Previously: WAR QUINN!!!

(We’ll always have South Bend. VidProps: YouTube/Marijuana Muscle)

Well, for once it turned out Dan Quinn wasn’t just bullshitting us. The World’s Most Craziest Man really did fight UFC vet and former reality TV star Aaron Brink in some kind of bizarre-o “striking only” bout last night. Not to ruin it for you, but the results are sadly predictable for anyone who knows,  in general, what a bad idea it is to sanction a fight featuring A) A crazy man or B) A guy who just got out of jail. In this case, Dan Quinn falls into both categories. (Ed. Note: Somewhere in the bowels of the San Diego lock-up, I hope you’re paying attention, War Machine. This is your future.)

Perhaps the California State Athletic Commission has some kind of minimum required amount of mental illness that must be present in the cage at all times, because some genius opted to let our man Sensei Cecil referee this bad boy. Homey plays it pretty straight during the first round, but then breaks out his patented karate chop to begin round two.  If you don’t want  further spoilers, don’t follow the jump until after you’ve watched the “fight.”

(Video courtesy YouTube and stevia)

There’s something reassuring about watching a Dan Quinn video. I don’t know if it’s knowing that no matter how crazy I may get as I get older, there’s no way I’ll ever claim that I’m a self-trained scientist who has discovered that the cure for every disease known to mankind is drinking a mixture of a sugar substitute and water. Or maybe it’s the fact that every time he posts another one of his more increasingly psychotic rants, my original inclination that he was a character attempting to pull off the ultimate troll-job evaporates more and more, like the soap floating on top of pure H2O and I realize that he is a legit whack job, which gives me faith that not everyone on the Internet is lying about who they are.

We’re just hours away from UFC 152, where we will be treated to great fights between our sport’s top athletes. So, to get us in the mood for tonight’s action, let’s take a look at something completely different. Before establishing himself as the destroyer of Tater freakin’ Williams, top XARM heavyweight* Bond Laupua made his MMA debut against renowned crazy person Dan Quinn at Gladiator Challenge: First Strike in October 2009. And despite everything about pitting a future XARM athlete fighter competitor against a wild-eyed Stevia enthusiast seeming legitimate, the fight quickly turned into a bizarre freak show.

(Props: jay2005us)

Last night at a Gladiator Challenge event at the Shingle Springs Rancheria — near the Red Hawk Casino in Placerville, California — Dan Quinn harnessed the combined power of the White Cure and all his departed angels to knock Bond Lapua‘s teeth down his throat. Lapua, who may have been making his MMA debut, came out like a house on fire, snapping some nasty leg kicks and landing a crushing right hand that almost ended Dan’s night, then beating him up a bit in the clinch. I dare you to guess what happened next, player. After a few well-placed power punches, Lapua Cro-Copped out of the fight, a thoroughly broken man.

The TKO over Lapua was Quinn’s second straight victory. Remember when we used to laugh at this dude for even suggesting that he could take out Kimbo Slice? Quinn vs. Slice, October 2009, no leg kicks, no takedowns, just throwin’ hands: Who takes it?

(Props: DanQuinnSteviaFan)

Yes, I know it seems like Dan Quinn is off his lithium. Real talk: He’s simply expressing deep rage in a civilized manner. In this recent rant, Quinn curses out his mom for evicting him because she can’t accept the fact that he was tied to a tree by Fred Reeva for four and a half hours when he was eight years old and abused pretty much his whole childhood, and also because she didn’t have his back when he was accused of attempted rape at Notre Dame, ruining one of his several shots at becoming a millionaire, considering he was a white outside linebacker that could cover black running backs downfield, and she even went to town on his body with Hot Wheels tracks when he was a kid (by the way, check out his wrist-vein at the 6:58 mark — what’s up with that?), but it’s understandable because she was hit in the head with a baseball bat when she was a child and still has a dent in her forehead and is hypoglycemic on top of that, but nevertheless, there’s a lot of people who would let him stay in his car in front of their house and take showers. And then, with the timing of a veteran comedian, he rear-ends a parked car. File the papers, bitch.

