Shane Carwin: A Man in Need of a Nickname
(I know, tons of words rhyme with Shane, but let's think this through.)
There’s a discussion brewing in our forums right now, begun by user LuketheDuke, with the goal of finding a suitable nickname for UFC heavyweight Shane Carwin. Luke is right, here. Carwin doesn’t have a nickname (that we know of -- maybe he's keeping it a secret?), and after knocking out Gabriel Gonzaga and cracking the all-important top ten in the Cage Potato Power Rankings, the time is now.
Trouble is, after looking through your forum posts I see that many of you are in love with the rhyming nickname. This disappoints me. As awesome as suggestions like Shane “The Great Dane” Carwin and Shane “You’ll Need a Cane” Carwin are, rhyming nicknames always seem forced. Although at least T Rex rhymed the last name with his submission: Shane “Darwin” Carwin (since the dude is bringing survival of the fittest back to the UFC’s heavyweight division). I like that.
But think about some of the great nicknames in MMA. Very few of them are rhyming nicknames. “The Dean of Mean” Keith Jardine is a notable exception, but only because it’s so detailed. Think about how much lamer it would have been if he’d just been lazy and gone with “Mean” Keith Jardine. See? Total bullshit.
The best nicknames capture some aspect of the guy’s personality or fighting style or even appearance. Ask Jeff “The Snowman” Monson about that last one. He knows.
I’m all for giving Carwin a nickname, and I even think through the sheer force of repetition we might actually make it stick. But let’s do this thing right. I’m not saying it can’t rhyme. I’m just saying we shouldn’t look at this thing like a poem for your middle school English class. Shane deserves better than that.
I now call upon your collective intelligence and wit. Head on over to the forums and make a suggestion. Don’t let the big man head into another fight nickname-less. Not after all he’s done for you.
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Comments
armfarmer Says:
Shane "the juggernaut" Carwin. Kind of cheezy but that's pretty much what he is.
Dante Says:
Shane "Frank Zane" Carwin
armfarmer Says:
Or we could always find out what his nationality is and then put assassin after it.
mma-pro Says:
shane "bring the pain" carwin
Van Says:
Shane "Fuck yo' Couch" Carwin
biohazardone Says:
Shane "the Power Shark" Carwin
Dante Says:
Shane "Chowmein" Carwin
or
Shane "The Goatee'd Enforcer" Carwin
or
Shane "Spray Tan" Carwin
JU5T BL33D Says:
Shane "The White Explosive Athlete" Carwin.
armfarmer Says:
A juggernaut ( American pronunciation (help·info)) is a term used to describe a force regarded as unstoppable, that will crush all in its path.
That's pretty badass.
Badnews Says:
Shane "Thunder" Carwin!
Josh Aint Thug Says:
Shane "Never Train For More Than 2 Minutes Because I Will Never See The Second Round In My Entire Career" Carwin
or Shane "Never Train" Carwin for short
spennyG Says:
shit fists.
emo sux Says:
How about Shane "may the fastest" Carwin!
drew Says:
how about:
Shane "I failed to read the entire post some I am posting nicknames in the comments" Carwin
lightsoutlile Says:
-Shane "The Midnight Meat Train" Carwin....ha, what a bad movie.
-Shane "The Insane Potato Skin" Carwin.....screw it, rhyme everything.
Kevin Says:
Shane "Face Crushin" Carwin
FlatBaby Says:
How's about : Shane "Fists of Glory" Carwin
Dante Says:
Shane "DREW Is a TOOL" Carwin
LukeTheDuke Says:
Awesome I'm making waves in the CP pool.
G-Swizz Says:
shane "donkey kong" carwin
shane "the A Train" carwin
shane "leave a man with mud butt" carwin
Don Says:
Shane "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico" Carwin
lightsoutlile Says:
Shane "The Bowling Pin" Carwin (for no reason)
Shane "The Rolled Back Foreskin" Carwin
Anonymous Says:
Shane " The Punisher" Carwin
Daff Says:
Shane "Your Bane" Carwin
lilbigvince Says:
LAME Shane Carwin.... this dude is whack!!! He was getting owned by Gonzaga before that Seth Petruzelli esque punch. Fuck Shane Carwin.
LukeTheDuke Says:
@mma-pro: you ever hear of Josh Haynes?
viktor Says:
it will probably end up as shane "the hurricane" carwin. which is not that great but most aren't
kylemac Says:
Shane "The Boulder" Carwin
Military Veteran Says:
Shane "The Pain Train" Carwin
Anonymous Says:
shane "rape" carwin
lightsoutlile Says:
Shane "Take it on the Chin" Carwin
Shane "The Disease of the Skin" Carwin
Shane "The Rhymes are Wearing Thin" Carwin
Shane "The Size of Two Men" Carwin
Shane "Probably Sucks at his Backspin" Carwin
Josh Aint Thug Says:
@ LukeTheDuke
dont get too excited. I just pissed in the pool. Not to mention it's a cheap $20 plastic pool you can fill with a waterhose in 6 minutes.
Aenarion Says:
Shane "Thunder Balls" Carwin
Rippdogg66 Says:
Shane "The Spartan" Carwin
fftankr Says:
shane "i got the Couture haircut" carwin !!!!!!
or
shane "XXXXXL gloves" carwin ???
ttocs Says:
Shane "SHREK" Carwin
or
Shane "The Conductor" Carwin work for me
Anonymous Says:
shane "im better then lesnar" carwin
Farthammer Says:
"The Engineer of Fear" Shane Carwin
fftankr Says:
shane "glove size insane" carwin,....picture that in Buffer's voice.
Farthammer Says:
Because he's an engineer, you see.
rokabee Says:
LOL YES! I was totally jus rhyming to get under your skin! But seriously, Shane "The Great Dane" Carwin, Classic.
corndogg Says:
Shane "meat bricks" Carwin, due to his monstrous paws.
Anonymous Says:
Shane "Insane Rain of Pain to your Brain" Carwin.
Dedstrk Says:
Shane "Rogaine" Carwin.
Anonymous Says:
shane "drain the main vain" carwin
Anonymous Says:
SHANE " THE PORK SNORKLE" CARWIN
Anonymous Says:
sugar shane cane carwin
DDT Says:
Shane "The Brick" Carwin
Cutthr0at Says:
Shane "Nick names are lame" Carwin
JoeyJoeJoe Says:
Shane "Led Fists" Carwin
Shane " The Freight Train" Carwin
Shane "Im fucking Jacked" Carwin - Who knows could be done?
"The Lunch Box Hands Badboy", Shane Carwin