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Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

So It Begins…UFC Pushing Merchandise For Father’s Day


(Ultiman Premium T-Shirt, only $29.95)

Earlier today we clued you in to the news that UFC is beginning an all-out merchandising blitz following their action figure announcement on Tuesday. We hypothesized that an influx of UFC gear at fine retail outlets such as J.C. Penny’s would just lead to more idiots walking around feeling like instant bad-asses with their official UFC caps cocked sideways. Some of you disagreed in the comments section. Apparently we underestimated your zeal for UFC watches and “wall decor.” Fair enough.

But if that’s the case, you’re going to love this.

In an email blast sent out today, the UFC is encouraging fans to buy hot items such as t-shirts (see above), beer mugs, and leather wallets as gifts for the men in their lives who were courageous or unlucky enough to have sired children. Order now to ensure delivery by Sunday!

I can only speculate what would happen if I gave my father a UFC shirt with “Ultiman” (he’s the embodiment of the UFC, resurrected from the early nineties logo), or a leather UFC wallet as a gift, but I can tell you that it wouldn’t go well. He’d probably look at me and look at Ultiman and wonder why I hadn’t at least bothered to shoplift him a pair of Dockers.

Of course, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’d love something like the UFC’s Black Discharge T-Shirt (is it just me, or does “black discharge” sound like something you should see a doctor about?), and maybe he’d wear it without knowing or caring about the logo, the same way my fat white Mormon neighbor wears FUBU clothing in blissful ignorance. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.

Just brace yourselves, because this is only the beginning. We might sound like alarmists now, but when you go to the pharmacy and see those Official UFC Condoms sitting right next to the UFC One-Step Pregnancy Tests (if you see Chuck Liddell appear on the stick, that means you’re knocked up), remember that you heard it here first.

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The Survivalist- June 12, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Burning Tater lost his job to out sourcing!
teachbug- June 11, 2008 at 3:07 am
oh is that tension, I coulda swore that was the smell of sheer stupidity :)
shitwhistle- June 11, 2008 at 2:18 am
Mmmm, ... smell that? *sniff sniff* It's called tension.
Jeff- June 11, 2008 at 1:44 am
Epic conclusion.
Burning Tater- June 10, 2008 at 11:24 pm
In response to "...this is c[r]apitalism":

Here's a towel to wipe with. Wipe what you say? The residue of the bald whitey's sack you hug, snuggle and suck on at night.

Yeah, I've purchased things made in China -- yo momma -- for one. So I've digressed but you've asked for it.

C[r]apitalism is profitable but not always responsible business.

Exploitation is the use of third world sweat shops at rock bottom prices; predatory practices which are usually the only "opportunity" offered to the indigenous people.

In this Country there are well established labor laws implemented as result of the abuses and exploitations likely suffered by your grandparents at the hands of c[r]apitalists. That is first-hand knowledge that you do not have, and likely never will. Try reading something besides your comics.

You are a moroooooooon and you're fortunate to live in America. Put your helmet back on and go outside: your yellow bus is waiting.

As the adage goes: NEVER argue with an idiot. With that in mind, I'm done lowering myself to your level. Now go and hug, snuggle and whatever else he asks of you...
bfowlkes- June 10, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Wow, thanks for kicking some knowledge on us Survivalist. I still think it sounds gross, but at least now I know there's some basis for it. And people say you can't learn anything on this site.
tully- June 10, 2008 at 10:38 pm
did anybody else know that this whole "as real as it gets" saying, is snagged from thevnew york hardcore band, sworn enemy. they have a song song titled "as real as it gets". i am pretty sure the song came out a long time before ufc started using it. if anyone knows if i am wrong/right or whatever let me know because ever since the first time i heard the ufc use that i was immediately like, thats a sworn enemy song.
Anonymous- June 10, 2008 at 10:37 pm
did anybody else know that this whole "as real as it gets" saying, is snagged from thevnew york hardcore band, sworn enemy. they have a song song titled "as real as it gets". i am pretty sure the song came out a long time before ufc started using it. if anyone knows if i am wrong/right or whatever let me know because ever since the first time i heard the ufc use that i was immediately like, thats a sworn enemy song.
The Survivalist- June 10, 2008 at 10:33 pm
"Discharge" is a process in screen printing that removes the Black dye from the shirt and replaces it with another colour. So instead of laying ink down on top of the shirt like traditional screen printing the discharge inks remove the die and replace it with a specific colour so the ink is IN the shirt. This gives your shirt the feel like nothing has been printed on it.. or as we say in the industry.. a soft hand.

There are many shops that do this in the United States, and Canada, and many many many more in South America.

Now you know, and knowing is half the ______!
BIG CHRIS- June 10, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Slave labor never bothered Dana and the boys....just ask Tito he'll tell you all about it, as a matter of fact I bet they got Tito and Jenna over in Bangladesh making shirts and hats right now....
...this is capitalism- June 10, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Oh yea and anyway who buys this shit for their pa may as well jus kick him in the nuts, he'd prolly enjoy it more then a Cock Lesnar figgy.
...this is capitalism- June 10, 2008 at 10:04 pm
@ boiling tater,

yea I bet you've never bought anything with "made in china" on it, dirt bag hypocrite liberal bastard. Go hug a tree with Al sharpton in a multi thousand dollar suit and say your "saving the planet" douche.
...- June 10, 2008 at 10:00 pm
‘Ultiman’ kind of looks like a white Houston Alexander.


It's Bas Rutten you ignorant chowder head. Didn't you see the old school UFC's? He even made a joke about it. GAWH.
Boiling Tater- June 10, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Surprise! More of the bald whitey's crap merchandise, probably made in China or Bangladesh by slave labor earning less than a nickel per piece/hour.

Despite the fact that it is an all too common practice to export work off the continent to the cheapest and most exploitable labor, it is not good business. It is exploitation.

Where is Jennito when you need him to speak up on behalf the REAL, voiceless slaves?

Besides, daddy deserves something American made like... ummm ... Gina in a thong!

KMA whitey!
Kimbo's Lice- June 10, 2008 at 9:05 pm
'Ultiman' kind of looks like a white Houston Alexander.
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