(Unofficial UFC 117 poster via Bloody Elbow)

It’s almost upon us: The fight that may or may not get Anderson Silva fired. (Also known as the fight that may or may not get Chael Sonnen killed.) Your old pals at CagePotato.com will be liveblogging the action Saturday night, so be sure to swing by for up-to-the-minute results. And for you FightPickers out there, please follow the Internet-tubes to fightpicker.cagepotato.com or FP’s Facebook page to make your UFC 117 predictions for this week. We’ve got a husky set of 14 topics waiting for you in the pools, such as: Will the main event be the latest in the Spider’s series of long, drawn-out decisions? When will Sonnen score his first takedown in the fight, if ever? Who wins this USA vs. Brazil pissing contest, anyway? The full list of questions is after the jump; give ‘em a look and let us know how you feel.

(Why isn’t anyone laughing? Clowns are HUGE back home. It’s because I’m Brazilian isn’t it?)

In a recent interview with Esportes UOL (as transcribed by Fighters Only) Anderson Silva says he isn’t arrogant, as many people claim he is and says that the UFC wants him to lose to Chael Sonnen in part because he is Brazilian, not because he has been a bit of a tool lately.

"I can’t please everyone. When you become world-known in a sport you become the target of cheap talking. It’s necessary to watch yourself because any wrong attitude ends showing an opposite image of what you actual represented."

"There’s always bother, right? Even more so with me being a Brazilian. I’m happy in the UFC but this sequence of wins bothers them because the promoters think the fights end up losing their intrigue and that people now want to see Anderson Silva lose. But it’s normal, just business."

(Got a half-hour to spare? Then watch this Bloodsport-themed tribute to Georges St. Pierre’s UFC career, courtesy of lookoutawhale. Too nasty.)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

– The Anderson Silva flowchart everyone should print and hang on their wall (MiddleEasy)

– Options: What’s next for the winners of "Jones vs. Matyushenko"? (Heavy.com/MMA)

– Demian Maia bumped to UFC 118, will face Mario Miranda (Five Ounces of Pain)

– Dana White Talks Jones’ Future, Japanese MMA Revival, Anderson Silva’s Job Security (Versus MMA Beat)

– Roy Nelson More Impressed with dos Santos Than Carwin or Lesnar (MMA Fighting)

– Inside the Fights: The Face Melting Power of Marlon Sandro (MMA Scraps)

– UFC marketing team striking out this coming Saturday at UFC 117 (Watch Kalib Run)

– Roy Jones Jr.’s Square Ring Sues Zuffa & Roy Nelson Over Alleged Contractual Interference (MMA Convert)

– Vadim Finkelstein: Fedor Emelianenko is still the best Pound for Pound fighter in the World (LowKick)

– Brian Stann discusses his successful middleweight debut, and fighting in front of "thousands of our heroes." (FIGHT! Magazine)

(I knew this was all an act.)

I’m way beyond trying to figure out what the hell Chael Sonnen is doing as far as his pre-fight antics towards Anderson Silva ahead of their UFC 117 fight go, especially when large portions of his rants have nothing to do with the UFC middleweight champion.

During an interview with Larry Pepe on his Pro MMA Radio show today, Sonnen went off about a popular theory that seven time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong gave himself testicular, brain and lung cancer by abusing performance enhancing drugs (as he has been alleged to have done by several sources) and that his Live Strong foundation was created, not to aid in raising money to help find the cure for cancer as its mission states, but rather as an opportunistic money making scheme by the former cyclist.

Sal Mora Video Interview for CagePotato.com with Nate Marquardt – Watch more Sports Videos

Coming back from his upset decision loss against Chael Sonnen at UFC 109, Nate Marquardt will look to regain his fire at UFC 118 (August 28th, Boston) against Rousimar Palhares, the longtime asshole who most recently caught a 90-day suspension for not letting go of Tomasz Drwal’s ankle at UFC 111. Our buddy Sal Mora caught up to Nate this weekend to get his thoughts on the matchup, UFC 117‘s Sonnen vs. Silva headliner, and more. Some highlights:

On his loss to Sonnen: "I didn’t follow my gameplan, and I paid for it. I put on a good show, but mentally I wasn’t there…I fought a wrestler exactly how you’re not supposed to fight a wrestler — just stepping straight forward, trying to knock him out with every punch. So, I learned my lesson. I put on a good fight so I think that’s important as well, but I definitely plan on being a lot stronger mentally this next fight."

