Uh…

To see more of Joanne and Lauren, go to MMAgirls.net. If you need me, I’ll be dumping ice water down my pants.

(I kept telling the bouncers that I was over 21; I even showed them my ID and told them that it was *my* afterparty that they were bouncing, yet this happens once again…) 

After enduring the longest card free drought in nearly two years, the UFC returned to action last Saturday, delivering an event that was thoroughly satisfying from top-to-bottom, unless you happened to be in the small minority of people who wished ill upon either Michael Bisping or Jon Jones, that is. But as is the case with most UFC events, the evening was not without its share of ups and downs, so join us as we take take off our fanboy pants, pull our analrapist stockings over our heads, and take a look back at the event that was…

The Good:

Seth Baczynski’s Second Tour of Duty: One of the more improbable, if not unknown, comeback stories currently circulating the MMA world, the story of “The Polish Pistola’s” second octagon run has seen him score submission victories over TUF 13 alum Clay Harvison, TUF 7 alum Matt Brown, and earn a split decision victory over Lance Benoist. His beautiful knockout of Simeon Thoreson this past weekend should have easily earned him the KOTN award, but we imagine that Baczynski will be happy enough knowing that he has more than earned a shot at some stiffer competition — and considering his finishing rate, a main card spot — in the near future.

Vinny Magalhaes‘ Second Tour of Duty: While we’re on the subject of TUF alums kicking major ass their second time around, we can’t overlook TUF 8 finalist Vinny Magalhaes, who clearly packed some of his M-1 swagger for his return to the big show (figuratively speaking, of course). Granted, it makes your job a hell of a lot easier when your opponent decides to play directly into your strengths, but for now, we’ll just congratulate Vinny on a sweet finish and a successful return.

(This punch-face that Bendo gave Frankie Edgar? Good *and* ugly.)

By Mark Dorsey

Inspired by the 1966 Spaghetti Western film about three gunmen who set out to find a hidden fortune during the American Civil War, this post-event wrap-up is dedicated to the moments that may have slipped through the cracks or deserve a little bit more analysis. Before we bid adieu to the resounding success that was UFC 144, join us for a look back at the event with a solid, squinty-eyed gaze that would make a macho legend like Clint Eastwood proud.

The Good
• The Japanese crowd. As expected, the Japanese crowd was politely engaged in the fights throughout the entire event. There were long periods of respectful silence during most of the action, prompting Joe Rogan to urge Mike Goldberg to take off his headphones in order to soak in the eerie quiet in the arena. Rogan is a stand-up comic who doesn’t often get the opportunity to crack jokes during the fights but it was funny when he said that event was akin to watching “a cagefight in a church.” Despite the reverent atmosphere, the crowd also had its moments of vocal fervor, erupting into chants of Hioki’s name and random “UFC” chants, while also scolding Ryan Bader with boos when he tried to tie-up Rampage from the bottom. The Japanese fans showed a lot of support to non-native fighters such as Vaughan Lee after his impressive armbar victory over Kid Yamamoto, and Tim Boetsch after his shocking comeback win over Yushin Okami. The vibe in Japan was markedly different from the UFC’s amazing shows in Toronto and Rio, but anytime there’s an event when the fans become one of the main talking points, it speaks to their passion.

• Referees. Referees usually only get the spotlight if they make a mistake or controversial decision, but sometimes they should get mentioned simply because they did a solid job. That was certainly the case at UFC 144 which saw some great stoppages. Particularly noteworthy was Herb Dean’s reaction time, jumping in to stop Mark Hunt and Issei Tamura from inflicting more damage after their devastating knockouts of Cheick Kongo and Zhang Tiequan, respectively. In a similar vein, during the Lauzon/Pettis fight, referee Marc Goddard was right on top of the action, quickly stepping in to prevent follow-up damage after Lauzon was KO’d.

(Face, you are a scary. / Photo via FOX Sports)

By Mark Dorsey
One final recap of Saturday night’s UFC 142: Aldo vs. Mendes event, Clint Eastwood-style.

