UFC Hall of famer and rock hipster Randy Couture stopped by Spike’s MMA Uncensored television program recently and discussed a wide range of topics. Our favorites were when he talked about his former teammate Chael Sonnen fighting Jon Jones for the light heavyweight title, Alistair Overeem getting a title shot when he returns from his failed drug test suspension and the future of Strikeforce and, specifically, one of their lightweight prospects Ryan Couture.

Randy said that he was “not terribly surprised,” that Chael got the TUF coaching gig opposite Jones and a promised title shot. “This is a business and Chael Sonnen is going to bring it and hype up any single fight that he’s in.”

Couture also believes that Chael has a fighting chance against Jones, if he can employ the right game plan.

MMA Fighting caught up with Dana White last night in Rio after UFC 153 to dig into topics not fully explored during the post fight presser and the Prez had some interesting things to say. The most ear-catching thing for us came near the end of the interview when White said that the UFC was hoping to have suspended heavyweight Alistair Overeem fight for the title against the winner of Cain Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos as soon as he was cleared to.

Overeem came to the UFC in late 2011 and earned a title shot after stopping former champion Brock Lesnar in the first round. This, of course, came after he led the Nevada State Athletic Commission on an international goose chase as they tried to get him to complete his pre fight drug tests.

Then as he was nearing his next fight, Alistair tried to run out on a random drug test conducted by the commission and then, when he ultimately did take it, failed. As a result, he’s currently suspended.

(“Nothing comes between me and my Baconator. Nothing.”)

By Jason Moles

In the ever-competitive world of professional mixed martial arts, the men and women are fighting for more than just the fans and their next paycheck; they’re fighting for survival. When you barely have enough money left for yourself after paying your training partners, coaches, and buying nutritional supplements, it’s time to find another source of income. Most do this in the way of sponsorships — you know, like the Nike deal Jon Jones recently signed, or Anderson Silva’s relationship with Burger King. And if more of these well-known mainstream companies would sponsor a few fighters, the smaller companies that currently sponsor fighters could move to guys and gals who are still making their way up the ranks without anyone losing out. Let’s look at the companies that best suit MMA, how they should be involved, and why it makes sense.

Company: Old Spice
Ideal fighter to sponsor: Cheick Kongo, Alistair Overeem

Why it makes sense: Standing 6′ 4″ and weighing 230 pounds, and 6′ 5″/263, respectively, the Frenchman and the Dutchman are the most physically imposing fighters in the UFC’s heavyweight division. Old Spice is known for their funny commercials targeting the same audience watching PPV’s on a Saturday night. In the past, Old Spice has used NFL players Brian Urlacher and Ray Lewis as spokesman for their ‘Swagger’ line of men’s body products, as well as jacked Expendables cast-member Terry Crews. And if those guys can do it, why not Kongo and Overeem? In particular, “The Demolition Man” is the type of guy you want your customers to think they’ll be more like by using your product. Alistair could even make his commercial debut by eating the horse the original Old Spice Guy rode in on.

(Unfortunately, Ishanguly Meretnyyazov was the referee for this bout, and Velasquez ended up winning 13-11 on points.) 

Sorry, Alistair, it looks like you’ll just have to wait your turn.

In an interview with MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani that followed the UFC 150 post-fight press conference, Dana White was asked to answer a series of questions with simple “yes” or “no” answers. And although it seemed implausible that The Baldfather could ever go more than thirty seconds without uttering a certain curse word, he kindly obliged Helwani and spilled the beans in regards to several big questions currently circulating in the MMA world. Simply put, bullshit was cut through in record time.

And among the questions present in the back of Ariel’s (and everyone’s) mind was that of heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos and who would be the next man to get viciously mauled to death  bravely sacrifice himself for the good of The Colony ”challenge” him for the title. To put it in the words of DW: Overeem – No, Velasquez – Yes. Although an event has yet to be named, White said in a seperate interview that the pair would likely collide on the annually stacked New Year’s Eve card, also known as the card that Overeem will totally be fighting on.

After the jump: A full video interview, which details everything from the future of the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald match to the specifics of Jon Jones’ Nike deal, and more.

(Alistair, we don’t want to question your lawyer’s advice, but we don’t think a ‘pose-off’ with Keith Kizer is really the solution to your problems.)