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

"We don’t have to fight. I issued him, in writing, I sent it over, my demands: He leave the UFC for no less than 12 months. He issue an apology to the fans. Simple things. And he erect a statue in my likeness in his living room that he bow to each evening. He didn’t accept ‘em."

Like the Ultimate Warrior before him, Chael Sonnen goes into a kind of fugue state whenever there’s a camera around, in which he’s only capable of making insane statements. The UFC has never made any attempt to muzzle the one-man promotional machine, and his mouthiness now seems to have the company’s public endorsement: This is the first time they’ve produced a highlight reel of a fighter just talking shit about their opponent, with no fighting clips whatsoever. Showing Sonnen lying on top of Dan Miller or Nate Marquardt would only interrupt the fun. Of course, it should be noted that this isn’t the Ultimate Talking Championship.

(Editor’s note: When Sonnen says "CP" at the 2:15 mark, he’s referring to his initials, Chael Patrick, not CagePotato. Though we could also kick Anderson Silva‘s ass if we wanted to, but we don’t, because what would that prove?)

(Harnessing the power of local television. In the history of real estate, that strategy has never been beaten.  VidProps: YouTube/Eluted)

Chael Sonnen took time out of his extremely busy schedule of lying about his Internet activities, letter writing, quitting on the Oregon Republican Party and acting pissy on television to sit down with the Houston Chronicle over the weekend. You know what that means: Set your watches to Crazy Time, kids. What pearls of wisdom did the multitalented middleweight drop on our unsuspecting asses this time? Well, Sonnen says people who claim to be “full time fighters” are lazy and that he has a strategy to defeat Anderson Silva on Aug. 7 at UFC 117 that has “never been beaten.”

Sonnen also inadvertently let slip how he’s managed to balance his pro fighting career and alleged other businesses, all while talking an uninterrupted line of shit about Silva during the past few months: He’s only training three hours a day.

In hyping UFC 117′s main event, the UFC is doing their best to convince fans that Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen won’t be as painful to watch as Silva’s last three middleweight title defenses against Demian Maia, Thales Leites, and Patrick Cote. Sonnen has the perfect style to beat Silva (so the story goes) and Chael’s outlandish trash talk might even inspire the champion to actually handle his business in the cage for a change. Do you buy it? I’m not quite convinced yet — personally, I think all the factors that made Silva’s fight against Maia so awful are also present in the Sonnen matchup — but in the interest of fairness, I figured I’d lay out both sides of the argument. First, why Silva vs. Sonnen will be another infuriating bust…

1. Silva Will Want to Avoid the Mat at All Costs
From a technical perspective, what made Silva’s fights against Demian Maia and Thales Leites so dull? Silva understood that those fighters posed their only threats on the ground, and he simply refused to allow the fights to go in that direction, which is something you can get away with when you’re a genius on your feet. Silva can’t be baited into going to the mat if he doesn’t want to, and he won’t full-out brawl with a grappler, and run the risk of getting grabbed and taken down. So he keeps his distance, landing a punch to the knee once in a while just to keep himself entertained. As a wrestler, Chael Sonnen’s attack is a little different — he wants to be on top and grind you down — but winning fights still means landing a takedown and turning the action horizontal, and Silva knows that. So if you’re expecting a firefight between these two, keep dreaming. It’ll be another stick-and-move-and-move-and-move-and-move-and-move exhibition from the champ.

(Video courtesy ESPN)

Rather than sit through Franklin McNeil pretending he knows what he’s talking about for 30 minutes during the above video of last night’s episode of MMA Live, fast forward to the 10:14 mark and watch Chael Sonnen take the boxing analyst-turned-on-air MMA Wikipedia fact reader to task for his biased and bad question.

Sonnen’s verbal mastery was on point from his opening reply, when asked if his "trash talk" is real or if he’s just saying what he has to try to get into Anderson Silva’s head prior to their rapidly approaching UFC 117 showdown.