The Good
• Edson Barboza‘s astounding spinning heel kick knockout of Terry Etim. Mike Goldberg might have been exaggerating a bit when he called it “maybe the most spectacular knockout in UFC history,” but it’s certainly the early front-runner for Greatest Knockout of 2012. And props to Joe Rogan for immediately recalling Baraboza’s prior use of the kick against Anthony Njokuani. As Rogan mentioned, it’s an under-utilized technique that we may start to see come in-vogue in 2012, much like the crane kick in 2011.

• Gabriel Gonzaga needed a good performance to provoke any sort of excitement in his return to the UFC’s heavyweight division. Even sweeter than his early finish was his proclamation that we can expect to see him return to the submission base that generated so much interest in his first run at UFC contention.

• After two highly energetic Brazilian shows within a year, the UFC has found its most passionate and dedicated audience. The crowd at the HSBC Arena in Rio de Janeiro was loud, enthusiastic, and everything one would expect from a bunch of rowdy Brazilian fight fans. There was a good amount of variation in the chants throughout the night — from “U.S.A., to “Thiago,” to the famous soccer anthem “ole ole ole” — and a surreal crowd-surfing celebration from defending featherweight champion Jose Aldo capped off the incredible fan involvement.

(Photo courtesy of Shane Carwin’s Twitter.)

This morning Shane Carwin awoke to find the UFC interim heavyweight championship belt and a bunch of empty Bud Lights in his hotel room.  We’ve all been there, haven’t we?  The weird part is, we just assumed that make-believe belt would have turned back into a pumpkin by morning, leaving "Hulk Hands" with only some sore fists and a debilitating light beer headache to remind him that it wasn’t all some beautiful, violent dream. 

When I was in Tokyo for the New Year’s Eve Dynamite!! show, I couldn’t help but notice that Gary Goodridge seemed like a man who didn’t really want to be fighting.  He was added to the card at the last minute, matched up against Gegard Mousasi in a fight the promoters obviously didn’t intend for him to win.  His last MMA fight was in November of 2008.  He hadn’t won one since his 2007 K-1 Heroes bout against Jan Nortje.  So what was he doing fighting "Sweet Sassy" on a few days’ notice?

The answer, Goodridge told me when I spoke to him for an SI.com article this week, is surviving.  He was getting paid the only way he knows how, though he wishes he didn’t have to.

"I’m trying to get a job, period," said Goodridge. "My background is in security, police, corrections. I went to school for four years at a college level to learn how to beat people properly. I would love to be a bodyguard, whatever. I’m just looking for a job."

(Props: Fight Magazine)

Most of the time when people begin sentences with the phrase, "Funny story…" the one thing you can count on is that you’re about to hear a story that is only funny in the eyes of its teller.  That is, except when the teller is Bas Rutten.  When "El Guapo" begins sentences that way, what usually follows is a story about someone getting badly beat up, and usually that story will be oddly funny in a violently bizarre way. 

For instance, in this case Rutten tells a tale about how he went from being a sickly kid who got picked on to a neighborhood terror who hunted down former bullies in order to give them their comeuppance.  Then he and some friends are hanging out at a bar where a strange woman gets knocked unconscious into Rutten’s arms and, as it often does in these situations, hilarity ensues.  You know, after somebody punched a woman.  Don’t worry, I’m sure she was okay.  Well, not okay, but you get the point.

Barely related: Ten Things "Roadhouse" Taught Us About Fighting

(CNBC’s sports business readers aren’t an optimistic bunch.)

As the Kimbo Slice backlash pendulum swings to and fro in the days following his defeat, we find ourselves asking what lingering affect Slice’s fourteen-second performance might have on the MMA landscape. The good news, some MMA pundits tell us, is that people are talking. They’re covering Kimbo Slice on ESPN. They’re talking about him in the mainstream news media. There is a buzz, in other words, thanks to Elite XC and Kimbo Slice.

And that’s nice, except for when you stop to listen to what these people are actually saying. CNBC’s sports business guru Darren Rovell, put it thusly:

…[T]his will turn out to be a great case study in sports marketing.

