(Brock Lesnar will get his gross sweat all over you. Look out, Randy.)

Brock Lesnar is preparing for Randy Couture with his jiu-jitsu coach Rodrigo “Comprido” Medeiros, who as you might recall was the man to help Lesnar figure out the mystery of the kneebar after his loss to Frank Mir. Comprido tells Graciemag.com that Lesnar is training at a new academy, mixing it up with world class submissions guys like himself and decorated wrestlers like Cole Konrad. As for a prediction, Comprido isn’t shy:

“I know Couture is a very strategic fighter, but I believe Brock will take this fight in the first round.”

Somehow Frank Mir is unmoved by this endorsement, claiming that he’d still rather rematch Lesnar than take on Couture in the finals of this so-called heavyweight “tournament”:

(Props: MMA Mania)

UFC 90 was profoundly disappointing, and UFC 91 doesn’t offer much outside of Randy vs. Brock, but the UFC promises to make up for it and then some with “The Ultimate 2008,” their stacked-to-death year-end card (December 27th, Las Vegas). The official lineup for the event was announced yesterday with the additions of Matt Hamill, C.B. Dollaway, Cheick Kongo, and Yushin Okami. Here’s what we’ll be seeing…

Main card
Forrest Griffin vs. Rashad Evans (for light-heavyweight championship)
Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Frank Mir (for interim heavyweight championship)
CB Dollaway vs. Mike Massenzio (middleweights)
Wanderlei Silva vs. Quinton Jackson (light-heavyweights)
Cheick Kongo vs. Mustafa Al-Turk (heavyweights)

Undercard
Yushin Okami vs. Dean Lister (middleweights)
Antoni Hardonk vs. Mark Burch (heavyweights)
Matt Hamill vs. Reese Andy (light-heavyweights)
Ryo Chonan vs. Brad Blackburn (welterweights)
Dan Evensen vs. Pat Barry (heavyweights)

Why Dollaway vs. Massenzio gets a main card slot over Okami vs. Lister is anyone’s goddamned guess. But it’s hard to complain with those three headlining fights. Any early predictions? Remember, “The Ultimate 2008″ isn’t the only card the UFC is putting on in December — there’s also “Fight for the Troops” on December 10th in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and the TUF 8 finale on December 13th (location TBA). Both events will be aired on Spike.

During this week of The Ultimate Fighter, we start off with the Junie fight recap. This guy ran his mouth and couldn’t finish Rolando. In my eyes Rolando could have beat Junie if he would have kept behind his jab. I really wanted to jump the cage and ask him how it feels!!! I had to stop myself because knowing Junie he would have gone absolutely crazy, but oh well, I’ll just have to wait and see what the semi-finals have in store for me.

We started having some fun in practice, even though our practices were always different. We played some games on couple of the days which made me forget about fighting for a while. It reminded me that I was there to enjoy my time there and train hard; there is a time to have fun and a time to work. I really needed it at the time. Meanwhile the other team continued to get upset at us because we were enjoying ourselves and they were miserable.

Then we have Coach Nogueira’s birthday. He could have gone out and had a great time — after all, it is Las Vegas — but he decided to come to the house and hang out with us. We cooked dinner and baked him a cake which was a pretty good time I was glad I could be a part of it, and you see that it really meant a lot to him. Once again the blue team hated on us for this. Let’s face it, that’s all they know how to do at this point. In the house guys talk, that’s a given, but then Vinny started saying that he was better on the ground than Coach Nogueria!!! Word got out to Nogueira, and he didn’t take to it kindly. Coach confronted Vinny, which caused a big scene around the house. Me personally, I would never say that about any of my coaches because I think that my coach is there to help me; not for me to prove anything.

(All that wisdom, and no primetime TV slot on which to garble it…yet.)

