(God damn it, Tim. We will never forgive you for this.)

We envisioned this week’s CagePotato Roundtable as a friendly take-down of everything from “Hello Japan!” to Tito Ortiz’s brief and terrifying career as a post-fight interviewer. But then a funny thing happened — the UFC canceled their first event of the Zuffa era due to a very unexpected decision by one of their champions, and the world exploded. The Jon Jones/UFC 151 fallout and much more will be covered in today’s column, so grab a beverage and get comfortable. And as always, if you have a topic idea for a future Roundtable, please send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

Seth Falvo

“World Combat League, bro. It already exists.”

In the perfect MMA Universe I envision whenever I eat enough Lotus Leaf, these words are uttered directly to MMA’s Vince Russo, Bob Meyrowitz, while he’s looking for investors for the mind-numbingly ridiculous YAMMA Pit Fighting. Upon hearing them, Bob decides to become a jaded boxing promoter, World Combat League is still the only promotion that uses a bowl as the fight surface and we are all spared the most stupid, embarrassing, gimmicky event since Heroes of Wrestling. Also in this universe: The Super Hulk division is recognized by the UFC as a real weight class, Paulo Filho never touches the GHB, Fedor knocks out Brock Lesnar and then retires as a UFC Heavyweight Champion and Chael Sonnen never attempts that freaking backfist. Who says us nerds don’t know how to party?

Of course, reality is a cruel mistress, and YAMMA Pit Fighting ended up happening despite the best efforts of an injury curse. Much like the aforementioned Heroes of Wrestling, Meyrowitz attempted to cash in on our love of nostalgia by booking a bunch of aging has-beens, never-weres, nobodies and ne’er-do-wells to compete in the promotion’s inaugural event. Never mind that half of the roster hasn’t been relevant in a decade (using “relevant” as loosely as possible in some cases), or that one of the fighters was best known for getting knocked out by a leg kick, or that another fighter was best known to casual fans for his stint on Celebrity Rehab; they’re going to brawl, you guys! Add on one of Brock Lesnar’s Team Deathclutch punching bags, the cheapest journeyman-for-hire you can find, an obese former Toughman Contest champion and some obscure Russians who dabble at sambo — because, you know, Fedor — and we’ll have all the tools for an exciting bankruptcy case after no one watches this. Tack on the incredibly cheesy, stuck-in-the-mid-90s “On the streets it’s against the law — in the pit it is the law” tagline, and laissez les bons temps rouler.

Yes, it’s ugly, trashy and tasteless to include Arianny on this list. Just like this t-shirt. Props: UFCStore.com

MMA fighters aren’t exactly known for their fashion sense. So it should come as little surprise that most MMA t-shirt companies produce some pretty questionable designs. The rampant abuse of foil print, skulls, chains, tribal designs and nautical stars among most MMA t-shirts is bad enough on its own; even worse when you consider that they sell for thirty bucks a pop.

Which I guess makes it all the worse when a fighter makes his way to the cage covered in an “athletic fit” Old-English mess. Not only is the shirt revolting, but it’s going to sell for an outlandish sum of money, and be worn by every overweight Texas Roadhouse chef, milquetoast tech support geek and muscle-bound frat boy.

Perhaps the reason that we’ve never attempted an “Ugliest Walkout Shirts” post is because ranking these train wrecks is like ranking, well, actual train wrecks. No matter what order you place them in, you’re a total scumbag for attempting to rank a tragedy from most to least depressing. And besides, you’re clearly wrong about which one belongs at number three. For that reason, these will not be ranked, per se, but rather categorized. How you feel these shirts fall into place is up to you.

Let’s start with the most obvious category:

(Props: David T. Cho)

Being an MMA fan ain’t easy sometimes. Hyped-up fights turn out to be snorefests, scandals damage the sport’s legitimacy, incredible parlay bets get wrecked by incompetent judging, forcing us to explain to our kids once again that Santa Claus most have lost our address this year. On today’s CagePotato Roundtable, we’re discussing the fights and moments that made us want to give up on MMA entirely and follow [*shudder*] baseball for a while. Let us know your own lowest fan-moment in the comments section, and if you have a topic for a future Roundtable column, send it it to tips@cagepotato.com.

