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Tag: Alan Belcher

Power-Ranking Michael Bisping’s Grudge Matches, By Level of Anger

For Michael Bisping, every match is a grudge match. The TUF 3 winner never met a fellow fighter he couldn’t take the piss out of in his 21-fight (!) UFC career, and to be totally honest, I’m kind of starting to love the dude for it.

Truly the silver-tongued, tea-sipping Diaz brother is his highness Count Bisping, who has found himself in yet another war of words with former Strikeforce middleweight champion Luke Rockhold heading into their Fight Night 55 headliner on November 7th. Ben Fowlkes attempted to get to the bottom of Bisping’s seemingly endless dickishness in an interview published on MMAJunkie yesterday, and according to the Brit, pre-fight trash simply serves as his way of keeping the constant eat-train-sleep schedule from growing stale. According to Rockhold, however, Bisping is just “a prick that most people don’t like.” A regular Felix Unger and Oscar Madison these two are, I tells ya!

But as heated as Bisping vs. Rockhold has been thus far (see their “Counterpunch” segment above, their rooftop staredown, etc.), it doesn’t hold a candle to Bisping’s verbal sparring matches with Hollywood Henderson and that Bully Beatdown host guy whose life he destroyed. So it is through rage-filled, bloodshot eyes that we take a look back at Bisping’s most heated rivalries and rank them on a scale of Berk to Arselicking Plonker.

#9 — Charles McCarthy 

So the saying goes, “Opinions are like assholes, and Michael Bisping is one opinionated asshole.” He’s also a guy who was never shy on confidence, which Charles “Chainsaw” McCarthy took issue with heading into their fight back at UFC 83. Oddly enough, it was actually McCarthy who attacked Bisping first through the media, telling CBS Sports:

(He’s) real arrogant, and, you know — not much else, really. He’s gonna get choked out April 19.

I have very little regard for that guy. I can’t wait to go in there and get my arm around his neck. It’s going to be a cool experience. I hope to put him to sleep before he decides to tap.

Bisping was quick to respond via his blog, The Countdown, with the following shot at McCarthy’s self-hyped BJJ credentials:

Next week’s Countdown will be filed after I’ve come face-to-face with the reigning BJJ uber-master of the galaxy. If anyone wants me to ask him for an autograph for you, please e-mail me, but keep your requests down to six per person.

Whaddya think of that one, Kelso?

When it came time to put words aside, Bisping was simply too much for his fellow TUF alum, overwhelming McCarthy with a barrage of knees (that in fact broke McCarthy’s arm) and forcing a stoppage inside of the first round. It was Bisping’s first true grudge match in the UFC, and one that would set the precedent for years to come.

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CagePotato Roundtable #34: What is the Single Worst Tattoo in MMA?


(And this debate is ALLLLLLLL OVVVERRRRR!!!)

Don’t let the “A” in MMA fool you, mixed martial arts fighters are *not* artists…at least, not  in the traditional sense of the term. Look no further than the hilariously atrocious inkwork that so often adorns their bodies for proof of this. Between the non-tribal tribal arm bands, the last name tramp stamps, and the ill-advised branding attempts, MMA fighters (and their fans — see above) sport some of the worst tattoos you’ll ever see outside of a prison cell. But who has the worst tattoo of them all? The CagePotato Roundtable investigates… 

Ben Goldstein

Matt Horwich‘s musical pencil is like something out of a nightmare. It’s a bunch of unrelated visual signifiers held together by an inscrutable logic, and the only thing being conveyed is dread. You wake up sweating after seeing this thing, and you tell your wife, “Shit, I had that dream about my stepfather again, but this time he was a pencil,” and she looks at you, trying to feign sympathy, but the apparition simply can’t be verbalized. Words will never do it justice, because it’s so much more than just “pencil, musical notes, angry face,” it’s what the pencil represents. That goddamned abusive drunk piece of shit, who hated himself because he couldn’t write songs like Neil Diamond, so he took it out on you and your mom. That face. You could put it on a cantaloupe, a hammer, the front of a steamboat, and it would still be him.