As many of you know, gone-before-his-time super-heavyweight Ross Clifton was a friend and training partner to batshit Stevia spokesperson Dan Quinn. We decided to cruise over to Quinn’s YouTube channel to see if he had released a statement about Clifton, and sure enough, there’s this 11-minute missive that he recorded last night. Quinn describes Clifton as an angel who was already penciled in as the Little John to his Robin Hood. Then, he shows us a strange Craigslist w4m ad that he came across, and the even stranger 5,000-word manifesto that he wrote in response. (The best part comes at 5:58: "I’m thinking this is definitely worth the price of admission to a cool coffee place of your choosing. Multiple exits, tons of people, as safe a coffee date as there ever was one." Note to Craigslist surfers: Trying to reassure your prospective hookups that they will definitely not get fritzl’d usually has the opposite effect.) Later, Quinn’s tough-guy facade begins to crack, and he tries to bury the hatchet with arch-nemesis Cal Worsham, and vows to avenge the wife and children of Clifton, should they ever come to harm. Sorry for your loss, Maitreya.

Some of you will look at the above image and start doing joyous cartwheels around the room. Some of you will just see a poster for a local MMA card held at a county fair and say “I don’t get it.” And that’s because you haven’t been introduced to the prophetic glory of Dan Quinn.

For the unfamiliar, Quinn is a 4-4-1 professional fighter who’s had the dual honors of being choked out by Frank Mir and going three rounds with Jason Lambert. As a linebacker at Notre Dame, he once picked Iron Head Heywood out of the air at fourth and inches; it was, in Quinn’s estimation, the greatest stop in college football history. (Quinn was later kicked off the team amid allegations of sexual assault.) He once knocked out five men in one night at Juanita’s in Encinitas, California. He’s discovered the secret of weight loss and tumor-melting, via Stevia and cold fission. And oh yeah, he’s preparing for his first fight since a January ’05 TKO loss to Dan Molina, and will be facing Dave Huckaba, who has knocked out Bo Cantrell twice, once in 26 seconds and once in five seconds.

But those are just facts, and statistics, and they don’t really tell the story of a man. To understand who Dan Quinn really is, you’ll have to watch his shirtless mirror-rants on YouTube.

(Video: TMZ.com. Props to reader Jeff Willson–Salem Oregon–for the tip)

If you haven’t followed Dan Quinn‘s insanity over the years, you’ve been missing out. The man may very well be MMA’s most tortured mind, and that’s seriously saying something. Things started off simply enough with him issuing YouTube challenges to the UFC’s best, bragging about his hands and his accomplishments in college football. Then he, along with Diego Sanchez, discovered the healing power of Stevia, nature’s answer to Sweet’N Low

For years he’s been preaching the Stevia gospel, claiming it ‘melted a tumor’ out of Octagon girl Ali Sonoma, but recently things have taken a turn for the (more) bizarre. He’s posted conversations with a mysterious caller who loosely claims affiliation with both the UFC and some sort of global power/secret society, offering him hush money and power in exchange for his silence. Another recent YouTube video of a conversation with police regarding threats of violence toward a veterinarian has since been deleted.

Things get crazier after the jump…

(Video courtesy YouTube/steviaplaya)

After spending 45 days in county jail, Dan Quinn is a free man and he’s wasting no time getting his blood saturated with  lines of Stevia and homemade weed butter while rehabbing his injured shoulder with an electronic muscle stimulator.

In this segment, the inventor of Pure H₂0 ^tm addresses President Obama (because we all know Barack subscribes to Dan’s YouTube page), talks about how the drink crystals in jail gave him receding nipples and mutters something about wanting to be like TimeCop so he can go back and fight Jack Dempsey, but for the most part he didn’t have anything interesting to say except that he’s planning on fighting stoned in his upcoming stand-up only superfight with Aaron "the fighter-turned-pornstar-turned-junkie on the" Brink.

All I’m saying is somebody better film it, because it’s going to be awesome if it happens.

^{Disclaimer: Dan was unable to consume any Pure H20 tm while in prison, and as such, put on a bit of weight since he did not have the benefit of stevia to melt away fat. Do not be alarmed by his lack of abs in this video)} 
(Video courtesy YouTube/Cold fission, playa)

Dan Quinn posted a new video on his YouTube channel last night and in typical DQ style it doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense, but like any train wreck, I’m compelled to watch it.