Seth Falvo

It’s crazy how life goes full circle: When I was ten years old, Doug Flutie was my favorite NFL player. I begged my dad to buy me Flutie Flakes for breakfast, so that I too could grow up and be a successful, albeit undersized quarterback for a small market football team. My dad refused, which explains why I’m now a writer (You’re welcome, Andrew Luck). After all, I was too young to remember the real Doug Flutie, the Heisman Trophy winning Boston College quarterback who helped make the USFL somewhat relevant. Flutie may have still been a talented quarterback — especially for his age — but he had clearly lost a step by the time I started watching football.

Thirteen years later I was on the phone with my dad, talking about one of the most lopsided fights he had ever seen. I spent the entire conversation trying to convince him that the small, pudgy guy he just watched get destroyed by a no-name oddity was at one point the most dangerous fighter on the planet. As you may have guessed, I’m specifically referring to Fedor Emelianenko vs. Antonio Silva. But really, Fedor’s entire Strikeforce run can be summed up the exact same way. Perhaps Fedor was too old, perhaps the heavyweight division had simply caught up to him, or perhaps it was a combination of the two. But one thing is clear: By the time that Fedor made his way to Strikeforce, he was no longer the untouchable fighter that he had once been.

Even in his lone victory, a second round knockout against Brett Rogers, he was arguably losing the fight before connecting with the fight ending right hand. And Brett Rogers is no Apollo Creed; he’s barely a pimple on the ass of Vodka Drunkenski. He’s a gatekeeper in every sense of the word — just legitimate enough for EliteXC to have kept him away from a “prime” Kimbo Slice, but not legitimate enough to pose any threat of beating a true contender. We had all the warning signs that Fedor was going to be a bust signing after this fight, yet we chose to ignore them because hey, he won, right?

It was on this day three years ago that Affliction held its second and final MMA event, “Day of Reckoning” in Anaheim California. It’s not that the event did poorly at the box office or that it didn’t feature great fights, because the show took in $1.5 million and with names like Fedor Emelianenko, Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, Vitor Belfort, Matt Lindland, and Josh Barnett, the line-up rivals any UFC card today. The problem was that the owners of the company tried to pay fighters whatever their asking price because they were friends with most of them, having sponsored them for years.

Case in point, when you are paying Tim Sylvia $800,000 to get KO’ed by Fedor (who only netted $300,000 for the feat), you may need a new business model.

The event, whose main event was broadcast as a pay-per-view with the undercard shown on HDNet,  featured some exciting fights and some dramatic finishes by Emelianenko, Belfort, Barnett and Nogueira.

(C’mon, what’s the worst that could happen? PicProps: MMA Gear Guide)

If you’re Strikeforce, this ought to make you pretty nervous. I mean, the last time Josh Barnett started angling toward a fight with Fedor Emelianenko it spelled the beginning of the end for the previous group of jokers who tried to take on the UFC. Nonetheless, the heavyweight fighter the fans love to hate went on MMA Weekly radio this week and said he still intends to make a fight with Emelianenko come to fruition, assumedly inside the Strikeforce cage.

"I’m sure it will happen at some point,” Barnett said during the on-air appearance. “And it will be just as amazing, at least for me anyways, as it would have been."

(Props: afflictionvideos)

You know, just once I’d like to be referred to as "God" by a long line of hot chicks. Anyway, here’s Georges St. Pierre signing some of his new 2010 calendars last weekend at the Affliction store at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. To quote Todd Duffee, the ladies want to romance him, and the boys want to bromance him. This video is particularly worth watching because it reveals Tom Atencio’s new role at Affliction — awkwardly stumbling through interviews with UFC stars. (It’s cool, because he says he’s drunk!) Later, Randy Couture shows up to tell Tom about his upcoming "Advil and Viagra" fight with Mark Coleman. Semi-related: According to Randy, reports of GSP’s Olympic wrestling bid have been blown way out of proportion.

Bonus, after the jump: The badass new trailer for Spike’s Best of PRIDE.

(The universal symbol for “I’m choking, and I’m a habitual steroid user.”)

