(Kimbo Slice works the pads in preparation for UFC 113 and talks about Meathead being a Meathead. Props: YouTube.com/UFC) 

Bas Rutten travels to the Far East to learn the secret of the Seven Crane Kick. There were no survivors. (Tokyo Five)

UFC Preview Show With Pat Barry (MMAFighting)

Dana White vows to make up for UFC 112 with the fans (MMAJunkie)

Brazilians Weigh in on Machida-Rua II (Tatame)

UFC Lightweight Champ, Frankie Edgar Dogged by Win (TorontoSun)

UFC 113 MMA Live Special (Sherdog)

Silva to vacate title and move to 205 if he beats Sonnen and Belfort 
(MMAJunkie)

DFW’s UFC 113 video blog #1 (YouTube/UFC)

World’s Strongest Man Wins at KSW 13 (MMAFighting)

Paul Taylor Out, Canadian Newcomer  Holst in Against Gunderson at TUF 11 Finale (MMAJunkie)

Beatles-Zombie movie in the works (ScreenJunkies)

10 Indie Awesome Comedies You Missed (MadeMan)

25 Worst Moms Ever (HolyTaco)

Model Denise Milani (Chickipedia)

Nascar Skydiver Crashes (AllLeftTurns)

British Political Hopeful Beats Up Hoodlums on the Campaign Trail (NothingToxic)

Asylum Round-Up: Naked News and Bizarre Piercings (Asylum)

Jack Nicholson Bitches Out a Ref (ScoresReport)

If you watched that video of Bas Rutten beating up an entire cooking show, you may have thought to yourself, "My, I wish I had that handsome white t-shirt with the devil’s face and strange words at the top." (Come on, at least one of you must have thought that.) The shirt in question is known as the "Five Principles", one of the standout designs from Tokyo Five, an apparel company that specializes in jeans as well as custom tees for MMA fighters like Matt Serra and Gabriel Gonzaga. T5 was cool enough to hook us up with a few of those Five Principles shirts, which we’re going to give away to you, our beloved readers. Well, maybe not give away; you’ll have to work for them. Specifically, you’ll have to come up with hilarious captions to the photo after the jump…

As much as we were hoping that this Bas Rutten video thing was a 42-part series from Fight Magazine, they seem to have reached a zenith with this video.  It’s titled "El Guapo Likes to Dance," after a song that Bas says he wrote.  "Stairway to Heaven" it ain’t, but it’s catchy and the accompanying footage also proves that it’s true.  Our prediction?  You will mock this video at first and then go about your day thinking nothing of it.  Then, about four hours from now when you’re doing the last of your frantic Christmas shopping at the dollar store, you’ll catch yourself singing it and bopping your head along with the beat.  That’s when you’ll look up and see everyone watching you, horrified and yet transfixed.  

For more of Rutten’s world, go here.  After the jump, the Mike Goldberg highlight reel that tells you everything you need to know.

Fight Magazine has put out another video from their pleasant afternoon in the hills with Bas Rutten, and just like the last one, it makes for a gripping couple of minutes.  This time Rutten talks about his career as a bouncer, and it turns out he was pretty much the real-life version of Dalton from "Roadhouse."  Thanks to his people skills, he was able to avoid violence most of the time.  But Rutten knows that you can only be nice until it’s time to not be nice, and then you have to smash somebody’s head against a slot machine.

After the jump, a video that proves Alistair Overeem is as strong as he looks.  Because of all that horse meat.  And nothing else.

(Props: Fight Magazine)

Most of the time when people begin sentences with the phrase, "Funny story…" the one thing you can count on is that you’re about to hear a story that is only funny in the eyes of its teller.  That is, except when the teller is Bas Rutten.  When "El Guapo" begins sentences that way, what usually follows is a story about someone getting badly beat up, and usually that story will be oddly funny in a violently bizarre way. 

For instance, in this case Rutten tells a tale about how he went from being a sickly kid who got picked on to a neighborhood terror who hunted down former bullies in order to give them their comeuppance.  Then he and some friends are hanging out at a bar where a strange woman gets knocked unconscious into Rutten’s arms and, as it often does in these situations, hilarity ensues.  You know, after somebody punched a woman.  Don’t worry, I’m sure she was okay.  Well, not okay, but you get the point.