We’re not sure how much UFC heavyweight contender Alistair Overeem is paying for his legal advice and representation but hopefully he’s getting a discount. The unlicensed fighter recently went on MMA Uncensored and revealed that he hoped to appear in front of the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC) soon to reapply for a license early.

He’s been campaigning to fight champion Junior Dos Santos for the title in December, but wouldn’t realistically be able to do so unless he was licensed months prior to fight, in order to allow the UFC to promote the bout. After all, in just one fight with the UFC, The Reem has been great at either making the UFC nervous that he would blow a huge fight or in fact blow a huge fight because he has trouble taking and passing urine tests.

“I’m able to reapply for my license in December a couple days before the fight. But we have a strategy,” he said.

“We’re going to go in front of the commission sooner with the argument of good behavior. We have been doing random tests on our own. They were all witnessed by an independent doctor. In the hope of getting a license sooner. I think we will get it sooner. Maybe a conditional license that I have to appear and do some random tests.”

“We have a set date this month. Nothing confirmed, we’re gonna try and get it. Hopefully we will.”

(Hand shake deals ain’t what they used to be.)

Remember when UFC President Dana White said that former heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez “deserved” the next shot at current kingpin Junior Dos Santos after Cain steamrolled Antonio Silva at UFC 146? Well, Velasquez certainly does and he seems upset over the buzz about Alistair Overeem leapfrogging him that has circulated recently.

When Alistair broke all of our hearts by failing a drug test and becoming ineligible to challenge Dos Santos (who won the belt by stopping Velasquez) and then was suspended from competition for a year, we figured he’d have to get back in line, at least a little bit, for a chance at UFC gold. But The Reem has been taking the Chael-lite approach to getting a title shot, ie. talking smack about the champion.

Overeem recently said that he feels Dos Santos is ducking him. Dos Santos didn’t take too kindly to that assertion, especially since it was Overeem that managed not to show up to fight when they were originally slated to face-off.

Junior’s anger at Alistair has gotten to the point where he’s expressed a preference to fighting the dangerous Dutch kick boxer next instead of Cain. Velasquez doesn’t have all that Brown Pride just to stand aside and let Overeem talk his way into a spot he earned so when the former champ visited The MMA Hour Monday, he let his feelings be known.

Over the last ten years, we’ve watched Mauricio “Shogun” Rua go from young phenom to living legend. Though injuries and and controversial judging have occasionally slowed his momentum during the second half of his career, Shogun enters next weekend’s UFC on FOX 4 matchup with Brandon Vera as a standard-bearer for his generation of fighters, and is still considered among the elite of the light-heavyweight division.

In honor of Rua’s continuing legacy, we’ve picked out the 16 videos that best summarize his journey as a fighter — from the past to the present, from his most unforgettable triumphs to his most crushing defeats. Enjoy, and pay your respects in the comments section.

Mauricio Rua vs. Rodrigo Malheiros de Andrade. Shot in 1998 when Rua was just 16 years old, this footage shows the future PRIDE/UFC star competing in a Muay Thai smoker in somebody’s house in Curitiba, Brazil. Though Shogun shows flashes of his trademark aggression, his technique hasn’t quite blossomed yet, and he winds up getting head-kick KO’d at the video’s 7:15 mark.

Mauricio Rua vs. Rafael Freitas, Meca World Vale Tudo 7, 11/8/02. Rua was 20 years old when he made his official MMA debut against Rafael “Capoeira” Freitas, who was tenacious in his attempts to put Shogun on his back. But Freitas couldn’t keep him there, and the standup exchanges were lopsided in Rua’s favor. After a few minutes of abusing his opponent with knees, punches, and stomps, Shogun finally puts Freitas out cold with a head-kick.

(Hey, at least they’re actually doing something on this season of Whale Wars.) 

A congratulations is in order to those of you who managed to submit an entry for our “Pull No Punches” caption contest; all 134 of you. If this contest showed us anything, it’s that when it comes to comedy, or at least an attempt at it, you Taters are some like-minded SOB’s. There were at least 95 horsemeat jokes (including one likely hipster who thought ironically pointing out this fact would somehow win him a shirt), 20 some odd Anthony Johnson or B.J. Penn jokes (which are always solid), and a handful of Over the Top references (which were actually pretty awesome). Since we enjoyed scanning through your entries as much as the UFC enjoys scanning through our articles to keep us in check, we must first recognize some of the captions that just fell short of T-shirt glory.

franco3445: The Nevada State Athletic Commission came to the conclusion that the only way Overeem could compete with the T/E ratio of 14 men was to go against someone the size of 14 men.

skeletor: There is no fucking way that Anthony Johnson is making weight this time.

