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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Anthony Johnson

Booking Roundup: ‘Dan Hardy’s Comeback’ Edition


(We know Dan, he watches over us all.) 

It looks like Dan Hardy won’t be getting that fight against Matt Hughes he was angling for. And thank God, because we hear Hughes’ country breakfasts consist of Ovaltine and Total these days (we kind, we kid; they consist of grilled bobcat).  

After going 0-4 through 2010 and 2011, Hardy has been matched up with a perfect opponent to kickstart 2012, when he takes on UFC veteran Duane “Bang” Ludwig at UFC 146. Hardy, who has not fought since falling to a third round guillotine choke in Chris Lytle’s retirement bout in August of 2011, took some time off to refocus, train, and get pestered by drunken fans. Ludwig also saw his last fight end by way of guillotine, only he chose to adhere to the “tapping is for bitches” rule when he was choked out by Josh Neer at UFC on FX. The loss snapped a two fight win streak for Ludwig, his first since 2008, which included wins over Nick Osipczak and Amir Sadollah.

Although this wasn’t the match Hardy wanted, you gotta imagine he’ll be stoked knowing he’s taking on a fellow slugger with a limited ground game. But it will be interesting to see if Hardy follows a more subdued gameplan here. Like we said, the man’s dropped 4 straight, and another loss could mean his Zuffa career. Then again, the only reason that he is still in the UFC is thanks to his consistently exciting performances, so a snoozer against Ludwig seems unlikely. Let’s just sit back and enjoy what is sure to be a war, ladies and gentlemen.

In other UFC 146 news…

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MMA Gif Tribute: 9 ‘Lawn Chair’ Knockouts


(If anyone can explain what is going on in this photo, we’ll give you Carmen Valentina’s digits.) 

After Edson Barboza’s spinning heel kick KO over Terry Etim gave birth to the phrase “falling tree” knockout here on CP, we got to thinking, what other classifications of devastation existed in the MMA highlight-o-sphere? Debates got heated, egos got crushed, and limbs got mangled, but we were eventually able to agree that the next category of KO’s in need of appreciation was that of the “lawn chair.”

What is a “lawn chair” knockout, you ask? Well, it’s that special kind of knockout, perhaps the complete opposite of a “falling tree,” in which the victim’s legs give out from underneath them almost instantaneously after the lethal blow is delivered, often forcing their body to collapse into itself like that of a common lawn chair. And to add insult to injury, the poor son of a bitch often receives an unnecessary strike courtesy of his own knee on the way down. Here are nine of the finest examples, in no particular order.

Chuck Liddell v. Guy Mezger

Ricardo Lamas v. Bendy Casimir

Check out seven more beautiful examples of this phenomena after the jump.

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Dana White Is Already Open to a Possible Anthony Johnson Return


(Jesus Christ Rumble, pull yourself together, will you?) 

If you recall, about a fortnight ago, super middleweight contender Anthony Johnson showed up to the UFC 142 weigh-ins at a Weigh-In Failure Leaderboard Record of 12 pounds heavy for his clash with former UFC light heavyweight champion Vitor Belfort. Dana White all but fired Johnson on the spot, labeling him “unprofessional,” to which Johnson responded by laughing at all us ignant haters. After a strong start in his fight with “The Phenom,” Johnson quickly gassed and succumbed to a first round rear-naked choke, and was given his walking papers promptly afterward.

Well, it seems that, despite missing weight for 25% of his UFC bouts, “Rumble” still has an outside chance of getting back into the sport’s highest promotion. When questioned about the issue following the UFC on Fox 2 press conference, White stated:

[Johnson] needs to go fight somewhere else, get some wins and come in on weight. He needs to prove to me that he can be a professional, show up on weight and do the things that he needs to do. [If] he gets a few fights under his belt and does that, we’ll talk.

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UFC 142 GIF Party: The Finishes & Other Highlights

Behold: a shining example of “kick face“. (Photo: UFC.com)

Brazilian fans are credited with being the most raucous audience in the world, and last night’s fighters gave them plenty to cheer about. Six of the nine bouts ended via knock out or submission*, with five of those stoppages coming in the first round.

Chokes, knees, and even a spinning wheel kick punctuated last night’s fights (*as did a controversial referee stoppage). Pop on in for a motion picture tribute to UFC 142.

As always, praise be to Zombie Prophet.

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And Now He’s Fired (And No One’s Surprised): Anthony Johnson

“And if you think *I’m* upset, young man, you just WAIT until your father gets home!” (Pic: MMAMania.com)

Sometimes a fighter gets cut under bizarre circumstances that no one saw coming, and sometimes the writing is on the wall.

There was very little Anthony Johnson could have done last night to preserve his job in the UFC, and “losing” wasn’t on the short list. Every facet of Johnson’s battle with gravity has been a spectacle. On Friday night, he missed weight for the third time in his UFC career—that’s a first for the promotion. And when he stepped on the scales, he didn’t miss by a slim margin, either. He was closer to the light heavyweight limit than he was the middleweight. The eleven extra pounds he was sporting? That sets a UFC record as well.

Now we’ve already belabored Johnson’s lack of professionalism over the last two days, and whether it’s through a dinner invitation or a dismissive laugh, “Rumble” has made it clear that he doesn’t care what we the fans think. One person that does matter, however, is his boss. Here’s what Dana White had to say on the issue.