Barely related: Ten Things "Roadhouse" Taught Us About Fighting

The temptation to keep fighting until you’re nothing more than a broken-down shell of your former self can be an overpowering one. Somehow, these men managed to resist it…

BAS RUTTEN

(Rutten vs. Kevin Randleman, UFC 20, 5/7/99)

Though he’s better-known these days as the barely coherent host of Inside MMA and part-time children’s fitness coach, Bas Rutten’s legendary run as a professional fighter ended in 22 consecutive fights without a loss. After knocking off such MMA pioneers as Frank Shamrock (twice), Maurice Smith (twice), and Guy Mezger during his five-year stint in Pancrase, Rutten joined the UFC where he won their vacant heavyweight title in his second Octagon appearance (a split decision over Kevin Randleman at UFC 20). But while preparing for his next fight, Rutten suffered serious injuries to his knee and biceps, and was forced to retire from the sport.

Bas landed on his feet, though – his ongoing commentary gig for PRIDE as well as acting roles kept him busy until he decided he was healthy enough for one last dance around the cage, seven years later. Originally booked to fight Kimo Leopoldo at WFA: King of the Streets in July 2006, Rutten instead faced Ruben “Warpath” Villareal when Leopoldo pissed hot for Stanozolol two days before the fight. The beating was so lopsided that it eventually became featured in a CagePotato Video Tribute. With that last challenge conquered, El Guapo rode off into the sunset for good, an undefeated UFC champion who hadn’t tasted defeat in over 11 years. Party on, indeed.

GENKI SUDO

(Sudo vs. Damacio Page, Premium 2006 Dynamite!!, 12/31/06)

Genki Sudo’s brilliance didn’t end with his unforgettable ring entrances; he was also one of the most skilled submission specialists to ever heel-hook a fat guy. The Neo-Samurai was innovative even when it came to retirement: At the height of his popularity, following a first-round triangle-choke victory over Damacio Page at Premium 2006 Dynamite!!, Sudo announced to the shocked Tokyo Dome crowd that his days as a fighter were over. At that point, he’d won eight of his last nine matches — including victories over Mike Brown, Royler Gracie, and Hiroyuki Takaya — making him one of the only MMA fighters to ever retire in his prime. Sudo now spends his time as a wrestling coach, author, and J-pop star. You know, normal retiree stuff.

("…moooooooorrrrrrrre brreeeeeaaaaaaasssssst miiiiiiiiilllllllk…")

Props to Fightlinker for unearthing this absolutely amazing baby picture of Brock Lesnar, proving once and for all that Lesnar arrived in this world enormous, ornery, and ready to consume everything in his path. (Not pictured: The tiny pacifier tattoo on his chest.) Check out that Krang-esque head-shape; my God, his poor mother. More awesome pics of MMA fighters as youngsters after the jump…

#10: Shinya Aoki’s Flying Guard Pull/Japanese Backpack

(Aoki vs. Cavalcante and Moore, respectively.)

When you fight Aoki you know he wants to get things to the ground, and he knows that you know it.  Takedowns and sweeps can be hard to come by against an opponent looking to defend them and almost nothing else, so Aoki has had to find other , more creative ways of getting the fight where he wants it, even getting thrown and briefly mounted from time to time.  One of our favorite maneuvers is his flying guard pull.  It may look silly, but more often than not you’re coming down with him and playing the ground game.  If you defend that, he can always jump on you from behind like a kitschy Japanese backpack.  Think "Hello Kitty," only way more dangerous. 

#9: Matt Hughes‘ Slam

(Hughes KO slams Newton at the 1-minute mark, Frank Trigg gets his at 3:20.)

When wrestlers first emerged as a dominant force in MMA they faced an obvious problem: nothing in their background had prepared them to finish fights.  In the UFC, pinning dudes will just get you boos and a call for action from Big John, so you’d better come up with something else.  Matt Hughes did, and that something was his farmboy slam.  He knocked Carlos Newton out with it at UFC 34, and used it as a staple in his game for years.  Even if it was rarely as effective in ending fights as it was against Newton, it still looked cool when he walked across the cage with an opponent on his shoulder like a sack of flour, and it sure got the fans fired up, like it did in Hughes’ dramatic comeback victory against Frank Trigg at UFC 52.

(Will brawl for food.)

Now that Strikeforce is getting its Pro Elite ducks in a row, we’re all wondering what, if anything, they’ll decide to do with Kimbo Slice.  He was an undeniable draw for EliteXC, but he also came with a hefty price tag that was maybe, just maybe, not justified by his performance in the cage, particularly in his last fight against Seth Petruzelli.

Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker seems sympathetic to the plight of the internet brawler, but perhaps not so much that he’s willing to keep paying him the six-figure salary Pro Elite did:

“I think that if you look back at the past, he could have been built up to have the fights that he needed to face the Seth Petruzellis of the world and be successful, but he wasn’t given the opportunity,” said Coker. “When I look at Kimbo, I don’t look at it as his fault. He was in a ‘no win’ situation.”

Kimbo’s manager, “Icey” Mike Imber, indicated that while he wasn’t enthusiastic about a pay-cut for his fighter, he’d consider it rather than keep him out of action indefinitely.  But one thing’s for sure, Bas Rutten will not be training Slice.  Ever.

(Props: BloodyElbow)

Though it won’t be televised in the U.S. for some inexplicable reason, the UFC taped a "Countdown" special for #93 that is airing in the U.K. on Setanta Sports and on UFC.com. Here’s part one, which covers the long-awaited meeting of Rich Franklin and Dan Henderson. 8:56-9:33 is pretty priceless; Ace seems to be taking interview cues from the Forrest Griffin school of deadpan humor. You can check out parts 2-5 on the UFC Direct Videos YouTube channel for more pre-fight trash-talk, as well as the origin story of Mauricio Rua and the improbable comeback story of Mark Coleman.   

(Props: TheGARV)

Even though TUF 9 still hasn’t locked down their Team U.S. coach, Dana White reveals in his new video blog that taping of the first two episodes is already kicking off at Wolfslair Academy. Also, this Wednesday will see the premiere of UFC Primetime, the hype-show for St. Pierre vs. Penn 2. (Also known as "The Baddest Motherfucking Countdown Show You Will Ever See.") Now that that’s out of the way, we can focus on the action — a wild, driving vs. walking race through the streets of Manhattan, Dana making an appearance at a SpikeTV conference (notice how unamused he looks when he’s introduced to the crowd with a highlight reel of him dropping F-bombs), editing of the aforementioned Primetime special, a visit to Pinkberry, and a glimpse inside Wolfslair before the elimination fights.

Bonus, after the jump: Mike Tyson’s ill-fated appearance as an MMA ref at a World Cage Fighting Championships event in March 2006. I have to say, that first stand-up due to inactivity on the ground might have been a little premature… 

The best reason to tune in to HDNet’s Inside MMA has always been to watch Bas Rutten act like a spastic, free-associative maniac. The above clip from the show’s "Best of 2008" episode collects Bas’s craziest moments, from his heroin-addict pantomimes to his beloved Tony Montana impression. If him and Robin Williams ever met, the world might explode. Check out the latest episode this Friday at 9 p.m., as Renato Sobral, Vitor Belfort and Carlos Condit join Bas and Kenny in the studio.

Here’s the extended trailer for UFC 94: St. Pierre vs. Penn 2 (January 31st, Las Vegas). BJ Penn delivers the money line in their segment: "If Jon Fitch reminds [St. Pierre] of the Terminator, he’s gonna think I’m God." Later, in the Lyoto vs. Thiago segment, Dana White cackles about how Tito Ortiz couldn’t land anything on Machida in his last fight, while Rogan gets enthusiastic about Machida’s karate skills. We also get to hear Machida pronounce "with Tito" as "wiffa Cheeto," which is always good for a laugh.

After the jump: Mark Coleman says he’ll have a strength advantage against Mauricio Rua at UFC 93, while Rua looks forward to showing the Hammer what a healthy Shogun is capable of.

ESPN’s "MMA Live" crew talks with the winners from UFC 92, and Kenny Florian lends his voice to the growing criticism of referee Steve Mazzagatti, saying that he hopes Mazzagatti got some glasses for Christmas, since some of his calls have been dangerously late, calling it "a consistent thing" at around the 36:30 mark.  They also come to a consensus that C.B. Dollaway tapped against Mike Massenzio, though Florian calls it a good escape.

And in this Inside MMA preview, the gang recounts their favorite viewer emails, including one that leads Bas Rutten into a story about getting hit in the head with a spiked baseball bat.  Is it me, or does Rutten’s life pre-MMA stardom remind anyone else of a European version of "Road House?"

(Props: MMA Scraps)

Because we could all use at least a momentary break from the aftermath of Brock vs. Randy, here’s the stunning conclusion of the video-war between Bas Rutten and comedian/Canadian MTV host Daryn Jones, which began with some good-natured parody and escalated beyond anybody’s control. Anyway, they decided to put their differences aside and spend a day hangin’ in Toronto, culminating with a very cathartic trip to see The Women. Best part: Daryn asks Bas for advice about this chick he likes who seems to be into another guy. Bas suggests, “you just grab any kind of knife, kitchen knife, you just stab him in the liver, and he’ll bleed to death on the inside.”