P2: They smiled when they realized, if you use your left hand, it totally does feel like someone else is arm wrestling.

Deadpanda: Not to be outdone by the Japanese New Year’s Freak Show, US promoters put together a 4th of July event between Alistair Overeem & Joseph Son’s inflamed right testicle.

RwilsonR: We all know BJ lets himself go between fights, but I had no idea he stops shaving his back.

mcw89138: Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the new main event for UFC 149.

BossNasty: Reem…It’s not polite to play with your food.

And now, to the winners…

We’ll be the first to admit that sometimes, we’re so busy trying to report on the day-to-day happenings of the MMA world that we occasionally (re:often) lose sight of some of the benefits of being an MMA site that dabbles in everything from lowbrow to subpar comedy. Mainly, our ability to give out free shit to the funniest Taters trolling the comments sections (or the forums if they are really, really lonely).

That’s why we are proud to announce that, in honor of our mobile site finally being up and running, we will be bringing back the caption contests and comments of the week on a regular basis here at CagePotato, in the hopes that you guys will stop treating us like the goth kid with psoriasis at the MMA lunch table. Believe it or not, as sour as your opinions often are, we still enjoy hearing them, especially when they come in the form of a relentlessly dark or unnecessarily crass assessment of a candid photo.

Our newest caption contest awaits you after the jump, and we will be giving our signature “We Pull No Punches” shirts (pictures below) to the top three entries. So feel free to swing for the fences on this one as many times as your heart desires.

And today’s photo is…

By George Shunick

Alistair Overeem has plenty of haters out there. Haters saying stuff like “He’s a cheat,” or “He uses steroids,” or “All of his recent accomplishments are tainted because his entire heavyweight career is a byproduct of unnatural chemical enhancements.” Also “Leave the horses alone!”, though that’s just PETA, and they hate on everyone so they don’t really count. Well, Alistair Overeem has something to tell all the haters (except PETA) out there: he’s clean.

That’s right, let’s cease all this hurtful speculation; Alistair Overeem is without a doubt, 100% clean. Never did steroids, never will do them. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about. That time he tested positive for his then-upcoming fight with Junior Dos Santos with a 14:1 testosterone-to-epitestosterone ratio? That was the fault of a completely reliable and not at all sketchy doctor who injected testosterone into Overeem — without his knowledge! — which is totally standard for anti-inflammatory injections. I don’t see how anyone would need a more satisfying explanation than that.

(As Dennis Reynolds once said, “I’m not gonna take no for an answer, because I just refuse to do that. Because I’m a winner, and winners… we don’t listen to words like ‘no,’ or ‘don’t,’ or ‘STOP!”) 

Either our math is a little off, or Alistair Overeem has literally gotten so strong that he can both fly and alter the very fabric of time using the power of his centrifugal forces. Because, according to a recent tweet sent out by “The Reem,” the former Dream and Strikeforce heavyweight champion will be back in action this December, despite the fact that he received a nine month suspension just under two months ago:

Well at least he gave you fair warning, Amish communities of Florida.

As he was told in his April hearing, the earliest Alistair could reapply for his license would be December 27th, meaning that the earliest he could compete would be in the UFC’s always loaded New Year’s Eve card, exactly one year after he demolished Brock Lesnar at UFC 141.

(Inferior heavyweight contender, or marketing genius?!) 

Perhaps we’re in the minority here, but we’re getting pretty God damn sick of mixed martial artists throwing around the word “retirement” like Kim Kardashian throws around the word “marriage.” Because retirement, like marriage, is a sacred institution, and nowadays it seems as if every other fighter is taking a big, steaming turd on what was once holy ground. In the past year alone, both Jamie Varner and more recently B.J. Penn have retired, only to come out of said retirement before anyone could even assess their retirement in the first place. Though the jury is still out on how long Nick Diaz and Jason Miller will be out of action, it’s looking like you can add none other than former heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar to the former list, as it has been reported by co-Host of Tough Talk on wrestlingobserver.com, Mike Sawyer, that Lesnar will return to the UFC within the year. He broke the news over his Twitter:

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
Had an interesting conversation with someone VERY close to all the Brock Lesnar stuff. He is fighting THIS YEAR in UFC & not Frank Mir…

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
plans change all the time, but the name I was told isn’t Roy.