Right away we knew that Al “Stankie” Stankiewicz (aka: Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira’s boxing coach) had a certain magic about him. From his crazy motivational sayings to his semi-coherent ramblings about sardines, the man is straight up charismatic. But the more stories about him that trickle out, the more it’s starting to seem like he is being criminally underused in this season of The Ultimate Fighter. The latest Stank-tastic tale comes from TUF 8 cast member Ryan Bader, who paints a portrait of Stank as a lovable old card getting the most out of his affiliation with Nogueira:

I have a funny story about Al Stankie, who is our older boxing coach. After practice the coaches would go grab something to eat — most of the time without showering and in full Team Nogueira garb, which (I’m pretty sure) they were not supposed to be doing. Stankie had on a rashguard, full TapouT velour red warm-up, a TapouT beanie and a couple long gold chains. They went to The Palms to watch the Lakers vs. Celtics game. Stankie is a big Lakers fan, and when a Celtics fan expressed some joy about his team scoring, Stankie walked over and slapped the guy — with all of our Brazilian coaches looking on in horror. Before the other coaches could grab him, he yelled out, “I am with the heavyweight champion of the world! You want some?” Those of us that saw this understood that this could be Junie’s relative, and maybe that is why he wasn’t kicked off the show yet. Stankie is a great man, and Spike TV should give him his own show.

There are many stories that involve Stankie that I will try to give to you each week. We would all gather around Dan Valverde, one of the assistant coaches, and he would tell us the stories of what Stankie did over the weekend.

Bader also described Stankie as “drunk and funny as ever” when he and Nogueira showed up at the house to try and squash the prank war, which might at least partially explain the disrespect shown by many of the Team Mir fighters.

As for the suggestion that Spike TV should give Stankie his own show, we’re all for it. The fact that Brooke Hogan has her own show and Stankie doesn’t, well, let’s just say it’s a sign that this nation has lost its way.

Junie, Junie, Junie. [*shakes head*]

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter started with the guys peacefully watching UFC 84, you know, just minding their own business. We see several highlights of Lyoto Machida beating up on Tito Ortiz. (So Dana White edits this show too? Impressive.) Inevitably, the evening is ruined by Junie Allen Goddamned Browning, who goes through a few bottles of chardonnay with Shane Nelson. Junie starts screwing with Team Nogueira, throws his drink in Kyle Kingsbury’s face, and then the glass, which breaks and cuts KK’s arm. This creates the major engine in the episode’s drama: Junie becomes convinced that he’s getting kicked out of the house for injuring his housemate, so he might as well self-destruct completely.

Shane Nelson, who “has the alcohol tolerance of a 12-year-old girl,” starts harassing Ryan Bader, then Roli Delgado, then Efrain Escudero; he shoves Roli and Efrain, trying to bait one of them into a fight, but they keep their respective cools. Junie and Shane are the Toxic Twins, feeding off each other’s bullshit, doing their best to out-do the other. They start throwing furniture into the pool.

Eventually, the other guys go outside to observe the damage. Junie gets in K-Sos’s face. “I wish y’all were my size,” he says to the light-heavyweights. K-Sos, the passive-aggressive prankster, gently places Junie’s clothes in the pool after he dives in. When Junie finds them, he’s understandably upset. K-Sos, unlike his last prank on light-heavyweight Ryan Bader, claims ownership for this one. Junie calls him a bitch. K-Sos calmly explains, “You’re the bitch. You are the biggest bitch of them all.” Bader throws Junie’s stuff back in the pool, and Junie drags him in, then kicks Tom LOL’er when him and Bader are pulled out. After a while, he cools off and tells everyone how much he likes them. What a bitch.

(If you look up “pwned” in the dictionary, you’ll see this picture.)

Dana White has revealed to Yahoo! Sports’s Kevin Iole that in addition to the interim heavyweight title match between Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir, UFC 92 will also feature Forrest Griffin defending his light-heavyweight belt against Rashad Evans, and the third battle between Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Wanderlei Silva; the event will go down on December 27th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. Other likely fights include…

Yushin Okami vs. Dean Lister
Cheick Kongo vs. Mustafa Al-Turk
C.B. Dollaway vs. Jorge Rivera
Ryo Chonan vs. Brad Blackburn

Not too shabby so far, though we can’t shake the feeling that it’s still a bit too early for Rampage to be stepping into the cage with his arch-nemesis. That being said, Big Nog by submission in the championship rounds, Griffin by decision, and Silva by TKO in round 2. Feel free to throw in your own early predictions in the comments section…

(G’night, Tom.)

In last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter, teams were picked, hearts were broken, underwear was shrink-wrapped, gallons of alcohol were consumed, and the first light-heavyweight got knocked out of contention. Let’s get to it…

The show starts and Junie is drinking already. We get the first (ever?) glimpse of the TUF liquor closet, where quality is made up for with quantity. K-Sos, despite his intimidating appearance, is presented as one of the good guys of the house — a steak-sharer, not a street-fighter.

