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Six Reasons Nick Diaz Needs More Money

(Apparently, California’s hands-free law doesn’t apply to giving both fingers to a videocamera.)

By Jason Moles

For quite some time now Strikeforce Welterweight Champion Nick Diaz has complained at great length about how he wants more money. Apparently earning a cool $175,000 (not including sponsorships) for treating Paul Daley like a punching bag just isn’t enough.  Who could blame him though, what with gas prices topping over $4 a gallon? All kidding aside though (yeah, right!) here are the top six reasons Diaz needs to get some Mayweather money:

#1 – Hire a Personal Interviewer

As we’ve said in the past, Nick Diaz is the best/worst interview in the entire world.  However, after taking Dana’s advice about learning to play the game, Nick is going to have to hire his own private interviewer/translator. With a new found favor in the media’s heart, he’s sure to finally make bank. Warning to anyone who takes this job: Don’t start $%*#, won’t be $%*#!

#2 – Pay Exorbitant Amount of Money to Sponsors 

Although it may seem counter intuitive to ask for more money just so you can pay for someone else to do something, this is not the case.  Diaz will pay the UFC $100,000 just so he can have a logo slapped on his ass and get a lifetime supply of free rolling papers – something this Stockton native couldn’t possibly get enough of.

#3 – Good Lawyers Aren’t Cheap

Step 1: Jump innocent bystander. Step 2: Throw water bottle at same bystander’s head. Step 3: Profit? Yeah, we’re scratching our head too. Mayhem Miller got banned from CBS and Showtime for his part in the infamous Strikeforce Brawl — on national television no less, while Diaz continued his streak of dominance and retained his championship belt. Miller ends up on the bottom of a dog pile while getting curb stomped by the Scrap Pack and Diaz is the center of the most shared picture of the whole shebang. So how did Diaz avoid a more serious punishment? He called in a few favors. Unfortunately for him, if he doesn’t pay up soon, he’ll be making appearances at birthday parties and family reunions until he’s old enough for the Senior discount at Old Country Buffet.

#4 – Munchies 

Smoke, train, eat munchies, smoke, slap b*thches, smoke, train, smoke, eat munchies, practice mean-mug, smoke, and finally eat more munchies. Eventually it adds up.

#5 – Needs to Hire Steven Seagal

First it was Anderson Silva dropping Vitor Belfort like a sack of bricks with an thunderous kick to the face. Bet he didn’t expect that, bro. Then it was Lyoto Machidacrane kicking the dentures out of past his prime, washed up Grandpa Couture. How’s that saying go? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”? OK, we get it. Grand Master Seagal is a badass that shouldn’t be #$@%&*! with and he’s the equivalent of a rabbit’s foot in your corner. If Nick wants to challenge himself and rake in some serious dough, he’ll need to solve the riddle that is GSP and his Superman punch. Only one man knows the answer.

#6 – A Bigger House

Forget what Scott Coker said, Nick wants a house that’s not in the 209. Who could blame him? Sometimes it’s just nice to not have to worry about getting shot up in a drive by or having your rims jacked while you’re sleeping after a hard training session down at Cesar’s. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to afford to pay someone else to cook your food and wash your laundry? Speaking of washing, we know just the guy to show you the ropes in the real estate market.

Cagepotato Comments

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BaileyG- November 11, 2011 at 9:33 am
I dont care what ANY of you say, I love Nick Diaz!!! Always has been my favorite since ive got into MMA and he still is my number 1!! Do your thing Nick!!
dranokills- May 17, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Tue, 05/17/11 - 01:13

