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The Stakes at UFC 109: Randy Couture Just Likes to Compete, But Mark Coleman Needs to Win or Retire

We’ve been waiting for the UFC to tell us what the importance of the Randy Couture-Mark Coleman main event at UFC 109 really is.  Finally, the wait is over.  To the untrained eye it might just look like two MMA dinosaurs going at it because neither of them has anything better to do, but that’s far too simplistic.  Really, this fight is happening now because it didn’t happen back when both guys had hair and you could still become a UFC champ by beating up fat dudes who wore shirts into the Octagon.  But beyond that, Dana White explains that Couture wants to win because he’s a competitor and winning is better than losing, as a rule, but "as far as livelihood and career, Mark Coleman needs this win a lot worse than Randy Couture does."

Translation?  Couture has a little money saved, as well as some other sources of income, but Coleman is broke as a joke and needs this paycheck bad.  Cue the close-up of Coleman looking old and haggard, juxtapose it with clips from his dominant, extremely well-muscled youth, and then close with DW suggesting that Coleman’s fourteen-year career has all been preamble to this fight, intoning, "if he can go in there and beat Randy Couture, wow, holy [expletive], Mark Coleman’s back."

And scene.  That’s how you cut a promo, people.  And, just in case you’re curious, this is how you deal with a frustrating loss…

Tough guys hurt too, you guys.  Oh, yes they do.

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ghostboner- January 14, 2010 at 2:42 pm
@fiveforfive - oh shit methandrostenolone, the scorpion king III! I mutter through hearty chuckles
itsgalf- January 14, 2010 at 1:54 pm
for some reason I found the ending of that second video really funny.

BAM! "To Be Continued" with the Law & Order sound effect. As if this was some sort of weekly TV series. ...and "where is your phone" being some sort of surprise twist
Durden- January 14, 2010 at 1:50 pm
If that were a drugtest, then Coleman royally failed it
Häkkiperuna- January 14, 2010 at 1:25 pm
I predict Coleman gassing from Randy's clinchwork.
Kimbos Bread- January 14, 2010 at 11:03 am
LMFAO...Look at that Asian dude in the grey sweater to Coleman's right on the freeze frame from the top video. Priceless.

That second footage of Coleman was edited and NOT real. It wasn't from his fight with Fedor. It was when he tried to go into the porn industry and didn't get paid because he screwed up the money shot with Jenna Jameson. He busted his nut way too early and couldn't get it back up. That footage was shot right after the director stopped the film and brought in Tito to finish the job. Old age is a bitch.
jimbonics- January 14, 2010 at 11:02 am
Wow I think I want Coleman to take this. That would be badass.
Soda Popinski- January 14, 2010 at 10:57 am
ill be honest, the sadness of this fight wont actually show itself until after the winner is announced and not in the sense that one of the old timers has to lose.

the sadness will actually be in the direction of the winner, because you know that whoever they have to face next on their "road to the title" will probably end up killing them.

in related news: coleman by TKO. i think randy is a better fighter, i think randy is in better shape and i think randy has held up better over the years, but i think coleman wants this fight 100 times more than randy does. i feel as though randy just sees the UFC as 'something to do' where as to like CP mentioned, coleman knows he needs this win and i guarantee you he's doing everything physically possible to prepare for this match.

fiveforfive- January 14, 2010 at 10:52 am
Mark Coleman has been cast in the role of Methandrostenolone, a villianous god-king in the highly anticipated new film Scorpion King III.
SiDeBuRnZ- January 14, 2010 at 10:41 am
Also, I would like to see a spliced video of Diego Sanchez yelling YES! whenever Mark Coleman blurts an obscenity regarding *mumble mumble* something about pussy *mumble*
SiDeBuRnZ- January 14, 2010 at 10:38 am
@imakeutap No "And scene." is correct. Go read up you tard.

(Ben I've been nuthugging for so long, and I still haven't gotten that T-shirt)
skeletor- January 14, 2010 at 10:36 am
this video is exactly what it's gonna be like after Zimmer Martinez II.
Juxtapose! All mother fucking day.
Dmonicideals- January 14, 2010 at 9:53 am
.....and then he says "Are you waving your ass at me?"

To which he replies "No, it's juxtapose."
imakeutap- January 14, 2010 at 9:50 am
"And Scene?"

It's "End Scene"
CheckHisPee- January 14, 2010 at 9:38 am
Coleman's done, Fedor's the king, BOOM! (a la Chazz Michael Michaels)
fiveforfive- January 14, 2010 at 9:37 am
I also feel the need to say "juxtapose". I love how they skillfully juxtapose the english mumbling against the violent AZN character subtitles.
Häkkiperuna- January 14, 2010 at 9:33 am
RIP Tony Halme
echoxer0- January 14, 2010 at 9:30 am
u drink with randleman one second,
he randleplexes ur ass the next,
then fedor kimuras him the second after that
mthomas- January 14, 2010 at 9:28 am
Wow--temper tantrum! 'Roid rage much? I like how they juxtapose Coleman's freakout with Fedor's stoic, emotionless demeanor