“I’ve warned you. I’ll be forced to thrash you.” PicProps: Bellator

Perhaps you remember just a few days ago when MMA judging was held in contempt, publicly flagellated, and crucified for all to see. Fighters and fans alike tore at their garments, lamenting the apparent death of the ability to trust judges to deliver a decision faithful to the efforts expended. The skies darkened and the heavens poured out upon the earth. Dark times, Potato Nation. Miraculously, though, MMA judging has risen, and shall return again. We’re pleased to report that there were no robberies last night in Concho, Oklahoma, or at least, none involving combat sport. In fairness, though, the fighters took matters out of the judges’ hands most of the evening.  Baby steps, people.

Bellator’s fourth season is winding down, with just three shows left, and we’re seeing more and more of the fighters we’ll see next season in tournament action. We were originally slated to see a heavyweight super fight between Bellator’s pound for pound heaviest champ Cole Konrad against Paul Buentello, but that bout was scratched after Buentello wrecked his back. Happily, Bellator just bumped up an undercard fight featuring Ronnie Mann and soldiered on, and we’re just tickled about it. Also scheduled were the two semifinal matches in the light heavyweight brackets, and Bellator’s Brazilian Invasion storyline continues with Luis Nogueira (no relation).

Come in after the jump and we’ll share all the spoilers with you (along with a healthy dose of inappropriate humor) and we’ll regale you with facts about the Toughest MMA Fighter in the business.

Watching this MMA Rated interview with Elite XC’s Jared Shaw where he answers questions as to where he’s been and what he’s doing for the company now (you should also check out their interview with a very drunk Tonya Evinger), I get the strange sense that he’s lying to me. What’s more, I feel like he knows how transparent he seems, but he’s just charging ahead with it anyway. In a strange way, I almost respect that. Almost.

But let’s talk for a moment about Elite XC’s decision of late to push Jake Shields as the world’s best welterweight, which Shaw also claims. Obviously, they like it because it allows them to call out Georges St. Pierre and the UFC, thus piggybacking on the success of their betters. But it also makes them seem a little desperate, and it’s not hard to tell that this is a strategy destined for failure.

It’s not that Jake Shields isn’t a good fighter. He is, but that isn’t the point. The point is that Elite XC has essentially just decided to proclaim him the number one welterweight because he is their number one welterweight, and because it’s the only way they can think of to get some of the UFC magic to rub off on them. Plus, they can be secure in the knowledge that the UFC will never actually take them up on the cross-promotional offer.

Elite XC’s Jared Shaw takes a little shot at yours truly in this MMA Rated interview, calling me Ben “UFC” Fowlkes, which I suppose is an implication that I’m pro-UFC and anti-Elite XC, although I like to think that my record as an equal opportunity critic speaks for itself. If an organization does dumb things, it’s my job to point it out. If one organization does more dumb things than others, they’re going to receive more criticism. That’s just how it works. If it makes me a hater, I can live with that. But since when do we all have to like everything?

$kala says he just wants some love for his fighters, not himself. Fair enough, Jared. You do have some good fighters in your organization. Guys like Jake Shields, Robbie Lawler, Wilson Reis, Nick Diaz, and “Ninja” Rua, just to name a few. These are all fighters that I enjoy watching. But your fighters aren’t what you’ve been criticized for, and I think you know it.

Let’s take the event you’ve got this Saturday, for example. On the undercard you’ve got a few interesting scraps between guys like Paul Daley and Jake Shields, Benji Radach and “Ninja” Rua, and a sweet little co-promotional joint between Affliction fighters Andrei Arlovski and Roy Nelson (nice work scoring that, by the way, whether you had anything to do with it or not).

But your main event features a 3-0 fighter in Kimbo Slice, who has yet to face an opponent coming off a win, taking on a forty-four-year-old legend of the sport who hasn’t won a fight or even made it out of the first round in over four years. And that’s your main event.