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UFC 142 Aftermath: Spoiler Alert, Brazilians Outmatch their Opponents *Again*


The People’s Champion, showing Chael Sonnen how it’s done. Props: @CopperHeartCT

With the UFC’s quick return to Rio de Janeiro, the promotion had high expectations to live up to. Their last visit saw a nearly perfect performance from one of the sport’s most dominant champions, a local favorite earning a quick finish, and (most) Brazilian fighters outmatching their foreign opponents on their ways to victory. It was going to be difficult to entertain the local fans the same way that UFC 134 did, yet the UFC’s return to Brazil netted nearly identical results.

Heading into his title defense against Chad Mendes last night, critics were starting to say that Jose Aldo was beginning to coast his way through fights. That the fight finisher fans grew to love in the WEC had been replaced by a fighter content to go through the motions en route to a decision victory. In front of his home country, Aldo made an impressive statement by finishing “Money” Mendes in the first round.

Mendes displayed improved striking, but that means little when facing the lethal limbs of Jose Aldo. To win this fight–or even stay competitive–Mendes needed to put the champion on his back, yet time and time again his best efforts were thwarted. Though Aldo blatantly grabbed the fence to prevent one takedown, a follow-up attempt from the same position seconds later barely took his feet off the ground. Had he been deducted one point- or ten- it’s hard to imagine the fight going any other way. The brilliant takedown defense and impeccable timing he showed throughout the bout were on full display in the closing seconds of round one. Aldo’s transition to the fight ending knee was nothing short of perfection, something only a dominant striker of his caliber could dream of pulling off.

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‘UFC 142: Aldo vs. Mendes’ — Main Event Liveblog

“I’m not even kidding you, man! It must have been four feet of linguiça. And ‘Humble’ ate the whole thing, just now backstage!” (Photo: UFC.com)

It’s 1 AM in Rio De Janeiro and and the locals have turned out in droves to cheer on their countrymen and wish death upon foreigners. It may not be very sporting of them, but we’ve pretty much thrown professionalism out the window this weekend.

Is Mendes the right Alpha Male to topple Aldo in his own backyard? Does Belfort have enough power to put away one of the UFC’s top heavyweights? And will Palhares’s overwhelming desire to tear limbs apart overcome his instinct to stop fighting in the middle of a bout?

Come join me, Chris Colemon, inside for the answers to these questions and more.

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“UFC 142″ Danavlog: Chewing Towels & Weigh-In Fouls

(Video courtesy of YouTube.com/UFC)

Dana White’s latest vlog walks us through the behind the scenes drama at yesterday’s weigh-ins. Before the action unfolds we get to tag along with the multimillionaire fight baron as he soars over the slums of Rio in a private helicopter. Poetry.

Things get interesting when Vitor Belfort checks in at the arena. Watching “The Phenom” gnaw away on a towel of crushed ice like a starved animal as he learns that “Rumble” is nowhere in the vicinity of 185lbs makes Johnson’s massive failure all the more unforgivable. Vitor had the option of stopping his cut and fighting at a catchweight, but ultimately chose the path of the professional and made the contracted weight. That 20% of Johnson’s purse probably didn’t hurt his decision.

Join us back here this evening as we kick off our Liveblog with the prelims on FX!

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Friday Afternoon Link Dump


(Video courtesy of YouTube/InsideMMA)

- 245 Tebow Photobombs (WorldWideInterweb)

- 25 Laziest Players in NFL History (Complex)

- Celebrity Death Predictions for 2012 (ScreenJunkies)

- Rob! Bingo Card (TuVez)

- Edita Vilkeviciute is Kind of Awesome (Guyism)

- Why Your Girlfriend Should Be Banished From Your Gym (AskMen)

- Dana White Issues Statement on Johnson Missing Weight *Again* (MMAMania)

- 10 Crappy TV Shows Based On Good Movies (Clutch.MTV)

- More Bang for Your Buck With Compound Lifts (TheRugged)

- CollegeHumor is Making an Actual Movie (FilmDrunk)

- Pacquiao Dodges Mayweather Fight Taiwanese Animation Style (TerezOwens)

- 25 Bizarre Flavored Beers (HolyTaco)

- Dos Santos, Aldo and Belfort On Brazil, Futures and More (FightersOnly)

- Released From BAMMA, Marquardt a Free Agent (BleacherReport)

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Rumble Johnson Misses Weight, Let Me Tell You How You’re Feeling Right Now

Totally Looks Like:  Sean Kingston

By now, you’ve probably heard the big news of the day:  Anthony “Hey Yo, Is That My Tummy Rumblin’?” Johnson missed weight today in historic fashion, tipping the scales at 197 pounds.  According to some research that I absolutely did not just do, twelve pounds is the most that anyone has ever blown weight anywhere ever, and you can feel free to correct me in the comments.  Vitor Belfort has agreed to fight a catchweight at 197, but has asked that Johnson weigh-in again tomorrow at no more than 205.

Now, maybe I’m not shocked by this — but damn brotato, how do you miss — how do you go UP a weight class because you have a nightmare cut at 170 and the boss has said you belong at 185, then proceed to bulk up like you got a call from Vince McMahon?  

Serious question: is Anthony Johnson dyslexic with numbers or something?  Just checking.

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