He’s worse than two girls one cup.

In this clip, he talks about his 45-day stint in "a level 4 prison," the fact that he would beat Randy Couture in a pure striking MMA match-up with no kicks or takedowns and weighs in on the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James divorce.

The best quote from the video: "When I get fucking spun spun on stevia and weed — because I use Pure H20 ^tm and stevia to rid my body of all toxins…um…you know what? I kind of become a version of Iron Man."

For the record, when Dan shouts out his prison homies, Spencer, Patrick and "that stud from Canada," he was not referring to me.

I’m going to have to try his money saving suggestion to use stevia in place of cocaine at my "Scarface coke parties." Remind me, though, when I start doing my whacked out shirtless video blogs for CP to tidy up my room a bit.

(Props: MMA Scraps)

With Dana White laying low for a while, Chuck Liddell has been recruited to handle video blog duties in the days leading up to UFC 97 — and the Iceman quickly proves that he can be just as boring as his boss. Watch as Chuck does a radio appearance, hangs with boxing coach Howard Davis, defends Dana’s recent controversial vlog (without actually having seen it) and gets his toenails did.

Below: What, you thought the White Cure was just smoke-and-mirrors, player? News flash — it’s manna straight from heaven. After preparing for a fight by smoking weed and snorting Stevia, poet-warrior Dan Quinn taps out some guy at some show last week. Somebody tell Quinn’s cornerman Ross Clifton to join the pound-a-month club, stat…

(Watch the UFC 154: St-Pierre vs. Condit weigh-ins right here, starting at 4:00 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT. Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

- UFC 154 Fight Week Notes, Quotes and Stats (MMAFighting)

- Georges St-Pierre: ‘I Have A Hard Time Watching Girls Fighting’ (Fightline)

- Carlos Condit and 9 UFC Fighters Who Are Unfairly Criticized (BleacherReport)

- Fighter/pimp Shonie Carter with one of his investment-properties, circa 2001 (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- For the Hardcore MMA Fans Out There, Check Out This Amazing Dan Quinn Compilation (MiddleEasy)

- Dana White: Silva vs. St. Pierre Superfight Could Happen In May (HeavyMMA)

- Bulk Up Without Lifting a Weight (MensFitness)

- 20 Awkward Things Women Do After Sex (Complex)

- 5 Reasons Modern Horror Movies Suck (EgoTV)

- Turkey Tits? Turkey Tits. (WorldWideInterweb)

- Razor Tales: Legends the Barbershop (MadeMan)

- The Fleshlight Box Incident (HolyTaco)

- The Fleshlight Box Incident: Aftermath (HolyTaco, again)

Above: MMA/video-game mashup artist lookoutawhale created this Dana White/Super Mario Bros tribute for a UG contest to win tickets to DW’s St. Patrick’s Day party in Boston, and it’s pretty Fuk’n amazing. If only dealing with your rivals was as simple as jumping on their heads.

Below: The more I watch Dan Quinn‘s videos, the more I’m convinced that he’s not a real person, but a highly trained actor playing a character named "Dan Quinn," and the whole YouTube video thing is just a brilliant guerilla marketing campaign for Starwest Botanicals. Because honestly, how can this person not be in on the joke? Yes, that’s his mom who comes by to bust Dan’s weed party at the 4:44 mark, and remind him that "that thing is still simmering." So yes, he lives with his mother. He also alludes to a knowledge about methamphetamine that rivals his knowledge about marijuana and stevia. Why are we not surprised?

After the jump: Some lucky dickhead teaches you how to reverse guard, with the help of two very sexy girls. The last shot = possibly NSFW, totally OMFG.

(Steve Cofield chats with Dan Hardy after UFC 95.)

By know you may have heard that Dan Hardy is following up on his big knockout victory over Rory Markham at UFC 95 by immediately angling for a fight with Marcus Davis.  He’s already taken some shots at Davis’ attempts to brand himself as a U.K. fan favorite, telling Sherdog.com that “The Irish Hand Grenade” is “not English; he’s not Irish. I was born here, and I’ve been bred here. I don’t mind taking on that challenge and showing him this is my home and not his.”

