(Hey, at least they’re actually doing something on this season of Whale Wars.) 

A congratulations is in order to those of you who managed to submit an entry for our “Pull No Punches” caption contest; all 134 of you. If this contest showed us anything, it’s that when it comes to comedy, or at least an attempt at it, you Taters are some like-minded SOB’s. There were at least 95 horsemeat jokes (including one likely hipster who thought ironically pointing out this fact would somehow win him a shirt), 20 some odd Anthony Johnson or B.J. Penn jokes (which are always solid), and a handful of Over the Top references (which were actually pretty awesome). Since we enjoyed scanning through your entries as much as the UFC enjoys scanning through our articles to keep us in check, we must first recognize some of the captions that just fell short of T-shirt glory.

franco3445: The Nevada State Athletic Commission came to the conclusion that the only way Overeem could compete with the T/E ratio of 14 men was to go against someone the size of 14 men.

skeletor: There is no fucking way that Anthony Johnson is making weight this time.

P2: They smiled when they realized, if you use your left hand, it totally does feel like someone else is arm wrestling.

Deadpanda: Not to be outdone by the Japanese New Year’s Freak Show, US promoters put together a 4th of July event between Alistair Overeem & Joseph Son’s inflamed right testicle.

RwilsonR: We all know BJ lets himself go between fights, but I had no idea he stops shaving his back.

mcw89138: Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the new main event for UFC 149.

BossNasty: Reem…It’s not polite to play with your food.

And now, to the winners…

(Whatever happened to Harold Howard anyway? The man was athletic and explosive.)

A few weeks ago, we ran down the crappiest fighters to ever be crowned “champion.” In this week’s installment of the CagePotato Roundtable, we’re sort of doing the opposite of that — discussing fighters who had all the talent in the world (and actually were champions in some cases), but screwed themselves out of glory thanks to their own poor decisions. So who was the biggest waste of potential in MMA history? Who made chicken shit out of chicken salad? Read on and we’ll tell you. As usual, if you have a topic suggestion for the Roundtable, please send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

Seth Falvo — as dictated from a hospital bed. Long story.

“Personal Demons.” It’s arguably the most annoying phrase in sports journalism. The phrase is nothing more than a cop-out; what we use to show that an athlete’s performance has been sub-par due to his life outside the sport, while concurrently admitting that we have no business going there. Rather than just say that someone’s career is in a rut due to a crippling addiction or reckless antisocial behavior, we say that they have “personal demons.” Because it’s trashy to say it, but it’s somehow professional to imply it.

Yet “personal demons” is the perfect phrase to describe our sport’s biggest waste of potential — and the only WEC Middleweight Champion to defend the belt — Paulo Filho.

In his prime, “Ely” had all the tools that a future UFC champion would need. Even today, a fighter with Filho’s credentials would be heralded as one of the UFC’s elite middleweights before even throwing a punch in the Octagon. Filho had black belts in Judo and Jiu-jitsu, a major organization’s title, and a flawless 16-0 record with wins over guys like Murilo Rua, Ryo Chonan, Chael Sonnen, and Minowaman. This is a guy who beat Anderson Silva while training with him, who turned down an opportunity to train with Chuck Liddell (after the Iceman sought his help). He had it all.

(Careful, BJ — drinking Sean Sherk’s blood is one of the easiest ways to get a false positive.)

In a Floyd Mayweather-esque bit of gamesmanship, BJ Penn went on twitter yesterday to make a unique “offer” to his next opponent, welterweight prodigy Rory MacDonald:

“VADA anti-doping has offered to sponsor our upcoming fight. I’ve accepted and invite you to help me clean up the sport. VADA results will be released after the fight to ensure that the fight happens. Lets get started asap!!”

You see what he did there? If Rory refuses to undergo VADA’s voluntary PED screenings, well then he’s a doper, and by extension, all the accusations that Penn previously made about MacDonald’s mentor Georges St. Pierre were accurate, and BJ Penn is the last honest man in the sport. (Like the fight itself, this whole VADA business just seems to be a way for Penn to stick it to his old buddy GSP.)