Look, I get it, Matt Horwich is eccentric. His concept of reality is not the same as yours. I’m trying to avoid judgment here, but I just can’t relate to the sort of mind that would put this on his body. It’s awful. A worn-down pencil with a ragged eraser. A face devoid of most human characteristics. And three notes — whole note, half note, quarter note! — flying upwards. It’s not a singing pencil. It’s a scowling pencil with musical notation ejecting from the end that is responsible for deletion, not creation. It’s a contradiction, and it’s unsettling. The pencil seems to be straining to get these notes out, and for what? To express that the artistic process is torture? Does the pencil wish it was a violin instead? Does Matt Horwich even remember getting this tattoo, or did it just kind of appear one day? You’re seeing it too, right? The pencil with the face? I’m not crazy, am I?

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The Unofficial ‘UFC Coloring Book’ Art Contest: And the Winners Are…


(One of our favorite entries from Laura Nicholson, who we’ve disqualified because she’s friggin’ ALF and we’re inherently biased towards her.)

First off, thanks to everybody who drew new tattoos for Alan Belcher in last week’s unofficial UFC coloring book art contest, and thanks to Masato Toys for the inspiration! We’ve selected three winners who you can see after the jump. Honorable mentions go to troll-face, Bieber, and this guy. Enjoy…

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CagePotato Presents: The Unofficial ‘UFC Coloring Book’ Art Contest!


(Click for larger version.)

Masato Toys recently put out an incredible (but unfortunately fake) UFC coloring book, featuring kid-friendly mazes, chest-less ring girls, and classic moments from UFC’s past. One page caught our eye in particular: The above image of Alan Belcher without his famous(ly ugly) Johnny Cash tattoo.

There’s a lot of space to cover on that arm, and we’d love to see how you’d fill it. Using Photoshop, MS Paint, or a printer and actual crayons, please draw a new tattoo for Alan onto the image and send the resulting work to BG at bgoldstein@defymedia.com.

A week from today, we’ll pick our three favorites who will win…well, we’re not sure yet. Maybe some CagePotato shirts if we still have some left. Maybe just some shout-outs on Twitter. Maybe nothing. That’s what makes this contest “unofficial.” Take it or leave it. Good luck everybody, and follow Masato Toys on Facebook right here.

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Oh, the Irony: Michael Bisping Suffers Detached Retina, Out of Action Until October


(Tomax, meet Xamot. Photo via Getty Images.)

Look, we know we’ve been declaring a lot of things to be “ironic” around here lately, but this…this is just ridiculous.

On yesterday’s edition of UFC Tonight, Ariel Helwani revealed that middleweight contender and prestigious member of the citizenry, Sir Michael of Bisping — the very same who once scribed that a certain dullard from Mississippi had “given himself a career-threatening eye-strain by watching too much internet porn” — has suffered an identical deformation. Even worse, the injury came as a result of a tussle with the very same dullard whom “The Count” both rebuked for said addiction to thinking machine-based lewdness and nearly blinded in the very same contest.

In common folk speak, we are trying to say that Michael Bisping suffered a detached retina during the very same UFC 159 fight in which he nearly took Alan Belcher’s right eye home with him. And that is ironic.

“After the fight against Alan Belcher, Michael Bisping completely lost all peripheral vision in his right eye,” Ariel Helwani reported yesterday. “He went to see an eye on doctor on Tuesday and he found out that he had a detached retina. On Thursday, he had surgery to fix the detached retina. He’s hoping to return to the UFC in October.”

No word yet on whether or not Bisping will be interested in a potential catchweight fight with Rich Franklin when he returns, but we will keep you updated.

-J. Jones

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POLL: Michael Bisping vs. Rich Franklin at Moneyweight — Yay or Nay?


(Once Bisping sees Franklin’s Harlem Shake call out video, this shit will be on like Donkey Kong.) 

In a recent interview with MMAWeekly, former middleweight champion Rich Franklin dispelled rumors that he would be retiring following his brutal knockout loss to Cung Le at UFC on FUEL 6 and stated that he would in fact like to face outspoken middleweight contender Michael Bisping next, possibly even at one of those catchweights he loves so much:

I look at my Twitter and a lot of people talk about (Michael) Bisping. That would be an exciting fight and something the fans would want to see. I’m an exciting fighter, he’s an exciting fighter, and we both like to throw down. Since my ultimate goal is not to go back and capture the 185-pound title, it doesn’t really matter to me if it’s at 185 or a catchweight or 205. Wherever the UFC needed me, I would fight, as long as the fight made sense. 