You have a really marketable asset in a guy like Kimbo Slice. The problem is, he’s a good street fighter against normal guys. He’s just not that good of an MMA fighter. So you know that he has to continue to win, but there aren’t enough weak guys for him to fight. In fact, as was proven in Petruzelli, a decent guy can beat him. The other problem is that you can only fix the results if the guy makes it to three rounds, which you’re never guaranteed. Slice couldn’t have won on Saturday night. He was getting pounded. Mike Tyson was Mike Tyson because he really was a talented fighter, along with all the weird baggage that we loved.

An astute analysis, even if we were sick of the Kimbo Slice/Mike Tyson comparisons months ago. But Gravell, who wrote about how drawn he was to Kimbo’s persona and backstory when he fought on the first CBS show, seems to have come to the realization that it was all hype. Which should be encouraging, because it means that maybe the people who were drawn to the sport because of the Kimbo buzz will not abandon it now that they realize he’s far from the best MMA has to offer.

NBC Sports’ resident MMA expert Mike Chiapetta says Kimbo’s loss is no good for anybody in MMA, no matter what we might say to the contrary:

(Image search result for “f***ed up.”)

Who could have seen this coming? We’re getting just as sick of this as you are, but we’re here to report another change. It was ri-fuckin-diculous the first four or five times they lost fighters, then picked them up again, then lost them yet again. It’s now obvious Bob Meyrowitz and crew are putting together their own version of “The Producers” by creating a new MMA organization that is doomed to fail — on purpose. I almost don’t even have the strength, but here it goes:

Butterbean lost his opponent, Gary Goodridge (again), because GG got KTFO on March 30th. Now YAMMA Pit Fighting has announced Goodridge’s replacement via their myspace page. You’ll never guess who is replacing Big Daddy Goodridge.

YAMMA Pit Fighting has announced that Pat Smith will replace Gary Goodridge in the YAMMA Pit Fighting “Masters Superfight” against Eric “Butterbean” Esch in Atlantic City on April 11, 2008. Goodridge was forced to withdraw from the event after losing a fight in South Korea on March 30, 2008 in what has been determined a knockout. This rendered Goodridge ineligible to fight on April 11 by the New Jersey Athletic Commission, which requires 30 days of inactivity following a KO.

Yeah. That Pat Smith. The one who was supposed to fight Oleg Taktarov in the other “Masters Superfight” of the night, then was out due to his arrest, but who was resubmitted to fight Oleg when Maurice Smith ditched the fight. Mark Kerr is allegedly now taking on Oleg and Pat Smith is allegedly fighting Butterbean. As far as we know, the heavyweight tournament hasn’t changed since the last time we checked.

I can’t think of an event in history that defines “clusterfuck” like YAMMA. Next thing you know they’ll fire the ring bowl girls and hire ring dudes. Until then, if you want a sneak of the YAMMA Girls practicing the YAMMA YAMMA dance, go here.

On a side note, YAMMA has over 2700 friends on myspace so join up if you’re looking for a relationship, a friend, or just want to network.

Props: MMA Photoshops

In our efforts to give out high fives and bro grabs over how much fun Saturday night’s fights were, we missed the opportunity to give constructive criticism to some of the evening’s lowest moments. We’ll more than likely still miss out on the constructive criticism here, but sometimes there’s just no way to be helpful about something’s ugliness (no matter how hard you try to be). But before we get caught up in the negativity…

The Good:

Vera and Varner Impressive in Defeat. Before Saturday night, both men were expected to be little more than highlight reel fodder for their opponents. After they came up just short in two of the most competitive, entertaining bouts to be broadcast on Fox, it’d be too easy to make comparisons to Rocky. So instead of making one, I’ll just imply it – problem solved. A loss is never easy for either fighter to swallow, but it could have been much uglier.

Mike Swick’s Feel-Good Comeback Fight. Is it even possible not to feel good for Mike Swick? After losing his last two fights and spending over two years away from the sport, things were looking pretty grim for “Quick.” Watching DaMarques Johnson control Swick for the first round certainly didn’t brighten the mood, either. But if you know somebody who wasn’t cheering while Swick flawlessly finished Johnson, that person has no pulse. In fact, that “person” is probably a zombie. Act accordingly.