On Friday’s edition of SIRIUS Fight Club, I referred to Josh Barnett as “the most notorious steroid-user in MMA history.” At this point, after two high-profile, career-fucking steroid busts, that statement is pretty much indisputable. But let’s not forget that Barnett’s latest positive test — which sent a stake through the heart of Affliction’s MMA promotion — only wound up hurting Barnett, Affliction, and the handful of fighters on Affliction’s roster who didn’t immediately find new homes. For literally everybody else in the world of mixed martial arts, it was the best thing that could have possibly happened. Seriously. Think about it…

1) Affliction’s collapse saved “Strikeforce: Carano vs. Cyborg” from being one of the most cursed events of all time. On July 7th, we were OMG’ing over the fact that Strikeforce’s 8/15 fight card was going to feature four title fights. By last Thursday, it had lost three of those title fights. Alistair Overeem was out with a hand injury. Joe Riggs was out with a mysterious drug reaction. (In the absence of any other information, we’ll just assume it was a heroin overdose. Get well soon, Joe.) And Josh Thomson was out with a bum toe. It would be a nightmare scenario for any promoter. But instead of a buckshot, ragged-ass event patched in with replacements from their own roster, Strikeforce was able to improve their card using Affliction refugees.

(Props: Sherdog via MMA Mania)

Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker can’t even take one goddamned vacation to Italy without the world falling apart back home. In this video interview, Coker responds to all the recent speculation about Fedor Emelianenko‘s possible signing to Strikeforce (it’s not happening yet, at least), and a reported last-minute attempt to merge Strikeforce with Affliction (not even close). Coker explains that Fedor’s current crop of suitors include boxing promoters and network television, and discusses why he didn’t want to "sell out" Brett Rogers for the Fedor fight.

On the actual reason for Affliction’s demise, Coker says "escalating the fighter purses way beyond the true value, I think sooner or later the natural laws of economics apply to all businesses, and it finally applied to Affliction." How true. And if Fedor ever did sign with Strikeforce? "I feel pretty confident that we could give him four or five different opponents that would make sense for him."

("Hey Lesnar, I heard you like guns. WELL HOW DO YOU LIKE THESE?!?" Photo courtesy of milwaukeemma.com)

Why let Strikeforce have all the fun in picking over Affliction’s carcass? According to Sherdog, the heavyweight scrap between Ben Rothwell and Chase Gormley that was supposed to be featured on the undercard of "Trilogy" will now happen at UFC 104 (October 24th, Los Angeles). Rothwell has won 14 of his last 15 fights, with notable wins over Roy Nelson, Krzysztof Soszynski (twice), and Ricco Rodriguez, and a sole loss to Andrei Arlovski at Affliction: Banned. Gormley is a promising 6-0 heavyweight from Bodyshop Fitness Team who holds wins over Jon Murphy and Eric Pele.

But that could just be the beginning. InsideFights.com hears that a whopping twenty Affliction fighter contracts have been snapped up by the UFC. The names haven’t been released yet — maybe they’ll be revealed at Friday’s "crazy" press conference — but considering guys like Vitor Belfort, Jorge Santiago, Takanori Gomi, and Paul Daley are still floating in the breeze, Christmas may be coming early for Dana & Co. We’d include Fedor Emelianenko on that list, but as long as M-1 keeps denying that their #1 asset is heading to the Octagon, there’s no reason to keep playing with your emotions.

(‘It’s quite simple, gentleman. All we require is a suitcase full of money, a crate of automatic rifles, twelve underaged prostitutes, and a helicopter to take us to the airport. Oh, and the helicopter must be painted with the M-1 Global logo. Do we have a deal?’)

Now that Affliction has gone back to being merely the maker of terrible t-shirts and Fedor Emelianenko has lost another home to fight in, this should mean that the way is clear for him to sign with the UFC, right?  Enter Vadim Finkelchtein, also known around the Zuffa offices as Crazy Russian #1.  Yesterday he spoke to the official M-1 Global site about his new plans to profit off Fedor’s success now that Affliction is gone.  Fedor and his people are all in the U.S. and they plan to talk with several different organizations over the next few days, but Finkelchtein isn’t about to make this thing easy on anyone:

“This is the moment of truth that the UFC has talked about. Fedor and I are here in the States. If they want to come out and fly here, we are ready to conduct negotiations. Of course it still doesn’t imply we are ready to accept any conditions they’ll throw at us. We want to talk to the UFC about having Fedor compete against some of their fighters, but only within the framework of co-promotional efforts with M-1 Global.”