Brian McLaughlin and Karn Grigoryan, who sustained nose-fractures in their elimination matches, are slapped with 180-day suspensions from the NSAC and are ordered to go home. They hang around the gym in shock until Dana breaks the silence with “Go ‘head guys, you gotta walk out the door there.” Kyle Kingsbury, who looked sharp in his opening-round loss to Ryan Bader, is brought back to replace Grigoryan. Brian will be replaced by a mystery lightweight who flew home before he could be called back again.

Frank Mir wins the coin toss, and opts for first fighter pick. The picks shake out like this…

Mir: K-Sos, Vinny Magalhaes, Eliot Marshall, Tom Lawlor, Junie Browning, Shane Nelson, Dave Kaplan, George Roop
Nog: Ryan Bader, Shane Primm, Kyle Kingsbury, Jules Bruchez, Phillipe Nover, Efrain Escudero, John “Huggy Bear” Polakowski, Mr. X

(Photo courtesy of MySpace.com/MinotauroBJJ)

This Wednesday at 10 p.m. on Spike TV, Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira begins his duel with Frank Mir on the season premiere of The Ultimate Fighter 8. The two heavyweight jiu-jitsu masters will each lead a team of eight UFC hopefuls (four lightweights and four light-heavyweights), while sizing each other up for their own fight in December; the winner will take on the winner of UFC 91′s Randy Couture/Brock Lesnar match sometime next year. Luiz De Souza chatted with Big Nog on Friday to get his thoughts on his TUF experience and the UFC’s upcoming “heavyweight tournament.”

***

CAGEPOTATO.COM: In some of the past seasons of The Ultimate Fighter, the coaches built up great rivalries. Was there ever any hostility between you and Frank Mir? Did he get on your nerves in any way?
ANTONIO RODRIGO NOGUEIRA: No, there wasn’t much of that; we have a lot of respect for each other. If there were arguments they were between the fighters themselves. I went there to do my job. I went to teach the guys, with the goal of not getting involved in fights with the guys inside the house or from the show, but to train them instead. That was my idea. I did my part and Frank did his. At times I was pissed at some of them because some of the guys were picking fights inside the house, and they would lose their control. There was one who wouldn’t quit picking fights, but overall nothing too major.

What do you think of Frank, as a person and as a fighter?
He is a good fighter, very strong, and he has great jiu-jitsu skills. He is also a very cool and nice guy, but he is my opponent, so I am training to fight him.

What’s your strategy going to be when you fight him in December? Would you rather fight him on the ground or standing?
There isn’t really a strategy; my strategy is to finish him. We don’t really choose if the fight will be standing up or on the ground. Whatever happens I will be ready for it.

After he lost to Forrest Griffin, Quinton Jackson partially blamed his performance on the fact that, because of The Ultimate Fighter, he’d gone 10 months between fights. Are you concerned that your own long layoff will affect your performance?
Well, the last time Frank Mir fought was the last time I fought, so the truth is that we both have the same disadvantage. I really don’t like to go such a long time without fighting; never in my life have I gone without fighting for this long. This does make a difference, but this is my job and I will fight when the day comes.

(Guess who’s coming to UFC 91.)

Captain America is back in the UFC, and he and Dana White are best buds once again. At least, that was the story from White’s end on today’s UFC conference call. You could practically hear the smile on his face as the UFC president announced that his heavyweight champ was back and would face Brock Lesnar in a five-round title fight at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on November 15. While White said the organization still plans to go to Portland, Oregon eventually — the rumored site of UFC 91 — he played down any notion that the event was ever really headed there. As for the intense legal battle with Couture, that’s all water under the bridge now, as far as White’s concerned, and there is no bad blood between them.

“Through this whole thing I never said anything really bad about Randy,” White said. “I think the worst thing I said about him was that he was confused. I like Randy. I always have.”

While both White and Couture repeatedly said they were thankful to have the legal dispute over, Couture sounded a slightly different note, suggesting at times that he’d simply been worn down by the lengthy process.

He described himself as “frustrated by our legal system” and said he was “tired of throwing money around with no end in sight.” He also seemed to have been persuaded by the fact of his own age and the prospect that he might not get to fight any time in the near future if not in the UFC.

“I’m forty-five, and I can’t sit around in courtrooms much longer,” said Couture.

Posted on UFC.com this morning:

Major UFC Announcement Today at 3pm ET
UFC President Dana White will hold a media conference call later today to make a major UFC announcement. The call will take place at 3pm ET/12Noon PT. Check back with UFC.com for the full report.