(“How ’bout we say ‘triangle choke, round 2.’ I’ve got a t-shirt riding on this.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

With UFC 159 slated for tomorrow night, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and beloved CP staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up to argue about all the important themes surrounding the event. So how will the absurd light-heavyweight title fight end, exactly? What will happen if Alan Belcher actually lets Michael Bisping take a free shot to his face? Can the third women’s UFC fight possibly live up to the first two? How many more fights can Leonard Garcia lose before the UFC gives him the ol’ heave-ho? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.

Will Jon Jones immediately demolish Chael Sonnen, or will he play around with Chael a little before demolishing him? And will Chael retire after the loss?

BG: I rarely make sweeping statements about who will win an MMA fight because 1) anything can happen in this crazy sport, and 2) the things you write on the Internet often come back to haunt you. But yes, Jon Jones will win this fight. I absolutely guarantee it. Sonnen’s best weapon — his relentless wrestling attack — will dash apart against Jones’s own wrestling, which is precision-tuned for the sport of MMA. Quickly out of options, Chael will throw his patented “I give up” spinning backfist, fall down against the cage, and will whisper a quick prayer to his God before Jones literally eats him and shits him out. And I do mean literally, okay? Literally.

I’m leaning towards a quick beat-down in this fight rather than an extended clowning, because Jones takes his job too seriously to “play around” with an opponent. (He’s not exactly Mr. Fun, we’ve noticed.) And once Chael feels the power of a large light-heavyweight, he’ll realize what a bad idea this whole thing was in the first place. To exit the sport directly after another humiliation wouldn’t fit in with Sonnen’s blustery self-image, so I think he’ll take at least one more fight — maybe at middleweight, maybe at light-heavyweight — before calling it quits. Once he starts losing to non-champions, he’ll wisely make the switch to full-time UFC talking head and occasional hair-texture tester.

JJ: Mark my words, this fight will be Jon Jones’s UFC 97 (or UFC 112, depending on which fight you thought was worse). Jones may not be a fun-loving guy, as you stated, but it also appears that the tryptophan-induced honeymoon between these two TUF coaches has passed, leaving behind only apathy in its wake. If you’ve noticed in the past, the foes “Bones knows” on a personal level seem to last the longest in the cage with him (Rampage, Rashad) — perhaps out of respect, perhaps because they are both tough as hell — so I think we should start preparing ourselves for a tepid, five-round affair highlighted by Bones’s jab and Sonnen’s desperate attempts to convert a single leg.

And when all is said and done, Sonnen will snatch the mic out of Joe Rogan’s hand, and in an attempt to mimic [enter professional wrestler name here]’s infamous retirement speech, will announce that, and I quote:

(“Hey, my eyes are up here, asshole.”)

Discussing MMA is a lot like discussing politics; what starts off as a friendly difference of opinion more than often spirals into an alcohol-fueled debate, rife with personal insults and name calling, before ending in a sloppy wrestling match that gets both parties banned from their boss’s wine tasting parties for life. Luckily, we have Doug “ReX13″ Richardson and Jared Jones here to dispute all things UFC 143, because frankly, we can’t make heads or tails outta this card.

Let’s kick things off how we normally do, with a completely offhand topic. Who wins the Super Bowl?

RX: Me, if the commercials are good and Bane blows up the stadium.  Let me guess, you’re a-

JJ: GO GIANTS!

RX: I hate you so hard, man.

JJ: First off, I’m not your buddy.

RX: But I never-

JJ: Eli Manning is to the Patriots what Dylan Klebold was to Columbine High School; he cannot be defeated, unless by that of his own doing. Giants 35-27.

RX: Wow…this has gotten off to a rough start. Can we just move on?

(Say something about Castro again. Hector wishes you would.)