(What’s he looking for?  A war.)

I spoke with Affliction VP Tom Atencio for this week’s SI column on his fight with local card dealer Randy Hedderick at tomorrow night’s “Ultimate Chaos” event in Biloxi, Mississippi.  Contrary to my suspicions before our talk, I came away convinced that Atencio isn’t doing this so much as a self-promotional Affliction publicity stunt, but rather because he genuinely wants to.  What makes me think so?  Mostly his reluctance to even talk about the fight, as well as mild surprise that anyone would want to talk about him considering the other fights on the card.

He also offered some insight on his life as a highly-publicized but low-level MMA fighter, as well as his career as a fight promoter.  And naturally he managed to slip in some shots at the UFC…

(Well, you sleep on the job as much as Andrei does and you’re bound to get fired at some point. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Andrei Arlovski’s career options just got even slimmer. After suffering back-to-back first-round knockouts against Fedor Emelianenko and Brett Rogers — both of which were humiliating in their own special ways — Affliction has declined to renew the Belarusian’s fight contract. Affliction VP Tom Atencio did his best to spare Andrei’s feelings:

(Props: Cage Writer)

Things haven’t exactly panned out for Affliction in the MMA promoting business.  They’re closing in on their third show in a little over a year’s time and they have yet to figure out how to gets fans in the arena without paying ridiculous fighter salaries that almost guarantee they’ll take a loss on the event.  So what do they do to improve the old bottom line?  They go back to what they know best: gaudy, overpriced t-shirts. 

But apparently Affliction feels they’ve accomplished all they can in the field of pro fighting, and they’re now moving on to the NFL.  What you see above there is the Washington Redskins “Affliction Warrior tee.”  Yes, they are seriously trying to sell that for $31.99.  And yes, we realize that’s actually a price cut for Affliction gear.  Are NFL Affliction t-shirts bound to be the next big thing in pro football sports apparel?  We’re going to go out on a limb here and say no.  Here are three good reasons why:

(The flannel is coming back, bitches.)

Fresh off this morning’s Dream.9, which we’ll go ahead and call a success in the sense that no one died during the “ridiculously stupendous” freak show portion of the evening, Dream already has some plans for their next event, predictably titled Dream.10.  The organization announced that WAMMA lightweight champion (that’s still a real thing, right?) Shinya Aoki will face Vitor “Shaolin” Ribeiro in what will be Aoki’s first actual MMA fight since his TKO loss to Hayato “Mach” Sakurai.

Also at Dream.10, Melvin Manhoef will take on mercurial former WEC middleweight champion Paulo Filho in a fight that could be an awesome clash of styles or a complete mess.  I think we can all agree that Filho stands a good chance if he shows up in shape, focused, and not with one foot in the spirit world, but will get absolutely decapitated if he wigs out like he did against Chael Sonnen in his last fight.  Either way, it’s a strong addition to the July 20th fight card, which also includes the semi-final and final rounds of the Dream welterweight grand prix tournament, and possibly even the return of Kazushi Sakuraba.  Because hey, he’s not dead yet, and he’d prefer that the end come in the ring in front of a silent arena of Japanese fans.

In other bookings news…

(They should have used a safe word. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

Just because Tom Atencio wants to give up a couple weight classes and fight Dana White doesn’t mean it’ll actually happen. Quote of the day, via Kevin Iole:

(Tom wishes a motherf*cker would call him t-shirt guy to his face.)

Affliction VP Tom Atencio saw a rare opening to take a shot at UFC president Dana White during the press conference to promote “Ultimate Chaos” in Biloxi, Miss., and damned if he didn’t make the most of it.  Atencio’s entering into his second MMA bout against Randy Hedderick, who as far as we know does not run either an MMA organization or a t-shirt company.  And while it’s not exactly like fighting for a UFC title, Atencio points out that at least he’s got the balls to do it, unlike some other promoters:

"I’ve been seen in front of the cameras before as far as the business side, but it’s time to fight. I’m doing something Dana White won’t do and that’s fight. He talks like a fighter, so why doesn’t he fight? I’m stepping up to the plate and win, lose or draw I attempted it. I don’t ever think he would fight."

