(Amir and his hail-Mary armbar against CB. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

Every Thursday morning, Team Rampage member Gerald Harris blogs his reactions to each episode of The Ultimate Fighter 7 on CagePotato.com. Here’s what he had to say about last night’s insane ep, which we’ve already summarized here.

***

Damn, what a season! Now, I can’t sit here and say it was the best season ever, because I didn’t watch many of the previous TUF shows, the finale hasn’t happened yet, and who am I to make such a bold statement? All I can say is that we fought our asses off and hopefully built a strong fan base for ourselves while bringing some new faces to the UFC.

I don’t want to overshadow the two fights with Jesse’s incident so I’ll address that now. I feel sorry for him, but every man is responsible for his own mistakes. It’s not like getting caught with a punch or submission — this is a voluntary act that you can control. There are consequences in the real world and unfortunately Jesse picked the wrong time to learn a lesson. I witnessed most of the events that night and even tried to help him get home, but he was out of control. With a son to feed and a future career in the UFC, the decision to go home instead of party would have changed his life.

(Tim Credeur puts away the pretty-boy.)

Every Thursday morning, Team Rampage member Gerald Harris blogs his reactions to each new episode of The Ultimate Fighter 7 on CagePotato.com. Here’s what he had to say about last night’s ep, in which Jeremy May tried to stir up some more shit, and Tim Credeur and CB Dollaway battled their way into the semis.

***

Well, I have to say that this was my favorite episode. There was a lot of *bleeping* going on tonight so let me translate for you. Our evening started off with the usual Jeremy May bashing, especially when we weren’t at the house. I was a little shocked at how much people talked behind each other’s backs; it sounded like Americas Next Top Model at times. (I don’t watch that show, but I saw an episode or two…) Anyway, when Jeremy walked in and heard JT he told me his bright idea to get JT kicked out of the house. I had no idea he was going to call him a “Jewish bitch”! Now, that’s not a smooth move — imagine if someone called me the “N-word” or a “Black bitch.” JT was offended and flipped out, but I quickly sat him down and told him to think about his son. You’re in the semi’s man, don’t let anyone stop you from achieving your goal. Things cooled down, but I did laugh when he called Jeremy a broke-nosed bitch!

Now to the semi match ups — Creduer vs. Cramer and CB vs. Yarbrough. I was a little thrown off at Tim’s constant compliments about Cramer. Every time he speaks of him he says that “Cramer is hot,” “Cramer is a heart throb,” or something in that manner. I know that we were locked up for a minute, but I wasn’t thinking about Cramer, I was trying to get a peek at the ring girls or any woman driving on the highway as we went to practice. I don’t want to seem like I’m hating on Tim, but I did want to fight him extremely bad. The first time we spoke I told him that I was going to miss my kids and he says “yeah, I know how you feel — I got two dogs at home.” Then after his victory he randomly walked up to me and a couple other guys that lost. He calmly explained to us how he has $20,000 and how he has the ability to be losing a fight but win, and how we were winning our fights and lost.

(“The foulest stench is in the air / the funk of 40,000 years / And grisly ghouls from every tomb / are closing in to seal your doom.”)

Every Thursday morning, Team Rampage member Gerald Harris blogs his reactions to each new episode of The Ultimate Fighter 7 on CagePotato.com. Here’s what he had to say about last night’s ep, in which CB Dollaway got his first inevitable win and the quarterfinal matchups were announced.

***

Let me start by apologizing for not speaking on the Yarbrough-Schultz fight in last week’s blog. I was really going through some things — it’s hard to walk around knowing the outcome of the show and holding it from your friends and family. You’re drowned with questions and angry people wanting to know what happened, and also claiming to know the outcome. Last week was a shock to a lot of people close to me but not to many outside of that circle. I learned a lot from the experience and took the loss as motivation. I was also mistaken on my words threatening to hurt Amir after the bout. I was being very sarcastic and I’m very humble about the incident.

Now, it was no surprise that CB was fighting Nick Klein this week. The only surprise was “who the hell is Nick Klein?” Well, let me fill you in. Klein is a tough dude — we were actually respecting him a lot, because he was very quiet in the house. Quiet people are unpredictable and are usually hiding something…like talent. Klein had a lot of it and even earned the name “Killa Klein” for his random funny outbursts. I hate to use the word “underdog” on this show because we’re all at the bottom of the mountain trying to become UFC fighters. In this case even Klein felt like an underdog because of CB’s high profile and #1 pick status from Rampage.

