Props: Twitter (@JacobVolkmann)

A few days ago, we tried to warn Jacob Volkmann that it might not be in his best interest to continue to market himself as “that UFC fighter who hates Obama and got punked by the Secret Service”. It’s a stupid thing to take pride in, and we can’t help but feel that it fuels the whole “MMA fighters are stupid and violent” stereotype that many detractors carry. And frankly, Volkmann hasn’t been finishing his real fights, so it’s hard to suspend our disbelief when we hear him talk about how he’d rip the president’s arm with a Kimura.

Well, Jacob Volkmann now has some extra time to either take our advice or write better jokes, as he has been placed on administrative leave from his coaching job at White Bear Lake High School. This is the second time that the school has placed Volkmann on administrative leave for his comments about the president. The first came after his infamous comments after UFC 125, which also earned him a visit from the Secret Service.

We realize that administrative leave must be frustrating, but it’s confusing to hear Jacob Volkmann call the move “unethical”. The last time Volkmann was disciplined by White Bear Lake High School for his comments, the school explained why he was placed on leave and what was expected of Volkmann in future interviews. As Ariel Helwani reported:

Jacob Volkmann is a man of many faces; he is an excellent, if somewhat frustrating grappler, a small business owner, and someone who knows how to pick a nickname. But among those faces, you will not likely see Volkmann donning “the fight finisher” or “the comedian” anytime soon. If you, like Joe Rogan and the few audience members present for his decision victory over Efrain Escudero at UFC 141, didn’t find Jacob Volkmann’s “glassectomy” bit to be all that amusing, then you weren’t alone. Lucky for us, our buddies over at MiddleEasy were able to catch up with “Christmas” recently, and allowed him to clarify his statement:

 I heard that joke when I was six years old. ‘Glassectomy’ is when they cut your belly button out, put a piece of glass in there, and when you have your head up your butt so you can see where your going.

We guess that it’s just one of those “you had to be there” kind of jokes. Then again, we’re glad we weren’t there the day that one of the Volkmann clan opted to have this procedure carried out. But apparently one visit from the Secret Service was not enough to convince Volkmann that he might want to tone down the threats aimed at the leader of the free world, because when questioned on the specifics of his beef with Obama (and what he would do to him in a fight), Volkmann had the following to say:

(Little known fact: War’s mother’s name is Game Machine.)

War Machine’s latest big house blog is up and according to the incarcerated fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver, pretty much everything we think we know is a lie.

The TUF 6 vet is gearing up for his final few months behind bars in county jail, and as such, has brushing up on his current events in the news. According to the beleaguered fighter, everything that he’s read lately, from Barry Bonds’ steroid trial to Bin Laden’s alleged death  is carefully propagated government bullshit.

Check out the latest instalment of Deep Thoughts with War Machine after the jump.

(“Obama-Kun is like a son to me.”)

Our friends over at FilmDrunk.com took this exclusive photo during last night’s White House press conference in which President Obama announced that the CIA had located and killed U.S. public enemy number one, Osama bin Laden.

(Volkmann got Obama’ed on The Tonight Show)

Jacob Volkmann will likely think twice next time about cracking a joke about wanting to ground and pound the Commander in Chief of the United States.

The UFC lightweight, who made headlines when the Secret Service paid him a visit to question him about post-UFC 125 comments he made about wanting to go a few rounds with President Barack Obama so he could show him what he thought of his healthcare policy.

It now appears that the tongue-in-cheek soundbite he fed Ariel Helwani got him more than just a spot on The Tonight Show and Fox Business News. 

Volkmann was informed this week that he has been temporarily suspended with pay from his assistant wrestling coach position he has held for the past several years at White Bear Lake Area High School, pending an investigation of his remarks about Obama by the school administrators.

The 30-year-old Minnesota chiropractor who owns his own practice also serves as the volunteer head coach of the town’s elementary school wrestling team, but was told that his non-paid coaching position was not at risk.