(“I’ve never been knocked out in a fight and I’ve never been knocked out in training. But I’ve never been hurt the way that [Penn] hurt me.” / Photo via Las Vegas Sun)

By Matt Kaplan

Two weeks ago, Kenny Florian, the man who finished fights, announced that he is finished fighting.

Florian cited a November 2011 back injury and eventual numbness and tingling in his limbs as the impetus for closing the chapter of his life that’s been defined by five UFC Fight Night appearances, four weight classes, three UFC championship fights, two vicious elbows, and — lest we forget — one samurai costume.

As an undersized middleweight, Florian first appeared on our radars as the TUF 1 runner-up to Diego Sanchez in 2005, and after two victories at welterweight, Florian transformed his body and game, and established himself as one of the best lightweights in the world. Florian then made a brief run at featherweight in 2011, defeating Diego Nunes and losing to champion Jose Aldo, before announcing his retirement at the age of 36.

In a recent conversation with CagePotato.com — and in loving tribute to Ring Magazine’s “The Best I’ve Faced” feature — Ken-Flo looked back on his MMA career and remembered the opponents who stood out across a number of categories…

Fastest on his feet: I’d say Jose Aldo. He was the quickest. His explosiveness in general, his footwork, and his ability to move definitely are impressive.

Toughest chin: I remember hitting Sam Stout with hard shots. I hit him on the ground with a big bomb that connected real well, right on his chin, and he just ate it. And from seeing the rest of his fights, I see why. He’s got a real good chin.

The seemingly inevitable rematch now has a date in place.

Immediately following UFC on FX 3, Dana White revealed his plan to have the heavyweight championship rematch headline UFC 152 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. As of right now, a welterweight bout between BJ Penn and Rory MacDonald is also scheduled for the event.

(Jon Jones vs. Dan Henderson ‘Inspiration’ trailer via djil93100)

- THQ Sold UFC Video Game License After Failing to Break Even on It (Gamasutra)

- The Bizarre Connection Between the Miami Face-Eating Bath Salts Zombie and the UFC (MiddleEasy)

- Wikipedia Continues Its Absurd War on the UFC (BleacherReport/MMA)

- 14 Awesome UFC Head Kick Photos (Heavy.com/MMA)

- BJ Penn Talks Reason For Taking Rory MacDonald Fight (Fightline)

- Video: Anderson Silva Budweiser Commercial Behind-the-Scenes Outtakes Featuring Steven Seagal (MMAMania)

- How to Live to Be 100 (MensFitness)

- Pacquiao Will Receive $26M for Saturday’s Fight (MMA Payout)

- The Women Available to Alpha, Beta & Omega Males: Where Do You Fit In? (DoubleViking)

- A Gallery Of Hot Girls With Puppies, Babies, And Kittens (WorldWideInterweb)

- Gina Carano Is Looking Thick ‘n’ Tasty. Do You Approve? (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Django Unchained’ Official Trailer (Break)

- The 6 Best Stripper Portrayals In All Of Modern Cinema (ScreenJunkies)

(Whether you’re a Muay Thai fan or a foot-fetishist, that is one sexy kick.)

When BJ Penn turned down fights against Gilbert Melendez and Josh Koscheck, we figured it was because he was holding out for…well, a fourth fight against Matt Hughes, if you want to get specific. You know how it is with these old legends. They take a couple losses to younger contenders, and all of a sudden they’ll only consider fights that “make sense,” which usually means big-name opponents who are also on the downside of their careers.

In other words, we just assumed that Penn felt Melendez and Koscheck were too dangerous, and that facing either of them could be harmful to his legacy. So it comes as a bit of a surprise that Penn has now accepted a fight against young welterweight killer Rory MacDonald, who is not a superstar, but is one of the most dangerous sons-of-bitches in the UFC.

(Overeem, before adding horse-meat and anti-inflammatory meds to his diet.)