Regulatory difficulties in Quebec forced Bellator to get all old-school UFC and move Bellator IX to the glitz and glamour of Monroe, Louisiana, but they did what any good promotion would do: grabbed some crawfish and rolled with the punches.  Last night’s event narrowed down their finalists for the upcoming middleweight tournament, and they had a bunch of other fights just for fun.  Here’s how it went down:

Middleweight semi-final tournament fights:
Jared Hess def. Yosmany Cabezas via TKO at 4:26, round 3
Hector Lombard def. Damien Stelly via TKO (strikes) at 2:56, round 1

Non-tournament fights:
Nick Ring def. Isidro "Chilo" Gonzalez via submission (guillotine) at 0:39, round 1
Shad Lierley def. Nate Murdock via unanimous decision
Alex Andrade def. Christian Fulgram via TKO at 2:01, round 1
Shawn Jordan def. Jayme McKinney via submission at 0:30, round 2
Chan Leonhardt def. Dan Keenan via KO at 3:03, round 1
Chas Skelly def. Mike Braswell via split decision, round 3

(Props: CageToday and "Juggo")

Our bro Ariel Helwani has landed his first big "get" at Versus.com — Jared Shaw, the stomach-tattooed uber-douche who acted as EliteXC Vice President during his father’s ill-fated promotional reign with the company. We scanned the interview hoping to find a quote in which Jared referred to himself in the third person, and Young Shaw did not disappoint. But before that, we were saddened to see $kala’s negative take on MMA blogs. (And after all we’ve done for you!) The whole thing is worth reading, but for now, check out this excerpt:

(Guess who’s getting promoted to the position of Kimbo’s Official Gold Chain Holder. Photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

When news dropped that Gary Shaw had resigned from Pro Elite just shortly after everyone within the company, including his son Jared, assured the media that things were just fine and nobody was going anywhere, we naturally assumed that Jared was on his way out too. It’s like when you’re the son of a third world dictator and you get some cushy do-nothing job. When your dad is overthrown by a power-hungry general in a bloody coup, it usually means you’re on the next flight out with a briefcase full of cash or you get killed in your sleep.

But according to new Pro Elite Chairman Charles Champion, whose name is awesome and maybe fake, Jared is going to be sticking around in some capacity:

Jared has been with the company from the beginning. Gary has often said that it was really Jared that brought Gary into it. Jared has continued to work on making matches and continue to promote ProElite and ProElite athletes. He’s continuing to work with the fight team. I haven’t talked to Jared about what he’s going to be doing ten years from now but I have talked to Jared about what he’s going to be doing for the next while with us. He’s enthusiastic and others are enthusiastic about his approach and what he’s doing now, so we think that is all going to work out well.

Seriously? So the lesson here is, nepotism works? Man, this is why I hate learning lessons.

(Who could fire that lovable face?)

Yesterday MMA Payout reported that Gary Shaw might be on his way out the door at Pro Elite now that CBS is becoming more of a player. It’s not hard to imagine why. There’s the tracksuits, the not-so-nuanced views on MMA, the general sleaze factor that comes oozing out of the man’s pores. But son Jared Shaw (Elite XC’s VP, a position that is no doubt his by merit alone) has come to his defense in an interview with Ariel Helwani of MMA Rated:

All the reports I have read have been absolutely erroneous. There’s no truth to CBS pushing Gary Shaw out or anything like that. Gary might not be as much in the limelight because of his other business, which is boxing. He’s also spending a little more time at home with the rest of his family. You’re going to see Jared Shaw everyday so you don’t have to think that Gary Shaw is gone. I don’t know why they would keep one Shaw and not another. We’re both here and Gary is still a major force. He’s still spoken to everyday…He’s a major part of this company and everything he’s done as a promoter we’ll continue to utilize and continue to follow his lead.

Oh well then, that rumor is put to rest. Like Jared, I can’t imagine why they’d keep one Shaw and fire the other. I mean, if you were going to get rid of one, wouldn’t you also get rid of…uh-oh. I just had a terrible thought. Jared, maybe you should think about updating the old resume, if you know what I’m saying.

The explanation that his “other business” is taking up too much of his time seems odd, especially since his work as a boxing manager hasn’t been going so well lately. But Jared assures us that everything is juuuuuust fine:

(Simon Cowell said they sucked. L.A. Reid said they sucked. Nicole Scherzinger said they sucked. Paula Abdul said they should keep practicing and never give up their dreams. / Props: jessektabor2)

UFC 135 goes down tomorrow night in Denver, and as always, it’s incredibly important that you hear our opinions about it. Fresh off his controversial split-decision victory over Seth Falvo, CagePotato staff writer Jared Jones returns for another head-to-head column against founding editor Ben Goldstein. Can Rampage pull off an upset? Is Matt Hughes on his way to retirement? Whose new screen-name will be more humiliating? Read on and get yourself educated…

Is there a part of you that wants to see Rampage get his belt back? How likely is that to happen?

