(Look up "shit-eating grin" in the dictionary and you’ll find this photo.)

I’m sure most of us have gone back to an ex-girlfriend’s apartment after a break-up to retrieve a few things. A pair of shoes, the Pixies CD that mysteriously went missing from your car or the $100 you leant her so she could get her hair streaked — whatever it was, you paid for it and you wanted it back; so much so, that were willing to stomach having to see your replacement sitting shirtless on her sofa and resist the urge to head-kick his smug smile out the window as you waited to get your shit back.

The difference between most of us — okay, all of us — and Floyd Mayweather Jr. is that he made more in his last fight than all of CP’s readers combined will likely make this year and that all of the items most of us would swallow our pride to get back, he could replace with the money he has in the ashtray of one of his 20 cars.

In spite of that fact,  he managed to get thrown in jail for stealing his ex’s $500 iPhone.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

The unholy union between the UFC and 50 Cent has spawned its first offspring — this promo video for tomorrow night’s Couture vs. Lesnar fight, soundtracked by Fiddy’s new single “Get Up.” I don’t know…in the words of Randy Jackson, this one’s just aight for me, dog.

MMA Rated brings us this video from yesterday’s UFC 91 press conference, in which Dana White announces that the winner of the Kenny Florian/Joe Stevenson fight will earn a shot at BJ Penn’s lightweight title. Florian, Stevenson, Brock Lesnar, and Randy Couture also take the podium to say a few words. Fun fact: 15 of Randy’s 18 UFC fights have been for a championship belt.

After the jump: something completely different…

It’s the week leading up to another UFC event, which means we get to see Dana White on hustle-mode once again. He kicks off this installment of the vlog at Tony Hawk’s Stand Up for Skateparks benefit/festival/whatever, where he wrings out Randy vs. Brock fight predictions from Anthony Kiedis (Randy via experience), Urijah Faber (Lesnar via beastly genetics) and Wanderlei Silva, who claims Randy will put Brock on the ground and do something to his face with the elbows. Skater/radio host Jason Ellis agrees wholeheartedly. (“And he’s got a dick on his chest, too,” Ellis says.)

Driving away from the event, we are introduced to Dana’s shy sons, Friction and Fractalgeometry — “Fric” and “Frac” for short — who aren’t as excited about going to Johnny’s Rockets as their father is (kids today). Fric demands a “dwink,” which earns him endless mockery from Dana. We also learn that shopping is the only thing their mother does.

Dana is dropped off at Jimmy Iovine‘s house to meet 50 Cent and discuss the relationship between fighting and music. 50 is sporting a t-shirt with a picture of Kate Moss. As he explains it, “black president, it’s time for interracial relationships.”