By Josh Hutchinson

Whether it’s Jon Jones wanting to move up to heavyweight, or everyone wanting Frankie Edgar to cut to 145, weight-class-shifting is a hot topic for MMA fans and pundits alike. And while we’ve recently covered the perils and benefits of dropping to a lower weight class, the same can be said for moving up in weight. After jumping to heavier divisions, some fighters’ proverbial stars have shined brighter, some have dimmed, and some have gone God-damn-supernova — and it’s never easy to predict which fighters will have success. Check out some notable examples below, and tell us which other fighters you think would do well with some extra meat on their bones.

The Good

Alistair Overeem

(Same guy as above, same backdrop, and yet something is different…)

All insinuations aside, Overeem is a prime example of success at moving up a weight class. As I previously mentioned, Overeem has gone 12-1-1 since making a full commitment to heavyweight, and while the quality of opponents he faced was often questionable, that is still a hell of a good run. If you take a look back at his time at light-heavyweight, the stats are not nearly as impressive. Overeem’s losses usually came at the hands of the light-heavyweight division’s top guys, like Chuck Liddell, Antônio Rogério Nogueira, and Ricardo Arona. His run at light-heavyweight showed that he couldn’t hang with the elites of the respective weight class, and was vulnerable to being manhandled by stronger opponents.

After doing whatever it is he did to bulk up, he turned his fortunes around and achieved the greatest stardom of his career, becoming the poster child for successful jumps up the weight-class ladder. If it wasn’t for some bad decision-making, he would be fighting for the sport’s highest prize this weekend. Here’s to hoping he gets his shit together soon.

(Val Kilmer isn’t the most experienced strength-and-conditioning coach that BJ’s trained with, but he works cheap, and he’s available pretty much all the time.)

BJ Penn may have tried to retire after his crushing loss to Nick Diaz last October, but the UFC hasn’t given up on him yet, and is reportedly trying to lure the future Hall of Famer back to the Octagon with a bout against Josh Koscheck. Here’s what Kos said via twitter last night:

#UFC just offered me to fight BJ Penn…I said YES!!!!! Just waiting on him!!!!!! Let’s scrap bra?

UFC president Dana White revealed earlier this month that Penn turned down a fight against Strikeforce champion Gilbert Melendez. A return fight against Koscheck — who’s coming off a split-decision loss to Johny Hendricks at UFC on FOX 3 — might be more attractive to Penn, in that it wouldn’t require the Prodigy to cut to 155 or make a “downgrading” appearance in Strikeforce.

(Sadly, the fight between Penn and Jon Fitch was ruled a draw and the puppy was left without a home)

UFC President Dana White continues to say that future hall of famer BJ Penn will indeed return to the Octagon, despite Penn’s coyness. But Thursday, White provided more details to MMA Junkie on what weight the pound for pound great will fight at, and revealed that Penn declined a bout with Strikeforce champ Gilbert Melendez.

“I tried to do [Melendez vs. Penn], but it was at the time when B.J. was like, ‘Yeah, I’m not fighting for a while,’” White told Junkie.

Apparently, he didn’t say if that match up would have meant Penn going to Strikeforce or Melendez going to the UFC.

(My qualifications? HERE’S my stinking qualifications!)

It looks like we’ll have to start drafting up new t-shirts to falsely promise you guys, because according to a recent interview with MMAFighting, UFC President Dana White was rather frank about his desire for both former light heavyweight champion Tito Ortiz and former lightweight and welterweight champion B.J. Penn to be placed in the UFC Hall of Fame in the near future. Though the jury is still out on whether or not Penn will return to the octagon following his hasty retirement in the aftermath of UFC 137, DW had nothing but positives to say about “The Prodigy” when asked on the possibility of his placement in the HOF:

Definitely. The thing about B.J. Penn is that what he brought to the lightweight division, there was a point in time when we first bought this company when people thought guys in the lighter weight divisions couldn’t be stars and couldn’t see pay-per-views and couldn’t cross over. B.J. Penn was definitely that first crossover guy for us. He’ll be back. It’s tough, when there are 16,000 people in the arena chanting your name, it’s tough to walk away from that. B.J. Penn is a fighter. You hear some of these guys, and Tito was one of these guys, he said he wanted to be famous. B.J. Penn is a fighter.