Yahoo!’s Steve Cofield is fairly certain that the UFC will be formally announcing Randy Couture‘s return to the organization, and that he’ll be facing Brock Lesnar at UFC 91 (November 15th, Portland).

Of course, the last time the UFC made a “major announcement,” it turned out to be Lorenzo Fertitta changing his job title, so who knows. But I trust Cofield, and more importantly, I want to believe. Couture still has a few good fights left in him, and the sooner his lawsuit-induced layoff ends, the better — even if it means his battle to free himself from the UFC was ultimately unsuccessful. And as you might have heard, this doesn’t rule out a fight with Fedor down the road.

Still, it’s too bad Couture’s not facing Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira first. On paper, Brock Lesnar isn’t ready for a fight with the resilient six-time heavyweight champion, and he’ll be in over his head; a tune-up match against a decent wrestler before facing The Natural would have been helpful. Then again, Lesnar could certainly win by smothering Couture for three rounds, in which case Randy’s return fight will be disappointingly dull. And would that make Brock Lesnar the UFC’s official heavyweight champ? Weird, wild stuff.

We’ll update you after the announcement. Keep your fingers crossed.

Rumors that Randy Couture might be headlining UFC 91 in Portland may be extremely far-fetched, but they picked up a little more heat yesterday evening with a report published by MMA Junkie, which said that The Natural is willing to fight once more in the UFC, possibly before the end of the year, as part of an out-of-court settlement with the organization; Couture would want to be completely free of his UFC contract after the fight.

Excited? Don’t be. There’s no indication that the UFC is even considering this offer. We already know that Dana White likes to screw with his fighters as much as possible when they try to leave him. And according to Bloody Elbow’s Michael Rome, Couture’s negotiation tactic is nothing new:

In June, when the UFC was desperate for a London main event replacement for Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture supposedly made an offer to fight Nogueira if he would be allowed to leave and fight elsewhere immediately after. The UFC turned it down. I don’t believe they are any more likely to accept the settlement now, especially with an arbitration decision about to be handed down.

One problem with Couture doing a final sendoff fight in the UFC is that he’s still technically their heavyweight champion, which raises some logistical issues. He probably wouldn’t get to face interim champ Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, because if Couture wins, he leaves the league with the belt — a situation which the UFC goes to great legal lengths to prevent from ever happening. If Randy is allowed back in for one more go — and I’m not saying this will happen, I’m just saying — he’d probably be stripped of his title then set up in a big-name fight against someone like Brock Lesnar. Not only would Couture/Lesnar be a PPV bunker-buster, but as it turns out, Lesnar’s previously rumored next opponent may be on ice for a while. On the latest episode of MMA Live, ESPN The Magazine‘s Ryan Hockensmith reveals that Cheick Kongo is planning to have shoulder surgery soon to correct a problem that had been bothering him even before his last fight against Dan Evensen, and he won’t be able to fight again this year. Sure Cheick, we believe you…

(Admit it, the camera loves him.)

It’s almost time again for everyone’s favorite MMA-themed reality show, Spike TV’s “The Ultimate Fighter.” A lot of you were disappointed to hear that Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir would be coaching this edition, but does that mean you’ll follow through on your empty threats not to watch when the show premieres on September 17?

Season eight is all about the lightweights and light heavyweights, and the official cast was announced today by Sports Illustrated. Yours truly even has an article about what to expect and what to watch for this time around, which you can read and then send me a hateful email about here. As for the cast list, feast your eyes:

LIGHTWEIGHT

Jose Aguilar
Age: 25
MMA Record: 17-3-0
Trains With: Grapplers Edge
Location: Las Cruces, N.M.

Fernando Bernstein
Age: 25
MMA Record: 2-0-0
Trains With: Progressive Martial Arts
Location: San Clemente, Calif.

Junie Allen Browning
Age: 22
MMA Record: 2-0-0
Trains With: Four Seasons Martial Arts
Location: Lexington, Ky.

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In this MMA Rated interview with Heath Herring, he makes it plain that he is not expecting a new and improved Brock Lesnar at UFC 87 this Saturday night. He also seems to think it’s funny that Frank Mir will fight for the heavyweight title next after beating Lesnar, while he beat Cheick Kongo and somehow ends up taking a step back. Maybe the fact that he’s already been beaten three times by the reigning champ played a part in that decision.