Most of you already know about CB. I didn’t know much about him other than his great wrestling before the show, but I would soon find out about his grappling and Muay Thai skills. I thought that he was just another wrestler, but after training with him I noticed that he was well rounded. He hits hard as hell, has great subs, and he’s meaner than a muthaf*$#a when it’s time to fight. He has this alter ego called the “DOBERMAN” and I saw that as he entered the cage.

(“Sic semper tyrannis, bitch!”)

Every Thursday morning, Team Rampage member Gerald Harris will be blogging his reactions to each new episode of The Ultimate Fighter 7 on CagePotato.com. Here’s what he had to say about last night’s ep, in which Jeremy May got his comeuppance and Team Rampage finally pulled out a win.

***

I don’t think too many people were surprised by the punishment dished out by Matt Brown. People ask me about him all the time — they think he’s a serial killer and mean as hell. To tell you the truth, I thought the same thing, but he’s actually one of the coolest dudes in the house. He opened up a lot about how fighting kept him alive and changed him in a positive way. He earned a lot of respect by doing that and whoopin’ ass in practice.

May definitely asked for it, but I gotta give it too him for coming out strong. The only thing that pissed me off is that the admitted to faking the knee injury. Now, if you don’t already know, I’m probably Jeremy’s only friend and I didn’t even know that. A lot of people were cautious of overtraining, but to sandbag is another story. The fight went well — it was all emotion, so they got tired pretty quick. But Brown had the better cardio and weathered the storm, then finished May with a kick to the nose. As bad as some people wanted to see Jeremy lose, I hated to see Team Forrest in control again.

From April to June, TUF 7 castmember Gerald Harris was brave enough to guest-blog the “Rampage vs. Forrest” season for CagePotato.com, despite being knocked out of contention by Amir Sadollah in the round-of-16. He sent us this quick update today, to share with all the fans of his posts on our site. Give it a read and don’t be a stranger…

***

Well, I figured that it’s better late than never. I have been in the process of moving to Phoenix, Arizona, so I haven’t had the time to write. I was actually making this move in January and had no idea where I was going to work out. Things didn’t go so well in Oregon financially, so I had to pack up and move in with my momma. It was hard, because I was a pro fighter, 28 years old, college graduate, and I was so poor I had to move in with a parent. Now, this isnt about pride, but I just expected more from myself. Oregon was good to me, I trained with Team Quest and built some lifetime friendships, but I had to move.

(Video via YouTube.com/CagePotato)

There’s nothing more entertaining than a bad street fight. With that in mind, CagePotato is kicking off a new collaboration with our old friend Gerald Harris, in which the MMA fighter/comedian overdubs some hilarious new dialogue to infamous street fight videos.

Check out the first installment of “Street Fight Funhouse” above, in which Gerald takes on a classic Canadian street-scrap from 1991. If you’d like to see future installments of this series, please subscribe to CagePotato’s YouTube channel right here. We’ll be putting out a new episode every other week. And show Gerald some love by visiting his own amazing YouTube page (HAHAHurricane) and following him on twitter!

Thanks for watching, and let us know what you think.

(Remember to include "proficient in jabbing" on your resume. / Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

UFC middleweight contender Gerald Harris confirmed last night that he has been released by the UFC following his decision loss to Maiquel Falcao at UFC 123. Yes, Gerald Harris, the SportsCenter highlight-maker and all-around nice guy, who had come into the fight with a 3-0 Octagon record and two Knockout of the Night bonuses under his belt. Even considering how lackluster his fight last weekend turned out, this has to be the most unexpected UFC firing in recent memory. Is the UFC so dead-set on trimming their roster with the influx of WEC talent that they’ll bounce a rising star for one bad showing? Maybe. But get this…

("It’s not you, UFC, it’s me. It’s all my fault. I’m ugly and useless and deserve to be hit until it sinks in.")

You would think that seeing the MMA world in an uproar over your questionable firing for one somewhat uninspired performance would provoke you to speak out about your feelings on the matter.

Either Gerald Harris is angling for a quick return to the Octagon or the former UFC middleweight is suffering from a serious case of Stockholm Syndrome.

Whatever the reason, the former CagePotato TUF 7 blogger seems to have accepted his undeserved firing and has shouldered the brunt of the blame for the UFC’s decision to let him go.

