infomercial fail gifs
21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money


(Apparently, California’s hands-free law doesn’t apply to giving both fingers to a videocamera.)

By Jason Moles

For quite some time now Strikeforce Welterweight Champion Nick Diaz has complained at great length about how he wants more money. Apparently earning a cool $175,000 (not including sponsorships) for treating Paul Daley like a punching bag just isn’t enough.  Who could blame him though, what with gas prices topping over $4 a gallon? All kidding aside though (yeah, right!) here are the top six reasons Diaz needs to get some Mayweather money:

#1 – Hire a Personal Interviewer

As we’ve said in the past, Nick Diaz is the best/worst interview in the entire world.  However, after taking Dana’s advice about learning to play the game, Nick is going to have to hire his own private interviewer/translator. With a new found favor in the media’s heart, he’s sure to finally make bank. Warning to anyone who takes this job: Don’t start $%*#, won’t be $%*#!

#2 – Pay Exorbitant Amount of Money to Sponsors 

Although it may seem counter intuitive to ask for more money just so you can pay for someone else to do something, this is not the case.  Diaz will pay the UFC $100,000 just so he can have a logo slapped on his ass and get a lifetime supply of free rolling papers – something this Stockton native couldn’t possibly get enough of.

#3 – Good Lawyers Aren’t Cheap

Step 1: Jump innocent bystander. Step 2: Throw water bottle at same bystander’s head. Step 3: Profit? Yeah, we’re scratching our head too. Mayhem Miller got banned from CBS and Showtime for his part in the infamous Strikeforce Brawl — on national television no less, while Diaz continued his streak of dominance and retained his championship belt. Miller ends up on the bottom of a dog pile while getting curb stomped by the Scrap Pack and Diaz is the center of the most shared picture of the whole shebang. So how did Diaz avoid a more serious punishment? He called in a few favors. Unfortunately for him, if he doesn’t pay up soon, he’ll be making appearances at birthday parties and family reunions until he’s old enough for the Senior discount at Old Country Buffet.

#4 – Munchies 

Smoke, train, eat munchies, smoke, slap b*thches, smoke, train, smoke, eat munchies, practice mean-mug, smoke, and finally eat more munchies. Eventually it adds up.

#5 – Needs to Hire Steven Seagal

First it was Anderson Silva dropping Vitor Belfort like a sack of bricks with an thunderous kick to the face. Bet he didn’t expect that, bro. Then it was Lyoto Machidacrane kicking the dentures out of past his prime, washed up Grandpa Couture. How’s that saying go? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”? OK, we get it. Grand Master Seagal is a badass that shouldn’t be #$@%&*! with and he’s the equivalent of a rabbit’s foot in your corner. If Nick wants to challenge himself and rake in some serious dough, he’ll need to solve the riddle that is GSP and his Superman punch. Only one man knows the answer.

#6 – A Bigger House

Forget what Scott Coker said, Nick wants a house that’s not in the 209. Who could blame him? Sometimes it’s just nice to not have to worry about getting shot up in a drive by or having your rims jacked while you’re sleeping after a hard training session down at Cesar’s. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to afford to pay someone else to cook your food and wash your laundry? Speaking of washing, we know just the guy to show you the ropes in the real estate market.

Comments

  1. TheHulkSmash Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 09:33


    I know this article is just supposed to be funny, but there should be some mention of the "retirement age" Nick is likely to face. Making 300K a year sounds like a lot, but not if your career is a whopping ten years long. I guess he could always open his own gym when he retires or something, but Nick doesn't strike me as the hearty entrepreneurial type.
  2. skeletortoise Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 09:43


    Great article. Really enjoyed this one. Forget the haters, CP is back on form.
  3. Gladheateher Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 10:31


    The army of Diaz nuthuggers over @ME aren't gonna like this one. I for one enjoyed the article thoroughly. I've always said if Diaz wants more $$ then he has to quit complaining, play the game, and give much better interviews. The big boys giving away the serious paper don't like the Nick Diaz brand. Its no wonder he isn't getting that "GSP money" and his biggest sponsors are Stockton Chev.
  4. snicket916 Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 10:39