(He’s not kidding, Dana — tap or nap. Photo courtesy of MMA Mania.)

He might be a "t-shirt guy," but Affliction VP Tom Atencio has enough balls to actually compete in the sport that he promotes. According to MMA Fanhouse, Atencio will be fighting on the supporting card of the June 27th MMA event at the Mississippi Gulf Coast Coliseum in Biloxi that will be headlined by Bobby Lashley vs. Bob Sapp. Another heavyweight match between Pedro Rizzo and Gilbert Yvel has also been booked. Said Atencio on his decision to get out from behind his desk and strap on the gloves:

No, Atencio’s fight won’t be a celebrity MMA bout against arch-nemesis Dana White (who could smash Ricardo Arona, by the way). He’ll be taking on a yet-unnamed lightweight, probably at a weight of 160 pounds: "Not sure I can make 155 at 42 years old."

While we give huge props to Tom for the effort, we can’t help reading into what this means for Affliction as an MMA promotion. It can’t be a great sign when their main promoter and two of their heavyweights are planning on keeping busy with other endeavors for the month of June. When asked why he wouldn’t be fighting under the Affliction banner, all Atencio would say is "They don’t think it’s right for me to fight for my own event." (They?) Still no word on when/where Affliction’s third event will be held, if they are indeed having one, but we’ll keep you posted.

(‘And what is deal with airline food? Is no good, am I right?’)

Want to hear something totally insane and probably not true?  That was a rhetorical question.  Of course you want to hear this.  According to a Croatian newspaper article translated for us by Robert of betwwx.com, Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic’s next bout will be this July in an Affliction/Dream co-promotional event full of all kinds of fights that only sort of make sense.  

The article quotes Cro Cop as saying that he’d like to fight four times this year (he knows it’s already mid-April and he’s fought zero times so far this year, right?) and five times in 2010, so the credibility of this report seems strained to begin with.  But then the article declares that the “only certainty” is a Cro Cop-Alistair Overeem rematch on a July 20 Affliction/Dream co-promotion in Japan.  Also on that card, according to this report, will be Fedor Emelianenko taking on Jeff Monson and Josh Barnett facing off against Andrei Arlovski.

Whoa, let’s back up a second, Croatian newspaper.  Now who’s this Fedor guy anyway and what has he done to deserve a shot at "The Snowman"?

(When you want to get rid of a bunch of cash in a hurry, but don’t want to deal with the smoky mess that comes along with literally burning it, nothing beats starting up your own MMA organization.)

After rumors spread that Affliction III might possibly try to counter-program UFC 100 on July 11, Affliction’s Tom Atencio is now publicly disavowing any intention to go out kamikaze-style in a blaze of bitterly self-destructive glory.  Atencio said earlier reports that he might try and get his third event on free TV the same night as the UFC’s historic event were nonsense, adding: “In my eyes, it’s not even a possibility. It doesn’t make sense."

That’s true, Tom.  It doesn’t make sense.  But neither does paying Tim Sylvia $800,000, or even bothering to put on a third show if the main event won’t be Fedor Emelianenko vs. Josh Barnett.  So when will the third Affliction event happen, assuming there is one?  Atencio basically admits that he has no idea, which is hardly surprising. 

But wait a minute, what if this is all a clever ploy?  What if Atencio has figured out that every time he announces an event the UFC finds some way to screw with him?  Maybe this time he’s going to outsmart them.  He won’t even announce when Affliction III is.  It will just happen in the middle of the night on a Tuesday.  No prior warning at all.  Even the fighters won’t know where or when it will be.  They’ll be taken from their homes, blindfolded, and then dropped off at the arena an hour before fight time.  Imagine what a fool Dana White will feel like when he wakes up the next morning and realizes he’s been outfoxed by the t-shirt guy.