Boom.  Immediately this fight has a hook.  Not only does Hardy have a point – for all Davis’ attempts to sell us on his Irish heritage, the thick New England accent limits our suspension of disbelief, kilt or no – but he’s also taking a proactive role in his own matchmaking, which is a very smart move for a guy in his situation.

Potent — a new documentary about MMA co-produced by Bas Rutten — is now available for purchase at PotentTheMovie.com. Peep the trailer below; though the film’s angle seems to be that MMA is an arduous though ultimately rewarding way to make a living, it could probably use some gritty Smashing Machine-style pathos to appeal to a broader audience. Or, at the very least, a few crowd-pleasing kicks to the groin…

(Video courtesy Amoeba Records)

Dan Hardy always comes off as a dude I’d like to hang out with, and not just because we’re both 10th Planet Jiu-jitsu guys and have a penchant for mohawks and punk music.

As Ben pointed out earlier, he can pretty much make anything sound cool by saying it with a slick Nottingham accent that makes him sound like a cross between James Bond and Johnny Rotten.

Hardy stopped by Amoeba Music in L.A. recently and revealed what he had purchased for a segment of their "What’s in my bag?" series and some of his buys were a bit surprising.

(What has two thumbs, false teeth and a guaranteed title shot? This guy!)

After months of contradictory and unclear statements from Dan Henderson and UFC President Dana White, fans are now being told with certainty that Hendo’s next fight will be for a belt. Being the stone-cold pimp that he is, Henderson can fight in multiple divisions, and his next fight will take place at either middleweight or light-heavyweight. In a new interview with Heavy.com’s Megan Olivi, White had the following to say regarding the future of the winner of da greatest MMA fight ever:

“Dan Henderson will get the winner of that fight or the winner of the Anderson Silva [vs. Chael Sonnen] fight. Dan Henderson just wants a title shot. There’s been a lot of talk about the stuff that I said. Here’s the thing: I offered Dan Henderson two fights. Dan Henderson wants this fight. Normally I don’t do that. Guys don’t sit around and pick their fights. There’s been very specific cases where that’s happened and it’s guys who have earned it or deserve it, and Dan Henderson is one of those guys. Listen, if Dan Henderson, Henderson has been around forever. He’s forty-something years old, he’s been knocking guys out left and right. If he wants to sit around and wait for this title shot, he can do it.”

The latest Dana Vlog opens with a montage of the UFC kingpin battling his way through a torrent of media obligations stateside, including a cell phone convo in which he puts archenemy Bob Arum on blast. Once the final interview has been granted and the last F-bomb dropped, we see him jet off to Rio courtesy of some broke-ass “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego” graphic.

While mingling with the segregated Brazilian and American camps, Dana makes a few weight inquiries which reveal that a disgruntled Forest Griffin was walking around at 216 lbs. one day removed from the official weigh-ins while Shogun was hovering just above the limit at 207 lbs. As for Middleweight challenger Yushin Okami, he was tipping the scales at a solid Thursday 89 kilos 196 lbs.

Full weigh-in results after the jump. And if you didn’t get to drop your predictions in our Fight Picking contest, you’ve still got time to tell the Nation how it’s all going down tonight!

(Dan also took his stapler and three boxes of ballpoint pens from the supply closet. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

Dana White has never been one to lose a fight gracefully. Now that Dan Henderson has scampered off to rival fight club Strikeforce, it’s time for DW to start telling everybody what a farce Hendo is. As White explained to MMA Fanhouse:

(“Oh, hello poor people.” — philanthropist Calvin Ayre.)

“The only organization that wasn’t willing to make me an offer was the UFC. They don’t want the best fighters; they want the best fighters that they can control.”
— Matt Lindland on his new deal with Affliction. Lindland also revealed that EliteXC approached him with an offer, but was outbid by the t-shirt company turned MMA-promoter.

“We’re going to make the WEC the smaller weights and the UFC will be the heavier weights. We’ll probably take some of the guys in the higher weights, the champions over there and bring them into UFC. We’re still trying to figure that out.”
— Dana White on further distinguishing Zuffa’s MMA properties. He told the Canadian Press that the UFC has no plans to install a 145-pound division or a women’s division.