JJ: There will always be a small part of me that wants to see Page with a belt again, if only so I never have to watch that same clip of Rampage exclaiming just how much he wants it back in every pre-fight commercial he’s been in since losing it. On the other hand, I fear for the lives of Southern California if he does win the belt and then loses it again.

As far as the likelihood of Page being the champ again, I’d say it’s better than those bookies would have you believe, but not much. Let’s face it, Rampage earned this title shot with a razor thin decision over Lyoto Machida and an unimpressive decision over a now retired Matt Hamill. Yes, he seems incredibly focused and in shape and yes, Bones’ chin has yet to be tested, but Jones is simply too quick, diverse, and smart to get caught by a straight boxer like Rampage.

BG: First off, no, I don’t want to see Rampage get his belt back. Not even a little. Dude gives me a headache sometimes. Like Nick Diaz, he’s a paranoid weirdo with a persecution complex — everybody’s cocky, everybody’s fake. Look, if you’re one of the hordes of eCritics that have emerged since Jones beat up Shogun, I’m sure you have your reasons. But to me, Jon Jones represents the latest step in MMA’s evolution, and it would feel like a regression if he were unseated by a guy who pretty much just throws hands these days.

The odds on this fight are so inflated because as loud as Rampage’s supporters can be sometimes, nobody’s actually betting money on him. Why would they? Jones has an 11.5-inch reach advantage, he’s far more athletic, and he’s unpredictable. Bones might beat up Rampage standing just to prove a point. After Saturday, we can stop calling Jones the “future of MMA.” He’ll officially be the present — a defending champion. Now what will that make Rampage?

Pictured: Seth giving Jared a tour of Louisiana.

Ultimate Fight Night 25 goes down tonight in New Orleans, and all that hot sauce and bourbon has whipped us into a fight picking frenzy. Representing the home team will be Louisiana’s own Seth Falvo, who will be doing battle against Head to Head newbie (read: loser) Jared “DangadaDang” Jones. Which Jake will reign supreme? Will it be a good night for The Ultimate Fighter, or a complete disaster? Will the stars of Swamp People get roped into a video interview with Joe Rogan? Find out all this and more, and then tell us what we forgot in the comments section.

Let’s skip the foreplay: Shields or Ellenberger, who ya got?

JJ: As unimpressed as I’ve been with Jake Shields’ UFC career thus far, I just can’t see how Ellenberger wins this one. Though his submission defense looked great, his takedown defense looked pretty exploitable against Carlos Eduardo Rocha, and if Dan Henderson can’t knock out Shields, then it ain’t happening, homie. I got Shields by UD in a match that I forget about quicker than every Saturday Night Live sketch of the past 10 years. The real question is, will the recent loss of Shields’ father have an effect on his game plan?

SF: In any other city, I’d be inclined to agree with you, Jared. But this is New Orleans. A city where the underdog has recently been able to thrive. A city renowned for its Voodoo culture. And, as anyone who has had one too many hand grenades and went home with a dress wearing local they found on Bourbon Street can tell you, a city where not everything is what it seems. Not that that’s ever happened to me or anything.

You’re only as good as your last fight. When we last saw Jake Shields, he was completely unable to take Georges St. Pierre to the ground and didn’t fare better trading punches with the champion until he managed to steal the fifth round. Jake Ellenberger, meanwhile, dominated Sean Pierson in a fight he took on only seventeen days notice. When you add on not only the death of Jake Shield’s father, but also that other distraction Team Cesar Gracie has been dealing with, it’s possible that Jake Shields isn’t as focused as he needs to be. This one has the potential to get interesting. Maybe not “Ellenberger pulls off the upset” interesting, but at least “watchable while sober” interesting.