(Overeem, before adding horse-meat and anti-inflammatory meds to his diet.)

By Josh Hutchinson

Whether it’s Jon Jones wanting to move up to heavyweight, or everyone wanting Frankie Edgar to cut to 145, weight-class-shifting is a hot topic for MMA fans and pundits alike. And while we’ve recently covered the perils and benefits of dropping to a lower weight class, the same can be said for moving up in weight. After jumping to heavier divisions, some fighters’ proverbial stars have shined brighter, some have dimmed, and some have gone God-damn-supernova — and it’s never easy to predict which fighters will have success. Check out some notable examples below, and tell us which other fighters you think would do well with some extra meat on their bones.

The Good

Alistair Overeem

(Same guy as above, same backdrop, and yet something is different…)

All insinuations aside, Overeem is a prime example of success at moving up a weight class. As I previously mentioned, Overeem has gone 12-1-1 since making a full commitment to heavyweight, and while the quality of opponents he faced was often questionable, that is still a hell of a good run. If you take a look back at his time at light-heavyweight, the stats are not nearly as impressive. Overeem’s losses usually came at the hands of the light-heavyweight division’s top guys, like Chuck Liddell, Antônio Rogério Nogueira, and Ricardo Arona. His run at light-heavyweight showed that he couldn’t hang with the elites of the respective weight class, and was vulnerable to being manhandled by stronger opponents.

After doing whatever it is he did to bulk up, he turned his fortunes around and achieved the greatest stardom of his career, becoming the poster child for successful jumps up the weight-class ladder. If it wasn’t for some bad decision-making, he would be fighting for the sport’s highest prize this weekend. Here’s to hoping he gets his shit together soon.

(Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com.)

By Jason Moles

Reflecting on UFC 145, one can only agree that that was an incredible way to break the fast of Zuffa-branded MMA action. Now that it’s all over, let’s take a moment to sort through the night’s biggest winners, losers, and everything in between. Oops, wrong site. So what five things did we learn from the event? Nope, that’s not right either. Here’s UFC 145′s MMA Stock Market The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Yeah, that’s it.

The Good

• Travis Browne. In a shrinking weight division, the undefeated “Hapa” continues his streak of dominance. After submitting Chad Griggs with an arm triangle choke in the first round, top-ten heavyweights are forced to pay this man some notice — especially now that he’s finishing opponents on the mat, which seemed to surprise Browne as much as anybody. Look for the big man to get a big step up in his next outing.

• Young Fighters Performing Like Veterans. Rory MacDonald and Jon Jones are two of the youngest fighters in the UFC, but you wouldn’t have been able to tell that purely from watching them in action Saturday night. At 22 and 24 respectively, the young guns showed us that virtuosity beats experience. Georges St. Pierre has praised MacDonald for a while now, going as far as saying that he will be the next Georges St. Pierre — a mighty high compliment considering the source. In all of his 14 pro bouts, “Ares” has only gone to a decision once. Even his one loss to UFC interim welterweight champion Carlos Condit came in exciting fashion and earned him a Fight of the Night bonus. The countdown has already begun. Liftoff is imminent. Hope this kid isn’t scared of heights.

Dammit, who are all you guys again?

Say what you will about The Ultimate Fighter (not like you need an invitation), but the finale shows tend to be pretty damn fun. This season, we actually have two fairly solid finalists, a dynamite co-main in Pettis-Guida, plus a handful of other matchups calibrated for striking showdowns and crowd amazement.

Here’s a quick and dirty rundown of the fights scheduled for this weekend, with a few of those fancy moving pictures that you like so much. Who ya got?

Ramsey Nijem

VS

Tony Ferguson

Well, either this fight is the one you’ve been waiting for, or you’re just wondering what these two nobodies are doing on your UFC card. Tune in to find out which guy gets a contract with the UFC. (Spoiler Alert: It’ll be both of them.)