“While I know I can win against any lightweight in the world on a given day, I fell twice in a row [to Kenny Florian and Josh Neer]. Therefore, I’m going to bow out. Good luck to those guys. I’m going to drop down to 145 lbs and see if those guys down there will embrace me.”
— Din Thomas on his future plans, which will hopefully include the WEC’s featherweight division.

“You’ve likely heard the rumblings and rumors… and for once…. it’s true… I’m packing it in! Well, who am I kidding? I was really more of a brand ambassador for Bodog the past while anyway – but it was fun while it lasted.”
— Calvin Ayre announcing his retirement from Bodog, which will be restructuring and returning its focus to gaming, and not so much on money-losing fight promotions.

“I was asked by the UFC to help with security when the 2 fighters entered the ring area. They where more worried about Matt than GSP. Next thing I know some wack job is jumping over the barriers and charging the ring. I didn’t want to hurt the guy so I was just going to put him to sleep and then help get him out of there before he hurt someone or himself.”
— UFC ref Dan Miragliotta (who comes in at 6’4”, 296 pounds) on his rear-naked-choke of Joe Asshole at UFC 83.

Last week we showed you a BJ Penn video interview from Karyn Bryant in which the former champion vaguely spoke about his future, saying he had no plans to fight but refusing to say the word “retire.” However, according to UFC president Dana White, Penn told him that same week in Stockholm that he would in fact fight again.

“I heard some sh_t that he said he was going to retire and all this stuff,” White said. “[BJ] was like, ‘Nah, I’m going to fight again,’” MMA Fighting reports.

So there you have it. Despite saying that he was “done,” after losing to Nick Diaz last October, BJ will scrap again, according to his boss. I suppose we all figured as much, considering how much Penn loves fighting and how much money he makes doing it.

But the question is, who would BJ fight? Penn has only won one bout in his last five, albeit all against very top competition. At lightweight, the 33 year-old has seemed to have lost a bit of of quickness and reaction time — which is death in the lighter weight classes, and specifically for astalking counter-puncher like Penn. At welterweight, Penn is forced to pack on 15 pounds of unnecessary bulk, which has always been unfair but his crazy talent still allowed him to be successful there.

You know the deal by now, Potato Nation. Dana White’s first video blog for UFC 144 takes a look back at the aftermath of UFC 143, as has become the norm. So we’re going to skip the fancy introduction and get right into it.

(1:43) -  Matt Riddle has to be one of the nicest guys in the UFC, bar none. Talk about a guy that loves his job. And a metaphorical fist bump is due to Henry Martinez for putting on a hell of a fight on such short notice. DW states that he originally thought this match-up was “the worst mismatch in UFC History.” How quickly we all forgot Silva/Leites.

(2:36) - Poor Edwin Figueroa‘s testicles.

(2:44) - Apparently Bruce Leroy kicked Figueroa so hard in the balls that he forgot how many times he kicked Figueroa in the balls. Irony? Either way, we agree that a two point deduction seemed a little harsh. Then again, Caceres likely destroyed any of Figueroa’s future plans to have children, so we’ll call it even.

By now, you know the deal when it comes to Dana White’s videoblogs, and today’s “episode” is no different. Taking a behind-the-scenes look at the aftermath of the UFC’s second Fox event, the UFC 143 videoblog contains the familiar mix of upper and downer moments, with an emphasis on the downer. Especially tough to watch is Joey Beltran’s realization that his Zuffa career may have reached a temporary standstill in the wake of his first round KO loss to Lavar Johnson. Keep your chin up, “Mexicutioner.”

Let’s get right to the highlights.

(0:45) - Jon Jones, seen here for the last time before disappearing into a thicket of notes from which he has yet to emerge.

(1:22) – God damn it, will someone give Beltran a hug and tell him that everything is going to be alright?

(1:40) – Eric Wisely, still in awe of the calf-slicer Charles Oliveira was able to pull on him. The pain was apparently so incredible that Wisely has trouble explaining to the backstage physician where exactly the strain was.

(2:48) – Jon Jones explains how Cub Swanson is one of the “nastiest dudes” on Team Jackson. He makes a good point.

(The CagePotato HR Department: Boldly squashing inter-office disputes since 2007.) 