Jacob Volkmann vs Barack Obama (with: Ariel Helwani, presented by: Jay Leno) from starglide1 on Vimeo.

(Kingmaker. Lip-licker.)

…at least according to our friends at AskMen who released their Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2010 list today. Although the UFC president placed a lot higher last year, White’s #32 ranking puts him ahead of such notable males as Justin Timberlake (#33) and Kobe Bryant (#45). Unfortunately, he’s still two spots behind the freaking Old Spice Dude.

To determine the rankings, over 500,000 votes were cast by AskMen readers, who were asked to decide "which male figures have made the biggest impact, and ultimately, shaped what it means to be a modern man in 2010." Of course, when you leave this sort of thing up to popular vote, the results always wind up a little disassociated from logic. For example, President Barack Obama is only the 21st most influential man this year (down from #3 last year). James Franco is #7. Sure. Why not.

To see this year’s full "Influential Men" list and find out who ended up at #1, click here.

 
Props to Fightlinker for screen-capping the latest dose of brilliance from War Machine‘s infamously retarded MySpace blog/bulletins, for the benefit of those of us who aren’t subscribed. Basically, he calls President Obama a "rich white guy," a "rich faggot," and says that Obama is not one of "THE PEOPLE." Also, he kind of implies that someone should assassinate him. (Secret Service, are you getting all this?) Sounds like a classic case of Nader-supporter sour grapes. But wait, there’s more:

That’s a good start, War, but we’d also add:
1) Fuck a Cheney for showing up to yesterday’s inauguration looking like a broke-ass Jeffrey Lebowski.
2) Fuck a Palin for not bringing in the LARPer vote.
3) Fuck a Jon Koppenhaver for legally changing his name to War Machine then venting idiotic hostility via his MySpace page like some high-school fat girl.
4) Fuck a War Machine’s parents for not hugging him enough as a child.

Previously: WAR QUINN!!!

(“The belt, the flannel, and the bible — only these three things are sacred.” Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

In an effort to get more of you bastards walking around as human billboards for CagePotato.com, we’re going to start giving away CP “Hall of Fame” t-shirts to our two favorite comments of the week. (Well, out of the ones we actually read, at least.) This week’s honorees are:

Krazy Kracker on “Paulo Filho Has No Excuse”: This is no laughing matter you guys. Earlier tonight Filho was complaining of chest pains and was rushed to the nearest emergency room. After several tests doctors have comfirmed that instead of a heart, Paulo has a gigantic clitoris pumping pure estrogen through his veins. The flow of estrogen can only be slowed by wearing sleeveless flannel shirts and resting on your back once every minute. Usually cutting weight is no problem if he can time his fights into that five day window all clitoris owners have once a month, where he can purge himself of roughly ten pounds of pesky blood, but Hurricane Ike threw a wrench in his plans. Without being whipped into a PMS induced rage, we saw his true colors… a typical moody bitch, yelling at someone to do chores from the other room, looking for rich men to lay at MMA events and falling into missionary position whenever a man gets within three feet. A sad day for the sport indeed. According to Filho’s manager “All we need is four days, a lot of chocolate, sweatpants and a copy of Sleepless in Seattle and Paulo will be back in the cage the THIRD week of any month you’d like.”

(Photo courtesy of LOL @ McCain via CP reader Steven B.)

Obama def. McCain via Split Decision. Get out all your analysis, gloating, and whining in the comments section below so this country can finally move forward.

Related: Matt Lindland got blown out in his Oregon State Representative contest with Suzanne VanOrman. So, not a good night for Republicans overall.

Maybe you don’t know this because you spend all day on the internet reading about pro fighting and watching old Pride highlight videos, but today is election day in America. It’s kind of a big deal. So much so that it even reaches over into the insular world of mixed martial arts, at least for a few hours.

