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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Serious Question: Would Any of You Actually Read Bruce Buffer’s Autobiography?


(Already, Bruce? But you have so much more living to do…)

From Chuck Liddell to Matt Hughes to Forrest Griffin, we’ve seen plenty of UFC legends share their life stories in published autobiographies. But for the first time, one of the UFC’s peripheral characters is releasing a tell-all. Unfortunately, it’s not Joe Rogan, who definitely should write an autobiography someday, or Burt Watson, who probably knows more inside-dirt than anybody. No, it’s actually Veteran Voice of the Octagon™ Bruce Buffer, whose book — It’s Time!: My 360-Degree View of the UFC — will be released on May 14th. So, is anyone interested in hearing the rags-to-riches story of the guy who introduces UFC fights? Allow Bruce to give you the hard sell (book description via Amazon.com):

If you’re reading these words, chances are that you, like me, are a fan of the great sport we call MMA.*

And if you’re a fan, then you probably recognize my face.

Yeah, that’s right — I’m that guy you see at every UFC match, spinning around and roaring into the microphone and getting up in fighters’ grills.

Okay, so I might not be the most subtle or refined announcer in the business. But I hope I communicate my passion for the sport in a way no other announcer does.

I’ll say it again: Passion. Because that’s what this book is about.

In these pages, I want to tell you about the passion that first led me to bet everything on this sport of ours, way back when MMA was outlawed in half the country and there wasn’t a dime to be made on it. I want to tell you how that passion all started, with my larger-than-life father, a former Marine Drill Sergeant who, by the time I was 10, had taught me to play poker and blackjack, field-strip a Luger pistol blindfolded and recite poetry. He was a man who thought nothing of confronting a group of thugs armed with nothing but his fists — and who expected the same strength and honor from his sons.

I want to take you inside the incredible brotherhood that makes up the UFC as nobody ever has before, to tell you about the bond we all share and the crazy times I’ve had over the years with guys like Randy Couture, Tito Ortiz, Chuck Liddell, B.J. Penn and Jon “Bones” Jones. I want to give you my octagon-side insights on many of the big fights you remember, and just maybe, to tell you about a few memorable fights that took place outside of the octagon, too — from my own sparring match with a youngster named Royce Gracie back before the phrase “Mixed Martial Arts” even existed, to some other brawls you might’ve heard about.**

And I want to tell you about the remarkable, late-life meeting with the celebrity brother I never knew I had*** — a brother whose existence my parents had never once breathed a word about! — that helped inspire me to chase my own dreams of standing up in the octagon.

Surprising stuff from the guy in the fancy tux, right? And that’s just the start. There’s a lot you don’t know about me yet.****

And now… IT’S TIME! I told you.*****

[Footnotes below]

* I preferred the original opening line, “If you’re reading these words, that means I’m dead, and Chael Sonnen is the new UFC light-heavyweight champion.”

** He means the time he fucked up Frank Trigg in an elevator.

*** Weird, true fact from the Amazon page: “[Bruce Buffer] also manages the career of his brother, boxing announcer Michael Buffer, and has helped parlay Michael’s ‘Let’s Get Ready to Rumble®’ catchphrase into hundreds of millions in sales revenue from licensed products and ventures.”

**** “Chapter 24: The Jealousy Triangle and How to Use It to Your Advantage TONIGHT

*****

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RwilsonR- February 6, 2013 at 9:49 pm
Chapter 4: The Mystic Tan
NomadRip- February 6, 2013 at 8:39 pm
I hadn't heard the Trigg story before, but I asked him if he'd ever fought when I met him at a show (like 2002?). He said he used to train back in the day. And we all know Trigg would have been sleeped trying to defend that RNC if the elevator doors hadn't opened.
SKK BB- February 6, 2013 at 7:35 pm
I'll read it for sure. Buffer is awesome. I love his radio show. He's a smart, classy dude.
dipsetkilla316- February 6, 2013 at 3:48 pm
@mr mis I knew it
dipsetkilla316- February 6, 2013 at 3:47 pm
I just read it , iiiiiiiiiiiiiits tiiiiiiiiime, the end
smellypiratehooker- February 6, 2013 at 3:13 pm
I think I will wait until IT'S TIME! to read it.
cman- February 6, 2013 at 1:08 pm
Though on a serious note since I have an actual job and otherwise like being lazy:
Can one of you hacks research the before and after and now apparently after/after record of blackzillas fighters. I swear I can't recall anyone winning out of that 'we're taking our ball and going home' gym.
It's like randy coutures gym 5 years ago, success? Well let randy get ahold of ya. We can fix that.
cman- February 6, 2013 at 12:57 pm
No.
Any other questions?
Next article
Mr_Misanthropy- February 6, 2013 at 12:55 pm
@ Big DD's

AND IN THE RED CORNER, FIGHTING OUT OF THE LOCAL TRUCKSTOP RESTROOM, A SUBMISSION FIGHTER TRAINED IN THE ARTS OF POOJITSIU AND MUAY TURD, HE SITS 2"11" TALL AND WILL SOON BE WEIGHING SLIGHTLY LESS... BIG... DADDY... DOOOOOOOOOOOO-KUHR!
HaroldHoward13- February 6, 2013 at 12:46 pm
I will be reading this for sure, I am sure he has some great stories in there. I read an interview where Faber says he is the best wing man in the history of picking up.
Big Daddy Duker- February 6, 2013 at 12:43 pm
This will be of great assistance to me while taking a healthy dump. I'll read it.
Clyde- February 6, 2013 at 12:33 pm
hmmm.. nah. I'll wait for the movie.
Pen Fifteen- February 6, 2013 at 12:26 pm
@teep
An audiobook narrated by Buffer himself. Or Patrick Stewart.
teep- February 6, 2013 at 12:14 pm
I will only READ it, if it comes in an audiobook.
Fried Taco- February 6, 2013 at 11:52 am
I'll read it. Actually, I'll just look at all the pictures, but that's the same as reading.
Mr_Misanthropy- February 6, 2013 at 11:50 am
I have a shocking admission: I CAN'T READ!
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