(Careful Clay, all those fruity, sugary, woman drinks ironically go right to the hips.)

On the heels of a razor thin split decision loss to Gray Maynard at UFC on FX 4, his second loss to top tier competition in as many fights, it appears that everybody’s favorite energizer bunny/alcoholic, Clay Guida, will be dropping to featherweight for his next fight. Although no debut date or opponent have been decided as of this write up, Guida told MMAJunkie that he expects to make his featherweight debut sometime in early 2013.

Prior to his current two fight skid, Guida racked up four straight wins over such names as former PRIDE lightweight kingpin Takanori Gomi and former WEC lightweight champion Anthony Pettis among others, pulling in two Submission of the Night awards in the process and bringing his total award count to 7.

(Turns out the only thing that parties like a jockey is the Colossus Lumberjockey.)

I know that “The Unexpected Cosign” is a Complex Magazine’s shtick, but do I ever have one for you today.

As some of you may know, when English heavyweight James “The Colossus” Thompson isn’t busy smashing freaks and fools, he’s updating his blog, Colossal Concerns. Given his workingman personality and some of the nasty knockouts he’s been on the receiving end of, I half expected it to read “Mummba jummba slave to the white man mummba mummba jummba.” But believe it or not, it’s an incredibly well written, insightful blog. Then again, if you’ve been following him on Twitter, you probably aren’t surprised at all by this.

Last night, he offered fans a detailed analysis of Fedor’s career. It’s a pretty entertaining piece that examines the fine line between Fedor the Legend and Fedor the Can Crusher. Oh, and James Thompson totally drank with “The Last Emperor” this one time.

Take it away, James:

I’ll leave you with a story of mine from when we both fought on Pride shock waves 2006. I had beaten Yoshida on the NYE Pride show and had come back to the hotel early from cerebrating as I was drained and I’d had enough for the night. As I entered the hotel lobby Fedor was standing front and centre swaying from side to side, he straightened up as I came through the doors and looked up towards me. I started moving from foot to foot as if he was still swaying and he burst out laughing at this and beckoned me towards him. As I approached him he lightly grabbed me and we started play fighting in the lobby, it was only messing around however I’d be lying if didn’t say a small part of me was praying he wasn’t a violent drunk and that he wouldn’t snap and sambo throw me on to the cold hard floor of the hotel lobby. If the Truth be told I was actually checking the floor during our ‘play fight to see if there was a softer part of it for me to land on should things have started to go wrong!

(*dial tone* Alcohol affects the memory.) 

Newton’s third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Over the past few months, everyone from Tim Boetsch to Alan Belcher to Brian Stann have called out soft-spoken middleweight Michael Bisping, and we honestly can’t understand why. The man is a kind, yet misunderstood human being with great taste in music who has never come off as anything but respectful for as long as we’ve known him. As it goes in prison, they always seem to pick on the nice guy who doesn’t really belong there.

Recently, however, it appears that Bisping has had enough, and has turned the tables on the bullies that simply wont let him be, threatening to kick not only Stann’s ass, but calling out Hector Lombard (sort of), then Anderson Silva, and now Chris Weidman as well. Apparently fed up with all of the “respect” Weidman was receiving for “finishing” a fight against a “top” contender, Bisping took to Twitter to vent his frustrations:

Weidman looked great last night. But no1 contender? If that’s the case I want to fight him and prove I’m the number 1 contender. Let’s do it.

Now, we understand that Bisping may very well think that he’s the number one contender, despite the fact that his last win against a top or even upper-tier middleweight dates back to, you know, never, but this is getting a little redundant at this point, is it not?

There’s a very good chance that Tony Ferguson will be the next winner of The Ultimate Fighter. So it’s a shame that his primary legacy from the show — at least for the people who actually watched it — is the moment from this week’s episode when he attacked his own teammate Charlie Rader then needled Rader about having his son taken from him. It was particularly shocking because Ferguson hadn’t previously shown any signs of being a mean-spirited drunk. Now, he has to expect a small chorus of boos when he enters the Octagon at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas next Saturday. In his guest blog for SBNation.com, Ferguson tried to explain the circumstances that transformed him from humble front-runner to TUF 13‘s biggest heel:

You first have to understand we started drinking not long after we had just got done fighting. We had also done the semi-final picks. I think part of me brought the fight home since my real fight with Ryan ended so fast. When you bring alcohol into the mix, it was just bad from there.

We all drank a lot. It started out with shots of Patron and moved to Jim Beam. Miller Lites were mixed in the entire time. We weren’t just drinking to relax. We were going hard core. Everyone was drinking, too, although maybe not as much as some of us.

- Drew Fickett gets waaaaaay too personal in forum post. (UG)

- Kim Couture calls Jared Shaw a perv, no one is terribly surprised. (Steve Cofield)

- Kenny Florian struggles for answers on “MMA Live”. (ESPN)

- Michael Bisping responds to Chris Leben with dry British sarcasm. (Fighters Only)

- TUF 8 ratings rebound with Junie Browning’s alcohol-fueled antics. (MMA Payout)

- Marcus Aurelio says Hermes Franca is a bad person. (MMA Rated)

- Bobby Lashley goes from WWE to ATT. (AmericanTopTeam.com)

- Brett Rogers to fight TBA for EliteXC in November. (AOL Fanhouse)

- The sad state of product placement. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Tribute to the naughty nurse. (Holy Taco)

- Eric Cartman’s most evil moments. (Screen Junkies)

- Japanese wrestler beaten by coach. (Nothing Toxic)

Junie, Junie, Junie. [*shakes head*]

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter started with the guys peacefully watching UFC 84, you know, just minding their own business. We see several highlights of Lyoto Machida beating up on Tito Ortiz. (So Dana White edits this show too? Impressive.) Inevitably, the evening is ruined by Junie Allen Goddamned Browning, who goes through a few bottles of chardonnay with Shane Nelson. Junie starts screwing with Team Nogueira, throws his drink in Kyle Kingsbury’s face, and then the glass, which breaks and cuts KK’s arm. This creates the major engine in the episode’s drama: Junie becomes convinced that he’s getting kicked out of the house for injuring his housemate, so he might as well self-destruct completely.

Shane Nelson, who “has the alcohol tolerance of a 12-year-old girl,” starts harassing Ryan Bader, then Roli Delgado, then Efrain Escudero; he shoves Roli and Efrain, trying to bait one of them into a fight, but they keep their respective cools. Junie and Shane are the Toxic Twins, feeding off each other’s bullshit, doing their best to out-do the other. They start throwing furniture into the pool.

Eventually, the other guys go outside to observe the damage. Junie gets in K-Sos’s face. “I wish y’all were my size,” he says to the light-heavyweights. K-Sos, the passive-aggressive prankster, gently places Junie’s clothes in the pool after he dives in. When Junie finds them, he’s understandably upset. K-Sos, unlike his last prank on light-heavyweight Ryan Bader, claims ownership for this one. Junie calls him a bitch. K-Sos calmly explains, “You’re the bitch. You are the biggest bitch of them all.” Bader throws Junie’s stuff back in the pool, and Junie drags him in, then kicks Tom LOL’er when him and Bader are pulled out. After a while, he cools off and tells everyone how much he likes them. What a bitch.