Junie, Junie, Junie. [*shakes head*]
Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter started with the guys peacefully watching UFC 84, you know, just minding their own business. We see several highlights of Lyoto Machida beating up on Tito Ortiz. (So Dana White edits this show too? Impressive.) Inevitably, the evening is ruined by Junie Allen Goddamned Browning, who goes through a few bottles of chardonnay with Shane Nelson. Junie starts screwing with Team Nogueira, throws his drink in Kyle Kingsbury’s face, and then the glass, which breaks and cuts KK’s arm. This creates the major engine in the episode’s drama: Junie becomes convinced that he’s getting kicked out of the house for injuring his housemate, so he might as well self-destruct completely.
Shane Nelson, who “has the alcohol tolerance of a 12-year-old girl,” starts harassing Ryan Bader, then Roli Delgado, then Efrain Escudero; he shoves Roli and Efrain, trying to bait one of them into a fight, but they keep their respective cools. Junie and Shane are the Toxic Twins, feeding off each other’s bullshit, doing their best to out-do the other. They start throwing furniture into the pool.
Eventually, the other guys go outside to observe the damage. Junie gets in K-Sos’s face. “I wish y’all were my size,” he says to the light-heavyweights. K-Sos, the passive-aggressive prankster, gently places Junie’s clothes in the pool after he dives in. When Junie finds them, he’s understandably upset. K-Sos, unlike his last prank on light-heavyweight Ryan Bader, claims ownership for this one. Junie calls him a bitch. K-Sos calmly explains, “You’re the bitch. You are the biggest bitch of them all.” Bader throws Junie’s stuff back in the pool, and Junie drags him in, then kicks Tom LOL’er when him and Bader are pulled out. After a while, he cools off and tells everyone how much he likes them. What a bitch.