"I messed up. I had the biggest opportunity in the world, and I didn’t seize the day. I didn’t take advantage of the situation I was in. I don’t feel sorry for myself in a sense of being cut. I’m more disappointed with my performance than anything. That’s what hurts me the most. I didn’t show enough initiative to win the fight," Harris told MMAJunkie. "If it was a [preliminary-card] fight, I probably wouldn’t be in that much trouble, but they gave me the opportunity of a lifetime (on pay-per-view), and I blew it. I really blew it. I have nothing to blame it on. I’m not blaming it on the choke. I had a great training camp. Everything was great other than the fight. I have no excuses, none at all."

(Tim Credeur in happier times.)

Every Thursday morning, Team Rampage member Gerald Harris blogs his reactions to each new episode of The Ultimate Fighter 7 on CagePotato.com. Here’s what he had to say about last night’s ep, in which Forrest Griffin proved that white men can jump, and Mongo Taylor smothered his way into the finals.

***

This episode was pretty good, but I can’t wait until next week. It feels like yesterday, I was sending in an application and audition tape. Now, I’m sitting at home watching all the action unfold like I wasnt a part of it.

As you know by now, Team Rampage has been losing a lot in everything except Go Karts and shit-talking, so when the basketball challenge was announced I “assumed” we finally had a chance to win. My college coach told me that when you assume you make an ass out of yourself and I felt like a big hairy ass when Forrest started kicking Rampage’s. Before the game started I did every dance move known to man as I held 10 grand in cash, but they were slowly shut down by Forrest’s accurate shooing and Rampage’s attempt to build a house with all them damn bricks. He admitted that he sucked at basketball, but it hurt to lose again — not only did we lose, but Forrest put some stank on it and dunked at the end. Damn!

Well, once again America gets to see the many sides of Jesse. Me and Jesse were cool because of Team Quest and I mentioned before that we were both fathers, so we talked about missing our families. I was obviously rooting for him, but I doubted him because of his actions in the house. You didn’t see me in many scenes of his outburts, but I thought he was throwing his opportunity away; I felt like he was taking his position for granted. Little did I know that he’s an animal — not CoCo the monkey, but like King Kong in that damn cage. He’s not that exciting, but very solid. Sure, the dude pisses his shorts, but he kicks ass, so what can you say?

(Jesse Taylor pisses his shorts on national television.)

Every Thursday morning, Team Rampage member Gerald Harris blogs his reactions to each new episode of The Ultimate Fighter 7 on CagePotato.com. Here’s what he had to say about last night’s ep, in which retard-strong (and retard-smart) Jesse Taylor pounded his way to victory, and Amir Sadollah and Matt Brown put on the best fight of the season.

***

By now everyone should know that Jesse Taylor is for real. He’s not the most exciting fighter in the world, but he’s solid and gets the job done. I can’t hate, because I respect winners and he’s also a Team Quest fighter so I was rooting for him. Dante just laid there and took a beating. He’s a veteran in the game and also a brown belt under Ricardo Almeida, so I assumed that he would catch Jesse, but Jesse just punched the [blank] out of him for two full rounds.

Now, let me get to the action! Matt Brown vs. Amir Sadollah was crazy. That’s a fight that people would pay money to watch. I think the first round could be given to Brown for the aggression and last second takedown. Amir seemed to pick up steam in the second round, took Matt down, punished him from the top, and eventually sunk in a triangle choke. I liked the fight because it wasn’t a sloppy slugfest. Brown has a great boxing background and Amir showed his Muay Thai and ground game with the strikes and sub finish. It’s crazy that the more you pressure him, he gets stronger and doesn’t fold — that’s the quality of a good fighter. I can say the same about Brown plus he was very humble in his loss and showed respect for his opponent.

(That’s what we call ‘marketable skills’.)

It’s been a strange, at-times painful trip for our good buddy Gerald Harris. After being released by the UFC after his first loss in four appearances, Harris dropped a decision in a rebound fight against James Head at an Xtreme Fight Night event in February. Head earned a ticket to the UFC while Harris secured his place on the outside looking in. ‘Hurricane’ finally got back to the win-column with a decision over former Strikeforce contender Anthony Ruiz at Tachi Palace Fights 9 in May, but broke his hand in the process.

Luckily, things are about to get a lot better (we hope). Harris announced on his Twitter page today that he’s signed a multi-fight deal with DREAM:

(Gerald Harris after slam-KO’ing Dave Branch at UFC 116; we can’t tell what Joe Silva is saying back there, but it’s probably something like “hit that bastard again and again and again!”)