    "I guess he could always open his own gym when he retires or something, but Nick doesn’t strike me as the hearty entrepreneurial type." Hulk you are a fucking idiot, nice attempt at being cute and funny but you're still dumb and pathetic....Nick already opened his own cesar gracie gym in Lodi about 3 years ago.....Before you go saying something negative about someone you don't even follow or are a fan of, do a little research next time you fat piece of shit. come and read the website and forums for a little while before you start posting stupid bullshit like this and ruin my sunday morning. sorry cp, that was my rant, but real talk......this is what's wrong with mma fans. nobody knows what the fuck they are talking about and everyone is a critic. i come to cp for the articles, and i think ben is a good writer ( not as good as ben f but wuteva )these forums are tainted and filled with these douche-bags that are bandwagon fans of the sport and have no knowledge of what it takes to get in a fight, much less do it professionally in front of millions watching the fight
  5. PERPATRAITOR Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 11:04


    @snicket916 I've been dangling from Diaz's nuts for much longer than you. Don't come in here with your talks of"this is what's wrong". Fuck you faggot. This isn't politics. Anyone can say anything about anyone here. That's why your opinion matters just as much as mine. I know the mma game and the players. Not everyone does. Instead of being a pompous douche-fag, maybe you could support other fans coming into the sport. Not everyone researches online while masturbating just to be the best little Internet debater. So smoke a bowl of some good bud and fucking enjoy this website for it's laid back approach. Otherwise, establish yourself with the others here and let's have a laugh at the little things. WAR DIAZ!! make that money homey!
  6. DARKHORSE06 Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 11:34


    @ Perp and snicket - Fuck you both Nick Diaz is a homo!! Just kidding I've been hanging off Nate's nuts who's been hanging off of Nick's nuts way longer than either of you...and bye the bye, funny article but are you guys serious about that ZIGZAG shit? If so, and I don't want to get ahead of myself, but perchance Nick is fucking himself out of even more marketability?
  7. Hank Mardukis Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 11:48


    @ PERP Well said homie
  8. danomite Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 12:09


    at anybody saying the short career balances out the amount of money being paid keep in mind that at 175k per fight, he could fight 4 times and make 700k w/out even considering sponsors. If we said that 50k was the salary the average person makes (it's actually less than 50k though) it would take 14 years to make what Diaz could theoretically make in one year. so if he fought 3 times a year for 3 years he could make 1.5 million. it would take the average person 31 years to make that much. Then if you take in to account that 1.5 million now is worth more than 1.5 mil spread out over 30 years (assuming you invested it with a rate of return of 8%) the money more than makes up for the short career for someone like him. But whatever, I've been hanging off his nuts longer than anybody ever so FUCK EVERYONE!
  9. The_Dead_Cow Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 12:46


    You're all just a bunch of nuthuggers. You guys.
  10. just some dong Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 01:09


    Nick who?
  11. dillweed Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 01:40


    the wwe internet fags love some mayhem miller, who has absolutely 0 significant wins they're just pissed their boy had to take a bully beatdown.... but hey maybe he'll make a run in the ufc 1185 division.... riiiigghht!
  12. dillweed Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 01:40


    185 damn it
  13. MKO Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 02:10


    I was gonna suggest hire therapist to treat his brother's Asperger's.
  14. Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato | Money Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 02:14


    [...] site: Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato Share and [...]
  15. Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato | Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 02:23


    [...] Original post: Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato [...]
  16. PERPATRAITOR Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 02:31


    Lol @ MKO
  17. PauliostheGreat Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 02:51


    @snicket916 Im sorry we arent professional fighters who fight in front of millions of people, please tell me about how that experience feels. Other wise shut the fuck up. Dont try to act like your someone else and blast on someones opinion. Get the fuck out of here and grow up.
  18. Getting Ready for Female Bodybuilding Competitions | Bodybuildingt Workouts for your Health and Beauty Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 03:28


    [...] Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato [...]
  19. StinkFacer Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 04:00


    You're all wrong. My opinion is the only one that matters. Me and those people trying to sell you Chinese Nikes, but they never have anything to say about the articles.
  20. djp1988 Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 04:24


    Anybody else want a Nick Diaz audiobook? I would pay top dollar to hear him read War and Peace.
  21. Latest Affiliate Marketing Money Auctions | Green Living Tips | Information and Free Resources | Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 05:31


    [...] Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato [...]
  22. How to find products to sell with Market Samurai? | How To Stop Someone From Snoring Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 07:30


    [...] Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato [...]
  23. linlijuna Says:

    Sun, 05/15/11 - 08:42


    --Something unexpected surprise-- Hello. My friend === http://www.happyshopping100.com/ ==== Dedi cated service, the new style, so you feel like a warm spring!!! WE ACCEPT PYA PAL PAY MENT YOU MUST NOT MISS IT!!! thank you!!!
  24. Million Dollar Publisher – Make Money Every Month | How To Stop Someone From Snoring Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 12:23