You tricky devil, Tom Atencio.  We never knew you had it in you.

(Someone should tell Nick that in some cultures they consider that an insult.)

As Strikeforce’s Showtime debut closes in on us and we prepare to get our liveblog on (that’s right, so remember to stop on by tomorrow night) it’s time to debate the hell out of the merits of this fight card, its resemblance to a Zombie EliteXC here on Zombie Jesus weekend, and more.  Here it is, your Ben vs. Ben…

Is Diaz/Shamrock a completely meaningless, just-for-the-hell-of-it bout?  If so, does it matter, or do you need something more to get excited about it?  Who wins this, anyway?

BF: Of course it’s a meaningless fight.  I mean, it’s being contested at 179 pounds.  That’s not even a round number, let alone a weight class.  It’s not as if this is a fight to settle some longstanding grudge (unless you count the grudge Frank Shamrock has against anyone unwilling to admit that he’s the greatest fighter ever, or the grudge Nick Diaz has against the world).  It’s certainly not a fight to sort out the contenders from the pretenders in the 179-pound division.  Naw son, this is just for kicks.

Does it matter to me?  Not in this case.  It may be fighting for the sake of fighting, but it’s such a weirdly compelling match-up that I don’t care.  Diaz and Shamrock are always fun to watch, and they’re both absolutely insane in very different ways.  So why not make them fight each other?  It’s not as if either one of them is climbing to the top of any division at this point.

As for who’s going to win, the fact that I have to think about it a little only makes me more interested in seeing it.  Five years ago this is Shamrock’s fight all the way, but the ravages of age, as they say.  I’ll still take Shamrock via decision, based mostly on superior size and strength, but also based on his notorious in-fight antics, which will bait Diaz into fighting a stupid fight.  Not that that’s especially hard.

BG: I’m thinking the fight will end in a draw after Shamrock and Diaz spend fifteen minutes with their arms in the air, each trying to lure the other one into hitting them in the face. On the real though, yeah, probably Shamrock by decision, or a late TKO stoppage that Diaz will immediately complain about. It’ll be a much less nuanced fight than it could be. Both of these guys prefer to stand and bang, so that’s what’s going to happen. The deciding factor will be power, which Shamrock has and Diaz lacks.

(How can Josh be thinking about a fight with Fedor when his loss to Gunma Devil is still unavenged? Photos courtesy of JoshBarnett.tv.)

"I’ve heard nothing, I know nothing, I see nothing. What it comes down to is that I don’t have a bout agreement to fight anybody in particular. This is coming up on my third fight for Affliction, with the logical idea that it would lead up to [a fight with Emelianenko]. But as it sits, I’m sitting on my last fight and I’m just waiting for an opponent to show themselves. Whoever is available, I’ll take them, but I know the fans are really hot to see me fight Fedor. It just hasn’t been put together." — Josh Barnett on Inside MMA, discussing his uncertain future. The persistent rumor of Affliction’s third show going up against UFC 100 would seem even more ill-advised if it isn’t even headlined by Emelianenko vs. Barnett.

"To be honest I’m just waiting… for the UFC to give me a phone call and I’m able to fight my last fight. I’m just kind of waiting on that."— Roger Huerta on Inside MMA, discussing his own uncertain future. After declining to renew his UFC contract in January in order to pursue a career in acting and modeling, Huerta turned down a fight against Joe Stevenson at UFC 95 in February and hasn’t exactly been on the UFC’s speed-dial since then. Huerta has one fight remaining on his current contract, which runs through December.

(Making mean faces and threatening gestures isn’t just a hobby for Barnett, it’s a lifestyle.)

Despite the language barrier between them, Josh Barnett and Aleks Emelianenko still manage to maintain a fairly healthy war of words.  You might recall this video of Barnett trying to communicate to the other Emelianenko brother just how unafraid he was of a rematch with him when the two were both backstage at the first Affliction show last summer.  Then Aleks popped up recently to assure us all the he could totally fight in America, no matter what you heard, and also claimed he offered to fight Barnett but old Babyface refused to take him up on the offer.