Last Friday in Tulsa, former UFC fighter Gerald Harris competed for the first time since his unanimous decision loss to Maiquel Falcao in November and subsequent canning. Harris’s opponent at Xtreme Fight Night: Harris vs. Head was James Head, a fighter from Oklahoma City who came into the fight with a 7-1 record against mostly-anonymous competition. And even though that sounds like the kind of mismatch you’d only find on a local card in Tulsa, Head went off script and actually beat Harris by unanimous decision. What?

UFC fighter and former Cage Potato guest blogger Gerald Harris is the kind of guy who can appreciate a good joke. He’s also the kind of guy who can appreciate a joke even more when it is perpetrated against colleagues. That’s why while Pat Barry and “King Mo” Lawal were guests on MMA Scraps Radio recently, Harris pulled out his best ignorant redneck voice to play a little prank on the K-1 kickboxer turned MMA fighter by insisting that all this leg kicking nonsense is just not what real fighting is about.

The best moment is when Barry gets frustrated enough to float the idea of kicking this caller in the leg hard enough to make him think he got punched in the face. That’s when Harris, with perfect comedic timing, responds: “You must not be very educated because my leg and my face are very far apart.”

Gerald Harris, we don’t hand these out frivolously, but you, my friend, have earned yourself an official Cage Potato Attaboy.

From last night’s episode of TUF; props to MMATKO.

He’s dumped roommates in garbage cans and flame-broiled cockblockers. But in this episode, Kimbo Slice deals with an office lunch-stealer through the power of conversation. (Spoiler alert: Just kidding!)

In this installment of our collaborative series with Break.com, a cockblocking collar-popped jagoff named Josh learns that face + grill ? fun. Watch, comment, and spread the love.

It’s finally here! Kimbo Slice dishes out some poetic justice, garbage-can-style, in the series premiere of What Would Kimbo Do? Enjoy, and let us know what you think…

(In a moment, you’re going to feel a little bit of pressure.) 

A lot of fight booking news today, Potato Nation.

With a featherweight title fight between Jose Aldo and Chad Mendes, the UFC debut of Siyar Bahadurzada, and some guaranteed fireworks in the Belfort/Johnson and Etim/Barboza scraps, UFC 142 is shaping up to be one hell of a card. But if, like me, you don’t get excited for a fight that lacks an outside possibility of descending into utter chaos, involving limb loss, premature celebration, and a lack of respect for the referee bordering on Earl Hebner levels of insanity, then boy are you in for a treat.

News broke earlier today that our favorite little appendage manipulator, Rousimar Palhares, has agreed to face New Jersey’s Mike Massenzio at UFC 142 in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. And although allowing Palhares to compete in his home country nearly cost him a victory over Dan Miller (who is also a Jersey native, ironically) in his last bout, “Toquinho” will no doubt be looking to impress against Massenzio, who may be fighting for his UFC career come January 14th. Just 1-3 in his last 4 UFC bouts (2-4 overall), Massenzio most recently scored a unanimous decision victory over the similarly struggling Steve Cantwell at UFC 136, making it Cantwell’s fourth straight decision loss in as many contests.

By Elias Cepeda

This final episode of the TUF 15 season included perhaps more out-of-the-ring action than any prior episode. We got more of Cruz and Faber cracking wise at each other, but also legit blows thrown inside of the house and a surprise announcement or two.

The winning fighter and coach will each win a Harley Davidson motorcycle and so the guys are taken to a Harley super store to try bikes on and leather for size. They are hosted by Theo “Juice” Rossi, who has inexplicably still managed to survive cooperation with the government (Watch Sons of Anarchy to get the reference. And yes, I have trouble telling the difference between quality screenplay and reality.)

Back in the house, Tickle decides to throw a water bottle on the balls of a sleeping Daron. Daron, with weeks of pent up aggression from being eliminated, wakes up into a sprint like a Navy Seal or something, finds Tickle and fires off a punch and kick combination on the goofball.

Tickle acts outraged, like he doesn’t understand that getting awoken from slumber by getting hit in the balls absolutely deserves an ass-kicking. Daron worries that he might get kicked off of the show for fighting in the house because that’s what has happened in past seasons.

Naw, its cool, dawg, says UFC President Dana White. Well, not really. But he does announce to the guys in the gym, later that all of them will be fighting on next week’s finale in Vegas. All, except for Mike Rio, who busted his rib, and Andy Ogle, who is on medical suspension after his last KO loss.

