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Sylvia Makes Obligatory Excuses for Abe Wagner Loss, Says He Fights Better When He’s Not Such a Fatty


(This mean machine needs to be covered with a protective layer of blubber. Otherwise it’s just too dangerous. PicProps: Tapped Out)

Just in case you were actually starting to feel kind of bad for Tim Sylvia, there are some marvelous comments from him out on Tuesday which should remind you why you never liked the guy in the first place. Of course, by “marvelous” we mean “the sadly typical ramblings of an obese man who refuses to take responsibility for his own fuck-ups.” Turn out, Sylvia came into his fight with Abe Wagner with a hurt knee, you guys. Now it might need surgery. Nonetheless, the former UFC champ says if referee Jason Herzog hadn’t prematurely stepped in to call the fight just 32-seconds into the first round he was about to jump up and whip Wagner’s ass, bum wheel and all. 

“It was stopped way too early…It was bullshit,” Sylvia tells Five Ounces of Pain about his loss at Titan Fighting Championships last weekend. “The sad part is the ref told the promoter and my corner he was sorry because he knew he made a mistake and stopped it a little early.”

We’ll get to Herzog in a minute. First, some Breaking News: In addition to making the above obligatory excuses for his defeat, Sylvia has decided he fights better when he doesn’t show up for bouts weighing 311-pounds and looking like his body might split open like a Johnsonville brat on a hot grill.  Damn it, if only he’d known that before the fight!


“I will never fight at super heavyweight again,” Sylvia says. “I fight much better at 265 so from here on out that’s what I am going to fight at.”

Oh, we get it, it was the weight class’ fault he showed up looking like such a fat ass. Wait, what? Given that Wagner weighed-in at a burly 265.2-pounds, Sylvia’s effort to live up to his billing as a “super heavy” was, like, overkill. There wasn’t anything stopping him from using the three weeks of notice he had for this fight to slim down a bit, right? Of course, shit always looks so simple in hindsight. If only there had been some warning signs that tipping the scales at more than three bills wouldn’t be a recipe for success.

Maybe it was that aforementioned knee that wouldn’t allow him to get in shape. To hear Sylvia tell it, it must have been bothering him a lot:  “I went into the fight with a bum knee and it got worse somehow during the fight so I go in for an MRI sometime this week and might need surgery,” he says. “We will see.”

Got worse during the 32 seconds it took Wagner to starch his ass, huh? This seems like a prime opportunity to employ CagePotato’s 12-Word Checklist for Knowing if You Should Fight Through Injury. So easy an MMA fighter could use it! Here it is: Hurt knee? Don’t Fight. You do fight? Don’t talk about your knee.

Finally, on the topic of Herzog – who did kind of screw up, but only by not looking more confident about the stoppage – Sylvia says the official should have been more familiar with his track record of coming back from seemingly insurmountable odds to win the UFC title … and also lose it by embarrassingly lopsided decision … and also by getting his freaking arm broken in half.

“Refs need to know the fighters,” Sylvia says. “Did he see my fight with Andrei Arlovski – the second one – (where) I got dropped, got up and KO’d him? The Randy Couture fight I got dropped and fought for twenty five minutes.”

Yeah, losing a fight at a small-time show and then pulling out the “Don’t you know who I am?” card is pretty fucking weak. You get in the cage, you should assume that you’re going to be judged by the same rules as everybody else. Frankly, when you get pounded all over the ring in the first 30 seconds before eating two shots to the kisser, slumping down to the canvas and falling flat on your substantial belly, you got no room to complain about the stoppage.

Should referees give certain guys more leeway than others when it comes to absorbing punishment? Maybe it seems that way after you lose. From the outside looking in however, it feels like that’s the kind of thinking that could get somebody killed.

