As many of you know, gone-before-his-time super-heavyweight Ross Clifton was a friend and training partner to batshit Stevia spokesperson Dan Quinn. We decided to cruise over to Quinn’s YouTube channel to see if he had released a statement about Clifton, and sure enough, there’s this 11-minute missive that he recorded last night. Quinn describes Clifton as an angel who was already penciled in as the Little John to his Robin Hood. Then, he shows us a strange Craigslist w4m ad that he came across, and the even stranger 5,000-word manifesto that he wrote in response. (The best part comes at 5:58: "I’m thinking this is definitely worth the price of admission to a cool coffee place of your choosing. Multiple exits, tons of people, as safe a coffee date as there ever was one." Note to Craigslist surfers: Trying to reassure your prospective hookups that they will definitely not get fritzl’d usually has the opposite effect.) Later, Quinn’s tough-guy facade begins to crack, and he tries to bury the hatchet with arch-nemesis Cal Worsham, and vows to avenge the wife and children of Clifton, should they ever come to harm. Sorry for your loss, Maitreya.