The passionate Ogle is distraught at the idea that he won’t get to fight after making it so far. White assures him that he will “be back.” That isn’t good for everyone’s favorite warrior-poet, who literally runs after White as the Prez is leaving the building, wraps his arm around him and asks to be put on the Nottingham card in September.

By Elias Cepeda

We’ve got two quarter final match ups today so let’s jump right in. From Coach Dominick Cruz’ team we have Vinc Pichel taking on Coach Urijah Faber’s Chris Saunders. After that, Team Faber teammates Al Iaquinta and Andy Ogle lock up. At the end of the episode, injured Cruz’ replacement to face Faber at UFC 148 for the interim bantamweight title will also be announced.

By Elias Cepeda

If Team Cruz’ Sam Sicilia was freaking out over the pressure of being a #2 pick, it may have intensified this week as he was set to face the last pick overall, Chris Saunders. At least Sam had an extra world champion along to help him prepare.

Dominick Cruz brought in Strikeforce 135 pound champion Ronda Rousey to the UFC training center to teach his team some of her devastating Judo techniques. Ronda admits to being nervous about going in to teach the guys but they all seem receptive, as they should be, to learning from the champ – even though she’s a girl.

Oh yeah, Chris Tickle says that Ronda damn near broke his ribs while demonstrating a throw on him. The chick is rough, for sure.

Dana White allows the fighters to watch Jon Jones vs. Rashad Evans at the TUF mansion and Ronda joins them. Once more, her nervousness proves unfounded.

“There are going to be a lot of guys to fend off at once,” she laughs while being hot.

By Elias Cepeda

After the normal celebrating and gloating from last week’s winning Faber team, attention is turned to this week’s matchup of Team Cruz’ Jeremy Larsen and Team Faber’s Mike Chiesa. Remember when a few weeks back Mike’s father died just after seeing him fight and win on national television, and we learned that Mike and Sam Sicilia are best friends and training partners back home.

Well, on this year’s TUF, the two lightweights have found themselves on opposing teams, but are trying to find a balance between not betraying their team and not betraying one another. They call themselves “Team purple,” as in a combination of Faber’s blue team and Cruz’ red team. That’s adorable. Really.

(Without televisions in the house, Ramsey and Junior had to imagine what happened on the ‘Jersey Shore’ finale. / Props: IronForgesIron)

Lew Polley thinks Team Dos Santos is outworking Team Lesnar, and believes Brock Lesnar has already lost interest. “Junior legitimately cares about how these kids are doing,” he says, totally contradicting the trash he’ll talk after the show wraps.

Lesnar, who missed last week’s fight due to a family obligation, returns to a very luke-warm welcome. “Len, I heard you fought hard buddy,” he says. Len Bentley isn’t interested in such pleasantries. After going 1-2 in the first three fights, Team Lesnar is down to “The Four Horsemen”: Tony Ferguson, Clay Harvison, Chuck O’Neil, and Charlie Rader.

But in practice, the Horsemen are performing like a bunch of damn fillies. Clay is sleepwalking through practice, and Charlie is lollygagging too. (Brock’s word, not mine.)

The Reem Episode One
(Video courtesy YouTube/TheReem)

(The end of Schaub vs. Rogers.)

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights opened with some analysis of the Kimbo Slice vs. Roy Nelson fight, which was described rather generously as a "classic striker vs. wrestler/grappler matchup" by Scott Junk, who gives props to Slice for not gassing out. Titties Schoonover was also very impressed by Kimbo’s performance. Roy Nelson was impressed by Roy Nelson’s performance. After the fight, we see Big Country needling Rampage, thanking him for helping Roy count strikes to Kimbo’s dome. "I lost count after ten," Roy says, coming in for a bro-clinch. "Get the fuck off me," says Jackson. "I can’t stand that fat motherfucker," he tells Tiki.

Rampage and his assistants do their best to encourage Kimbo after the fight. Rampage vows to keep working with Slice and turn him into one of the best fighters out there. Kimbo doesn’t feel he’s out of the competition yet, and that with another two or three weeks of instruction, he’ll be untouchable. Abe Wagner tells him — to his face, amazingly — that he’s using denial as a coping mechanism. But for a moment, it does look like Kimbo might return. Marcus Jones has a "sweat attack," and has to sit down for a while after getting lightheaded back at the house. His teammates think he’s physically cracking under the demands of the show. Kimbo sees it as his opportunity to squeeze his way back in, but Marcus quickly recovers.