Just like pictures of hot womens and irresponsible opinions, pre-UFC event bickering has become a fixture here at CagePotato. In advance of this weekend’s card in Toronto, we locked Danga and ReX in a miniature Octagon with energy drinks, a blow-up doll, and a set of questions. We were dubious about the doll, but ReX insisted that hilarity would ensue, and he assures us that it did. It wasn’t mentioned in the final article, but some things you just don’t want to ask about.

Come on in past the jump and witness the confusion of two men discussing MMA while being distracted by said hot womens, touching on the subjects of likability, MMA Math, and the potential importance of fashion choices.

(“… and I paid a three-year old $14 million for this work of art.”)

In this edition of Dana’s video blog, we take a behind the scenes look at the inaugural UFC on Fox show.

Man, it must get old for Dana to meet fans every day who beg him for free tickets. Seriously, do people have no couth? And what’s up with the fan that suggests Cain looks like Shrek and should call himself “The Shrexican?” What’s wrong with people?

Check out the vid after the jump.

(“Viacom paid WHAT for Bellator?” I got PRIDE, WEC, Strikeforce and Chandella for less than that.”)

Dana White put out an unprecedented second video blog today for the first time in a long time. In this instalment of his UFC 137 video diary, White admires the venue for the pre-fight press conference, pokes fun at Nick Diaz for being Nick Diaz and gives out a bunch of free tickets to whoever asks.

A word of advice: If you’re ever needing tickets to a certain event, stand in line at the weigh-ins or press conference and have a friend point a camera at Dana while you shamelessly beg the UFC president for some freebies. Works every time.

Of note is Diaz’s revelation that they brought him to the presser an hour early to make sure he was there. He missed his flight from Stockton this week and the UFC had to rebook, so it looks like they aren’t taking any chances. Reed Harris has been appointed as Nick’s official babysitter so there’s little or no chance that he’s going to sleep through his fight Saturday night.

Check out the video after the jump.

DW’s infamous vlog’s are back ladies and gentlemen, and it seems his aforementioned pattern of showing loads of footage from the previous UFC event is holding true, this time with UFC 135. It’s hard to even call these Danavlog’s anymore because besides his introduction, The Baldfather doesn’t even make an appearance until 7 minutes into the video. Though I must admit, it is pretty interesting to see the post fight medical examinations, especially Aaron Riley’s, who, after spitting up as much blood as he can manage, declares he’d rather not have his jaw wired shut again. As a fan of solid food, I can’t really blame the guy.

If you’re too busy to watch the entire video, come check out a few of our notes after the jump:

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

Dana White is back with another instalment of his acclaimed retrospective video series and we’re starting to notice a pattern here. The UFC president seems to be phoning it it these days, appearing sparingly in the videos and filling the remainder up with footage from previous events, which is false advertising considering this was supposed to be the UFC 135 Video Blog 1.

The Cliff’s Notes of what we learned this episode is after the jump.

(Round 5′s new Talking Dana White action figure says eight phrases. All of them are “Fuck you.” / Photo courtesy of liverkick.)

The rules of Make It/Take It are simple. Two MMA writers face off on opposite sides of a hot-button topic, and make their case to the Potato Nation. The “winning” writer — based on number of votes cast in the poll on page 3 — returns next time to battle a different MMA pundit.

This week, “Writer X” from Parts Unknown (aka, a friend of ours from a different site who has chosen to remain anonymous*) goes up against CagePotato’s own Ben Goldstein. Read on, and let us know your thoughts…

* No, it’s not Maggie Hendricks. Or Chad Dundas.

“The UFC Needs a Businessman at the Helm, Not a Character”

By Writer X

Dana White and the Fertitta brothers have taken a sport that was once referred to as “human cockfighting” and built it into a business worth billions of dollars and for that they should be commended.

On its website, the UFC claims that it is the fastest growing sports organization in the world and while that very well be 100 percent true, is there really that much competition out there for them? NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB, FIFA, these are all established organizations that have put in their time and gone through their growing pains. They all have been where the UFC is now.

The dilemma the UFC now faces is how does it grow beyond a niche sport into a major league sport like those mentioned above? To start, the promotion needs to move Dana White out of the spotlight and replace him with a new president that is more acceptable to the masses.