"First off, I haven’t talked any trash about [Anderson]. I haven’t said anything I’ve apologized for and I certainly haven’t said anything that wasn’t true. And secondly, who cares about Anderson’s head? He pretends he doesn’t understand anyway. I don’t care about Anderson’s head."

Chael Sonnen vs. Forrest Griffin – Watch more Funny Videos

Long before either man ever competed in the UFC’s Octagon, Chael Sonnen and Forrest Griffin fought each other in the opening round of the IFC: Global Domination light heavyweight tournament.

Fighting a class above his usual middleweight division, Chael who competed in the tourney at his walking around weight of 197 lbs, was unable to contend with the strength advantage and the ground game of Griffin, succumbing to a triangle in the opening frame.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

"To talk about me is easy," Anderson Silva says in the above preview vid. "Try to beat me." Ah, there’s the rub. Chael Sonnen‘s trash talk has been absolutely epic in the run-up to this fight, but it remains to be seen if he can even back up one tenth of it in the Octagon. Meanwhile, Roy Nelson has finally earned Dana White’s respect with his knockouts of Brendan Schaub and Stefan Struve, and is "a definite contender for the heavyweight championship." To get his shot, he’ll have to become the first UFC fighter to endure the fists of Junior Dos Santos, who has been leaving a very impressive trail of bodies in his wake. It’s a matchup that guarantees excitement, as opposed to main event, in which…well, if Silva dances around and mocks his opponent for five more excruciating rounds, don’t act like you didn’t see it coming.

After the jump: E. Casey Leydon follows Roxanne Modafferi and Sarah Kaufman as they prepare for their 135-pound title match at Strikeforce Challengers, tomorrow night in Everett, Washington. The event kicks off on Showtime at 11 p.m. ET/PT.

(“So then the older bull says, ‘Hell son, let’s *walk* down there and screw *all* of them cows!’ Seriously Vitor, I’ve got a million of ’em. Hey, you ever hear the one about the rabbi and the Indian chief … ” PicProps: Las Vegas Sun)

It’s amazing that after nearly two decades of mixed martial arts in this country, reporters are still asking fighters who they want to face next. Really, has any one of these guys ever answered that question with anything other than some variation of “It doesn’t matter/Whoever the UFC wants me to fight next”? Take Vitor Belfort, who is now fully recovered from shoulder surgery and training in Las Vegas for a future bout with the winner of Anderson Silva’s UFC 117 title defense against Chael Sonnen on Aug. 7. You think Belfort is going to admit to Las Vegas Sun Reporter Brett Okamoto that he cares who emerges from that event with the middleweight belt? Fat chance.

(Somehow, I don’t think this is the first time Chael rocked this feathered coif.)

Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida spoke with Sherdog.com recently about "The Spider’s" upcoming UFC 117 tilt with Chael Sonnen and "The Dragon’s" rumored bout with Quinton Rampage Jackson among other topics.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m not easily entertained or because every fighter seems to spout the same tired crap to the same tired questions, but I would be much more interested in all the pre-fight drama if they made these guys live together for their entire training camp before they fight like on "The Ultimate Fighter." That way, we could watch them squabble about real issues they have with each other like who left the toilet seat up and who drank the last of the morning urine and didn’t throw out the container. You can’t fake that kind of drama.

(Video courtesy YouTube/UFC)

The UFC is turning up the marketing machine for next month’s UFC 117 match-up between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen with the usual pre-fight interview videos.

They seem to be emphasizing the golden tongue of Sonnen, whose seemingly stepped-up smack talking has eclipsed pretty much every fighter in the game these days.

What may be surprising to many is that Chael didn’t develop his proclivity for spewing quoteworthy lines overnight.

("No no you backed me in a corner so just shut up and listen / I’ve got a long list of complaints and a shit-ton of suspicions.") 

Y’know, if this fighting thing doesn’t work out, Chael Sonnen could have a future in humiliating his enemies through long-winded online essays. (There’s money in that, right?) The UFC’s #1 middleweight contender used FightMagazine.com as a venue for an "open letter to fans" published yesterday, in which he discussed his infamous interview with hapless journalist Jon Lane, and called out Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, who recently claimed that Anderson Silva will beat Sonnen like a child. But Sonnen saved most of his bile for Ed Soares, criticizing the prominent manager for not being able to control his star client. Read on for another unvarnished glimpse into the possibly-deranged mind of the UFC’s greatest anti-hero…

*****

“Hi, everybody! Remember me? Your ol’ buddy Chael? Y’know I spend most of my time fightin’, which doesn’t leave much time for writin’, but things being what they are, I’ve decided to take a moment or two, and fire up the ol’ Olivetti typewriter, put in a fresh ribbon, and share some of my recent thoughts with you….