(Video courtesy of YouTube/ESPN)

Brock Lesnar has been on a whirlwind media tour this week in advance of tonight’s premiere episode of The Ultimate Fighter Season 13 and one difference that is noticeable in the former UFC heavyweight champion is that he seems to be a lot less grumpy than usual. Either Dana White had a talk with him to ensure that there wouldn’t be any more “screw Bud Light” moments during the press junket or the TUF 13 coach has lightened up a bit. Either way, Brock actually comes off as funny and likeable in these clips.

Check out Lesnar scaring the shit out of Colin Cowherd and making Jim Norton squeal like a pig after the jump.

(Props: flickr.com/photos/shosports via Fightlinker)

Showtime has posted a great set of photos (taken by the incomparable Esther Lin) of Gina Carano training for her upcoming Strikeforce fight against Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos — with a few shots of her just standing around looking hot. In the second to last pic, Randy Couture demonstrates the irresistable power of the jorts. You can check out the rest of the pics here.

(Video courtesy YouTube/twistereddie)

If you’ve never watched any of the 10th Planet Mastering the System videos, you’re likely not familiar with Renato Laranja, who may or may not be a 27-time BJJ Mundials and capoeira champion and may possibly be made-up character who appears in the series. In a nutshell, Laranja is a BJJ black belt who has a cameo in nearly every episode in which he argues with Eddie Bravo about his no-gi system and seems to scrap with the Bravo faithful including Joe Rogan and Scott Epstein on a somewhat regular basis.

During a recent episode, Laranja "choked out" Bravo in an altercation that happened during one of Eddie’s classes at 10th Planet headquarters in L.A. The "incident" prompted Crispin Glover doppelganger and 10th Planet purple belt Matt Horwich to challenge the Brazilian to a fight in the episode above using way too many homosexual rape references for audience comfort.

As an added bonus, besides weekly marijuana tips courtesy of Bravo, Rogan appears on the show regularly in a Tae Kwon Do Joe segment in which he breaks down kicks used by fighters in recent fights.

Check out the Renato backstory after the jump:

(Photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

It’s a fact of life in the world of MMA: when it comes to getting big paydays in a hurry, fame trumps skill every time. We saw it with Kimbo Slice, who made half a million to dollars to lose to a mid-level fighter in the weight class below him. We saw it with Brock Lesnar, who debuted in the UFC with just one pro fight to his credit and made $250,000 in guaranteed show money. But we also see it in small ways, such as Kim Couture’s $10,000 take for her losing effort in Strikeforce Challengers last Friday. By comparison, Kerry Vera, who starched Couture in the first round, made four grand to show and another four to win. Main eventer Tyrone Woodley made $3,500 and $3,500. His losing counterpart in that bout? He took home just $2,500.

So how is it that a 1-2 fighter who has yet to prove that she has the skills to warrant an appearance on TV can pocket the biggest check of the night on a card that features several more experienced up-and-comers? Simple. She shares a famous person’s last name, which makes her kind of famous. Sort of.

(Don Frye doesn’t offer mustache rides. He merely takes applications and approves or denies them based on merit, need, and whether or not you are a gross fat chick.)

As much as we’ve been enjoying all the back and forth about who will and who won’t fight Fedor next weekend, it just seemed as though it hadn’t gotten quite absurd enough yet.  And then Don Frye chimed in:

"If Tom (Atencio) was smart, he’d have me fighting Fedor instead of whoever he’s hiring on a one week notice.  My phone works if he wants a real fight with someone who sell a fight in four days, somebody who will beat that bald-headed commie too. …He ain’t seen anything I have to offer.  He built his whole reputation (as a) waffle house chef. They’ve been serving him up ham and eggs with a side of canned tomatoes. I’ll bring it. And if he can bring it, you’ll have the best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet."

I’m sorry, bald-headed commie?  Waffle house chef?  Best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet?  And that’s just off the top of his head, people.  Imagine what he could do with a week to prepare some material and really build momentum.

(A joy so pure, so simple, it can only come from two ice cream cones.)

Noted author and smug smartass Matthew Polly traveled to Russia to witness firsthand Fedor Emelianenko’s loss at the Sambo World Championships in St. Petersburg in November.  He tells the tale in an article for Slate.com that contains several interesting insights about Russia and none of the cloying, faux-intellectual bullshit that usually finds its way into any Slate article (“Was Kevin Costner’s ‘Waterworld’ an Ahead-of-Its-Time Eco-Parable?” asks one such article.  No, asshole.  No it wasn’t).   