    [...] Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato [...]
  25. Latest Making Money Auctions | Internet Marketing Blog - Free IM Tips and free Resources Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 03:37


    [...] Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money | Cagepotato [...]
  26. J-Dog Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 05:41


    Decent article, and some of the comments are entertaining as usual... but this spam in the comments shit is getting old quick.
  27. FrontKick Dentist Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 05:44


    1.Weed is expensive 2.Anger management 3.Public speaking training 4.Weed is expensive 5.Lung transplant 6.Hoodies
  28. chokeu2 Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 07:57


    Diaz = Validation of the cliche (if stupid)*(then better be tough) I don't know how many of your manage any of your own investments, I'm sure there is more than one of you; but if you do, then you know that this cat earns more than enough to live quite comfortably and set money aside for retirement. And that does not include money from his sponsors. He is getting paid what he is valued at in this market. If he wants more, he needs to make himself more valuable. And a dumb ass attitude is common; and therefor not valuable. Too bad because I love watching him fight. But I can't stand hearing him talk.
  29. Fried Taco Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 08:14


    Unbeknown to all of you, Nick makes a lot of his money from his company that puts spam ads on MMA web sites. And I know this because I've been hanging off his dad's nuts from before he was born.
  30. SnackDaddy Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 08:50


    Nick Diaz needs to have his own podcast.
  31. dham4201 Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 06:08


    The weed thing is getting old, the guy does triathlons days before his fights and is in way better shape than most guys out there. I mean Nick is my boy and he is hella crazy but give it a rest, everyone smokes weed
  32. dham4201 Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 06:09


    I love watching him fight and talk
  33. Mir please break Brocks neck Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 07:59


    JUST IN!!!!!!!!! "Nick Diaz gets TWO new sponsors!!!" and FREE GIFT!!! 1) Vagisil 2) Oops I Crapped My Pants Diapers Free gift: "Best of Steven Seagal DVD Collection" Frank Mir for President y'all!!!
  34. dranokills Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 08:29


    nick Diaz needs to learn that he is nothing but a middle of the pack nothing. Now that there is no more strikefare you wont see Nicky boy win another REAL fight. He needs to make up any excuse in the book not to fight, cause he is gonna get his pot smoking ass whipped by more than half the chumps in his weigh class. Better get use to 12k a fight DICK Diaz.
  35. Gladheateher Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 11:05


    That was simply venomous... wow War dranokills.
  36. halfbreed23 Says:

    Mon, 05/16/11 - 11:45


    It was once said I smoke so much weed by a brother that I look like the nigga on the Zig Zag cover.
  37. PERPATRAITOR Says:

    Tue, 05/17/11 - 01:13


    @Drano is the most negative bitch on this whole website. If Nick Diaz is middle of the pack then the whole welterweight division is fucked. So drano, your theory is shit. Also I like how you A)have a booty buddy supporting your comments immeadietly or B)you created a name to support yourself. I have no clue which is worse, but I do see you were probably raised by 2 moms.
  38. fingerssfv Says:

    Tue, 05/17/11 - 01:25


    I don't think Sonnen would be the guy to show around houses, unless Nick could get some kind of cut out of it.
  39. dillweed Says:

    Tue, 05/17/11 - 06:49


    obviously, a Nate Diaz audiobook would be much more valuable than a Nick Diaz audiobook. Maybe they could take turns reading chapters, w/ a little cussing fools out in the background
  40. chokeu2 Says:

    Tue, 05/17/11 - 08:19


    @dillweed: would it a "hooked on phonics didn't quite work for me" book?
  41. dranokills Says:

    Tue, 05/17/11 - 10:06


    PERPATRAITOR Says: Tue, 05/17/11 - 01:13 @Drano is the most negative bitch on this whole website. If Nick Diaz is middle of the pack then the whole welterweight division is fucked. So drano, your theory is shit. Also I like how you A)have a booty buddy supporting your comments immeadietly or B)you created a name to support yourself. I have no clue which is worse, but I do see you were probably raised by 2 moms. ---------------------------------------------------------- awwwwwwww does someones vagina have sand in it again? Gee I am so sorry that I have squashed on your gay lover DICK Diaz. oh boohoo Im so negative...oh boohoo I have actual friends, instead of painting faces on my hand as I masturbate like you. Tell lefty I said hi for me. both my moms wanna know why your such a cunt...what should I tell them? you were born this way? ok fair enough. Oh my look at the time, it's time for you to swing from Diaz's ballsack again......see ya later cuntmouth. oh BTW the welterweight division will SMOKE Dicky boy...smoke him...get it? see what I did there? no probably not, its hard to see with his cock in your eye...swing on fanboy.
  42. ufc » Blog Archive » Tom Wright UFC 140 in Montreal in December Quite Possible and GSP … Says:

    Thu, 05/19/11 - 04:11


    [...] hitch between UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre and Strikeforce champion Nick Diaz for a label is premature, Wright didn’t accurately bonus a [...]
  43. ufc » Blog Archive » Tom Wright: UFC 140 in Montreal in December Quite Possible and GSP … Says:

    Fri, 05/20/11 - 01:02


    [...] hitch between UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre and Strikeforce champion Nick Diaz for a label is premature, Wright didn’t accurately bonus a [...]
  44. * Sogni Mostruosamente Proibiti: GSP vs Diaz | Grappling-Italia.com | MMA & UFC Says:

    Sun, 05/22/11 - 11:15


    [...] detto che un incontro tra  Georges St-Pierre (campione UFC welterweight) vs   Nick Diaz (suo rispettivo della Strikeforce) è un po prematuro, ma mai dire mai… cercando un possibile [...]
  45. Ride With Us Today » Blog Archive » Holy Sh*t, It?s Really Happening: Diaz vs. St-Pierre Official for UFC 137 in October Says:

    Thu, 06/02/11 - 12:29


    [...] will get will be a welterweight showdown between UFC champ Georges St-Pierre and Strikeforce champ Nick Diaz at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas. Although he didn’t say whether or not both [...]
  46. BaileyG Says:

    Fri, 11/11/11 - 09:33


    I dont care what ANY of you say, I love Nick Diaz!!! Always has been my favorite since ive got into MMA and he still is my number 1!! Do your thing Nick!!
  47. Giuseppina Caspary Says:

    Mon, 02/06/12 - 01:47


    will smith switch... [...]here will get into the voice of the respective small kinds who claimed for currently being [...]...
  48. Cannon Security Products DDV-S-01 review Says:

    Thu, 02/09/12 - 05:24


    will smith new movie hancock trailer... [...]first component of the new year. Many people believe that the case [...]...
  49. dyson dc41 animal Says:

    Sun, 02/12/12 - 02:40


    greenpeace calendar 2009 amazon... [...]As soon whilst you realize that you will be late, you rush concerning the door, take your current wallet, cell [...]...
  50. Lorex LW241 amazon Says:

    Tue, 02/14/12 - 10:46


    sopa and pipa news... [...]the publication of my book and a lot more lively promotion [...]...
  51. dewalt dws780 Says:

    Fri, 02/17/12 - 10:55


    will smith biography wikipedia... [...]his family members and hundreds of countless numbers of global supporters, campaigners and celebrities wait patiently [...]...
  52. worx wg650 18-inch Says:

    Sat, 02/18/12 - 01:45


    will smith movies list top 10... [...]Lennox spends yet yet another Xmas absent from his loved ones [...]...
  53. greenworks 26032 Says:

    Sun, 02/19/12 - 01:14


    wiki sopa blackout... [...]Lennox spends nevertheless another Christmas absent from his loved ones [...]...
  54. My Homepage Says:

    Wed, 03/07/12 - 09:11


    ... [Trackback]... [...] Informations on that Topic: cagepotato.com/six-reasons-nick-diaz-needs-more-money/ [...]...
  55. site Says:

    Sun, 04/15/12 - 07:49


    ... [Trackback]... [...] Informations on that Topic: cagepotato.com/six-reasons-nick-diaz-needs-more-money/ [...]...
  56. cigarette electronique Says:

    Sat, 06/09/12 - 08:16


    ... [Trackback]... [...] Read More: cagepotato.com/six-reasons-nick-diaz-needs-more-money/ [...]...
  57. ????? ???? Says:

    Fri, 06/29/12 - 02:19


    ... [Trackback]... [...] Read More here: cagepotato.com/six-reasons-nick-diaz-needs-more-money/ [...]...
  58. Elektrische Zahnbürsten Says:

    Thu, 01/03/13 - 06:51


    Trackback... [...]Elektrische Zahnbürsten...
  59. Google Says:

    Sat, 09/21/13 - 03:26


    Google... please check out the web pages we follow, including this one particular, because it represents our picks from the web...

Post a comment:


You must be logged in to post a comment.


Login





Register




A password will be e-mailed to you.


CagePotatoMMA