Firstly, I’ve gotten a significant amount of feedback regarding my “correspondence” with MMA…..”Journalist” Jon Lane…So….To any and all members of the media: I’m always happy to talk and share my time and ideas with you. And I appreciate your efforts in contacting me, and instead of ‘circling the wagons’ around a “fellow journalist”, for applauding my efforts to….FIX things. Do me a favor, guys. Don’t be so hard on JonJon. He’ll get it. Bring him along, help him out here & there. I kinda like him. And Jon…..No hard feelings. Really. If you re-read our correspondence in the cold, hard, light of day, you’ll see I was trying to….HELP you.

I never expected you to be Umberto Eco; but those questions… guy! I mean COME ON. So buck up, little soldier. If you fall off, just get right back on – even if it’s only a keyboard you’re getting on.

And Lil’ Nog…..I read your appraisal of the upcoming fight betwixt your pal Anderson and yours truly and, I’ll be damned, you are one sharp dude…. about as sharp as a bag of wet mice.

("Why do they keep pitting me against Brazilians? It’s tougher to smash the faces of my fellow countrymen.")

TATAME is reporting that the UFC is planning to hold its second event in Brazil in 2011 and that the promotion could possibly do a Brazilian-only version of The Ultimate Fighter next year as well. 

Looking at the current UFC roster and taking into account the SPIKE TV series’ penchant for (except in a few cases) pitting the two coaches against each other at the end of each season, I’m guessing they are looking at Anderson Silva opposite either Vitor Belfort or Demian Maia as the coaches for the show.

Sal Mora talks w UFC Lightweight Clay Guida for CagePotato.com – Watch more Funny Videos

After suffering tough losses against Diego Sanchez and Kenny Florian last year, Clay Guida came back with a renewed fire this March and choked out Shannon Gugerty — his first submission victory in three-and-a-half years. With momentum back on his side, the Carpenter looks to keep the ball rolling next month at UFC 117 (August 7th, Oakland), where he’ll take on Rafael Dos Anjos, who is riding three straight victories against Rob Emerson, Kyle Bradley, and Terry Etim. In this exclusive interview filmed by Sal Mora at Jackson’s MMA in Albuquerque, Guida tells us what the fight against Dos Anjos means to him, and explains the advantages he’ll have in the cage. He also weighs in on UFC 117′s Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen main event; unsurprisingly, Clay likes the hard-nosed wrestler’s chances.

When asked which loss he’d go back and avenge if he could, Guida said that he doesn’t like to look back at the past. However:

"I think the Diego Sanchez fight kinda spoke for itself. I think he won three minutes of the fight, maybe four. I think I controlled the rest of the fight. So that’s one of those [fights] that would have maybe put me in line for title contention. And it would also be one of the greatest fights again…Diego’s a buddy of mine, I hope the best for him, and our time will come again, maybe. If not, who cares, I [plan to] just keep winning."

("Tell ‘em you want a $125,000 base salary to start, increasing $25,000 with every win."
"And a custom Hummer, like the ones they give to Ultimate Fighter coaches."
"And an immediate shot at Anderson Silva."
"And a percentage of the…wait, what?")

After a difficult bidding period in which Jake Shields was asking for more money than Scott Coker thought he was worth, Strikeforce released their middleweight champion yesterday, putting Shields on the open market. Shields’s Strikeforce contract ended after his April title defense against Dan Henderson, which allowed other organizations to make bids on his services. Strikeforce was in the matching stage of the process, and had the option to meet any competing offers, but ultimately decided that letting Shields walk was their best option.

As Scott Coker said on MMA Weekly radio, "The numbers, there was a big gap between what we thought was real, and what we thought was going to work, and I call that the numbers dance. It is what it is, and we’re going to probably be moving forward with that tournament."