While this matchup does possess some novelty value and the potential to secure an end-of-the-night bonus at the very least (not unlike Franklin’s pairing against Forrest Griffin at UFC 126), it would also represent a significant regression in the title aspirations of Bisping. Considering Franklin has no intentions of fighting for a title in the future, let alone the one controlled by the incubus of his neverending nightmares, agreeing to the fight would in its own way represent a Michael Bisping who has potentially reached the same realization. Which would be kind of sad, because honestly, a humbled Bisping is a boring Bisping.

Then again, if we’ve learned anything in the past few months, it’s that wins are wins regardless of weight class. If Bisping were to accept the fight, he might do so under the belief that a win over a post-prime but still dangerous legend like Franklin would do more for his career than a win over the likes of say, another Alan Belcher. In either case, would you be interested in seeing this fight come to fruition?

Vote in our poll after the jump and make your case in the comments section. 

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UFC 159 Salaries: The Case Against Michael Bisping’s Ceaseless Rage


(High-fEYEve! Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

In the weeks leading up to his battle with Alan Belcher at UFC 159, we noticed that Michael Bisping appeared to be even more irked than usual – which is saying something when you’re talking about a guy whose rage often exceeds the physical limitations of his human vessel – and hypothesized that “The Count” might just be the kind of fighter who needs anger as a motivator. Bisping has admitted it himself and famed hacker Jerry Rips has since passed along audio proof.

But after taking a gander over the UFC 159 salaries, which were released by The New Jersey State Athletic Commission (via MMA-Manifesto) over the weekend, one begins to wonder just what the hell Bisping is so angry at these days. Either the “grudge match” angle is the only one he knows how to play or the $275,000 to show/$150,000 to win rate he is currently receiving is being stolen out from under him, because with that payday, you think he’d be all smiles.

Bisping’s $425k is just one of many head-scratchers that the UFC 159 salary list has to offer, so join us after the jump for a full rundown of the payout and a few totally unbiased observations.

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Photo: Alan Belcher’s Eyeball Is Doing Just Fine, Relatively Speaking


(Photo via @alanbelcherufc)

As we mentioned yesterday, Alan Belcher is currently recovering from the nasty eye-poke he received from Michael Bisping at UFC 159, and had to receive eight stitches in his right eyelid — which sounds like he got off easy when you consider how absolutely awful that thing looked on Saturday. (I was bracing myself for a gruesome spray of half-and-half.) No word yet on a timetable for Belcher’s return to competition; let’s just hope this isn’t a career-ender.

Previously: MMA Photo Tribute: 16 Seriously Messed-Up Eyes

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UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen Aftermath, Part Two — These Tired Eyes


(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

If there’s anything positive for Alan Belcher to take away from his loss to Michael Bisping in the co-main event of last night’s UFC 159, it’s that he was right about Bisping being unable to knock him out. Bisping had plenty of opportunities to do so throughout the fight, yet Belcher was too resilient of an opponent. Unfortunately, that’s right about where the positive notes end. Bisping not only outstruck Belcher by a considerable margin throughout their fight, but also avoided all of Belcher’s takedowns. Simply put, Belcher didn’t have any answers for Bisping’s jab-n-jog offense.

And then there was the eye poke that ended up stopping the fight, awarding Michael Bisping the technical decision victory. It was a disappointing way to end an otherwise decent scrap – especially considering Belcher’s previous troubles with that eye. Fortunately, Belcher has since tweeted that he is doing okay.

Perhaps the strangest thing about the eye poke is that this fight wasn’t the only bout on the card to end in technical decision due to an eye poke. Earlier in the evening, the light heavyweight bout between Ovince St. Preux and Gian Villante also ended when St. Preux inadvertently poked Villante in the eye. St. Preaux walked away with a technical majority decision victory. Kind of makes a case for changing the design of MMA gloves.

Elsewhere on the card…

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UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen — Live Results & Commentary


(Good. Now that Chael knows what it feels like to make contact with Jon Jones, let’s get this execution over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

There’s not much to say about Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen at this point, other than the fact that Jones will be tying Tito Ortiz’s record for light-heavyweight title defenses (5) tonight, and Danga has already written Chael’s retirement rap. Luckily, UFC 159 features some legitimate fights as well, from Jim Miller meeting his taller, skinner doppelganger, to Roy Nelson meeting his polar opposite. Plus: Michael Bisping faces off against some retard from Mississippi (his words, not ours!), and Vinny Magalhaes tangles with Phil Davis.

Handling liveblog duties for this evening is Alex Giardini, who will be delivering round-by-round results from the “Jones vs. Sonnen” main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know what’s on your mind in the comments section.

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