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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Ben Henderson

MMA Stock Market™ — ‘UFC on FOX’ Edition

By Jason Moles

As ESPN’s Bill Simmons tweeted, the UFC lost its network virginity to FOX and it was over in a matter of seconds – just like real life. Similarly, for most of you, there seemed to be that same awkward feeling afterwards where you’re not sure if should zip up and head home to catch Sports Center or if she expects you to spoon with her until the early morning light reveals what she looks like when you’re sober. Regardless of what decision is made you can be certain that from this moment forth, life will never be the same. Ever.

It’s done – over. You can’t change anything even if you wanted to, like what you screamed as the finish came about. This is probably in your best interest seeing as how you’ll need money if you want her to stay around, at least more money than you currently have. Women love when you shower them with tokens of your affection so you should really pay attention to this next part. So crack open that portfolio and let’s play another round of ‘Buy, Sell, Hold’ in the MMA Stock Market.

Junior dos Santos – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free.

“Cigano” defeated the previously unbeaten UFC heavyweight in one minute and four seconds to capture the belt – with a torn meniscus. With only sixty-four seconds to analyze, it is hard to point out anything we didn’t already know like getting hit by JDS may be hazardous to your health. Any way you want to slice it, it all turns out the same; dos Santos is here to stay.

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UFC on FOX: An Historic Liveblog

          When you see it…                                   PicProps: MMAJunkie.com 

Alright Nation, we are on the brink of what is possibly the most important event in human history since ever.  We stress the word “possibly” in that sentence, so no silly hate mail about Steve Guttenberg inventing the bench press, or whatever.  And please, don’t talk to us about the historic impact of the so-called “moon landing”.  Everyone knows that the whole Apollo mission was filmed on a sound stage in Arizona.

This historic event will be broadcast live on a major network to a bajillion people, so it’s not even really a contest.  Two large men will fight for money and everyone and their Nana can watch; if Jesus shows up tonight in a tuxedo t-shirt we wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest.  It’s such a huge deal that the UFC is basically giving Fox just the tip to see how it feels, airing just one fight off of a pretty sweet ten-fight lineup.

Come around and hang out with us for all the fights, because you know we’re going to have you covered, Nation.  Fights start at 4:45ET on Facebook and FoxSports.com, the big-deal television show kicks off at 9ET.

Oh, and hit “Refresh” frequently, since everyone seems to tell people to do that.

[RX]

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Report: Guida vs. Henderson Winner to Challenge Frankie Edgar in Japan

Clay Guida eating wings UFC
(Fun fact: Clay Guida has never owned a single piece of silverware.)

According to a new report from MMA Junkie, the UFC plans to give the winner of tomorrow night’s UFC on FOX bout between Clay Guida and Ben Henderson a title shot against lightweight champion Frankie Edgar. Sources indicate that the fight would likely take place at UFC 144 (February 26; Saitama, Japan).

Unfortunately, Guida vs. Henderson won’t be part of the “Velasquez vs. Dos Santos” TV broadcast — which kicks off at 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT on FOX — but viewers can watch it as part of the undercard stream on Facebook and FOXSports.com. Currently, Henderson (-250) is a strong favorite over Guida (+236).

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‘Velasquez vs. Dos Santos’ Fight-Picking Contest: Win the MMA Comic Book Mini-Series ‘Heart’

Last Wednesday marked the official debut of Heart, a comic-book miniseries by writer Blair Butler and artist Kevin Mellon that follows an aimless office drone’s quest to discover his life’s purpose through MMA. I read the first issue last weekend and thought it was a great story, and another positive representation of the sport in entertainment culture. (See also: Warrior, Tiki Ghosn’s appearance on Blind Date.) So pick it up on your next trip to the comic shop, okay?

The four-issue series will be released monthly through February — and we can hook one of you up with the whole thing. To get it, you’ll have to accurately predict the results of UFC on FOX‘s featured fight this Saturday (heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez vs. #1 contender Junior Dos Santos), as well as the lightweight clash between Clay Guida and Ben Henderson that will be closing out the Facebook prelims. Submit your predictions for these two fights in the comments section below, including the winner’s name, the method of victory, and the time/round of stoppage, if any. Your entry should be in this format:

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‘UFC on FOX’ Exclusive: Once Again, Clay Guida Looks to Prove Himself in Career-Defining Fight

Clay Guida UFC
(How far can the amped-up UFC star take his current hot-streak? Photo via Heavy)

By Elias Cepeda

If you were Clay Guida, you might be a little pissed off right now. In June, Guida was matched up with then-#1 UFC lightweight title contender and reigning WEC champion Anthony Pettis. Despite beating Pettis and picking up his fourth consecutive UFC victory, the Carpenter didn’t earn a title shot. Instead, he wound up with a bout against the man Pettis beat for the WEC belt, Ben Henderson.

Guida vs. Henderson was booked for a spot on the historic November 12th card that would be televised on FOX, promising a tremendous amount of exposure. Then, Guida learned that FOX would only be televising the card’s main event — Cain Velasquez vs. Junior Dos Santos for the heavyweight belt. And now, UFC President Dana White has not even guaranteed that the winner of Henderson (who last defeated Jim Miller) vs. Guida will be the next challenger for lightweight champ Frankie Edgar.

The past year appeared to be an emotional roller coaster for Guida, one perhaps capable of distracting him from his tasks at hand. Or…not.

“That stuff doesn’t bother me for a second,” Guida says. “Emotional roller coasters are for little girls playing soccer. If anything, those things just help me focus more.”