(Friends forever? Photo courtesy of AllElbows.com)

It’s hard to even get up the energy to mock Jared Shaw anymore.  He’s just so damn irrelevant.  But in talking about the role Kimbo Slice’s loss to Seth Petruzelli played in EliteXC’s collapse, he summed up the company’s fundamental failures without even realizing it:

"I stick up for him a lot because we put so much weight on his shoulders because we had to, we needed a face. No, we didn’t expect him to be the world champion. We knew if he fought the kind of fighters that were at that level that his chances of winning were probably slimmer," said Shaw. "But you’ve got to throw somebody up there as the best in the world, because you’ve got to put a face on the company. And that’s not to say he can’t become one of the best fighters in the world, cause he’s an athlete, he has talent, but that was the situation we were up against."

(Props: Fightlinker)

God help you, but what you’re about to see is the trailer for an in-production reality show about Gary Shaw and his family, titled Blood, Sweat -n- Bling. We could care less about what a boxing promoter does and what Shaw has accomplished in that field — the clip seems to leave out his brief and hideous stint with EliteXC altogether — so why not just skip ahead to the 4:51 mark and get a load of the segment on his son Jared. Apparently it’s not an act; $kala really is a deluded, epically entitled leech on his father, with absolutely nothing positive to offer society. (Check the freestyle: "Overseas in Greece, stop in Tel Aviv / Sucky-sucky Hong Kong, gotta love them Chinese.")

I have to admit, this trailer actually made me feel sorry for Gary. Between his incarcerated first son, total failure fourth son, worthless idiot wife, and (one would assume) heart disease and diabetes, I do not envy this man’s life. Getting up every morning must be a struggle, to put it mildly. Not that I’d ever watch this show, and I truly hope it’s never made available for other people to watch. But man, how ’bout this Jared Shaw? Is he The Worst, or what?

(‘Hey, just because the company has gone under that doesn’t mean we can’t still hang out, right big guy?’ Photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

If you’re wondering why we haven’t heard from Jared Shaw (aka: “little rapper kid”) since the collapse of Pro Elite, there’s a good reason. $kala has not been heard from because $kala does not want to be heard from. He has retreated from the media spotlight, as our friends at MMA Rated learned when they attempted to get him on the phone and instead got this outgoing voicemail message:

“This is the voicemail of Jared ‘Skala’ Shaw. Leave me a message and I will return it at my earliest opportunity. If this is a member of the media, I will not be returning your call. I’m sorry. Namaste.”

Seriously, Jared? Namaste? Does that mean you won’t return calls because you have a yoga class to get to?

Not that I blame $kala for not wanting to talk to the media right now, but it is something of a chickenshit move. Maybe it’s because he knows he doesn’t have any good answers to give. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to hear the inevitable questions about what role his cageside freakout might have played in the whole ordeal, and whether Pro Elite was truly forced to keep him on in order to get his father out. Who knows.

What we do know is that not returning calls isn’t going to keep people from talking about you, so wouldn’t you at least like a chance to give your perspective? Who would have thought that this is how Jared Shaw would go out. Freaking Namaste.

Damn, $kala. That tattoo is street.)

If you’re like me, you often sit and think about things like, Who’s the REAL Boss, Tony or Angela? I mean, sure Angela paid Tony to cook and clean her house, but she never really had the authority that Tony wielded. I don’t recall her ever reprimanding Sam once throughout the series, yet Tony always sent Jonathan to his room and gave him lectures about stuff like ditching school and getting into mischief with his friends. Sure, Angela would talk to Sam about puberty and boys, but she was more of a friend.

Besides the impossible "Who’s the Boss?" paradox, something I often wonder, and I’m sure you do too, is where I can get a sneak peek of Jared Shaw’s album?

I finally found our answer.