@Drano is the most negative bitch on this whole website. If Nick Diaz is middle of the pack then the whole welterweight division is fucked. So drano, your theory is shit. Also I like how you A)have a booty buddy supporting your comments immeadietly or B)you created a name to support yourself. I have no clue which is worse, but I do see you were probably raised by 2 moms.
awwwwwwww does someones vagina have sand in it again?
Gee I am so sorry that I have squashed on your gay lover DICK Diaz.
oh boohoo Im so negative...oh boohoo I have actual friends, instead of painting faces on my hand as I masturbate like you. Tell lefty I said hi for me.
both my moms wanna know why your such a cunt...what should I tell them? you were born this way? ok fair enough.
Oh my look at the time, it's time for you to swing from Diaz's ballsack again......see ya later cuntmouth.
oh BTW the welterweight division will SMOKE Dicky boy...smoke him...get it? see what I did there? no probably not, its hard to see with his cock in your eye...swing on fanboy.
chokeu2- May 17, 2011 at 8:19 am
@dillweed: would it a "hooked on phonics didn't quite work for me" book?
dillweed- May 17, 2011 at 6:49 am
obviously, a Nate Diaz audiobook would be much more valuable than a Nick Diaz audiobook. Maybe they could take turns reading chapters, w/ a little cussing fools out in the background
fingerssfv- May 17, 2011 at 1:25 am
I don't think Sonnen would be the guy to show around houses, unless Nick could get some kind of cut out of it.
PERPATRAITOR- May 17, 2011 at 1:13 am
@Drano is the most negative bitch on this whole website. If Nick Diaz is middle of the pack then the whole welterweight division is fucked. So drano, your theory is shit. Also I like how you A)have a booty buddy supporting your comments immeadietly or B)you created a name to support yourself. I have no clue which is worse, but I do see you were probably raised by 2 moms.
halfbreed23- May 16, 2011 at 11:45 pm
It was once said I smoke so much weed by a brother that I look like the nigga on the Zig Zag cover.
Gladheateher- May 16, 2011 at 11:05 pm
That was simply venomous... wow War dranokills.
dranokills- May 16, 2011 at 8:29 pm
nick Diaz needs to learn that he is nothing but a middle of the pack nothing. Now that there is no more strikefare you wont see Nicky boy win another REAL fight.
He needs to make up any excuse in the book not to fight, cause he is gonna get his pot smoking ass whipped by more than half the chumps in his weigh class.
Better get use to 12k a fight DICK Diaz.
Mir please break Brocks neck- May 16, 2011 at 7:59 pm
JUST IN!!!!!!!!!

"Nick Diaz gets TWO new sponsors!!!" and FREE GIFT!!!

1) Vagisil
2) Oops I Crapped My Pants Diapers

Free gift:
"Best of Steven Seagal DVD Collection"

Frank Mir for President y'all!!!
dham4201- May 16, 2011 at 6:09 pm
I love watching him fight and talk
dham4201- May 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm
The weed thing is getting old, the guy does triathlons days before his fights and is in way better shape than most guys out there. I mean Nick is my boy and he is hella crazy but give it a rest, everyone smokes weed
SnackDaddy- May 16, 2011 at 8:50 am
Nick Diaz needs to have his own podcast.
Fried Taco- May 16, 2011 at 8:14 am
Unbeknown to all of you, Nick makes a lot of his money from his company that puts spam ads on MMA web sites. And I know this because I've been hanging off his dad's nuts from before he was born.
chokeu2- May 16, 2011 at 7:57 am
Diaz = Validation of the cliche (if stupid)*(then better be tough)

I don't know how many of your manage any of your own investments, I'm sure there is more than one of you; but if you do, then you know that this cat earns more than enough to live quite comfortably and set money aside for retirement. And that does not include money from his sponsors.

He is getting paid what he is valued at in this market. If he wants more, he needs to make himself more valuable. And a dumb ass attitude is common; and therefor not valuable.

Too bad because I love watching him fight. But I can't stand hearing him talk.
FrontKick Dentist- May 16, 2011 at 5:44 am
1.Weed is expensive 2.Anger management 3.Public speaking training 4.Weed is expensive 5.Lung transplant 6.Hoodies
J-Dog- May 16, 2011 at 5:41 am
Decent article, and some of the comments are entertaining as usual... but this spam in the comments shit is getting old quick.
linlijuna- May 15, 2011 at 8:42 pm
--Something unexpected surprise--

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thank you!!!
djp1988- May 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Anybody else want a Nick Diaz audiobook? I would pay top dollar to hear him read War and Peace.
StinkFacer- May 15, 2011 at 4:00 pm
You're all wrong. My opinion is the only one that matters. Me and those people trying to sell you Chinese Nikes, but they never have anything to say about the articles.
PauliostheGreat- May 15, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Im sorry we arent professional fighters who fight in front of millions of people, please tell me about how that experience feels. Other wise shut the fuck up. Dont try to act like your someone else and blast on someones opinion. Get the fuck out of here and grow up.
PERPATRAITOR- May 15, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Lol @ MKO
MKO- May 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm
I was gonna suggest hire therapist to treat his brother's Asperger's.
dillweed- May 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm
185 damn it
dillweed- May 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm
the wwe internet fags love some mayhem miller, who has absolutely 0 significant wins they're just pissed their boy had to take a bully beatdown.... but hey maybe he'll make a run in the ufc 1185 division.... riiiigghht!