(“What are you doing out there, Alistair? Quit playing around and put a *real* hurting on this guy!” Photo via Getty.)

The official salaries for UFC 169 were released earlier today, and despite being panned by 100% of Dana Whites across the globe, Alistair Overeem and Jose Aldo managed to walk away with the two highest salaries of the evening, banking $407,143 and $240,000, respectively. In a slight departure from what we have come to expect, three other fighters also cleared six figures at UFC 169, although in the case of Abe Trujillo, it was thanks greatly in part to the pair of “end of the night” bonuses he picked up for his second round KO of Jamie Varner to open up the main card.

The full list of salaries for UFC 169 is below, so follow us after the jump and take a gander, then entertain us as we yell at a wall.

Alistair Overeem: $407,143 ($285,714 to show, $121,429 win bonus)
Jose Aldo: $240,000 ($120,000 to show, $120,000 win bonus)

(I’ll eat my own foot if the word “bro” wasn’t uttered at least once. / Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting)

Legacies will be defined, belts may or may not change hands, and “Bagautinov” will be pronounced at least three different ways — welcome, ladies and gents, to CagePotato’s liveblog of UFC 169: Barao vs. Faber. On tap for this evening: Renan Barao attempts to defend his unified bantamweight title for the first time against Urijah Faber, and Jose Aldo goes for his sixth UFC featherweight title defense against hard-charging contender Ricardo Lamas. Plus: a heavyweight battle between Alistair Overeem and Frank Mir that’s totally awesome if you don’t think about it too hard.

Handling play-by-play for the UFC 169 pay-per-view broadcast is Aaron Mandel, who will be putting live results from the main card after the jump, starting at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and shoot your own thoughts into the comments section. Thanks for coming.

(The Fight Night 27 post-fight press conference via the UFC’s Youtube channel.)

We’ll admit to skipping over the very first fight on yesterday’s Fight Night 27: Condit vs. Kampmann card — a lightweight scrap between Abel “Killa” Trujillo and Roger “Fuck it, Dude, Let’s Go” Bowling — in our aftermath piece this morning, but not because we missed the fight and not because we planned on using it as a prime example for another article about potential rule changes in MMA. In my eyes (and therefore all of CP’s because BG is out of town. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!), there was simply no controversy to be had.

Trujillo threw two knees. The first was legal; to the chest. The second was not; it hit Bowling square in the jaw. In fact, the second was about as blatantly illegal a strike as you could ask for. When Bowling was deemed unable to continue, we assumed he would be awarded the victory via DQ, as was the case when Luiz Cane illegally kneed James Irvin’s eyeball through the back of his skull at UFC 79. When the ref informed Trujillo that the fight would be declared a NC because the knee wasn’t “blatant,” we scratched our heads a little, but knew that intention behind a foul is determined by the referee alone.

So what should have been a DQ win for Roger Bowling was now a NC. Fine. But to say that Trujillo should have not only won the fight but will be receiving a win bonus as well? Surely you’d have to be f*cking insane to utter such insanity.

Those shots were not illegal. The first one hit him in the chest, and the second hit him in the shoulder. That kid should’ve won that fight, and I’m going to pay him his win bonus.

Yup, that’s Dana White at the Fight Night 27 post-fight press conference (approximately 20 minutes into the above video), clearly high as f*ck. But here’s the thing: Dana is right.

Join us after the jump to see why.

That’s some hit, man.   (I’m so sorry.)  PicProps:  Esther Lin / MMAFighting

So BG is gone this week, I assume to yet another wedding, because once he bought the tuxedo he was determined to get the mileage out of it. Seriously, he’s got the whole bit: natty little straight cane with the white tips, monocle, top hat, the whole nine. It’s dashing, but apparently it’s expensive as hell. That or he’s running some kind of scheme where he collects disposable cameras and plastic champagne flutes? What the fuck are you building in there, Goldstein?

So anyway, I’m poking around his office here at CP headquarters, kick over a box of CagePotato Hall of Fame t-shirts, and damn if i didn’t stumble over the ol’ arbitrariest of MMA supercomputers: the Potato Index.

Turns out it’s been hooked up this whole time, so I decided to pull up the numbers on UFC’s Fight Night 27, just for old times’ sake.

The Octagon Girls +16
The new Octagon Girls are lovely. Chrissy Blair is the archetypal California Girl; think Christie Brinkley in a Ferrari, but blonder. And the new brunette one getting tattoos exactly like Brittney Palmer’s was a nice touch.

Kansas City fighters + 42
Zak Cummings [+19] and Jason High [+23] both picked up their first UFC wins with good-looking performances. Jason High had previously lost to Erick Silva in June and Charlie Brennamen back in 2010, mostly because Joe Silva likes to call High on short notice for not-easy fights. The Kansas City Bandit gets a big bump with a quick win.

Abel Trujillo +11
Trujillo picks up the best kind of No Contest: the kind that comes from a foul that is both uber-agressive and debatable. Attacking grounded fighters with knees will always stir the passions; if Trujillo were a savvy marketer, he would start coming to the cage in a Hannibal mask and a straight jacket. A straight jacket covered in sponsor patches. Dana White would get a visible boner.

Roger Bowling -5
Unfortunately, according to (arbitrary) opinion, it’s better to take the loss in the cage and get the NC declared later. But enjoy your short-term memory and normal brain function. (Pussy.)

(Mike Tyson‘s first night as Dana White’s bodyguard was also his last. / Photo via the UFC 160 weigh-in photos gallery on MMAFighting.com)

The FX Prelims broadcast for UFC 160 kicks off tonight at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and our man Anthony Gannon will be laying down live round-by-round results after the jump. So will Khabib Nurmagomedov redeem himself after shitting the bed at yesterday’s weigh-ins? Can Mike Pyle enter the four-fight win streak club? And which obscure TUF winner will we have to start caring about, Colton Smith or Robert Whittaker? Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and use the comments section to let us know you’re here.