Tensions between Shields and Strikeforce have reportedly been strained since he appeared at WEC 48, sitting next to UFC president Dana White, who mouthed "he’s mine" at the camera. Strikeforce may have even tried to block Shields from attending Saturday’s Fedor vs. Werdum show. 

(Fight!‘s June 2010 issue, on newsstands now.)

Okay, we gotta tell you a couple-three things:

– Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night beginning at 10 p.m. ET for our liveblog of Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Werdum.

– Hurry up and enter some pools on MMA FightPicker. There will be no prizes for the winners, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.

– How ’bout a round of e-appaluse for the Potato Nation members who made their presence known in the comments section this week, and will be receiving one-year subscriptions to Fight! Magazine…

Disco-Platypus on "Knockout of the Week: Marlon Sandro Flattens Masanori Kanehara in 38 Seconds, Wins Sengoku Featherweight Title": The Sengoku championship may as well be labeled, "The Champion Who Would Crumble Most Quickly When Faced With American-style Wrestling."

DangadaDang on "Report: Batista Signs With Strikeforce; Opponent and Date of Debut Set to Be Announced": He is aware that no one in MMA can be brought out of a sleeper hold on the pure energy of a chanting crowd, correct?

And finally — uh-oh, get comfortable…

(Video  courtesy YouTube/LUMBATE)

Just when you thought UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva couldn’t get any stranger than his bizarre UFC 112 performance against Demian Maia in Abu Dhabi, "The Spider" goes and ups the ante and brings in washed up silver screen tough guy Steven Seagal to help him train in the deadly art of Aikido for his upcoming UFC 117 fight with Chael Sonnen in August.

(Props: SNETCF)

It’s one thing to deny responsibility for your own Twitter page when your creative insults start to draw attention on mainstream news outlets — particularly when you’re trying to lead a double-life as a shit-stirring heel and a respectable business owner and candidate for the Oregon State Legislature. Sure, it’s a lie that’s easily disproven, but at least we understand the motivation. What we can’t understand is the way Chael Sonnen constantly lies about everything. His record, his opponents, general details about things that happen to him in his daily life, you name it. Obvious, shameless lies. My God, they just keep coming.

So far, I’ve been a fan of Sonnen’s verbal abuse of Anderson Silva, because Silva kind of deserves it, and nobody else has had the stones to disrespect the Spider the way Sonnen has. But watching the above MMA Connected clip this morning, I couldn’t help but feel that Sonnen’s schtick has officially jumped the shark — and that he might not even be in control of himself anymore. Let’s run down this interview appearance, point-by-point…

(See, this only looks like a picture of Chael Sonnen getting arm-barred by Jeremy Horn at UFC 60. It’s actually just a clever Chael Sonnen impersonator. PicProps: Susumu)

So in a nutshell, here’s what Chael Sonnen would currently have us believe about his “fake” Twitter feed: Back in February, some enterprising imposter started an account in Sonnen’s name for the purpose of … well, we’re not sure exactly why … but over the next four months only used the account to post a grand total of 10 tweets (two of which link to Sonnen’s website) and did such a good job parroting the middleweight’s distinctively crazy voice that not only did no one notice the charade, but the UFC’s official twitter feed and Sonnen’s own “official campaign” Twitter account both became followers of the "fake" Chael Sonnen.

At least that’s the story Sonnen seemed to be sticking to as recently as Friday, when he appeared on stage for a Q&A session with luminaries from the UFC Fight Club in Vancouver and again reportedly claimed that he does not have a Twitter account. This despite the small matter of a video from a couple months back where he not only admits it to Ariel Helwani (at about the 45:40 mark) but spells out the “fake” account’s address so we can all find it.

Apparently, if someone is impersonating Chael Sonnen on Twitter, they’re doing such a great job that even he thought it was his real account for a while there.

(Video courtesy MMAWeekly)

During a Q&A session at this weekend’s UFC Fan Expo UFC president Dana White revealed that his promotion’s middleweight champion, Anderson Silva may be moving up a weight class sooner than anticipated.

Although he has only fought twice at that heavier weight, the way that he defeated, or rather destroyed both of his opponents is why White’s interest in having him move up is so high. In between title defenses, Silva packed on considerable muscle to move up and knock out James Irvin at UFN 14 and Forrest Griffin at UFC 101.

