(Don Frye is holding a revolver. Your argument is invalid.) 

These days, Don Frye is less an MMA fighter, more a philosophizer on facial hair, poontang, and the keys to being an alpha male in every given situation that life presents. Don’t get us wrong, Frye will still lay the boots to any hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni who’s asking for it at the drop of a hat, but thanks to our recent “Ask Don” mailbag column, we’ve been lucky enough to set Frye’s legendary MMA status aside and simply pry into his mind in the hopes that maybe some of it will rub off on our measly, pathetic lives. So check out his latest dose of sagacity below, make sure to leave your own questions in the comments section, and then visit DonFrye.com to buy some stuff that will instantly skyrocket your popularity with the ladies.

bgoldstein asks: Don, I heard you were doing some stunt-work recently for a movie. Like, you weren’t in the movie, you were just stunt-manning for some other actor. The fuck is up with that?

I enjoy stunt work. I am paid extra by the theatrical community to do the stunt work instead of acting work. Due to my extraordinary talent, all would forget about Brando, Olivier, and DeNiro when I am performing dialogue and emotions in front of the camera. Can you imagine Don Frye performing emotions in front of the camera? (Ed note: No. No I can not.) 

(“Oh, the coat? Funny story. So there I was, robbing Steven Seagal at gunpoint…”)

After sifting through your brilliant questions — and your idiotic ones — MMA legend Don Frye has graced us with the first installment of his mailbag column on CagePotato. Read his wisdom below, and please lay down your own questions in the comments section. If he answers your question in a future column…well, you won’t be getting a prize or anything, but it’ll be the closest you come to greatness. Enjoy, and visit DonFrye.com for all your Don Frye needs.

danomite asks: Where the hell did you get those American flag trunks?
My mother-in-law made them and it was so exhausting that she had to retire from the fight shorts making business. The shorts were made from the flag Teddy Roosevelt waved charging up San Juan Hill. The flag was a gift to her personally because she was the horse that carried him.

johnny6pack asks: The eye gouge you suffered against Gilbert Yvel was the worst one this side of Kevin Burns getting his retina ripped out by Anthony Johnson. [Ed. note: You got that one backwards, but okay.] Good on ya for keepin’ on with the fight. Did you ever try to get a rematch to kick his sorry cheatin’ ass? Also, how bad was the injury post-fight?
There was never a rematch. The eyes healed in a matter of a few days, as eyes heal quickly, mine just heal faster than anybody else. I was back in the strip club hours later rehabbing my eyes.

(Right back atcha, buddy!)

CagePotato.com — the site that brought you “Ask Gary,” “Ask Dan,” and “Ask Carmen” — is pleased to announce our next celebrity correspondent. We’ve secured the talents of legendary MMA brawler/actor/commentator/relationship counselor Don Frye for a weekly interview series that will begin later this month. And we’re going to try* it a little different this time; instead of a written mailbag column, we’re going to organize an interactive video podcast where you can ask Don questions yourself, face to face.

But first, let’s seed this little garden with some questions to start off with. If you have anything you’d like to ask Don, please toss your questions in the comments section below. From his early UFC career, to his classic battles in Japan, to his beef with Dana White, to his alleged sexual assault of Rob Schneider, nothing is off limits. Thanks so much, and brace yourselves. More details about our Ask Don broadcasts will arrive next week. In the meantime, follow check out Don’s official web site, thepredatordonfrye.com.

* Pending our own technological capabilities. I mean, you remember how shaky this kind of thing was last time.