St. Louis Pastor Takes The ‘Jesus Didn’t Tap’ Mantra A Little Too Literally
(Why didn't someone tell me about this shirt before now? I take back every negative thing I've said about Jesus Didn't Tap. Clearly, they have a sense of humor.)
You know something is big when churches begin using it as a gimmick to get people in the pews on Sunday. Pastor Tom Skiles from the Spirit of St. Louis church in Arnold, Missouri is hoping to capitalize on the popularity of MMA and the UFC on Easter Sunday with a service that’s chock full of copyright infringement. He calls it “Easter in the Octagon: The Ultimate Fighter,” and describes it thusly:
“The Ultimate Fighting is something we're doing to promote to the guys. We want to make Easter relevant again. We don't want to make it about lilies and nice dresses. When they walk in we'll have a chain link fence set up, it'll be set up like an octagon. We'll talk about fact that Jesus didn't tap out, he was an ultimate fighter.”
Pastor Tom is apparently fed up with the notion that Christians should be “nice guys.” He rejects the idea that Jesus was some philosophical, other cheek-turning “hippie,” and instead would like to remind you that the answer the question, ‘What would Jesus do?’ is inevitably, ‘Choke ‘em out.’
He also seems to be hoping that even notoriously litigious organizations won’t sue a church for using copyrighted phrases and images. In addition to all the Octagon and Ultimate Fighter stuff, the children’s service is called “Easter Smackdown” and it involves kids fighting in an inflatable boxing ring. Because Easter Egg hunts are for pussies, and Jesus didn’t cotton to no pussies.
This is all hilariously and harmlessly gimmicky until the River Front Times reporter asks Pastor Tom how far he’s willing to take this Christians-as-Ultimate-Fighters metaphor, suggesting the possibility of challenging the pastors of other churches to a cage match, and he seems to really, really like that idea:
“Tell 'em I'm waiting. Honestly, I pick on other denominations a lot. Here's what I tell 'em: I come out of a denomination, too. But on any Sunday morning I'll pick on everybody from Catholics to the Amish. We don't hold no bars [ed note: we’re guessing this is a garbled reference to the phrase ‘no holds barred,’ which means the complete absence of rules, and is therefore a strange philosophy for a religious group,’]. We make it so complicated and Christ wanted it to be simple. We like to laugh a lot in our Sunday experience. We do crazy stuff.”
Wow. If any members of the Potato Nation are in the area, how about swing on by this Sunday and triangle choke someone for the Lord. And by all means, take some pictures and send them to us so we can all get into the spirit.
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Comments
Diggler Says:
DIGGLER DIDN'T TAP
NateGetsIrate Says:
And people wonder why Lesnar lives up in a cabin in the middle of the woods where there's no one around for miles and miles.
Diggler Says:
CB Dollaway didn't tap either
PingPong Says:
This is why I am Taoist
Anonymous Says:
Dumb.
polish Says:
Razak Al-Hassan didn't tap either, ask him how that worked out...
Kadumel Says:
Just for the record, Jesus didn't tap, it was a verbal submission. His hands were nailed to a cross...
El Famous Burrito Says:
True, but he was all brittle from refusing to eat bacon.
portland mma Says:
NO WAY IS THIS SERIOUS? RIGHT?
Curtis Sample Says:
hey fellas.... anybody want their ass eaten today??? why couldn't i be first.... poopie
TEMPLE Says:
Nice job picking on the Amish! For Christ's sake! Could he have picked on a less violet cult? It's like picking on cripples (but not that one tough dude with no arms or legs who is in MMA).
And, "Easter Smackdown" for the kids? How about "Easter Buttrape"? That seems far more appropriate when it comes to the church.
Bloody primitives.
xocgx Says:
But Jesus DID ask his father why this was happening...he at least thought about tapping and asked his corner to throw in the towel.....oh, fictional stories!
WarpedAcorn Says:
I can think of no better way to celebrate Zombie Jesus Day.
Jugger Says:
He said, "It is finished." That's a verbal submission. Still, his intention was to lose because it made his "comeback" (a.k.a. Easter) all the more dramatic.
Anyway, this comments thread is boring. We need some intellectuals in here to demean Christians for being so demeaning.
Old, Bald and Irish Says:
I gotta get me that shirt!
HILARIOUS!
LAS Says:
Notice the striking similarities between Jesus and Kimbo in that shirt graphic.
Spagetti and Murderballs Says:
"...and God said, Let there be cage fighting, and there was, and it was good." - Genesis 12:4
...I think there was something about a bald-headed, shit-talking, hard-ass, promot...wait I mean, "savior" too. Sunday school was so long ago.
perdew Says:
i don't know bro, i think affliction shirts are way more religious. and obv cooler, bro.
billy Says:
This is bullshit!! Jesus in no way intelligently defended himself. Mario Yamasaki let the fight go on a little too long as was evident in the crucifix choke-out.
andrewm Says:
7 day round of round and pound, Jesus has great cardio.
Dakyn Says:
Christians are fucked up.
mmageek Says:
Jesus was a liberal, pacifist, Jew.
Clyde Says:
"My lord" asked the peasant, "If a man should strike my cheek, what should I do?"