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¡Que Suerte! Guida-Henderson, Poirier-Garza Bouts to Air on FOX Deportes

Too late to suck up now, Brock. You’ll have to settle for PPV. (Pic Props: Sherdog forums)

Perhaps the only draw back to the UFC’s debut on FOX will be the lack of fights actually making it to the air. Zuffa’s new broadcast partners have opted to place all of their eggs into one oversized basket in the form of the heavyweight title bout between Cain Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos. But good news is here for those who speak Spanish or simply don’t care what’s coming through their television speakers: two undercard bouts will be airing live on FOX Deportes.

The featherweight scrap between Dustin Poirier and Pablo Garza as well as the Clay Guida-Ben Henderson lightweight bout—which could potentially crown the number one contender at 155 lbs.—will serve as the lead-in to the main event on the Spanish sports channel.

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Henderson vs. Guida, Yamamoto vs. Uyenoyama Added to Inaugural UFC On Fox Event Nov. 12


(Bendo” and “The Carpenter” will be appearing alongside in Encino Man 2: The Encino Twins.)

UFC officials announced a pair of fight bookings for it’s November 12 Fox premier show overnight.

According to a posting on UFC.com, former WEC lightweight champion Ben Henderson (14-2) will take on Clay Guida (29-8) in a 155-pound affair and top Japanese bantamweight Norifumi “Kid” Yamamoto (18-4, 1 NC) will square off against Strikeforce and Shooto veteran Darren Uyenoyama (6-3) in 135-pound action on the card.

Although neither fight will be shown during the one-hour broadcast which will feature only one bout — a heavyweight title fight between Cain Velasquez and Junior dos Santos — UFC president Dana White mentioned last week that they are looking at options to ensure fans can watch the entire card.

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Gambling Addiction Enabler: ‘Hardy vs. Lytle’ Edition

UFC on Versus 5 Dan Hardy vs. Lytle poster MMA photos

Full betting lines for this Sunday’s UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle event have been released, which means it’s time to steal some money from your old lady’s purse and tell her you’re going for a walk. And if you follow our gambling advice very carefully, you’ll be able to return the cash before she notices and earn some extra cigarette-money in the process. (Ed. note: You’ll probably lose everything like usual. Are things ever going to change with you, Jim?) Check out the juiciest lines, via bestfightodds.com:

Main Card (Versus, 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT)
Chris Lytle (-107) vs. Dan Hardy (even)
Jim Miller (-145) vs. Ben Henderson (+145)
Charles Oliveira (-130) vs. Donald Cerrone (+130)
Amir Sadollah (-310) vs. Duane Ludwig (+273)

Preliminary Card (Facebook.com, 5:45 p.m. ET / 2:45 p.m. PT)
C.B. Dollaway (-250) vs. Jared Hamman (+222)
Joseph Benavidez (-231) vs. Eddie Wineland (+225)
Kyle Noke (-144) vs. Ed Herman (+145)
Karlos Vemola (-210) vs. Ronny Markes (+201)
Jimy Hettes (-350) vs. Alex Caceres (+313)
Cole Miller (-387) vs. T.J. O’Brien (+335)
Danny Castillo (-118) vs. Jacob Volkmann (+107)
Edwin Figueroa (-300) vs. Jason Reinhardt (+288)

Let’s get that money…

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The Chaos Continues: What the #@%! Is Going On At 155?

Don’t drink and:  drive, dial, text, facebook, or photoshop. -Anonymous

Let’s face it, Nation.  The lightweight field in the UFC  is a hopeless clusterfoxtrot.  Half of the names in the top ten last summer are either not at 155 anymore, or suddenly non-factors.  Six months ago, the WEC-UFC roster merger was supposed to clear up, once and for all, who the best fighters were.

Well….

The UFC title fight between Gray Maynard and champ Frankie Edgar was supposed to coincide nicely with the WEC’s own lightweight title fight at the December 16th event, the last by the promotion.  Anthony “Showtime Kick” Pettis defeated champion Ben Henderson by a close (but stupifyingly impressive) decision, something you would assume gives Henderson some legitimate claim to a title shot, or at least a number to get in line.

Two weeks later, Gray Maynard and Frankie Edgar go have themselves a fun little match in which they both manage to kick the other’s ass, but nobody wins.  Seriously, it’s a draw.

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Judgment Day: 7 MMA Fighters Who Will Benefit From the End of the World

Ben Henderson angel wings tattoo back UFC MMA fighter
(Bendo: Prepared for takeoff.)

According to some misguided crazy people, the world is going to end tomorrow. Apparently, May 21st, 2011 is the scheduled date of the Rapture, in which Christians will be shuttled off into the air to meet Christ, while the sinners will be left behind, leading to Armageddon or something. (For more information, consult this Kirk Cameron movie). If the rumors are true, we’re all pretty much fucked. Still, there’s a few MMA fighters who will be getting the sweet end of the deal. For instance…

BEN HENDERSON
The lightweight standout is one of the more vocal supporters of his Lord and Savior in the cage, shouting out Philippians 4:13 after every win. He makes his fight entrances to gospel music, and has never touched alcohol. Whatever bad stuff goes down tomorrow, he won’t be around for it. He’ll be in mid-air, doing that pyramid thing with his hands.

CHAEL SONNEN
Chael Sonnen UFC photos
Stripped of his real estate and fighting licenses, Sonnen was just sentenced to a year of roaming the earth with no income, trying to “promote goodwill” and show that he’s rehabilitated. A swift, violent end would probably be an upgrade at this point.

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