("I thought you said you were Mr. Cyborg?") 

Here we are with Strikeforce’s first major event of the 2011, or as we like to call it, their first shot at fucking up the good things they did last year.

Although rumor has it Gus Johnson won’t be in the broadcast booth tonight, he promises that he’ll bring his MMA-retarded rhetoric back in time for the first round of the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix in February, despite the fact that HDNet has announced Michael Shiavello and Bas Rutten will be added to the announce team — at least for the prelims.

With no GuJo to screw up the broadcast and no feuds brewing between the Diaz’s and opponents they’ll likely never face, there’s a pretty good chance that this event could go off with out a hitch. The only thing that could knock this ship off course would be for Cyborg to upset Diaz and for Lawler to knock out Jacare.

And for the record, we WANT Strikeforce to succeed more than we want to see Justin Bieber fall down a flight of stairs, it’s just that they haven’t exactly given us a lot of indicators that they’re ready to go head-to-head with Zuffa’s Evil Empire (Just kidding, Dana. Ben doesn’t want to get fucked again.)

Let’s get this thing going. Spoilers after the jump. Refresh often.

UNDER CARD AMATEUR BOUT RESULTS

Anthony Dariano def. Alan Perez via unanimous decision

Ricky Jackson def. Niko Jackson via unanimous decision

Armin Safiari def. Sam Bracamonte via unanimous decision
———- 

NON-TELEVISED MAIN CARD RESULTS

Nate Moore def. Nathan Coy via KO (punches) – 0:25 of R2

Isaiah Hill def. Bobby Stack via submission (triangle choke) – 1:02 R1

Ron Keslar defeated Eric Lawson via submission (armbar) – 1:57 R1
 
Germaine de Randamie defeated Stephanie Webber via KO (knee) – 4:25 R1

James Terry def. Lucas Gamaza via TKO (strikes) – 3:26 R1

Jenna Castillo def. Charlene Gellner via TKO (strikes) – 3:57 R2

———-

MAIN CARD

Well, it looks like all it takes for you to become the best fighter in MMA in Frank Shamrock‘s eyes (like he says Nick Diaz is) is to kick his ass. I guess Cung Le must be the second best fighter in the world. And what the hell is a "true twenty first century fighter?" Wouldn’t that be guys who fought in the past 11 years?

Not sure if this is any indication of the Strikeforce business plan for 2011, but it looks like the next GP weight will be decided by text message poll. JZ Cavalcante is sitting at home in Florida furiously texting "155."

Roger Gracie vs. Trevor Prangley

R1:
Gracie comes out and pretends he’s a striker, as Chef Ramsey lumbers about trying not to laugh.  One minute and not a strike has been thrown that connects.  With just under two minutes into the fight, Gracie finally clinches, but Prangley backs him up with a pair of knees.  Gracie clinches again and finishes the takedown this time.  Pinning Prangley up against the fence, Roger works into the mount and Prangley hangs on for dear life, hoping to run out the clock.  Trevor tries to explode out, but ends up with Gracie on his back, working for a rear naked choke.  He finally sinks his arm around Prangley’s neck, and elicits a tapout with just over 40 seconds remaining.

Roger Gracie def. Trevor Prangley via submission (rear naked choke) 4:19   R1

———-

Herschel Walker vs. Scott Carson

Man, Mauro Ranallo wants to date Herschel Walker by the sounds of things. Yeah, we get it, he was a really good football player.  I really don’t think anyone’s going to be "starstruck" stepping in the cage with him.

R1:
Carson throws a head kick that whiffs Walker’s fade.  Herschel is pissed, and lets out a war cry and charges, dropping Carson with a left.  Carson is able to defend from his back and avoids taking any damage.  As Carson tries to get to his feet, Walker demonstrates the results of his 750 pushups a day by picking him up and slamming him on his belly.  It looks like Carson’s working for a keylock or a kimura, but he’s taking damage as he turtles on his knees.  Walker knocks his mouthguard out, and Carson seems content to just lay on the mat with his hands over his head willing the attack to end like an altar boy in a Catholic church.  Carson rolls over and seems surprised to find Walker in his guard.  As he tries to walk up the cage to regain his feet, Walker is there with a handful of short shots to the head as the referee steps in to stop it.