Well, that’s about all you need to say to get Barnett to put your name in the streets on an internet forum.  And when he does, he’s not going to tiptoe around the  whole blood-borne disease issue:

It has come to my attention that Aleksander Emelianenko has been making very bold statements about me again. I have heard, from his own blog have you, that I have been offered a fight with him recently and refused and that I was scared when I approached him backstage at Affliction: Banned. Well, I for one have heard from many valid sources that Aleks has a blood borne disease such as Hepatitis B and with his abundance of tattoo work that could easily be the case. This rules out the possibility of fighting him in a sanctioned fight anywhere they require a blood test. I have not been offered any such fight with Aleks but will say this : If you want a rematch Aleks all you have to do is come up to me somewhere and say something. Talk any kind of shit you want and it’s on. If you got the guts, we will do it right then and there and I for one will make sure you won’t be able to ask for much of anything, let alone a rematch ,when I am done with you.

Tito Ortiz was in Vicksburg, Mississippi talking with 8CountNews.com in this video interview, and it sounds like he’s changed his mind about fighting for Affliction, which is probably a good idea, considering their future plans.  Now Ortiz says he’s “going to pass” on an Affliction contract in the hopes that he can sign with Strikeforce to fight on CBS or Showtime, assuming they’re amenable to his famously ridiculous contract demands.

Honestly, is anyone out there really dying to see Ortiz back in action?  He has some name value and can still hype a fight with the best of them, but to hear him talk sometimes you’d think the whole MMA world was eagerly awaiting his return, as if he’s still a top-ten fighter and not someone who just got bounced out of the UFC.  Though to hear him talk you’d also think he did a good job commentating at the last Affliction show, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  

After the jump, a little taste of what you can expect from the coaches in the next “Ultimate Fighter” season.  

(The #1 clown in Las Vegas poses with some guy named Charlie. Props: CharlieTheClown.net via MMA Splatter.)

“How do I feel about them trying to counter-program UFC 100? I love it. I fucking love it. I love it. I don’t like these guys and I want to see them spend more of their t-shirt money. What they should be worrying about is — they’ve already seen first hand that nobody gives a shit about Affliction MMA — what they need to start worrying about is nobody wants to wear their goofy fucking clothes anymore either. The fad is over and they better start saving as much of that t-shirt money as they can.” — DW to FiveOuncesofPain, regarding the recent reports that Affliction will hold its third (and likely final) event on July 11th, the same day as UFC 100.

"I called BJ to tell him to stop with the BS and to start fucking training." — DW on Sirius Radio yesterday (via BloodyElbow). Our thoughts exactly.

"Apparently he doesn’t know what guys who are on steroids look like, okay? They don’t fuckin’ look like me…You know what I’m on? I’m on fuckin’ pizza, chicken fingers, and cheeseburgers, okay?…Pregnant bitches don’t eat as much as fuckin’ I do right now." — DW responds to allegations made by Tiki Ghosn that he’s a steroid abuser, in a new video for Trumph United (via CageWriter).

(Whaddaya say, Baby Face, feel like taking a pay cut and burning some bridges?)

According to FiveOuncesofPain, Affliction is looking at holding their third event on July 11, 2009.  If you’re thinking that this date sounds familiar for some reason, congratulations, you are an astute observer!  Yeah, July 11 is when UFC 100 is.  And it’s kind of a big deal to the UFC.  So why would Affliction guarantee that their event gets counter-programmed by scheduling it on the same night as one of the biggest UFC cards ever?  Possibly because they know they’re done and want to hurt the UFC however they can on the way out.

That’s what Sam Caplan thinks, anyway.  According to his report Affliction is offering “restructured” contracts to their fighters (read: asking them to fight cheap) in the hopes of lowering overhead costs and getting the event on network TV or basic cable.  They know that no pay-per-view distributor wants to go head to head with the UFC, but if they can offer their show up for free they figure it might hurt the UFC’s PPV buys just a little, and what the hell, Affliction isn’t looking to promote any events after this one anyway.

(Props: Caposa3 via "CRE" on the UG)

Less than three full months into 2009, and we’ve already seen some of the most creative submissions and brutal KOs in recent memory; this new highlight comp collects the best of them. Between the slo-mo footage and understated, ambient soundtrack, moments like Demian Maia‘s triangle choke of Chael Sonnen (1:17-1:47) and Nate Marquardt‘s devastation of Wilson Gouveia (3:46-4:02) seem even more epic. Enjoy. 