After the jump, the 11/15 edition of Dana White’s video blog, where BJ Penn advises GSP on how to dress for the beach, Dana White prowls backstage during UFC 91, Jorge Gurgel shows up looking appropriately bummed after his fight, Brock Lesnar has an awkward encounter with 50 Cent, and Junie Browning shows up to talk about the pitfalls of being a reality star.

In the latest episode of Inside MMA, the gang discusses UFC 91 with Randy Couture. Based on his comments here, as well as the video of his training, Couture seems to think all there is to beating Lesnar is getting used to dealing with a big, heavy guy. Maybe he’s right. Then again, maybe the reason there’s only one Brock Lesnar is because few human beings are that big and also that athletic. I suppose we’ll find out.

Couture (along with TapouT’s Mask and the UFC’s Mike Swick) also discuss the Fedor Emelianenko-Andrei Arlovski bout, as well as the prospects of Couture-Fedor. They aren’t good, in case you’re wondering.

This episode of Inside MMA is worth watching purely to get to the point where Renzo Gracie begins talking about the perils of being a pro fighter with daughters. He tells a story that’s so awesome, I don’t even care whether or not it’s true. I’m not going to ruin the story by recapping it for you, but you can skip to around the 26:40 mark to see it for yourself.

If you’re curious, you can also see a scene from the “Renzo Gracie: Legacy” documentary at the 24:30 mark. I almost forgot about what Renzo did to poor Oleg Taktarov. Now I remember though, even if Oleg doesn’t.

Inside MMA welcomes “Sugar” Rashad Evans, Bobby Lashley, and Dave Meltzer. Here’s a quick taste in this preview video. Right off we’re talking about “evisceration,” which is a fun start, and Bas Rutten asks Kenny Rice, “Did you see that movie Braveheart?” This prompted me to ask, is there anyone on earth who hasn’t seen it by now? It’s more ubiquitous on TV than Remember the Titans.

Below we’ve got Brandon Vera basking in the glory of his fame in the Phillipines. Looks like Dana White wasn’t joking when he said that the UFC was even more mainstream there than they are in the U.S. Props to MMA Payout.

After the jump, Nevada State Athletic Commissioner Keith Kizer gives his thoughts of the EliteXC controversy.

(Props: MMA Scraps)

I’ll assume that by now you’ve all watched and re-watched Bas Rutten’s infamous bar-fight self-defense video dozens and dozens of times. Well, a Canadian comedian/MTV Live host named Daryn Jones has also seen it, and he put together a series of parodies spoofing the sadism and matter-of-fact delivery that made the original so beloved. His first clip is above; you can watch parts 2-4 here.

So, whatever, good for a chuckle. Problem is, Bas Himself has seen the clips (!!!), and he’s none too pleased. His video response is below. Hope it was worth it, funny man — you’re now on Bas’s dangada-dangada list. But besides the obvious lesson of you don’t mess with El Guapo, we also learn a couple more things in the video: 1) Rutten likes to drink pond scum, straight up. 2) His Tony Montana impression is shockingly good for a Dutchman. Enjoy.

Unrelated hilarity after the jump.

(Clearly, this man has much to teach us all.)

Let’s not kid ourselves, the San Francisco 49ers suck. No disrespect, Niners fans, but you know it’s true. They haven’t had a winning season since 2002 and they won just five games last year. They are, in a word, shitty. So what do you do to right the ship if you’re head coach Mike Nolan? Simple, you call on “El Guapo” to help you out.

According to the San Jose Mercury News, Bas Rutten dropped by 49ers training camp to give a motivational speech about how not to be a total pussy:

Rutten, 43, was born in the Netherlands and joked that he doesn’t understand a thing about football unless his friends are there to explain the rules.

“Fighting is easy to understand,” Rutten said. “You just hit the guy as hard as you can.”

But at the invitation of Coach Mike Nolan, the fighter said he planned to teach the 49ers a philosophy he considers universal to all sports.

“My message to them is about how to mentally deal with things,” Rutten said. “Some of what I talk about will be conditioning of the body, but my belief is that everything starts with the mind. You win a fight not with your strength but with your mind.”

Apparently Rutten isn’t the only non-traditional motivational speaker to visit the Niners lately. Former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer gave a talk to the team about how to screw with the press. We don’t know exactly what Bas had to say to the them, but I think it’s safe to assume that we’ll see way more liver shots from the 49ers this year. You can’t argue with what works.