Today Sherdog has an article that asks some notable fighters and trainers who they’re voting for. The answers are as varied as you’d expect from a group of MMA types. Chuck Liddell is voting for McCain because he’s rich and doesn’t want his taxes raised. His trainer, John Hackleman, is undecided, but he’s definitely voting against California’s Proposition 8 (a ban on gay marriage), because he’s got two fighters who are “half-gay.” Eddie Bravo isn’t voting at all because voting is an illusion and both candidates are working for the Illuminati. Thanks, Eddie. Things were getting a little too sane around here.

Just to prove how big time he is, yesterday Steve Cofield interviewed Barack Obama and asked him about, among other things, Matt Hughes’ criticisms of him. Obama responded that Hughes obviously hasn’t actually read his tax plan (no, Matt, watching Fox News doesn’t count as reading).

Fortunately, Matt Hughes has posted another screed, this time an editorial for a local newspaper written by friends of his. The newspaper did not publish it in their print edition, but Hughes is kind of enough to re-post it on his website, a portion of which appears after the jump.

(Swaying the important ground-and-pound voter block.)

Former UFC champ Matt Hughes received the prestigious Yale Chubb Fellow this week, which he described as, “just an award for being who you are and standing up for what you believe is right.” That’s one way of putting it, though it wouldn’t explain why Queen Latifah has yet to receive the award.

A slightly different description comes from Time magazine — “the prestigious fellowship was endowed by Insurance Executive Hendon Chubb (’95) to encourage student interest in public affairs” — but then that doesn’t explain why Hughes got it. Other recipients include Harry Truman, Jesse Jackson, Maya Angelou, and Adlai Stevenson. How Hughes fits in there, I have absolutely no clue.

Anyway, they brought him to Yale and gave him some money, which he then gave to the Rancho 3M Christian orphanage, so something good came out of it.

Hughes also discusses the presidential election in his recent blog entry. We already knew he was voting for John McCain, but here he takes some time to explain why, perhaps to sway those mythical undecided voters we keep hearing about. After the jump, the political endorsement that could turn the tide of the election.

(‘Wish a motherf*cker would start some trouble in here.’)

So you were planning on going to protest the Democratic National Convention in Denver next week, but you’re worried about getting your ass kicked and possibly tear-gassed? Don’t even sweat it, man. Protest group Recreate ’68 has got your solution: learn some MMA.

Denver’s Gumm Mixed Martial Arts Academy (owned and operated by “two-time UFC veteran” Brad Gumm, who once beat Joe Stevenson…and then lost the subsequent rematch) is opening its doors to the protesters to help them learn some fighting skillz before it all goes down in the streets of Denver. Now try and tell me that MMA isn’t mainstream.

From DNC Disruption ’08 (via Fight Opinion):

Gumm Mixed Martial Arts Gym has provided an incredible opportunity for supporters of R-68. There will be many counter-protesters who will be accompanying us at the convention. An ounce of preparation for the worst possible scenario is a valuable and strategic move to ensure your personal safety.

Nothing would please me more than to turn on the news coverage of the DNC next week and see protesters triangle choking each other in the streets. Then, just when it turns into a chaotic, but highly technical Battle Royal, Barack Obama will have to come outside and start knocking people out with his patented Superman punch just to restore order. That’s executive power I can get behind.

From MMA.tv via Bloody Elbow:

From: IRONHAUS
Date: 01/06/08 03:59 AM
Member Since: 10/24/2002
787 Total Posts Ignore User

I just thought I’d let everyone know. I’m not really into politics but I have a family member that’s involved with Barack’s campaign. I asked her what Barack’s views were on MMA. So, she asked one of his campaign managers the question. He said that “although he disagrees with steroid use in any sport he really enjoys and supports MMA”. I just thought I’d let everyone know. At least we have someone that high in government that supports our sport rather than be against it.

From: THP
Date: 01/06/08 04:03 AM
Member Since: 08/27/2007
312 Total Posts Ignore User

Barrack Obama sucks and won’t be president.

So, if you’re still undecided as to which candidate you’ll be supporting in the primaries, consider the junior Senator from Illinois. Of course, he could be just another bandwagon jumper…