(Props: MMA Mania)

Nothin’ like a good old vanity project. Here’s the first episode of The BJPenn.com Show, which follows "the greatest mixed martial artist in the world" as he does publicity appearances and chills with the fam. Picture Dana White’s video blogs but with much-higher production values and a bikini-clad host who looks like an off-brand Brooke Hogan. Good on Penn for having the resources to make an ego-stroking informercial for himself. (Between the chick narrator and the reverent tone, it kind of reminded me of the John Holmes documentary Exhausted, which was parodied to amazing effect in Boogie Nights.) Looking forward to that pretty Wahine contest!

After the jump: The first official trailer for UFC 94: St. Pierre vs. Penn II.

Here’s the second episode of ESPN’s new online series, MMA Live, co-hosted again by Kenny Florian. In this installment, the panel breaks down UFC 84′s main event, Tito Ortiz’s career, Mike Tyson’s rumored jump to MMA, and Rich Franklin’s rumored jump to 205. In the “MMA for Dummies” segment, Bas Rutten runs us through “The Exorcist,” a neck crank sub perfect for when your opponent just ain’t givin’ up that rear-naked choke. If you missed the first episode, it’s after the jump.

(Video courtesy of Vimeo/THE REEM)

Our favorite web documentary series is back with another episode just intime for its protagonist’s biggest fight of his career.

In this episode of The Reem, Alistair Overeem does some PR work in L.A. ahead of his UFC 141 bout with Brock Lesnar this Friday and spends some time training with Mark Munoz and company at Reign Training Center.

Shame on HDNet and the Octagon Nation Tour for jacking our swagger (6:08 mark) and props to Overeem for punking the last fan in line at the signing. The dude looked like he was going to cry.

(Round two of Dillashaw vs. Delorme, via IronForgesIron)

Roland Delorme’s foot is still as red and lumpy as Bruce Vilanch’s face. It hurts like a bitch, but at least he can’t transmit it to anybody else, whatever it is. And there’s still a good chance he’ll be cleared to fight, so fingers crossed.

Jason Miller brings in former Chute Boxe coach Rafael Cordeiro — who currently trains Mayhem at Kings MMA in Huntington Beach — to work with the Team Miller guys on striking drills. But Michael Bisping ups the ante, bringing in Tito Ortiz — his coach on TUF 3 — for a ground-and-pound clinic. “It’s not about the money or fame,” Ortiz tells the blue team. “It’s about us being men and seeing who’s the baddest guy alive.” Marcus Brimage is star-struck: “I was like, wow…that’s a big fucking head!”

Brimage and Akira Corassani are still harping on the fact that TJ Dillashaw asked to fight Delorme instead of Dodson, looking for an easy road to the bantamweight semi-finals. So Akira and Diego Brandao hatch a plan to get even with TJ. It’s a pretty simple plan, really — they plan to beat the shit out of him at practice.

(It’s funny until you realize that his little dog is in that backpack. And then it’s absolutely hilarious. GIF via IronForgesIron)

We’re heading into the home stretch of TUF 14: Team Asshole vs. Team Goofball, and the bloom is definitely off the rose. At this point, I just want to see the coaches settle their beef at the finale show next month. I’d also like to see Diego Brandao whip some more ass. Other than that, I’m only watching/writing this out of habit. How many dumb pranks can grown men can play on each other? Even when they involve Mariachi bands, it’s just…I don’t know. There are more important things happening in our country right now.

The TUF house has reached a Heathers-level of cliquey-ness. You got the Bible thumpers, the card players, and the dudes with anger issues/crazy hair/dark skin. And hey, you know who Akira Corassani doesn’t like? That bitch-ass Bryan Caraway. “He’s like a little girl,” Akira says. “He wakes up in the morning, he takes like 25 minutes to make his hair.”

So, Akira sneaks into Bryan’s bedroom in the middle of the night and shaves off a piece of his hair. Caraway chases him to an upstairs balcony, where Akira is giggling with his bros. Instead of brawling with the whole gang, Bryan threatens non-specific vengeance sometime in the future. “Y’know, what we do in life echoes in eternity, and this right here I’m going to laugh about my whole life,” Akira says, COMPLETELY MISSING THE POINT OF GLADIATOR. Look, spoiler alert, Akira gets choked out at the end of this episode and it’s awesome. Sorry guys, I had to.