(Props: Steve Cofield)

Pro fighter/bikini model Michelle “The Karate Hottie” Watterson will make her EliteXC debut on the untelevised undercard of their September 20th Showtime broadcast. You can get to know her better by watching this video of her posing in bikinis and doing high kicks; thanks, Fightlinker.

Sometimes the most badass guys are the ones you’d least expect — for example, the short, skinny, possibly Hispanic man in the above video with the insane fu-manchu mustache. Who knew he’d have that kind of upkicking prowess? (See the 2:28 mark). By the way, if anybody can figure out what he’s saying at 1:18, 1:23, 1:27, and 1:32, please let us know. Bas Rutten, you’ve just been served. Mad props to our buds at Holy Taco.

Here’s a clip from the Rob Schneider comedy Big Stan featuring Don Frye, Bob Sapp, and Randy Couture. If we remember Couture for nothing else, let’s remember him for the line he delivers at 3:28. Props to “Card” on the UG.

Bonus awesomeness after the jump…

A funny thing happened while Ariel Helwani and I were interviewing Chris Lytle about his upcoming bout with Josh Koscheck at UFC 86. Lytle was at the firehouse, where he works as — surprise — a fireman, and in the middle of the interview he calmly explained that he had to go because there was a fire that needed fighting. As interviews go, that was a first. He came back later and explained what had happened, and also explained what it’s like to be fighting fires just a few days before fighting for the UFC. If that kind of thing interests you, head over to MMA Rated to listen to the radio show. The Lytle interview starts at around the thirty-five minute mark. Yeah, it’s basically a half-hour of us arguing over stuff up until then. That’s what happens when you don’t have a real job.

If that kind of thing doesn’t interest you, then maybe this will. Bas Rutten appeared on ESPN’s “MMA Live” to demonstrate the aptly-named “Exorcist” neck crank. It looks…unpleasant.

Hey all; just got back from Newark, and boy is my t-shirt sweaty. Lots to talk about, of course, but I first wanted to share this highlight from the post-event press conference. As the fighters trickled in one-by-one, each was given some time to address the press before questions were directed at the group. Brett Rogers used his mic time to savage Kimbo Slice’s performance. “I’m a real heavyweight,” he said, “and that was some garbage-ass shit.” Regarding James Thompson, Rogers said “I didn’t know you could win three times in the same night and still lose.”

When Kimbo finally arrived, entourage in tow, Rogers was prompted to get back on the mic and repeat what he said while Kimbo was within earshot. No punk, Rogers complied. The above video — taken with my garbage-ass Canon PowerShot — is what happened next. Not sure how much of this is manufactured hype, or a calculated attention-grab by Rogers, but we think Kimbo just found his next opponent.

Here’s the second episode of ESPN’s new online series, MMA Live, co-hosted again by Kenny Florian. In this installment, the panel breaks down UFC 84′s main event, Tito Ortiz’s career, Mike Tyson’s rumored jump to MMA, and Rich Franklin’s rumored jump to 205. In the “MMA for Dummies” segment, Bas Rutten runs us through “The Exorcist,” a neck crank sub perfect for when your opponent just ain’t givin’ up that rear-naked choke. If you missed the first episode, it’s after the jump.

“El Guapo” is the uncontrollably violent host of The Men’s Room, a show you can watch on Grand Theft Auto IV‘s in-game television. For more good times, check out the Bas Rutten soundboard.

(Props: MMAMania)

(“El Guapo” reminds you: don’t hate the player, hate the game.)

by Ben Fowlkes

Arguing over Kimbo Slice has been a favorite pastime of MMA fans, journalists, and even fighters, ever since the big man entered sanctioned competition. Well, Bas Rutten has heard all the criticism, and he has something to say.

In the latest episode of HDNet’s “Inside MMA”(Props: MMA Junkie), Rutten took aim at those who would attempt to disparage his protégé.

“He’s good to the fans, and he treats the people good. He talks good about the other fighters. He never talks bad. They talk bad about him, but not the other way around.

“He trains hard. He’s a role model. The guy’s never been in jail, and (yet) they say he’s a thug. The guy is doing a really good job, but everyone is just asking about him all the time, and it drives the other fighters nuts.”

Now, far be it from me to disagree with “El Guapo”, but there might be more to it than that. Rutten has some good points, namely that jealousy could be playing a part in the acrimony that comes from other fighters. Not only are they probably sick of being asked about him, but the guy is making six figures a fight with Elite XC. Other guys who have been paying their dues since the nineties consider themselves lucky to make that in a year, so you can understand why that might irk them.