Never one to miss a chance at a light-hearted ending (see also: How’s taste my pee-pee-pee and How’s taste my big pee-pee), Ariel Helwani just has to revisit Herring’s infamous staredown knockout of Yoshihiro Nakao at the end of this interview. Herring laughs it off, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t serious about not wanting to be kissed. Just ask Nakao.

(Werdum and Andrei Arlovski throw down at UFC 70.)

As the man responsible for de-hyping both Gabriel Gonzaga and Brandon Vera, Fabricio Werdum is riding high in the UFC’s heavyweight division. And to make sure he doesn’t slip away like Randy, Tim, and Andrei, the UFC has just locked him into a five-fight contract extension, with the promise of an immediate title shot if he wins his next fight. Sweetening the deal is the fact that his next fight might be a cakewalk for the well-seasoned and impossible to finish “Vai Cavalo” — he’ll compete at UFC 90 (October 25th, Chicago), possibly against Junior Dos Santos, a 6-1 vet of various Brazilian shows who’s probably not ready for the UFC yet.

Assuming he wins his next match, Werdum will then face either Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira or Frank Mir, who are expected to fight in late December. Werdum hopes Big Nog comes out victorious, telling Tatame:

“A fight against Minotauro would be like a dream. It would be great for me, because I fought against him at PRIDE and it was a great fight, he deserved the victory, and I want to say that I’m fighting for the belt against Minotauro, probably in March.”

Werdum is referring to his unanimous decision loss to Nogueira at PRIDE Critical Countdown Absolute in July 2006. Following that fight, Werdum choked out Aleksander Emelianenko then moved to the UFC where he lost another unanimous decision to Andrei Arlovski before knocking off Gonzaga and Vera.

Related: Heavyweight Power Rankings

In this NBC Sports video Andrew Falzon from MMA Payout looks at this weekend’s UFC vs. Affliction battle by breaking down the Affliction card and its chances for success against the free Silva vs. Irvin event. Aside from him referring to Tim Sylvia as “Emelianenko’s first real challenge” (um, Nogueira? who beat Sylvia recently? ringing any bells?) he does a great job as an on-camera commentator.

But all this media attention on Affliction and their struggle against the UFC’s counter-programming efforts only makes me wonder if it’s not really helping Affliction get the word out about their event. If the thinking behind putting a free event on Spike TV the very same night is that it will keep casual fans from paying for Affliction, it seems like the UFC also risks drawing attention to the Affliction event as media outlets inevitably run stories on the raison d’être of this UFC show.

That’s not to say those same fans who learn of Affliction by hearing about the UFC’s anti-Affliction show will all shell out the pay-per-view bucks, but it does help put Affliction on the map. Maybe the better tact would be to kill them with silence, though that’s never been Dana White’s way. Especially when it comes to t-shirt guy.

- MMA’s most stereotypical fan located? (MySpace)

- Great Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira mini-documentary (MMA Scraps)

- Anderson Silva is a hungry ninja (Sherdog forums)

- Tito Ortiz takes the phrase ‘playing grab-ass’ literally (Combat Lifestyle)

- Affliction ticket sales not too far behind UFC 86 (MMA Payout)

- No more dancing girls for Elite XC on CBS? (Fight Ticker)

- Matt Brown to fight Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 88 (MMA Mania)

- Man with no nose kidnaps insane woman, local news reporter baffled/amused. (Holy Taco)

- The world’s most expensive six-pack of beer. (Wall Street Fighter)

This Tatame.com.br interview with Anderson Silva has been picking up some heat today over Silva’s statement that Lyoto Machida is the UFC’s true light-heavyweight champion, and that he doesn’t actually intend to make a run at the 205-pound title. (Dana White apparently didn’t get that memo.) The entire article seemed interesting, so we had our new Portuguese-speaking friend Luiz De Souza translate the entire thing for us. Enjoy.

***

Are you in Brazil or Las Vegas?
I’m in Brazil for a little more than a month. I’m here in Rio training.

What do you expect from this fight with James Irvin in the light-heavyweight division?
My training has been going pretty well. It’s a new experience that we are trying to do. I only train with people above my weight class, I have always trained this way. Lets wait and see how it goes. Coming out of my fights alive like I always do is something good, going back to my family is the most important thing. We made a chronogram of training and physical preparation, we studied it with some [knowledgeable] people, and we are going there to put it into practice, to see if everything we trained and innovated will work.