While the whole thing is interesting, even if you don’t care about Russian history or why St. Petersburg is a bizarrely beautiful and yet poorly-designed city, the last page is where we get serious about the mystery of Fedor.  What we end up learning, though, both in the Slate article and the full post-Sambo loss interview on Fightlinker, is that Fedor is either too nice to be interesting or else an impenetrable enigma.  And maybe we just choose to believe the latter because it’s more fun.

MMA Payout reports that Affliction: Banned will air on a delayed basis on Bravo TV in the UK. The show is set to air on Sunday July 20 at 9 pm, which means that if you live in the UK and don’t want the results spoiled for you it’s probably best to avoid the internet all together as American-based sites like this one will naturally just assume that anyone who wanted to see the show already has by then. But hey, at least you’re getting in on the action.

Not to be outdone by an Affliction-related announcement, the UFC also has news. Remember the Tim Credeur-Cale Yarbrough fight that was originally scheduled for the TUF 7 Finale but got scrapped when Credeur tested positive for prescription Adderall? It’s back on now, set for the UFC’s July 19 show. Cause why the hell not?

(‘You don’t like my movie? Tell me, which one of us has been nominated for an Academy Award and a Tony? That’s what I thought.’)

When word spread that famed writer/director David Mamet was behind a new movie about MMA, expectations ran high. Then the trailer came out and many fine MMA websites were quick to conclude that perhaps it wasn’t a film designed with the MMA aficionado in mind. And yet, Rolling Stone would have us believe that the movie is actually good.

It’s quite a conundrum. Enough to make us think we’ll actually have to see it before disparaging it.

I mean, okay, Randy Couture is in the movie. So is Tim Allen, and according to Peter Travers he is “superb at lacing charm with venom,” which becomes a difficult statement to believe right around the time the word ‘superb’ manages to sneak in there. All this begs the question: is Peter Travers (and by extension Rolling Stone) insane, or is there something to this buzz?

It’s worth noting that while ‘Redbelt’ got three out of four stars, so did ‘Leatherheads’. I’d suggest here that their ranking system is flawed, except they gave ’10,000 B.C.’ only one star, and that’s accurate as all hell. The review includes a brief plot summary of ‘Redbelt’ that makes the film seem, well, hokey, but let’s not forget that David Mamet has earned some street cred. To wit…

(We may never get to witness this historic matchup.)

When we first reported that Gary Goodridge wouldn’t be able to fight Eric Esch at YAMMA 1 because he was focusing on his MFC fight against Eric Pele next month, his crew came out in full force to correct us; Big Daddy was up for it, and was ready to “KICK SOME UGLY ASS.”

Well, we had no idea that Goodridge had another fight booked to go down just two weeks before his scheduled appearance in YAMMA’s Death Bowl. Apparently, he fought Mu Bae Choi in Seoul last Sunday and was knocked out in the second round. (Video can be seen here.) Subsequently, the New Jersey Athletic Control Board informed FiveOuncesOfPain that Goodridge would not be approved for his YAMMA fight due to health and safety concerns.

And it gets better: Yesterday we passed along YAMMA’s official announcement that Mark Kerr will be filling in for Don Frye Patrick Smith against Oleg Taktarov in one of the event’s “Masters Superfights,” but the Kerr/Taktarov match hasn’t been approved either due to Kerr’s previous suspension in the state of Connecticut.

So, unless Bob Meyrowitz can successfully bribe the NJACB to allow Goodridge to fight on April 11th, both of YAMMA’s headlining superfights are now in limbo. Our suggestion to Bob Meyrowitz? Save yourself the headaches and do what Strikeforce did — make the two guys who lost their opponents fight each other. Butterbean vs. Oleg Taktarov isn’t a bad main event, in a county fair sort of way. Or, let Oleg slice his way through the eight-man heavyweight tournament and pull up Ricco Rodriguez to battle Butterbean in New Jersey’s own version of the Megaton. Look, your fighting surface is a freakin’ bowl — don’t act like your credibility is at risk.