Herschel Walker def. Scott Carson via TKO (strikes) 3:13 R1

———-

Middleweight Championship Bout
Ronaldo Souza vs. Robbie Lawler

Lawler is  looking like a photo negative of Kimbo Slice. Placing a bet on him may not have been a bad idea considering he was a +210 at post time.

At least Big John is reffing. There shouldn’t be an issue with a late or early stoppages.

R1:
Jacare seems to be following Gracie’s lead by feigning a stand-ip bout. Lawler strikes first with a flying knee that connects with Jacare’s sternum, but he is immediately dropped on his back by the grappling mastermind. Souza quickly moves to side control and rounds the clock from north-south to opposite side control. It’s almost like he’s toying with Lawler. Robbie gets back to his feet after a failed guillotine attempt by the champ. Jacare seems comfortable standing and pays for his cockiness with another flying knee that connects with his dome this time around. Lawler follows up with  a head kick and a combo that wobbles and drops Jacare. Ronaldo gets a warning for grabbing the fence with Lawler in his guard and BJM finally stands up the action. Lawler swings for the fences and connects with a body kick and is dumped on his back again.

10-9 Lawler

R2: 
Lawler throws another kick that doesn’t  connect, and is again taken down.  Jacare works from side control and looks to pass to mount, but quickly latches on a side choke.  Lawler shrugs it off and Souza moves back into north-south and turns to the opposite side control again.  Lawler seems like a turtle now, unsure what to do on his back.  Jacare landing short rights and hammerfists, but Lawler has a chin of granite, and doesn’t seem to care.  Jacare checks with his corner before trying for a leglock.  Maybe he was checking to see if they were legal.  He switches his focus to Lawler’s arm, and cranks an armbar that Lawler is able to pull out of.  Latching onto the arm again, Souza pulls it tight this time, but Robbie spins out perfectly and climbs over Jacare’s legs and out of trouble.

10-9 Souza

R3:
Jacare comes out the agressor and moves right into the clinch, punishing Lawler with knees to the mid-section.  He lets go just long enough to take Lawler back down to his world.  Robbie shakes his head in disgust like he didn’t expect a jujitsu champion to take him to the mat.  As quickly as he takes him down, Jacare slips his bicep around Lawler’s carotid artery and makes him tap out. 

Renaldo Souza def Robbie Lawler via submission (rear naked choke) – 2:00  R3

———-

Welterweight Championship Bout
Nick Diaz vs. Evangelista "Cyborg" Santos

Oh shit, I thought Undertaker was about to come out when the bells began to toll…

R1:
Diaz looks to be bringing his 209 talk to the cage with his taunting of Cyborg. Santos is keeping his Chuteboxe teammates happy by chopping at the champ’s legs. Nick says, "Enough of this shit," and clinches. Cyborg pushes off as he eats a jab, but punishes Nick’s legs some more. Cyborg is throwing hooks and connects with one, then another and he absorbs a handful of jabs without flinching. Cyborg is controlling Diaz. Oh snap! Diaz just Rick-rolled us all. He wobbles Cyborg with a looping hook and continues to pepper him with jabs and hooks to the body, reminiscent of GSP versus Koscheck in December. Cyborg seems to have gotten his footing back, but he’s bleeding and tired and is relieved to see the round end.

10-9 Diaz

R2:
Diaz continues with the momentum that stole the opening round away from Cyborg. Santos keeps throwing inside leg kicks to try to open up Diaz to a knee as he steps into combos. The pace is slowing, but both fighters continue to plug away with their most effective shots. Diaz jabs, while Cyborg kicks Nick’s goat legs. Cyborg lands a nice uppercut, but Diaz’s head is like a bag of rocks, so it doesn’t do much. Cyborg locks up the patented Chuteboxe thai clinch, but Diaz pulls out. Santos gets the first takedown, but Nick throws up his hips and locks in an armbar. Santos defends, but makes the mistake of walking out instead of putting pressure on Diaz’s chest. Diaz extends the arm and Cyborg taps as his elbow hyperextends.

Nick Diaz def. Evangelista Santos via submission (armbar) 4:50 R2

Well, that all went exactly as planned.

Gotta give props to Strikeforce for giving us another event to set our watch by. An hour and a half and we’re done. 

Peace out. I think I’ll go watch a movie.