“I think Anderson is here today, and many of you will see what a huge guy this guy is. He’s huge. And not only has he dominated the 185-pound division, he’s done very well going up to 205," explained White. "I actually honestly can see him going up to 205 and mixing it up, up there. I don’t know. We’ll see. Anything can happen and things change all the time in this sport, but that’s the direction I see him going.”

(Grudge? What Grudge?)

In a new interview with TATAME, Demian Maia takes the high road in discussing his fight with Anderson Silva at UFC 112 in April, saying that he would prefer to talk about the future and not dwell on the past, no matter how douchebag-like Silva acted during their bout.

He did say that he truly believes that Chael Sonnen has a legitimate chance at beating the usually dominant champion and that he feels the only way to stop the Team Quest fighter from controlling the fight would be for Anderson to dedicate a large portion of his training to both his defensive and offensive jiu-jitsu games.

"I sure do [think Chael can beat Anderson]. He has a really tough game and it’s hard for anyone to beat him. He has a good takedown, has a good ground game, he’s very big and strong in comparison with the other athletes of the division. It’s a hard fight for everyone because he brings you down and is a hell of a hitter. You have to have a great guard to fight him, otherwise it becomes very hard fight for you. Let’s see what will happen."

(Video courtesy YouTube/MMAFighting)

I’m not sure if Anderson Silva is using Billy Madison as a benchmark for what Americans act like, but I half expected the UFC middleweight champ to wet his pants during this strange interview with MMA Fighting’s Ariel Helwani. 

I get that he’s trying to be funny, but I can’t picture any other world class athletes clowning around like ritalin-starved six year olds with ADD during an interview. Ariel seemed a bit thrown off by Anderson’s weird behavior, but was able to keep his composure. He did seemed really uncomfortable dancing with Silva at the end of the video, but then again, who wouldn’t be?

Personally, I’d like to see this guy interview Anderson.

(Video courtesy YouTube/ProMMARadio) 

Apparently Anderson Silva is fed up with Chael Sonnen’s pre-fight posturing and he wants his Team Quest opponent to lay off.

In the above interview with Pro MMA Radio, Sonnen recalls a tense situation that occurred at this weekend’s UFC Fan Expo in which Silva approached him to tell him to "relax."

Sonnen said that he told the UFC middleweight champ, who seemed frustrated by the amount of autographs he had to sign for fans at the event, that "in two months, he wouldn’t have to sign any more because nobody will care about him again." Apparently Sonnen’s remark was lost in translation at the time, but when one of Anderson’s entourage later informed the Brazilian fighter what was actually said, he decided to seek Chael out and tell him to lay off.

It’s starting to seem like Chael is getting inside Anderson’s head, possibly exposing a chink in his seemingly impenetrable armor, which is likely his plan since "The Spider" has never shown any mental weakness in the past.
He’s never faced a master of verbal warfare like Sonnen, either, so it should be interesting to see what happens on August 7 at UFC 117 when the pair finally lock horns.

 
(Sonnen vows to "bring taxes down, and lay on top of them until my term ends.")

While some fighters can’t even be bothered to show up for practice more than four times in a given week, Chael Sonnen is trying to secure a spot in the Oregon House of Representatives, in the same year that he’s preparing for the biggest fight of his life. On Tuesday, the UFC’s #1 middleweight contender claimed a "landslide" victory in the Republican Party primaries for Oregon’s 37th District, picking up 99.13% of the vote. We should probably mention that Sonnen ran unopposed, and the remaining 0.87% percent of the vote was made up of write-in ballots, most of which probably went to Anderson Silva. But still, Chael’s got momentum on his side. You can learn more about his platform at VoteSonnen.com, where he’s described as a "successful realtor and vice president of Caged Promotions, a sports and music promotion and production company." Sonnen’s main gig as one of MMA’s most insane heels is mentioned nowhere on the site.

(Also, groin kicks will be allowed in cases when one fighter clearly had it coming.)