(Bone is for the dog; meat is for the man.)

Hey Potato Heads; couple things to pass along this afternoon…

Commenters “Near07″ and “Da Freak” are refuting our earlier report, taken from The Fight Network, that Gary Goodridge has dropped out of YAMMA Pit Fighting’s debut show on April 11th. From the comments on Wednesday’s post:

Near07 Says:
March 28th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
I am talking to Gary and he claims that this article is bogus, and he is indeed fighting butterbean in Yamma!! Not sure who puts thes up, but it should be scraped!! Thanks

Near07 Says:
March 28th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Gary just sent this to me 2 minutes ago
“Just post on it, that you talked to me and I told you it was all bogus and I already talk to Bob M Yesterday being Thursday. We got everything straight. I have but one Manger and it is not Dave Wallis”

Da Freak Says:
March 28th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Hey gang ,
I have no idea where this BS came from, but I am Gary’s training partner and we are in full training camp mode for Butterbean.
GARY WILL BE THERE AND WILL KICK SOME UGLY ASS
Fredd

As with everything posted by blog commenters, everything related to YAMMA Pit Fighting, and pretty much everything posted on this site, take the above with a nice-sized chunk of rock-salt.

In other news, top-ranked female fighter Tara LaRosa, who openly despises Gina Carano, recently made the following post on The UnderGround Forum in reference to “Crush”:

Congratulations Gavin Haughey — you’ve just won $500 in cash and $500 in Serious Pimp gear for creating the highest-voted t-shirt in our Serious Pimp design contest. Gavin’s design, known as “Good Evening Bitches” (above), edged out Ray Thorsky’s “Manuscript” piece by just 16 votes. We’ll keep you updated on how the dude spends his money. Our suggestion? Convert that shit into singles and make it rain!

Unrelated: There’s a new poll on the homepage — take it.

(A Japanese whaling boat dumps out the day’s catch…)

By CagePotato contributor Matthew Kaplowitz

As Japanese MMA seems to slowly dwindle away from the glory days of the sport, hardcore fans like myself shed a tear for our great loss. It wasn’t just knowing those obscure 135-pounders whose names had syllables our gaijin tongues could barely pronounce, or the fact that it was the land where stomping and soccer-kicking a human being in the face was perfected into a sweet science. More than that, it was the stars that were produced that we came to know and love, whether they were fighting someone on their level or tearing open a tomato can — and that is where this list begins.

Blatant mismatches aside, JMMA gave us so many beautiful fights with men like Fedor Emelianenko, Mirko “Crocop” Filipovic (go tell your favorite TUF noob that his last name is not Crocop and relish in their confusion), Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Ikuhisa Minowa and Kazushi Sakuraba. For every epic bout that went into the history books for their unbelievable drama, we had other fights that we remember for less than pleasant reasons. Yes, the freak show fights! What would a JMMA event be without a match worthy of a 1930′s carnival? The big question here was how do I rank something that is mediocre to begin with? Well, I’m as clueless as you are, so let’s get started on this journey down “Freak Show Lane,” across the street from “What Were They Thinking? Boulevard”…

10. Daiju Takase vs. Emmanuel Yarbrough
Pride 3, 6/24/98

This was the first freak show fight in Pride history, and earns a place on this list for that merit alone. It pit 169 lb. Daiju Takase against 600 lb. Emmanuel Yarbrough, who most fans will recall was clobbered into submission by Keith Hackney and his broken hand at UFC 3 (Yarbrough has no luck in any event associated with the number three). The sumo plodded around the ring tossing his hamhock arms at Takase, while the smaller Japanese fighter fled and slowly wore down Yarbrough.

Takase makes the mistake of going for a lazy single leg on Yarbrough, which results in the large fighter flopping onto his belly and absorbing Takase into his flesh. As Stephen Quadros lamented, “This is horrible! This is like “Jaws!” Eventually, Takase slid out from the greasy underside of Manny, and in an ending eerily similiar to his UFC 3 fight, Takase went to town with clubbing hands to his exhausted opponent’s face, leading to a tapout in the middle of the second round.