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

"Can [Kimbo Slice] be a successful heavyweight? I don’t think so. I think 100% he’s in the wrong weight class, that’s to begin with…But I don’t necessarily think Kimbo can get to 205, at 35 years of age, with the wear and tear. It’s tough to learn this sport, this sport is a lot different than boxing because with boxing you only have to use your hands. In mixed martial arts, you use your hands, your feet, you grapple on the ground, you use submissions. That is a lot of knowledge to retain, and at some point your body starts to shuts down on you in life…Kimbo’s in the wrong sport, there’s no doubt about that. Kimbo should be in boxing…If you want to be the best of the best, if you want to make the most money possible for your family like you say, then you probably should have went to the square-circle."

So says former EliteXC VP Jared "$kala" Shaw, who has now been out of the MMA game for over a year, and recently checked in for an interview with Fanhouse. Despite the criticism of Kimbo’s career choices, Shaw harbors no ill will towards the TUF 10 star, and is proud of the time he spent promoting fighters like Slice, Gina Carano, and Brett Rogers — and if the UFC or Strikeforce wants to give him a job, he’s totally down. It’s a more reflective, slightly-less-cocky version of $kala than we’re used to seeing, even when he’s indirectly taking credit for Gina’s budding movie career. Later in the interview, Shaw tells us that his music is coming along, and he hopes to drop it on us next year. Also, Herschel Walker is a joke, and Bob Arum is an embarassment to the Jewish race. Pot, meet thrifty, lactose-intolerant kettle…

(Even Hulk Hogan finds that behavior boorish. Thanks, MMA Core.)

As you can see, Elite XC VP Jared Shaw is very passionate about the rules. Almost fanatically so. That’s why when he saw what he perceived to be an illegal blow to the back of Kimbo Slice‘s head, he couldn’t contain himself. He jumped up and went screaming to the side of the cage, imploring the referee to give Kimbo a Frank Mir-type rescue. Fortunately he stopped just short of leaping over the cage and covering Kimbo with his own body like a human $kala shield.

Now that he’s had a chance to cool down, he admits he may have overreacted. Shaw told MMA Rated:

“I watched the tape back today,” Shaw said. “While I think that the ref may have missed the (blow to the back of the head) call, my reactions at ringside – I saw them myself – were inappropriate and inexcusable.

“I apologize to the MMA community and the fans and most of all Seth Petruzelli as although my reactions can not change a referee’s decision, they were inappropriate at the time and over a heated and tense mixed martial arts event.”

“Again, I apologize to the community,” Shaw repeated. “I am all for fair mixed martial arts fighting and I am very happy to represent Seth Petruzelli.”

Well, at least Shaw is big enough to admit when he’s wrong. You can understand how a man being forced to watch his meal ticket unceremoniously felled like that could lose control of his emotions. As impressive as his desire for fair competition is, it’s hard to imagine Shaw mustering the same enthusiasm for a protest if the situation had been reversed and it were Petruzelli who caught a hammer fist in the back of the dome. Although that could change now that Elite XC is in the Seth “Rocky” Petruzelli business. I hear he’s a very promotable guy.

(Shaw talking to Helwani prior to Ariel’s plaid phase.)

Although he wouldn’t get into debating Frank Shamrock’s version of events, former EliteXC VP and matchmaker Jared Shaw spoke with CagePotato.com today to clarify comments he made during a recent interview with Sherdog’s Jeff Sherwood about the former UFC light heavyweight and Strikeforce middleweight champion’s offer to fix a fight with Kimbo Slice.

($kala got yo’ eyeballs all up on EliteXC. Mission accomplished.)

With the recent news that ProElite has risen from its the ashes to make an offer on Strikeforce before Zuffa quashed them like the insignificant mosquito that they’ve always been known as, inquiring minds have begun asking who will be at the helm of the company’s latest incarnation.

One name you won’t see on any of  ProElite’s offices is Jared Shaw.

The former EliteXC matchmaker who used to prefer to be known as his hip hop name $kala says he is done in the MMA business.

In a recent interview he did with Sherdog’s Jeff Sherwood, Shaw says he is concentrating on boxing and rapping and shed some light on the reasons he says ProElite and EliteXC collapsed.

Check out  what Shaw had to say after the jump.