Brian ?@FrontRowBrian
If it’s not Mir fighting Lesnar in UFC later this year as @TOUGHTALKMMA reports, who is it? @roynelsonmma? @stefanstruve? @ShaneCarwin II?

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
one of the above.

For those of you with the memory capacity of Sammy Jankis, Lesnar announced his retirement from the sport following his first round TKO loss to Alistair Overeem at UFC 141. UFC 141 was a mere six months ago.

(Who’s got at least one thumb and is going to royally screw me over in the future? THIS GUY.)

Ever since Alistair Overeem cost the UFC one of the biggest fights of the year by pissing dirty at his surprise UFC 146 drug test, it seems like Dana White has been a lot more adamant about the necessity of drug testing fighters on a regular basis. Whereas his attitude toward testing could previously be construed along the lines of “we’re doing the best we can, but we can only do so much,” it seems that The Baldfather has really begun to step up his game, so to speak. In fact, during a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times, White made a promise that before too long, the UFC will be drug testing fighters themselves in order to try and limit the amount of positive tests per year:

The steroid, [performance-enhancing drug] thing affects the whole sport. The key is to make sure these guys never get on it, because once they do, they change. The problem with Overeem is that I want to sit in a room with him man to man and believe him. He told me before he ever fought for us, ‘Don’t worry, I’m the most tested athlete in sports.’ But I think we have about 42 fights a year … you have a guy or two popping [positive tests] here and there, that’s a pretty good ratio…. Yes, we’re going to do our own testing, order these guys into [a lab]; we’re sorting it out now. You have to do this to save the sport. You can’t have these guys fighting on this stuff.

So there you have it, Potato Nation. It looks like a day may finally come where we don’t have to worry about the Ubereem’s of the world spoiling our mid-summer blockbuster cards. Then again, illegal steroids were sooo last year, nowadays fighter’s just call it “therapy” and we collectively put our heads in the sand.

(Overeem, before adding horse-meat and anti-inflammatory meds to his diet.)

By Josh Hutchinson

Whether it’s Jon Jones wanting to move up to heavyweight, or everyone wanting Frankie Edgar to cut to 145, weight-class-shifting is a hot topic for MMA fans and pundits alike. And while we’ve recently covered the perils and benefits of dropping to a lower weight class, the same can be said for moving up in weight. After jumping to heavier divisions, some fighters’ proverbial stars have shined brighter, some have dimmed, and some have gone God-damn-supernova — and it’s never easy to predict which fighters will have success. Check out some notable examples below, and tell us which other fighters you think would do well with some extra meat on their bones.

The Good

Alistair Overeem

(Same guy as above, same backdrop, and yet something is different…)

All insinuations aside, Overeem is a prime example of success at moving up a weight class. As I previously mentioned, Overeem has gone 12-1-1 since making a full commitment to heavyweight, and while the quality of opponents he faced was often questionable, that is still a hell of a good run. If you take a look back at his time at light-heavyweight, the stats are not nearly as impressive. Overeem’s losses usually came at the hands of the light-heavyweight division’s top guys, like Chuck Liddell, Antônio Rogério Nogueira, and Ricardo Arona. His run at light-heavyweight showed that he couldn’t hang with the elites of the respective weight class, and was vulnerable to being manhandled by stronger opponents.

After doing whatever it is he did to bulk up, he turned his fortunes around and achieved the greatest stardom of his career, becoming the poster child for successful jumps up the weight-class ladder. If it wasn’t for some bad decision-making, he would be fighting for the sport’s highest prize this weekend. Here’s to hoping he gets his shit together soon.

UFC welterweight Nick Diaz recently filed suit against the Nevada State Athletic Commission, asking for an injunction against their summary suspension of the fighter for his February failed drug test. Yesterday, a district court judge in Clark County denied Diaz’s request for the injunction.

Diaz’s attorney Ross Goodman previously claimed that the NSAC had breached statutes and his right to due process, arguing that the NSAC no longer had jurisdiction over his situation. Nevada Attorney General Catherine Cortez Masto then tried to publicly debunk the argument. Now that Diaz’s injunction has been denied, he can appear before the NSAC in a hearing set by the athletic commission on May 21st. (Check out MMAFighting’s report for more details.)

(In defense of Dana’s flip flop, who could say no to that face?)