But something about the assertion that since Kimbo has never been to jail we shouldn’t call him a thug rings false to me. First of all, do we really want to start giving people credit for staying out of jail? And second, maybe the reason people accuse him of being a thug is because he used to participate in illegal underground fights for the pornographers that he did security for.

(From Inside MMA via Xtreme Couture)

…in which “Sugar Free” defeats Jessica Cruz via ground-and-pound TKO in round three, landing some stiff jabs along the way and narrowly avoiding being Shonie’d at the 1:15 mark. We can only hope that one day Randy and Kim have children who rebel against them by devoting their lives to poetry and visual arts.

(The Maine-iac to fight Fedor in June?)

Some quick snips, courtesy of FightLine:

— Fedor and Tim Sylvia might be fighting soon. The proposed fight is in talks according to an unnamed source. Nothing is set in stone, but the initial chats have already been initiated. If the fight happens, it will go down in Chicago this coming June, promoted by Adrenaline MMA. So far, Jeff Monson will battle Mike Russow on the same card. Remember that ex-UFC champ Tim Sylvia recently signed with Adrenaline MMA, so his involvement in the talks is a no-brainer.

— “The Lights Out Show” has some choice Bas Rutten quotes from a recent interview…and one in particular is about Kimbo’s ground game. Check it out:

“Of course we’ve been training Kimbo on the ground. He just hasn’t been going there yet…and throwing [Kimbo] up against a submission specialist is going to be trouble [for us]…God knows what Kimbo knows. Nobody knows yet, and we all keep it a big secret. We want to keep it a big secret.”

Bas has spoken, but James Thompson still won’t change any of this.

I don’t think I’ve sat through a fight-flick since Ong-Bak (Jaa ftw!), but this is straight-up historic — Jackie and Jet on the same set, battling for cinematic kung-fu dominance. The Forbidden Kingdom hits theaters on April 18th, but you can get a taste right now by watching the fight scene above and the official trailer here.

More must-see video goodness after the jump.

“El Guapo” teaches Never Back Down star Sean Faris (the good guy!) how to block punches and kick like a mule on ‘roids. Pay attention, and you’ll be able to stand up to any A-hole rich kid who holds unsanctioned MMA matches in the backyard of his parents’ mansion.

Coolest video we’ve come across today — the classic 1996 Pancrase battle between Bas Rutten and Frank Shamrock, with narration by Bas himself. Video’s 25 minutes long, so grab a couple beers and settle in.

Bonus: Here’s a new interview where Frank calls out his brother Ken for his lifelong steroid abuse. Money quote: “Why do you think that his mind is so fried? Why do you think he crumbles before the big fights? He’s got no psyche. He let steroids give him a false sense of security and the moment that stuff is gone he’s no longer superman.”

(Don’t ask.)

When he’s not hosting Inside MMA, pushing papers in the IFL’s front-office, training Kimbo Slice, or throwing pepper in people’s eyes, the tireless Bas Rutten regularly posts messages in the forum section of his official website, basrutten.tv. Yesterday, he wrote a long missive responding to claims that Kimbo’s massive, shiny beard unfairly absorbs the force of his opponents’ punches. An excerpt:

I wish that we had to do the Nat Geo episode MMA science again. We cut of a bunch of hair of Kimbo’s beard and glue it on the head of the crash test dummy (you must see by now that if you “picture this” that it really is unbelievably dumb right?) than let Tito elbow, and me hit the head, measure the impact, take the hair of and do it again. Do you really think that will be making a difference? If you think that, you probably also think that Superman is real (his hair is really strong), because that’s where it probably comes from, people who think that comics are real.

This is a beard from hair for crying out loud. If you believe this than you have to believe also that Kimbo has also less speed because the beard is not aerodynamic and will slow his head movement down, so that will make up for the impact absorbing BS, hahaha, man, they should glue some hair on air bags, people now will survive the crash because the one layer of beard took the impact away…

But, if you want to be right, OK, there will be of course a miniscule difference, if they have the equipment to measure such small differences on such great impact, I think it will be about the same as hitting something, than put a plastic bag over it and hit it again.

Rutten also addresses some of the racist bullshit that he’s encountered as Kimbo’s trainer, and we recommend reading the entire thread. Or, you could go to the forum main page where die-hard fans of El Guapo wonder which animals he’d be able to kill in a cage match and how to mend a broken heart.