So”heart of a champion” is just a meaningless phrase?     PicProps: Esther Lin

Heart is awesome. Guts are more important to cage fighting than Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Balls sell more tickets than Olympic medals. Heart is an intangible, an ethereal quality that fighters seem to either have in abundance, or sorely lack. And while intangibles may offend the sensibilities of those who would analyze fights like they’re backward engineering a damn nuclear centrifuge, it’s that very quality that motivates fans to buy tickets, buy shirts, buy pay per views, buy hotel rooms.  It isn’t simply some writer’s trope that we use to fill space; this is an attribute that, however hard to pin down, has a demonstrable effect.

There is something about competition in sports that speaks directly to primal emotions in all of us. Ok, apparently not all of us, but still. Fans tend to be emotional people, and not always rational. So a non-tangible quality like “heart” is important, if for nothing but a fighter’s popularity.

Guys like Ox Wheeler or Leonard Garcia or Scott Smith that seem to just go out there and wing it, wind up getting in a war with some guy and they beat the piss out of one another and everybody in the crowd goes bonkers and throws their hotdogs in the air and the collective cry is a noise like the damn building is yelling–that’s why that happens. And everyone goes home horny and it’s generally a good time had by all. It’s a purely emotional response, and base, and uneducated…and it’s totally valid.

(Uh…what? Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

By DL “Remember the Lackland” Richardson

Bellator’s second season is winding down, as we complete another set of semifinals at the Majestic Theatre in San Antonio, Texas. Even if you’ve been paying attention, though, you still may find it hard to predict what is going to happen when Bellator is on. BFCXX popped off last night, and if you forgot about it or your cable company is a bunch of greedy bastards, allow me to fill you in. Results and full recap after the jump, as well as my secret to wealth and attracting the most attractive sexual partners…

(Props: youtube.com/BellatorMMA)

Bellator’s inaugural season came to a close on Friday night, with the finals of their middleweight and lightweight brackets. In the 185-pound title fight, Hector Lombard used his striking and ground-and-pound to open up some nasty cuts on the head of his opponent, Jared Hess; the fight was eventually stopped in the fourth round after Hess lost a few gallons of blood. Directly after, 155-pound favorite Eddie Alvarez completed his sweep of the lightweight tourney by knocking Toby Imada out of his jock with a big right hook early in the second round, then sinking in a rear-naked choke. Lombard and Alvarez collected $100,000 checks for their efforts.

In non-tournament action, Jorge Masvidal submitted Eric Reynolds via third-round rear-naked choke, Bodog/ShoXC vet Rosi Sexton submitted Valerie Coolbaugh via first-round armbar, and Stephanie Guimaraes became Bellator’s latest YouTube star with her 49-second knee-knockout of Yvonne Reis. The Guimaraes knockout is above; highlights from the Lombard/Hess and Alvarez/Imada fights are after the jump.

(Courtesy of YouTube.com/BellatorMMA)

Though Hector Lombard drew most of the attention at Friday’s Bellator show, the night’s best stoppage belonged to Chad Leonhardt — great name for a fighter, by the way — who scored a YouTube-worthy first-round KO over Daniel Keenan. Watch as Leonhardt crushes Keenan with an overhand right, then puts him to sleep with a mouthpiece-ejecting knee to the face. Thanks, Chad. Bellator’s upcoming schedule is after the jump…

If you’re looking for something to do this afternoon while you pretend to be busy at work, get out those TPS reports, lock your office door and turn on the latest episode of The Bum Rush Radio Show so you can fool your bosses into thinking you’re hard at work.

On this episode Ben, Mike and Jared break down the main card of Saturday’s UFC 140 event in Toronto and give their thoughts on some of the hot button topics of the week.

Bellator’s “Like Water” promo has been updated. Can you spot the difference?* VidProps: BellatorMMA/YouTube

Bellator’s fifth season middleweight tournament gets underway tomorrow night, with live broadcasts on MTV2 and EPIX covering all the main card action. With some stiff competition from the UFC and the WBC, there may be considerably fewer eyeballs on the bouts in Hollywood, Florida, but don’t tell these guys. There’s going to be some action. Go back and read the preview if you’ve forgotten anyone, and let’s run down the CagePotato picks for the evening.