So there you have it, Penn will join long-time rival Matt Hughes, as well as Randy Couture, Ken Shamrock, Dan Severn, Mark Coleman, Royce Gracie, Chuck Liddell, and Tapout co-founder Charles “Mask” Lewis in that deluxe octagon in the sky. After a pair of unsuccessful title bids at 155, Penn won the welterweight title in his welterweight debut by defeating the then untouchable Hughes by first round rear-naked choke at UFC 46. Penn would vacate the UFC shortly thereafter, citing a lack of challenging fights, and would not taste UFC gold again until beating the ever-loving shit out of Joe Stevenson at UFC 80 to claim the vacant lightweight strap. He would defend the belt three times until being upended by Frankie Edgar at UFC 112.

When addressing the possibility of Tito Ortiz joining those illustrious ranks, White did not shy away from the pair’s well-documented rocky history, and in fact stated that, in retrospect, it helped make the UFC what it is today.

Hear more from The Baldfather after the jump. 

Last week we showed you a BJ Penn video interview from Karyn Bryant in which the former champion vaguely spoke about his future, saying he had no plans to fight but refusing to say the word “retire.” However, according to UFC president Dana White, Penn told him that same week in Stockholm that he would in fact fight again.

“I heard some sh_t that he said he was going to retire and all this stuff,” White said. “[BJ] was like, ‘Nah, I’m going to fight again,’” MMA Fighting reports.

So there you have it. Despite saying that he was “done,” after losing to Nick Diaz last October, BJ will scrap again, according to his boss. I suppose we all figured as much, considering how much Penn loves fighting and how much money he makes doing it.

But the question is, who would BJ fight? Penn has only won one bout in his last five, albeit all against very top competition. At lightweight, the 33 year-old has seemed to have lost a bit of of quickness and reaction time — which is death in the lighter weight classes, and specifically for astalking counter-puncher like Penn. At welterweight, Penn is forced to pack on 15 pounds of unnecessary bulk, which has always been unfair but his crazy talent still allowed him to be successful there.

(Come on brah, would you give up this life to wrestle with a bunch of fence holders? | Photo via FIGHT!)

My good friend Karyn Bryant, host of MMA Heat, recently interviewed former welterweight and lightweight champion BJ Penn and asked him if he was still retired. Penn said he was grateful for the attention but that he doesn’t intend to fight right now.

“At the moment, I don’t have any plans to fight,” Penn said. “I have nothing scheduled, I’m just kind of taking it easy at this point in my life. As of right now, yeah, I’m not entering the Octagon anytime soon.”

Penn says that losing to Nick Diaz last fall was not the only reason he decided to stop competing. “The fight was a tough fight but I don’t think it was just that fight. I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” he said.

Bryant revealed to Penn that she had spoken to his boxing coach Jason Parillo, and that Parillo said he recently held pads for BJ. So why would Penn be hitting pads if he was retired?

(“No rematch for you, Punk”)

According to Gilbert Melendez’s trainer, Cesar Gracie, the UFC are in talks to have either former UFC lightweight champ BJ Penn or former WEC lightweight champ Anthony Pettis challenge his charge for his Strikeforce strap next.

Gracie informed TATAME of the development today.

“Melendez’s situation is complex right now. We still don’t have an opponent, date or place set. They said he could fight in San Jose but it’ll probably change. They mentioned Josh Thomson but then said it was not going to happen”, Gracie explained.“I spoke to [UFC matchmaker] Joe Silva and he told me maybe some UFC fighters will go to Strikeforce. We would really like to see him fighting Pettis or BJ, but we are still not sure about what’s going to happen.”