By Josh Hutchinson

As some of you may remember, I recently attempted to make a case for why Alistair Overeem vs. Junior Dos Santos had to happen at UFC 146, testosterone-levels be damned. And though that fight didn’t quite pan out, we’ll instead be treated to an even better fight that evening in Frank Mir vs. Junior Dos Santos (assuming that no other weird shit happens beforehand). That’s right, I said even better. “But you just tried telling us why the UFC needs to keep Overeem vs. Dos Santos,” I hear you screaming. To that extent I have two retorts. The first being that apparently my hypocrisy knows no bounds. The second being that a quick look at Frank Mir vs. any of the other potential replacements makes the case loud and clear. Take for instance the man that Mir is officially replacing…

Alistair Overeem

Yes, Overeem and Dos Santos would have been an epic slugfest, with a near-guarantee of someone being knocked stupid, but if you look at the quality of opponents the two men have faced in recent years, the nod clearly goes to Mir. Since moving up to heavyweight full time, Overeem has compiled a record of 12-1-1, which while sounding impressive, is actually rather deceiving. The majority of the fighters he beat in those twelve wins resemble less of a contender list, and more of a “MMA Fighters: Where Are They Now?” list. I of course am talking about guys like Paul Buentello, Tony Sylvester, James Thompson, Brett Rogers, you get the point. Frank Mir on the other hand, has been wading through the UFC’s heavyweight elites since UFC 34 back in 2001, picking up big name wins like Tim Sylvia (before he was a joke), Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (2x), Cheick Kongo, and others. Besides there is still a great chance of seeing someone get knocked the hell out. We all know Dos Santos likes to do it, and if you ask guys like Cro Cop and the aforementioned Nogueria, Mir likes to dabble as well.

(In a rare misstep for Guida, he had no idea that the beer bong he was offered actually contained Four Loko. There were no survivors.) 

It seems that you can’t come across an MMA interview these days that doesn’t bring up the Alistair Overeem situation. The phrase “testosterone replacement therapy” has been thrown around in more MMA blogs within the past month than the name “Tim Tebow” on your average Sportscenter episode, and that’s saying something. Is it a coincidence that both phrases emphasize the “T” sound? We think not.

Being the laid back, no worries, Winnebago-loving kind of guy that Clay Guida is, he was much more willing to forgive Overeem when speaking to MMAWeekly about the situation yesterday, believing that a lot of the blame should be placed on that of his coaches. And in case you’re wondering, he managed to relate the situation to the lion-esque mange that sits atop his head:

Yeah, Alistair not knowing that there is testosterone in his vitamins, is like me not knowing what kind of conditioner I’m putting in my hair. I’m not going to put the complete blame on him, I’m going to put it on his coaches, and, maybe not his team necessarily, but his trainer and this and that and whoever maybe slipped him a Mickey or whatever you want to call it. I’m a fan of the guy, don’t get me wrong, but, I think they had plans elsewhere or whatever it may be, but, it’s a bummer that the main event in one of the biggest cards of the year is going to be kind of tampered with, just because you know, they got careless and maybe they didn’t have all the belief in themselves, so. I just stick with my regular stuff. The fruits and vegetables, fish oils, glucose and stuff like that you know? I’ve never been big on supplements on stuff like that you know? I just take natural stuff.

Fish oil, eh? And here we thought he was drinking whiskey shooters and vodka cranberries this whole time.

It turns out that fellow lightweight contender Mark Bocek, ever the stickler, was not too pleased that Overeem received only 9 months for his botched surprise drug test, going as far as to say that any fighter needing TRT (or marijuana for that matter), shouldn’t be fighting in the first place:

DISCLAIMER: This feature is purely a satirical piece- you know, like the title explicitly states. Any references to real people and events are purely for comedic effect. Nothing you are about to read is actual news, and no quotes used in this article are authentic quotes. In short, don’t take anything you are about to read as a real news story.

Anheuser-Busch respects women, and would never support sexism in any way.

The family-friendly Anheuser-Busch corporation has just been turned upside down. Former Bud Light mascot Spuds MacKenzie has been found guilty in the state of Nevada of sexually harassing multiple women while employed by Anheuser-Busch. Furthermore, Anheuser-Busch is being investigated for its role in MacKenzie’s crimes, as victims say that the harassment was not only encouraged by fellow employees, but that the victims were vehemently discouraged from filing complaints while they were employed by the company.