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RSparrow- February 1, 2011 at 6:11 pm
^

Hahaha are you the one who always bitches about that? Hilarious.
somethingnew- February 1, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Awww look...it's only been 1 day and we get another "you guys"...it's so hip and awesome when you do that.
T.Bone- February 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm
@djp

holy shit that was great comment - LOL
Lysol- February 1, 2011 at 4:00 pm
And here I am thinking Fat Tuesday was March 8th...
Arianny Sylvia- February 1, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Leave Timmy alone. He's the best in the UFC.
djp1988- February 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I loved Sylvia in Se7en.
Buff Frank Mir- February 1, 2011 at 1:39 pm
THE MAAAAAAINE-IAAAAC
DARKHORSE06- February 1, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I was suprised Tim's fat casing didn't bounce him right back up after he got knocked down.

Also, that is about the gayest tattoo I've ever seen. The gayest one is the superman tattoo on his shoulder.
RwilsonR- February 1, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Next fight: A 260 pound lady who he will try to supplex.
ScarTissue- February 1, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Just watched this fight. He got so fat his shoulder tattoo doesn't fit anymore.
HabitualLineStepper- February 1, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Based on the lack of technique and the abundance of flubber Tim Sylvia showed on Friday night, I think I know what his next move should be... And that move is to hangout in the suburbs and fight gingers that accuse him of stealing bongs. If he proves himself in the driveway circuit, then maybe he should step back up to actual cage fights.
tramadoc- February 1, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Timmy's fat ass went down in that fight like a Rhino getting hit with a tranquilizer dart on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.
Horror Fighter- February 1, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Come on, you guys. It's really not his fault. Sylvia recently got tattoos, and he had no idea that the ink can cause your arms to spasm uncontrollably. That's why when Wagner hit him, Tim started flailing like a a manatee getting fucked by a Norwegian sailor too long at sea. (Don't judge my simile until you've seen it happen. Then tell me I'm wrong.)
MyDonkeyPunch- February 1, 2011 at 11:14 am
His knee injury was a result of all the fat lady ass kicking he was doing.
Smitty- February 1, 2011 at 11:14 am
@ Crusader 86
Welcome to the site dog.
shitbag- February 1, 2011 at 11:08 am
Yea, the ref should of let it go on until his fat ass was knocked completely out.
cecils_pupils- February 1, 2011 at 11:07 am
"refs need to know the fighters"

Oh Jason Herzog knows you, Timmeh, he knows you quite well:

hxxp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUx9OE7DZAo
SocraticMethod- February 1, 2011 at 11:06 am
The sad thing is, he DID use the 3 weeks notice he had for the fight to slim down.
Chiggs- February 1, 2011 at 11:06 am
I dunno about that, Ricco at least has gotten serious about gettin back into contendership and has pulled his shit together. At this point in time, he'd fuckin starch Sylvia in seconds as well. Hell, might just take it to 3/4's of the UFC/SF roster actually. He just needed to get his shit together as Rodriguez has the skills to fuckup just about anybody from 205 to HW.
Viva Hate- February 1, 2011 at 11:03 am
Bum knee huh? It finally happened, fat boy's legs can no longer support his own weight. Congrats Timmy you are getting closer to staring on an episode of Springer where they cut the side of your house off to carry you to the zoo with a crane for a shower.
just some dong- February 1, 2011 at 11:00 am
Tim Silvia's a champion, dudes. He doesn't do anything half way—it's 110% or nothing. So when you give him the chance to weigh in at super-heavyweight... well, you see the result. Now that's a champion.
GILL-uh-TEEN- February 1, 2011 at 10:57 am
Sylvia's knee hurts because of all the blubber it has to support.
Tito's neck hurts because his fat-ass head sits on top of it.
Brock Lesnar's colon hurts because...
Poison_tree- February 1, 2011 at 10:41 am
Sylvia looks like a fat mans "Evangelista or Cris Cyborg" in this photo with his forearm like that, and him having machine under his skin.

though hes not hateable, he is just abit slow and dumb and done.
Boo- February 1, 2011 at 10:41 am
I wish this fat fucker would just drive his Vespa scooter into oncoming traffic already.
MediocreThreat- February 1, 2011 at 10:38 am
Next fight: Ricco Rodriguez at catch weight
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