He said that you ran over the people from your weight class, and that he does not fear your game plan and that he will show you the reason why there are weight classes. What do you think of that?
I believe that weight classes exist for that reason, but when I used to fight in PRIDE there wasn’t a category up to 83kg (183lb) only 93kg (205lb), and I always fought in it. But I did not have the same physical and technical qualities I have today. It’s an experiment, we are doing it for many reasons, and one of them is because Dana White asked me to fight, and myself, along with my friends that help me a lot, have decided that it is doable. We’ll see, I will look to do my job like I have been doing regardless of the results, and I am going into it to test myself, to see if I can. If it turns out to be a positive result, it will mean that our experience plus our experiments worked. People own their own mouths, so he can say whatever he wants, and he is right about the reason for weight classes. I did not have the intention of going for this belt, this belt is Lyoto’s and he has proven that. I am going into this fight because I like to fight, I like challenges.

The best highlight video of the week, featuring the world’s greatest lightweights (and Melvin Guillard) laying waste to their opponents. Watch it and take pride in your naturally petite frame. Props to Chris Keller via “CRE” on the UG.

Here’s the PRIDE Bushido 9 fight between Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett and Dokonjonosuke Mishima, in which the Horse quotes Forrest Gump, extolls the virtues of masturbation, tears apart a stuffed animal, and gets subbed with a heel-hook. Props to MMAScraps.

So, you’re not all that excited about seeing Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir coach season eight of “The Ultimate Fighter”, you say? Think it’s going to be just another plodding season of the same crap over and over again? Well, hold on to your butts, MMA fans, because Big Nog is turning up the heat!

From a recent interview with Graciemag.com:

“The mood of rivalry between us is getting strong. We see each other here all the time, and I’ve known his game for awhile. Ever since he submitted Roberto Traven at the UFC, in 2001, he’s been known. But you’ll see: I’m going to be all over him standing, I’m better than him both standing and on the ground.

“In the fight with Sylvia the way to the win was clearly on the ground, but against Mir I’m going to show more of what I’m capable of to the world and my fans. I’ll always respect him as an adversary, of course. Even more so since he’s trained with Demian Maia and Robert Drysdale.”

Boo-yah! You hear that? The rivalry is getting strong! You know, still respectful and professional between both men who will each try and do their best as sportsmen, but a strong rivalry nonetheless! Take that, Ken and Tito. Now you’re all pumped up, right? Right? Guys?

(Props: MMA Mania)

MMA Junkie reports that the UFC and SpikeTV are finalizing details for UFC Fight Night 14, which will take place on September 17th and will lead in to the season premiere of The Ultimate Fighter 8, which beings filming this month. Though no names have been announced yet, the UFC has already begun contacting fighters for UFN 14, which could possibly be held in Florida.

Speaking of TUF 8, the Las Vegas Review-Journal says that the fight between the season’s coaches — UFC interim heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir — will be held “probably on New Year’s weekend.” Oddly enough, nobody from the UFC has told Nogueira yet that he’ll definitely be fighting Mir in his first title defense. “Next week I will have a meeting with the UFC directors in order to find out everything about the reality show,” he said. “Maybe I’ll find about my next fight.”

Nogueira is currently assembling his team of assistant coaches for the show, and has already mentioned Amaury Bitteti and his twin brother Antonio Rogerio as guys you might see in Team Minotauro’s corner. We can only hope Nogueira’s partner at Ultimate MMA shows up once in a while to teach the TUF castmembers crazy shit like this:

Check out 1:53-2:04 for Mir’s literally tight-lipped response. Here’s the general rule: If a person can neither confirm nor deny something, they’re confirming it. We’ll just have to wait for a public announcement to see if we actually scooped the MMA blogosphere on this one…

(Props: MMAMania.)

(“Aim for the one in the middle.”)

Earlier today, we reminded you that a fight between heavyweights Frank Mir and Justin McCully was slated to go down at UFC 86; shortly after, the matchup disappeared from the UFC 86 fight card page. So what happened? Well, if you’ll remember way back to last week, we reported that Mir had signed to be a coach on the eighth season of The Ultimate Fighter, competing against a team led by Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. We stand by that report, but it would also make sense that the UFC would now try to convince Mir and Nogueira to headline UFC 85, which still lacks a credible main event — unless they give up and put the card on SpikeTV for free, in which case Bisping vs. Leben is fine by us. We’ll update you if anything is formally announced.