The charges against MacKenzie read like the sex-depraved fantasies of a thirteen year old boy. Among them include the complaints of Carol Grey, who played the role of “Hot Blond Chick” in many Bud Light commercials. Grey revealed that MacKenzie would repeatedly order her to smack him on the ass during commercial shoots, as well as force her to publically praise MacKenzie’s sexual conquests on numerous occasions.

Shocking videos of the harassment available after the jump.

Radio show host Jim Rome had the dubious honor yesterday of informing UFC President Dana White of the Nevada State Athletic Commission‘s denial of a license for heavyweight Alistair Overeem and their ruling that he would not be allowed to reapply for nine months. White responded by saying he assumed Overeem would have gotten a more severe punishment and that he is unsure if Alistair will still have a job with the UFC.

“I thought he would get a year. Easily a year,” White said. “I’m not a fan at all. You’re not going to hear me today on your radio show defending Alistair Overeem. Believe me.”

Luckily for Alistair, White has brought back plenty of guys who have failed drug tests or otherwise violated the law. Hell, Alistair has already failed a drug test so he might be a felony away from receiving a title shot when and if he returns. But for Overeem to blow it so epically when so much was on the line? That might be unforgivable.

“I know he lied to me,” White told Rome. “I don’t like it…if they’ll sit in front of you and lie to your face, [they're] not the kind of guys I want to do business with.”

Check out audio from Rome’s interview with Uncle Dana after the jump.

(If it weren’t for Lou Ferrigno, Phil would’ve never had to deal with this MMA drug testing bullshit.) 

Phil Baroni has never been afraid to speak his mind. Whether he’s dishing on pre-fight abstinence, the fragility of his own mind, or childhood obesity, “The New York Bad Ass” never pulls any punches, and in fact it’s one of the many reasons we love the guy. So perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised that, during a recent interview with Fight Sport Asia, Baroni not only came out as a proponent of steroid use in MMA, but more or less admitted that most of his PRIDE cohorts were probably juiced during the Japanese promotion’s heyday. Here’s what he told the publication:

I want to see the best fighters, I want to see who is the strongest the best! Guys should be able to do whatever it takes to be the strongest. Getting choked and kicked in the head is really bad for you, worse than pot , TRT, or steroids. I don’t care who’s the cleanest, I wanna’ see the strongest, the fastest and the most gnarly fighters. I don’t want to see who is the best at passing drug test. Overeem isn’t the only guy taking shit, he just got caught. I wanna’ see the baddest mother fuckers going at it. That’s why PRIDE was the best — I wanna see a 205 (ripped) Wanderlei Silva kill dudes!

Most of you will not likely find this revelation to be all that surprising considering, you know, the above photo of Baroni. It does, however, seem a little inconsistent of Baroni to be advocating a substance that he has vehemently denied using in the past, despite testing positive for Boldenone and Stanozolol Metabolites in the aftermath of his second round submission loss to Frank Shamrock back in 2007. Unfortunately for guys like Baroni and Alistair Overeem, the various athletic commissions regulating the sport don’t seem to agree, as Baroni was suspended for six months for his infraction. And we all know what fate Alistair was sentenced to.

By Elias Cepeda

Following a hearing held earlier today, the Nevada State Athletic Commission denied UFC #1 heavyweight contender Alistair Overeem‘s request to be licensed to compete in the state. Overeem will not be allowed to reapply for a license in Nevada for nine months.

Because most states respect one another’s rulings and licenses — and because the UFC has a working practice of not circumventing U.S. athletic commission decisions by placing unlicensed or suspended fighters on foreign cards — Overeem will likely not be able to make a living fighting for the next nine months. He already lost out on his chance to challenge champion Junior Dos Santos May 26th because of his recent drug test, in which he came up positive for an dramatically elevated testosterone-to-epitestosterone level.

Overeem was represented at his hearing by well-known attorney David Chesnoff. Chesnoff attempted to make the case that Overeem’s elevated levels were the result not of an attempt to enhance Overeem’s performance but rather of anti-inflammatory injections administered and prescribed by a Dallas-area doctor to help Overeem heal from injuries incurred in training and re-aggravated while fighting that the fighter was not told also contained testosterone.

(Photo courtesy of Heavy.com)

Alistair Overeem has finally broken his silence on his failed drug screening earlier this month. Here’s what the UFC heavyweight contender had to say in a release distributed this morning by Authentic Sports Management:

“To my friends and fans,

I am deeply saddened to announce that on Friday, April 20, I respectfully withdrew from the May 26 event so that I can request a continuance until my situation with the Nevada State Athletic Commission is resolved.