(‘I drink gypsy potion during full moon.  Hepatitis gone now.  Is fine.’)

In a statement posted by Dream Fighters, Aleksander Emelianenko announced that he has left Russia’s Red Devil team under what he claims are amicable circumstances.  Of course, he also goes on to claim that he will soon be fighting in America again, so maybe we shouldn’t believe everything we read here:

I will say right away that there was no conflict between us. I asked the club president Vadim Filkenstein to remove all contractual obligations from me connecting me to “Red Devil”, as well as their obligations for me. Vadim was not against this. But we have also agreed, that as a promoter he will still offer me to participate in some events and fights, and I will review those offers. I asked Vadim to put me down for the next Affliction event, which will happen in the Summer, since I have the contract with Americans for three fights. Currently there is no concrete answer, since it is not yet known when exactly this event will take place, and who will be participating. But nothing is interfering with me fighting on such a big show in America.

Nothing is interfering with you fighting in America, Aleks?  Not even the California State Athletic Commission refusing to license you and then vowing that no other commission in the country would do so either?  Any of that ring a bell?

(The youth of Russia: finding new and innovative ways to abuse performance-enhancing drugs.  Hope you’re taking notes, American children.)

We were hoping that the official explanation behind Kirill “Baby Fedor” Sidelnikov’s positive steroid test would be physique-related, but it looks like we lose this particular MMA betting pool.  The increasingly shady organization known as M-1 sent out a statement today ascribing the positive test for Stanozol to “a nose spray commonly used in Russia” to treat complications from a broken nose.  

Damn.  We never would have guessed nose spray, but now that we hear it we can’t help but feel like we shouldn’t be so surprised to find out that certain chemical treatments commonly used in Russia might contain anabolic steroids.

The statement itself is a true marvel of linguistic acrobatics, as it manages to express support for Sidelnikov while also conveniently distancing M-1 from any hint of wrongdoing.  For example:

(Yeah, the doughy dude on the left. Crazy. Photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

Bad news via MMA Mania:

You may remember Sidelnikov as "Baby Fedor," the trusted Emelianenko training partner who went into a heavyweight match against Paul Buentello at Day of Reckoning looking like he should be competing at middleweight, and got raped. Between his performance and his appearance, he’d be the last guy we’d suspect of having a chemical advantage. And yet he pissed dirty for a synthetic anabolic steroid derived from testosterone. This world is full of surprises.

Dollars to donuts he’ll be using Tim Sylvia’s patented "I was only using it to trim my physique" defense, which will probably be good enough for him to compete again in Russian MMA leagues, where they don’t even care that Aleksander Emelianenko is competing with tainted blood. But from our view, this might cast some suspicion on Fedor himself. The WAMMA champ and his protege trained together every day — might he have been aware that Sidelnikov was cutting corners?

"Here we go. Bloggin’ again." So says Dana White after he and Lorenzo sell some snake oil to a group of Stanford Business students, telling them that their friendship is what has kept the UFC successful. Plus, it’s all about the ride. You can pretty much skip past 2:19-4:44, in which Lorenzo tells a convoluted shaggy dog story (literally/figuratively) which doesn’t really go anywhere. You can also skip through 4:45-6:00 in which Dana plays Pac-Man in his garage. Man, I can’t imagine what landed on the cutting-room floor this time around. Then, Dana’s daughter shows up in an Ed Hardy shirt (LOL, what a douchebag) and his son disses his baldness. A lot of family time, basically, ending with Dana and Lorenzo reunited and heading to Germany. In a way, this vlog entry is much like UFC 96 itself — only interesting if you’re a hardcore fan.

Below: Rejoice! Genghis Con has created a sequel to his groovy Fedor Emelianenko-based film The Last Russian Emperor. Chapter 2 focuses on Fedor’s last five victories (Hunt, Lindland, Choi, Sylvia, Arlovski), with some great behind-the-scenes footage peppered in. The exchange between Aleks and Andrei at the 6:13 mark FTW.