In other UFC news…

— Charles McCarthy has retired. When I first saw that headline I was like, “OMFG, no more Krazy Horse?!” Then I realized they weren’t talking about Charles Bennett, but about that douche who couldn’t fight nearly as well as he trash-talked vs. Bisping last weekend. Good luck with all your future endeavors…?

— The UFC is reportedly negotiating with FOX for a network TV deal, but is going through their entertainment division as opposed to the sports division, just as it tried to do with CBS and NBC. As MMAPayout writes, “In theory, the promotion would enjoy greater editorial control as an entertainment property, which was reportedly a sticking point in its negotiations with HBO and CBS.”

— Brandon Vera’s one-year goal is to win both the UFC’s heavyweight and light heavyweight titles. After he steamrolls through Nogueira (or whoever, really) and Quinton Jackson (or Forrest?), he plans on buying Rampage a car with a vanity plate that says “LOSER.” Just another sad example of the delusional behavior brought on by extended Norco abuse.

Tim: …basically, Antonio and I are professionals, and we leave it all in the cage. There’s no hard feelings whatsoever, because bottom line, he was the better fighter than me tonight and I respect the hell out of him.
Antonio: Estou cansado, querido.
Tim: Big guy says he’s sleepy! [journalists laugh] Don’t worry, lover. We’ll be home soon.

(Photo props: Sherdog)

We like to think that the only losers in life are the people who never try. So basically, we still feel like we’re big winners despite the fact that nearly everything we claimed in our UFC 81 bonus predictions post turned out to be completely untrue. Let’s take a look at those bonuses, which were reported last night:

Amount
We said: They’d be $40,000 apiece.
What really happened: They were a record-setting $60,000 apiece. Maybe that was done to shut up all the critics who questioned the UFC’s profitability after UFC 80′s weak bonuses were doled out. Maybe the bonus amounts are determined based on geographical proximity to Las Vegas. Who freakin’ knows.

Knockout of the Night
We said: Terry Martin, or possibly Kyle Bradley.
What really happened: Kyle Bradley got annihilated in just 33 seconds by a demonically possessed Chris Lytle, who earned the K.O. bonus; Lytle’s new kamikaze style produced one of the most thrilling moments of the night, and we hope to see more of it in the future. As for Terry Martin, he lost a unanimous decision to Marvin Eastman in “Breaking Point”‘s only untelevised match. We predicted the fight would be wild and exciting; it was not.

Submission of the Night
We said: Ricardo Almeida
What really happened: Almeida did indeed submit Rob Yundt (finally, we catch a break), but Frank Mir’s leglock of Brock Lesnar was far more dramatic, and Mir picked up the 60 grand. The bonus brought Mir’s payday to a total of $140,000 when added to his $40k to-show purse and $40k win bonus.

Fight of the Night
We said: Gleison Tibau vs. Tyson Griffin, or possibly Lesnar vs. Mir.
What really happened: Three-round war? More like three-round snore. (See what we did there?) Tyson Griffin showcased his inability to finish a fight during his unanimous decision victory over Tibau, and the crowd let him know that they were not entertained. We thought Tim Sylvia and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira would hug for five rounds, but Minotauro’s incredible comeback victory in the third was enough to score both men the $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus. Since his guaranteed fight payout is $100,000, Tim Sylvia took home $160,000 after UFC 81, edging out Frank Mir by 20 large — for losing. See, we told you these figures never make sense…

The UFC held a media conference call yesterday to pump up UFC 78, and since I wasn’t around to liveblog it — I know, disappointing, right? — you’ll have to settle for this recap. Dana White, Michael Bisping, Rashad Evans, and Houston Alexander were in attendance, and the audio from the call can be heard here.

Among the revelations…

— Dana White has officially offered Randy Couture a title defense against Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira. The match would fulfill the last fight on Couture’s UFC contract; he isn’t technically in violation of that contract unless he turns the fight down. Couture texted White on Sunday and they are planning to discuss it next week. Nogueira is a former PRIDE heavyweight champion who won his first UFC fight in July via unanimous decision against Heath Herring. Never, ever do a Google Image Search for “Nogueira.”

According to Canvas Chronicle, Tim Sylvia will face Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira at UFC 81 for the vacant heavyweight title. Feel free to harass the Chronicle’s editor Ric Gillespie (ric@canvaschronicle.com) until the bastard reveals his source.