I cannot express how sorry I am to the Commission, Junior Dos Santos, the fans, the owners and employees of the UFC, my friends and family and anyone else who this has affected.

I absolutely do not believe in, nor do I use performance-enhancing drugs. I am a clean fighter and I will do whatever it takes to prove this to everyone.

DISCLAIMER: This feature is purely a satirical piece- you know, like the title explicitly states. Any references to real people and events are purely for comedic effect. Nothing you are about to read is actual news, and no quotes used in this article are authentic quotes. In short, don’t take anything you are about to read as a real news story.

Pictured: How drug abusing MMA fighters would look if they had some dignity.

The general public has been outraged over Chael Sonnen’s recent comments defending Alistair Overeem, and do not seem to be willing to forgive and forget any time soon. Sonnen defended Overeem on the basis that Overeem simply had an elevated testosterone-to-epitestosterone ratio, and did not test positive for an illegal substance. However, many still believe that Overeem’s elevated T:E ratio was caused by testosterone usage. If true (and it certainly looks true), it gives him an unfair advantage at his job, and therefore is completely unacceptable.

“This is an outrage!” cried Sean Franchetti, a journalist for the popular MMA news outlet Cage Crapato, while snorting his third Adderall of the week. “SorryaboutthatIhave…I have four feature articles due by tomorrow morning, and there’s no way I can do all that without snorting a few lines first.”

Why yes, I do like Huey Lewis and The News… Props: Las Vegas Sun

The speculation has officially ended. After ruling out Frank Mir, Cain Velasquez and Mark Hunt as potential replacements for Alistair Overeem to fight heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos at UFC 146, Dana White has officially announced his pick. Late last night, Dana White sent out a tweet confirming that Overeem’s replacement will be none other than…Frank Mir.

Huh. How about that?

While we’re all sure that there’s a reasonable explanation for Alistair Overeem’s suspiciously high 14:1 testosterone-to-epitestosterone ratio, the UFC aren’t taking any chances. Rather than waiting for Overeem to meet with the Nevada State Athletic Commission on Tuesday, “The Demolition Man” has been removed from the card entirely. Draw your own conclusions.

(Come on guys, I promise never to let you down again…pinky swear! / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

By Josh Hutchinson

Alistair Overeem — former Strikeforce and Dream heavyweight champion, K-1 Grand Prix champion, two-time World MMA Awards International Fighter of the Year recipient, horse-meat enthusiast, music video superstar, and the #1 contender in the UFC’s heavyweight division. By now we all know the drama surrounding him and his scheduled championship fight at UFC 146. We’ve seen various replacement opponents for Junior Dos Santos get shot down, and have come to a general consensus that the Reem is most likely a cheating bastard. Fans and pundits alike have collectively called bullshit on the idea that NSAC would still consider letting the fight occur. If you take things like science, logic, and common sense into account, it’s pretty obvious what should happen here — but if we don’t play devil’s advocate, who will? Instead, let’s look at three reasons why Overeem vs. Dos Santos must happen. For example…

1) Why let all this publicity go to waste? Of the major MMA news stories that have popped up over the last few weeks, which one has dominated the headlines? If you said “Overeem’s urine analysis results,” then congratulations — you’ve not only been reading this site, but you have a much better vocabulary than me, because I would have said “Reem’s hot piss test.” For better or worse, Overeem’s dodgy test results have consumed the MMA world like the plagues of Egypt, and his name is on everyone’s lips. Maybe it’s not exactly the publicity that the UFC was hoping for, but they’d be fools not to take advantage of it. Dos Santos is such a likeable, soft-spoken character, and it would be very easy to spin the Reem as the villain in their match. And suddenly, what was simply a great heavyweight matchup just got a compelling storyline.

(Props: FuelTV)

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Chael Sonnen feels sympathy for Alistair Overeem, considering his own history with abnormally high testosterone levels. On last night’s installment of his weekly troll segment for UFC Tonight, Sonnen blasted MMA media for implying that the Reem tested positive for anything illegal:

“Congratulations, MMA media. Right when I think your incompetence cannot get to any higher level, the Alistair Overeem story comes out. From you kids on the interwebs, running your little dot-com’s from the couch in your mother’s basement, to you beneficiaries of Mark Cuban’s tax write-off, you’ve gone and screwed up the Alistair Overeem case beyond all belief. Is it repairable? I doubt it. If I’m a member of the media and someone tells me that Alistair Overeem failed a drug test, the very first thing I’m going to say is: ‘Really? What substance did he test positive for?’ You see, those basic questions are where the wheels begin to fall off the bus to this entire story.

