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Society Is Imploding: Three Delaware Daycare Workers Arrested for Inciting Toddler Fight Club

(I met three women with these blank, emotionless faces and…the blackest eyes. The devil’s eyes. Props to our buddies at FilmDrunk for the find.)

It’s pretty common knowledge that most of the writers here at CP have a particularly dark sense of humor. We talk about death around the water cooler with the casual, nonchalant attitude that coworkers in normal society exude when discussing TPS reports or last night’s episode of The Big Bang Theory. Our hearts are basically filled with obsidian, which we write off as a coping mechanism to deal the disintegrating society in which we live.

But apparently we don’t even hold a candle to the ladies running the Hands of Our Future Daycare in Dover, Delaware, who were recently arrested for staging, then recording, a fight between two three-year old children who had been dropped off at the daycare center earlier that morning.

Sound familiar?

The news, which was originally broke by Daily Mail, claims that the three women not only goaded these children into fighting and recorded it, but even pushed them back into the Lionheart-esque “fight zone” when one of them had already admitted defeat:

According to police, Tiana Harris, 19, Lisa Parker, 47, and Estefania Myers, 21, were captured in a cell phone video egging on two three-year-old children to get physical for the fun of it at the Hands of Our Future Daycare in Dover, Delaware.

In the footage, taken in March, a toddler’s voice is heard crying out in pain, ‘He’s pinching me,’ as the little one tries to break free from a scuffle with another youngster.

Shockingly, the voice of one of the workers responds, ‘No pinching, only punching’ as the worker guides the child to stay in the fight zone at the center.

Clearly one of the children is crying and does not want to continue on and he is pushed back into the fray by one of the adults,’ Dover Police Captain Tim Stump told KYW-TV. 

Although we’ve already decided that “No Pinching, Only Punching” is simply too catchy to not replace “We Pull No Punches” on our next batch of t-shirts, these ladies complete disregard for the verbal tapout rule is pretty abhorring. As was their decision to, you know, stage a fight between toddlers in the first place.

The actual footage of this despicable act has been seized by the Dover Police department as evidence in what we hope will be the eventual death by lethal injection trial of these three upstanding members of society, but the mothers of several other children attending the daycare center have come forward and expressed their shock and dismay over the news:

A mother of a child at the same day care, Cristyl Slack, said that her four-year-old daughter was in the room and witnessed the attack when the fight happened in March.
‘I can’t ever believe in a million years,’ another stunned mother, Amy Bickling, said, ‘I mean I would have to see the proof to believe it.’

I know I am perhaps doing a disservice to you readers by not delving into this any further, but for once I am simply at a loss of words. The trust it requires to leave one’s child in the care of a stranger is ineffable, and the violation of that trust in as horrifying a fashion as this warrants the strictest form of punishment imaginable. A punishment that will more than likely not be doled out to these cesspool-dwelling skidmarks on the underwear of human existence. It was bad enough when ArmFC hosted child fights in a smoke filled bar for the world to see, but this is simply beyond my grasp this early in the morning…

…so how about that Frankie Edgar, amiright? Guys?

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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kellyman- August 22, 2012 at 10:40 pm
They just released the footage - looks pretty brutal.
NomadRip- August 22, 2012 at 7:43 pm
Sometimes these things happen in MMA Daycare.
Grandmas Nutmeg- August 22, 2012 at 6:31 pm
So much hate for 3 saints who were trying to prevent Lay and Pray from reaching the future superstars of MMA.
Alan K- August 22, 2012 at 5:04 pm
You're at a loss for words? But you just wrote a whole article.
LesnarsIntestine- August 22, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Let miguel torres rape them to death. Just so long as its legitimate rape.. Can't let him rape them unless it's like "rape-rape", you know what I mean?
RB- August 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
3 bullets.
RSparrow- August 22, 2012 at 12:51 pm
See Bisping, people do care about the little fuckers.
Viva Hate- August 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Any truth to the story that these hippos yelled “Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else” as the kids fought? That one of them owned a soap company and made soap from fat that kept getting sucked out of each on of them? When asked why they did such a thing they responded “Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.”
El Guapo- August 22, 2012 at 11:50 am
Look at 'em there, pretty maids all in a row. I want the one on the left; she's perfect. Which one d'you want? Huh, huh, huh?... Alright. Wait, is this your first time? Can't believe you've bever been cow tipping before!
paperplane- August 22, 2012 at 11:26 am
Sentence them to a five round fight with Ronda rousey. Only rule is no pinching only punching.
Viva Hate- August 22, 2012 at 11:10 am
The first rule of toddler fight club is you do not talk about toddler fight club. The second rule of toddler fight club is you do not talk about toddler fight club.
Ricardo Guitardo- August 22, 2012 at 11:06 am
I would never bring my kids to this day care center. I would also never drop my kids off in the middle of the jungle...
Get Off Me- August 22, 2012 at 10:19 am
The daycare is called "Hands of our future" after all.
MorningwoodII- August 22, 2012 at 10:10 am
and the government wants to ban all abortions! This proves some abortions should happen. But, now the tax payers will have to support these skid marks while in prison or on welfare when they can't find work. I hope if they go to prison they hear, "no teeth only tongue" about 10 times a day.
amsterdamheavy- August 22, 2012 at 10:06 am
just make those 3 dumb whores fight to the death - last one standing goes free
RwilsonR- August 22, 2012 at 9:47 am
Huh...? They never look like you think they're going to.
Clemmie- August 22, 2012 at 9:39 am
I'd be afraid that I would end up with that tick on her face latched onto my sack.
Fried Taco- August 22, 2012 at 9:32 am
I'd like to pinch the one on the left, if you know what I mean.