(“OK, Ms. Celeste, we want this calendar to reflect both your future and your past, which is why I’m going to need you to kick in the window of that Ferrari for this next shot.”)

Allow me to take you through my thought process whilst attempting to determine a worthy enough post this morning:

OK, Jared, another weekend, another dead hooker in the trunk, but that’s not important, you must focus on an MMA-related topic for the time being…let’s see here, Nick Ring has his next fight booked against Constantinos Philippou at UFC 154, but no one cares about that………dammit, Latisha, you just had to threaten to call Big Ron again, didn’t you?! Focus, focus…uh…Marloes Coenen said Ronda Rousey has “no balls”…I suppose that is true, but not really newsworthy, because bitches be crazy, right Latisha? *attempts high five, receives no response*….think Jared, what would the Potato Nation like to start their Monday off with? *looks over to Latisha once again*…TITS. Of course, it’s so obvious! Time to break out the lime, I mean computer, and get started!

So while it may not be all that significant that a behind-the-scenes video of Arianny Celeste’s 2013 Calendar shoot was recently released online, please trust that this is probably the most captivating bit of news you could come across this morning given the options at hand. So just shut up and enjoy Ms. Celeste rocking no shirt like only she can.

Video after the jump. 

(Rex’s "first draft," courtesy of jimbonics. Click for larger version.)

by CagePotato.com contributor DL "ReX13" Richardson

Middleweight just hasn’t been home to many exciting fights lately. Whether it’s the result of a grinding style that never goes for the finish, or simply because a fighter is apparently out of his goddamn mind, there’s been a noticeable lack of offense at 185. Bellator hoped to bring the sexy back last night, as they visited the Power & Light District in Kansas City, Missouri, for the quarterfinals of this year’s middleweight tournament. The winner of the Season Two tourney receives a title shot against current champ Hector “Shango” Lombard, who faces off with Paulo Filho in a non-title scrap on May 13th. Full Bellator XVI event recap and results are after the jump…

Strangely, it seems as if Jared Shaw’s strategy of openly insulting Elite XC lightweight champion KJ Noons in the press isn’t compelling him to play nice with the organization. Weird. Even the ultimatum — and everyone loves being issued an ultimatum — hasn’t convinced him to sign the bout agreement. So what is Noons planning to do?

According to a report from MMANews.com, nothing much for the time being. But it doesn’t sound as if Shaw’s remarks are helping any:

“A few things will be settled over the next few days,” Noons told MMANews.com “but for now we’ll just let Jared Shaw go off on his little rants and let him have his fun, this isn’t bothering me.”

“I just need a couple more days to get this stuff worked out and then I will be able to say my piece and clear my name of everything that is being said and everything that is going on.”

That doesn’t exactly sound like a man who’s eager to sign a bout agreement. That sounds more like a man looking for a way out. Apparently he isn’t moved by Shaw’s threat to make him “face public opinion.” Maybe he realized that if Jared “$kala” Shaw hasn’t been destroyed by public opinion yet, it’s not quite the all-powerful force it’s being made out to be.

“Man, I just can’t tell you how much stronger I feel since I got my leukocyte count under control, you know?  I feel like I could do this all day!”  PicProps:  Keith Mills for Sherdog

Since we all know that you didn’t watch Bellator last night, how about a recap?  Come on inside for accounts of the event, plus videos of the middleweight tournament bouts, courtesy of Zee2TehPee and ArnForgesArn.com – massive props to those guys.  Boo boo on the crowd in Hollywood, Florida, which seemed just a little too quick to rain down boos on a good night of fights.  Come on inside and I’ll tell you all about it.

(I don’t see any braids, homeboy.) 

Tonight, the UFC makes its ever glorious return to FX, and if the undercard is any indication, we are in for a night of action packed goodness, Potato Nation. Clay Guida and Gray Maynard will battle for a spot amongst the endless string of lightweight contenders, and Spencer Fisher will be battling for his dignity against Sam Stout. Our very own Jared Jones will be liveblogging everything as it goes down, so join him as he recaps all the action as it plays out, won’t you?