"My child," replied Jesus, "if his stand up is superior, then thou must clinch, and work for the take down".
"But what if his sprawl is legendery, as that of St. Chuck of Liddell?" Asked the lowly squire.
"Then thou should remain vigilant with leg kicks. The good lord will provide an opening for those who help themselves" stated the saviour
"But my lord, who art so wise, what if my opponent has a considerable reach advantage, and may still strike me as I endevour to hinder his mobility?"
"Then thou must be brave, and dare to pull guard, and risk losing a boring decision..."
"But my lord, what if my opponent is faster, stronger, with better cardio and is smothered in vaseline?"
"Then my son, thou must accept that some things cannot be changed and graciously accept defeat at the hands of a better man."
- Leviticus 2:17
Captain Bringdown Says:
Screw these stupid shirts, pastors, etc.
WHO WON THE CAPTION CONTEST?
doctorkillpatient Says:
Remember Jesus cut weight before the fight, he only ate 1 piece of unleven bread and a cup of wine and then nothing until fight day.
Juan Blanco Says:
Finally!! A church I believe in...
Anonymous Says:
haha great job clyde ...parable of the week! although maybe go new testament as the reference next time since it does involve that jesus guy a little more
mvaughan Says:
huh...i live in STL. wouldnt mind checking it out and getting some pics and such for the potato nation, but then again i dont go to church. seems like a funny ordeal. pumped to find out strikeforce is coming June 6th, thats gonna be sweet. now if zuffa and co can join STL all will be well.
Douchey McDoucherton Says:
I picture the Jesus vs Satan fight going the way the Shamrock-Baroni went down, with bad commentary and all. Baroni didn't tap either, does that mean we celebrate his birth too? Or does that just apply to the New York/ New Jersey area?
KimboSlicesofPie Says:
Jesus may have not tapped out, but it's kid of hard to do that when your hands are nailed to a crucifix.
Yea I said it.
KimboSlicesofPie Says:
OH NO I TYPO'D :[
*kind of hard
KimboSlicesofPie Says:
Anonymous, I beat you.
Kadumel Says:
Kimbo, you were about 20 comments too late...
I like to picture little baby Jesus in the manger.
manutdfan Says:
Satan by spiked tail gogoplata.
aweirdpoet Says:
Jesus didn't tap, however in accordance with old testament law he did have more stoppages by eye gouge that Chuck Liddel and Ed Burns combined.
Imbecile Says:
I'm a Jew, and we're kind of like Nogueira. Sure we've taken our fair share of blows, and you may knock us down, but we are never out. And just when you think we are hurting, we turn the tables on you and tap your ass out.
You hear that Ahmadinejhad! I'm talking to you!
Armbreaker Says:
Christians are fine. Dakyn is fucked up.
Jay Smith Says:
After defeating Lou "The Devil" Sifer by decision, in a 2009 round war, Jesus was finally given his shot at the title. He was then defeated by Aul "The Alpha & Omega" Mighty by lightening strike at -5 seconds in the first round.
Anonymous Says:
Poe's Law.
Payday Says:
I love when people associate all Christians with the lunatic fringe that makes up a very, very small percentage of Christians.
You can do this with any demographic. It's like seeing a minority on the news who did a crime and them assuming all minorities of being criminals. It's pretty easy to do with MMA. Show someone outside the sport a video of Dana White and Diego Sanchez and they will instantly think everyone associated with MMA is a homophobe, sexist, or flat out fuckin' nuts.
Now on to your regularly scheduled idoiticy...
Come What May Says:
Thanks for that, Payday.
Lysol Says:
If you posted this six days ago, I would have formally called shenanigans.
LAS Says:
A minority committing a crime has nothing to do with them being a minority (OK, were definitely ignoring social factors that contribute to behavior, but that's beside the point). This guy's Easter Smackdown has everything to do with him being Christian. You cannot separate his behavior from his faith. That is why people are seeing this as an excuse to dog Christianity.
Jay Smith Says:
I also live in St. Louis, and anyone else that lives here knows that the city of St. Louis has been trying to get legislation approved that would have the city of Arnold surrounded with a 30 foot high wall to keep those folks from away from the rest of the world. Sort of a smaller version of Gitmo.
xocgx Says:
That's a great point LAS.
Shatski Says:
I'm from a few miles south of Arnold. I can see in my mind where this place is and remember them doing some other gimmick a few years ago. Kind of douchy. I'd check it out if I didn't move away in the past few months. Damn. Anyway, it's funny that he doesn't want people to think of Christians as "weak" or whatever. Look at the Crusades. Bunch of misguided Christian "warriors." See how that turned out? Or is still turning out?
just some dong Says:
fucking awesome
ItburnswhenIpee Says:
More Christians should emulate their saviour- and get nailed to a tree.
Too many religious folks doing too much ground n pound on little boys bums.
bobzemuda Says:
I am so ashamed to be from St. Louis right now.
THE FATASS BADASS Says:
I seen this article today on YAHOO Sports and the dude was credited as running his form of christianity out of his basement saying that Jesus was the first Ultimate Fighter, and that he was reincarnated in Forrest Griffin. Or some shit like that.
P.S Nice work CLYDE