(Props: nacejfa via CagePotato reader Ed S.)

Here we have the trailer for The Great Fight, which is about an autistic savant (and state-capital buff) who discovers he has inborn MMA skills. When he whups up on some school bullies, their sensai (yeah) makes it a personal mission to smash him and his coach. It’s like The Karate Kid meets Rain Man meets somebody’s half-assed student film project.

Look, I want to take this movie seriously. Robert Loggia‘s in it, for God’s sake. But then you show me the John Kreese-knockoff villain* who looks like he just came from a gig with his Village People tribute act — acting as his own representation in the courtroom scene! — and Loggia growling in the kid’s face, and the audience of seat-fillers during the climactic fight (1:59-2:00), who are clearly bored off their asses. Warrior, it ain’t.

* According to IMDb, Martin Kove, the actor who played John Kreese, is actually in this movie. And so is Joyce DeWitt, best known as Janet from Three’s Company. Let that be a warning to all you young, aspiring actors. It can all go away so fast, and this is the kind of shit you’ll need to do to pay the bills.

(Vid: YouTube/DEMusicGroup)

Alright, we take back all those jokes we made about people who think the world will end in 2012. The apocalypse is clearly upon us, as it has just come to our attention that Arianny Celeste apparently fancies herself some kind of singer now. Just let that news sink in for a moment before reading on … We knew she dabbled, but surely these new apparently professional aspirations can only mean the end of western civilization as we know it, right? I mean there are bad ideas, and then there is the fucking Titanic. There is the Hindenburg. There is leading your army into Russia in the dead of winter. Allowing this attractive, halfway famous girl who has no doubt always considered herself pretty good at karaoke to think she can try her hand at making actual “music” ranks right up there with the worst of them.

Nonetheless, there’s our beloved AC starring in the above video, introducing a “sneak peek” of her “debut single” titled “Fight to Love Me” (Get it? Because she’s a UFC Octagon girl …) which she promises will be out soon with the help of something called the DE Music Group. At first, we thought it must be a joke. The lyrics here are (naturally) cartoonishly bad, the “beat” sounds like somebody made it on a hacked version of some Russian production software from the 80s and if you don’t squint a little bit and lean away from the computer every time she tries to hit a high note, well, you don’t have your speakers turned up loud enough.