: OMFG.]

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your address and shirt size, and we’ll get a shirt out to you pronto.

Before we get to our favorite comments of the week, we’d like to give some love to CagePotato reader James W., who e-mailed us the photo above, and the story below:

Thanks for sharing, homey. Hopefully a brand-new CagePotato t-shirt will ease the pain of that horrible missed opportunity which will likely haunt you for the rest of your life. Now, then…

(Props: Hywel Teague; hint)

(Props: Mouastarz209; hint)

Yesterday we took a look at some classic MMA moments recreated in MS Paint, and suffice it to say, Potato Nation was inspired. Thanks to everyone who e-mailed us drawings of their own, many of which made us laugh our asses off. Our two favorites are above, and a few more are after the jump. Yes, you’re all eligible for free t-shirts.

(It looks like GSP learned some of his moves from YouTube too…)

andrewm on "LubeGate Break: For the Sake of Your Sanity": I wish Vermont Teddy Bear Company would start promoting, just so i can hear Dana say, "those fuckin teddy bear guys."

CoconutSkin on "LubeGate Break: For the Sake of Your Sanity": Can we please stop calling it LubeGate, it just doesn’t roll off the tongue. I have found the solution (to more than just this problem) is LubriGate.
[Ed. note: You're right; that slips off the tongue like feet off of a greased-up French-Canadian's back.]

Kadumel on "Trainers Speak Out on St. Pierre Greasing Controversy": For someone with grease on his back, St. Pierre sure did punch BJ in the face a lot.

TUF Guy’s Dad on "Chiappetta: NSAC ‘Doesn’t Really Have a Leg to Stand On’…": Dammit son, you’re embarrassing me
[Ed. note: Thanks for trying to get him in line, TGD. We simply don't know what to do with the boy anymore...]

Alright fellas — send your names, addresses and t-shirt sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll send you a CagePotato "Hall of Fame" tee pronto. By the way, if you haven’t won a shirt from one of these weekly giveaways yet, you probably never will, so you might as well just bite the bullet and buy one.