By CagePotato contributor Jim Genia

In the beginning it was anything goes, with 200-pound karate stylists taking on 600-pound sumo wrestlers and Brazilians feverishly jumping up and down shouting “Vale tudo! Vale tudo!” as they beat opponents with sticks. For a new American promotion called the Ultimate Fighting Championship this made for some serious pay-per-view buy rates, but it also made the general public somewhat upset, so rules were introduced. Suddenly gone was the wrestler’s ability to run down his foe with a tractor. Also gone was the kickboxer’s ability to use a prison-shiv. With a new list of fouls and weight classes, “no-holds-barred fighting” became the MMA we know and love today. Unfortunately, over the course of ten years the evolution of the sport has created a new set of problems, and the time has come to implement some very necessary additional rule changes. Here, in no particular order, are the six most important:

A Two-Round Limit on Dry-Humping
When ground-and-pound turns into lay-and-pray and it becomes painfully obvious that the guy on the bottom can’t stop takedowns and the guy on top couldn’t out-grapple a passed-out teenager on prom night, then watching what transpires is akin to torture. At the last Strikeforce/CBS outing, we learned by round 3 that Gegard Mousasi knew no wrestling and Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal knew nothing but wrestling. Every round after that was like watching Twister ™ night at the retirement home: boring, horrifying and sad. There needs to be a two-round limit on dry-humping — maybe stand them up immediately or let them duel with pistols at 20 paces. Anything is better than five rounds of man-loving-man.

Heavyweight Fighters Are Forbidden From Punching in the First Round
Props to CP reader Dan W. for suggesting this crucial rule change. We’re tired of paying big money for heavyweight interim title-fights and headliners, only to have them end abruptly in the first round due to excessive punching. Look, you guys are just too damn strong, and it gives you all an unfair advantage against each other. (Yes, that makes complete logical sense, just trust me.) Since we can’t shrink the size of their 7XL hands, we’ll instead ban heavyweights from throwing leather in the first frame. Wrestle, try some kicks and flying knees, work for submissions — that’s all good. But Shane Carwin‘s uppercuts represent the kind of brutality that this sport doesn’t need right now.

(Props: nicktheface via Fightlinker)

Will Chael Sonnen‘s over-the-top trash-talk infuriate Anderson Silva into engaging with him? Will Sonnen make good on his promise to come straight at the Spider and force him to fight? Would Dana White really cut his middleweight champion after a win? Has Sonnen signed his own death warrant, or bought a ticket to a 25-minute dance contest? All these questions will be answered on August 7th, when Silva and Sonnen meet at UFC 117 in Oakland, California. Speaking of #117, the event will reportedly host the welterweight rematch between Thiago Alves and Jon Fitch, which was originally scheduled for UFC 115 in June, but has been pushed back to give Alves more time to recover from brain surgery.

After the jump: A behind-the-scenes video of Bruce Buffer at UFC 102, which reveals Buffer’s warm-up technique and a dramatic fighter-introduction maneuver we’ll call the "Buffer Lunge"

(Chan Sung Jung reacts to his decision loss to Leonard Garcia on Saturday night. We feel your pain, buddy. Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.)

— WEC’s fighters are already seeing some benefits from their promotion’s first foray into pay-per-view. Though performance bonuses have totaled just $10,000 for recent WEC events, Zuffa handed out end-of-night bumps worth $65,000 following WEC 48: Aldo vs. Faber. Picking up the hefty checks were: Leonard Garcia and Chan Sung Jung for their epic Fight of the Night brawl that ended in a controversial decision win for Garcia; Manny Gamburyan for shocking the world with his first-round Knockout of the Night against Mike Brown; and reigning lightweight champ Ben Henderson, for his quick guillotine choke Submission of the Night over Donald Cerrone.

— Only one bout from the 11-fight card didn’t get airtime on Saturday night: Former bantamweight title challenger Takeya Mizugaki handed Rani Yahya his second straight loss during the prelims, edging out the Brazilian by unanimous decision (29-28 x 2, 30-27).

— Dana White was so hot on Jose Aldo after Saturday night’s main event that he’s already talking about a three-title reign. "I had heard that he wants to move down a weight class, win that belt and then go to 155 to fight BJ in the UFC," White said during the post-event press conference. "If he can do that, I don’t know if he can cut that weight and make that light a weight division, but he’d be the first guy to win three titles in three different weight divisions." We’re all for ludicrously overblown hype, but can we wait until Aldo makes a couple more title defenses in his own division first?