(UFC 3′s Emmanuel Yarborough and Miley Cyrus: They may seem like a strange pairing at first, but then you spend some time with them together and you’re like “okay, I totally get it now.”)

By Matthew “The Fight Nerd” Kaplowitz

Japan has brought us so many great imports, be it giant robots, cartoons about ninja children dressed in bright colors (which sort of defeats the purpose of being a stealthy ninja), tentacle rape, and Pocky. Truly, their greatest offering to America has been the freak show fight. As we discussed last time, Japan was the country that legitimized the art of pitting two mismatched opponents in a ring and convincing us that this was the greatest thing since Steven Seagal invented the front kick.

If there’s one thing we Americans don’t like, it’s being shown up by a foreign land. So it was just a matter of time before an American promoter stood up and said, “You know what? I want to see a man that weighs a quarter of a ton fight a dwarf!” And that was how our first freak show fight was born. Well, not really, since we have better athletic commissions in America, but after reading this list of the “Top Ten American Freak Show Fights That Were Actually Good,” you might think otherwise. Let’s get it on!

10. Tim Sylvia vs. Wes Sims
Superbrawl 38, 12/12/04


In a rare battle between two giants, 6’ 8” Tim Sylvia stood almost eye to eye with Wes Sims, who had a two-inch height advantage over “The Maine-iac”.  Sylvia had fought another tall man, Gan McGee, the previous year at UFC 44, but this fight is far more entertaining. You would probably expect an evenly contested bout between these two, due to the height and their similarly aggressive tactics (both guys even used the same song for their entrance, go figure). For some reason that will never be known, Sims decided that he was the smaller man in this fight and would fight accordingly.

(Money. Girls. Fame. Private locker rooms that you don’t have to share with old men washing their balls. A win for Ilir on Saturday would be truly life-changing. / Photo via LoveStrandell)

First-time UFC jitters are bad enough when you’re curtain-jerking on the prelims. Can you imagine what it would be like to go from relative obscurity to UFC headliner? Well, Ilir Latifi is about to find out this Saturday, God bless him. Come to think of it, his UFC on FUEL 9 opponent Gegard Mousasi is technically in the same situation, although at least the Dreamcatcher has had the benefit of previously competing in major promotions like Strikeforce, DREAM, and PRIDE.

Latifi is a long shot in every sense of the word, but of course this is a sport where anything can happen. Plenty of fighters have found themselves at the top of the lineup for their first UFC fight and made the most of it. Others have crashed and burned in horrific fashion. So which camps will Latifi and Mousasi fall into? Read on for a brief history lesson, and let us know what you think…

The Good

- Anderson Silva. In one of the most stunning UFC debuts, period, the up-and-coming Brazilian striker stepped into Chris Leben‘s world in the main event of Ultimate Fight Night 5 in June 2006 and scored a flawless victory over the southpaw slugger, dramatically altering the course of history in the UFC middleweight division. Silva was granted an immediate title shot and hasn’t lost a fight since.

- Alistair Overeem. Watching the Reem tear Brock Lesnar apart at UFC 141 validated everyone who ever thought that Lesnar was a pro-wrestling fraud, and that Overeem was the future of the heavyweight division. It hasn’t exactly worked out like that, but at the time, it looked like we were entering a new era.

(A little club soda will get that right out.)

When discussing his fourth round tapout loss to UFC Light Heavyweight Champ Jon Jones, Rampage Jackson explained that he lets no man put him to sleep because he doesn’t trust people. I’m not exactly certain what Jackson fears might unfold once he goes out, but vile atrocities such as antiquing and billboarding have been perpetrated on unconscious fighters before. But there’s a certain amount of trust that goes into tapping out as well. The tapout is nothing more than a gentlemen’s agreement, really, in which one fighter admits that he’s taken enough punishment for one day. But not everyone in the face-punching business is a gentleman, and sometimes your opponent may not agree that you’ve taken all of the damage you deserve.

When you hold a submission too long there’s a chance of causing damage to a limb or unconsciousness, but it always leads to hurt feelings.