By Elias Cepeda

(Photo via Esther Lin & MMAFighting )

A week before he will appear before the Nevada State Athletic Commission for a hearing regarding his failed March drug test and to request a license to fight Junior Dos Santos at UFC 146, the NSAC’s Executive Director Keith Kizer says that Alistair Overeem’s legal team has yet to request additional sample tests or to indicate that they will apply for a therapeutic use exemption for testosterone replacement therapy.

“They’ve asked for no additional testing ,” Kizer told CagePotato.com. “I have talked with Overeem’s attorney and that issue has not been raised.”

“He has not indicated what [Overeem’s] defense will be, but he has not said to me, as I’m sure he would have if he was using it, that [Overeem] is on TRT,” Kizer continued. “That is not to say that they could not still make that case and ask for a therapeutic use exemption for TRT, but if they do, I’d be as shocked as the next person. We’ll all see what they do when April 24^th comes around.”

When Overeem’s hearing does take place in one week, Kizer anticipates that the fighter will not have an easy road to getting licensed again. “It is going to be a very tough hearing for Mr. Overeem, to say the least,” Kizer said.

(Come on, would we let you down?)

So #1 UFC heavyweight title contender Alistair Overeem failed a late March surprise drug test administered by the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC) for having a testosterone to epitestosterone ratio level higher than five men of Krypton and is now scheduled to appear before the commission in one week to ask for a license to face champ Junior Dos Santos May 26th. But not to worry, Reem fans: Alistair’s manager assures that his fighter will have a “reasonable explanation” for his unreasonable levels, according to Inside MMA‘s Ron Kruck, via CagedInsider.

“I spoke with Glenn Robinson, manager of Overeem and he says he is very respectful and is hopeful that he will be granted his license and the entire team is very confident that he will be facing Junior dos Santos come May 26th,” Kruck said.

“Now Robinson wanted to make it very clear that despite other reports, Overeem did not test high for testosterone, but rather his testosterone to epitestosterone was off and he has a reasonable explanation to why that is, which he will present to the commission next Tuesday.”

It’s still real to us, damn it. Props to @ZeusJupiterMMAO

Pay attention, Tim Sylvia: It turns out that a Twitter campaign, no matter how popular, is not the best way to manipulate Dana White.

Even though we here at Cagepotato have known this to be true for a while, we still couldn’t help but get behind #RallyForMarkHunt. The online campaign to have “Super Samoan” fill in for Overeem at UFC 146 quickly took off among tech-savvy MMA fans, and even gained the approval of UFC color commentator Joe Rogan. For a second there, it looked as though the unlikely challenger would actually be getting a shot at ‘Cigano’; especially when Dana White announced that former champions Frank Mir and Cain Velasquez were not being considered but was silent about Mark Hunt.

Well, you can now officially stop getting your hopes up. At the post-event press conference for UFC on FUEL 2, Dana White issued the following statement about the online rally (as transcribed by BJPenn.com):

(Props: Spike TV via Fightlinker)

It’s been over a week since news broke of Alistair Overeem failing his random pre-fight drug test, and the Reem has been quiet as a mouse ever since. Now would be a good time for him to start making the media rounds with an explanation, or an apology, or at least an acknowledgment that he failed the test and potentially wrecked a massive UFC heavyweight title fight. So what does this big son-of-a-bitch do? He goes on Spike TV’s MMA Uncenscored Live on Thursday, on the condition that he won’t discuss the drug-test situation in any way, and instead gives a straight interview about his matchup with Junior Dos Santos, which again, probably won’t happen.

Luckily, the hosts didn’t swallow the bullshit. “Either P90X really, really works, or the man was putting something in his body,” said host Craig Carton, looking at side-to-side photos of Overeem from 2005 and 2012. Nate Quarry agreed, saying “You’ve got to be very naive to take a look at those pictures and think he’s not using performance enhancing ‘supplements.’ Let’s just say he can put on 40 to 50 pounds of pure muscle in about four to five years — when 20 pounds of that is directly on your head, that’s an issue.”