(‘Looks like we won’t be eating boiled down wallpaper this year, after all.’)
Tanking economy, you say? Not in San Jose, brother. The official fighter payouts for Strikeforce: Destruction tell a tale of a local MMA promoter that’s doing just fine, even if some of the figures are a little strange. At least most of the Strikeforce fighters will be able to afford a Christmas now. And not one of those shitty Christmases where you make homemade gifts and write each other poems and everyone has to pretend like a haiku about a mother’s love is just as cool as an Xbox. No, a real Christmas. With material goods and stuff!
Thanks, Strikeforce. Go to hell, haiku.
Scott Smith: $40,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus)
Terry Martin: $20,000
Renato “Babalu” Sobral: $50,000 (includes $25,000 win bonus)
Bobby Southworth: $20,000
Duane Ludwig: $32,500 (includes $15,000 win bonus)
Yves Edwards: $12,000
Kim Couture: $10,000 (includes $5,000 win bonus)
Lina Kvokov: $1,500
Joe Riggs: $40,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus)
Luke Stewart: $10,000
Bobby Stack: $5,000 (includes $1,500 win bonus)
Cyrillo Padilha: $2,000
Eric Lawson: $9,000 (includes $1,000 win bonus)
Tony Johnson: $2,000
Kurt Osiander: $9,000 (includes $4,000 win bonus)
Josh Neal: $1,550
Brian Schwartz: $28,000 (no win bonus)
Lamont Davis: $5,000
Luke Rockhold: $4,000 (includes $2,000 win bonus)
Nik Theotikos: $2,000
Darren Uyenoyama: $5,000 (includes $2,5000 win bonus)
Brad Royster: $1,500
Alvin Cacdac: $3,000 (includes $1,000 win bonus)
Jose Palacios: $3,000
Zakary Bucia: $2,000 (includes $1,000 win bonus)
Adam Steele: $1,000
Overpaid: I know what you’re thinking, a) who the hell is Brian Schwartz and why did he get twenty-eight grand just to show, and b) Kim Couture got ten thousand dollars for that mess? To this I say, a) Schwartz is an ex-kickboxing champ, and this is only his second pro MMA fight, against the same dude who beat him in his first fight, so yes, he’s making more than he should in guaranteed cash, and b) I know, crazy, right?
Underpaid: No glaring examples, but all the guys making less than two grand to show serve to remind us that trying to make it as a pro fighter is a tough life. Somewhere in Vegas tonight a stripper will go home with roughly the same amount of cash as Adam Steele made to train his ass off for weeks and then get guillotined in the first round. What’s worse, that stripper will go out and spend it all on purses and body glitter without ever giving it a second thought. That ain’t right.