Given that “Showtime” mentioned yesterday that he is considering dropping down to featherweight to challenge Jose Aldo in the near future, it would seem that the UFC brass are leaning towards “The Prodigy” for the bout. It would make sense since Penn has been uncharacteristically mum about his fighting future since his last fight and likely would have been mulling over the offer to swing over to the UFC’s sister promotion, considering how much less promotion and exposure it gets.

When you see it, you’ll shit poi. Props: Reddit MMA.

Related:
- Couture and Cozad: True Players
- God Made Two of ‘Em

(These things have been passed around more than Arlovski’s ex-girlfriend.)

Although the UFC only had five weight classes at the time, four years ago today it had seven champions and only two still hold a strap.

BJ Penn (155), Matt Serra (170), Anderson Silva (185), Quinton Jackson (205) and Randy Couture (265) held titles in their respective weight divisions, while Georges St-Pierre (170) and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (265) were the anointed interim champions.

Fun Fact: Anderson Silva is the only champ who still holds the same belt he did then.

Nick Diaz is unquestionably the most gangster fighter in MMA history. This Saturday at UFC 143, Diaz will face Carlos Condit for the UFC’s interim welterweight title. It’s safe to assume that Condit will be body-shotted and called a “bitch” at least once. Here’s a tribute to some of Diaz’s most gangsterish moments, in animated GIF form. Enjoy.

Related: Lock Your Car Door When You See This Crazy Shirtless Mofo

(Tom Lawlor by Flaskpost.)

We’ve seen some bad, bad MMA fan art in our time. (Like, really bad.) So it came as a relief when we recently stumbled upon MMAFanMade, a tumblr account that showcases the best MMA-themed art and artists on the Internet. We decided to cherry-pick some of the site’s highlights, mix in a few old classics, and put ‘em all together in the gallery after the jump. Check it out below, and if you’ve done any MMA-themed artwork yourself, please share links in the comments section. We promise that our criticism will be mostly constructive.

(Watch out for that metal thing? / Props: Maury Povich via ScreenJunkies)

God damn you, ReX13. His running gag this week inspired us to revive an old, dead CagePotato feature, in which we take a moment to recognize some of your efforts in the comments section. Will we forget about this by next Friday? Maybe. Maybe not. All we have is this moment. And now, the eight greatest comments of the week…

ReX13 on “Report: Miesha Tate to Defend Strikeforce Title Against Ronda Rousey on March 3rd” [selected highlights]:
- “If you weren’t pretty, it wouldn’t matter what you said or didn’t say. That’s why you’re getting this attention.” – Miesha Tate
- “Man, Stalin was a real asshole, killing his own people like that.” – Pol Pot
- “Wow, that Bachmann chick is stuck on turbo-crazy. The only reason people are giving her the time of day is because she’s a relatively attractive woman in the Republican party. Does she hear the words that are coming out of her mouth?” – Sarah Palin
- “Goddammit, I’ve spent fifteen years in this neighborhood trying to increase property vaules, and a whole fucking passel of kettles just moved in next door. With their hippity hop music and Tyler Perry movies…..we better get a dog, honey.” – Pot
- “Bobby Flay is kinda a douche, you guys.” – Guy Fieri
- “The Duggars should stop having children. Can they even handle the children they already have?” – Nadya “Octomom” Suleman
- “That Octomom is such an attention whore.” – Kate Gosselin
- “Fuck you, bitch.” – Nadya Suleman

ElDandy on “Video of the Day: Fabricio Werdum Is as Inappropriate as We Are and Fedor Isn’t Impressed“
Fedor’s high priest looks like every dude I’ve ever seen at a Widespread concert.

Fried Taco on “Aw Geez, Now BJ Penn is Calling Nick Diaz a Cheater“:
At least BJ is right about one thing. No one will ever accuse him of being the bigger man.

(“See, where I come from bitching like that will get you backhanded.”)

Well, it didn’t take long for Team Cesar Gracie to return fire on BJ Penn after “The Prodigy” launched a random Twitter attack on Nick Diaz yesterday.

Here’s what they had to say about Penn’s latest bitchfest via a posting made today on Cesar’s official blog, GracieFighter.com.

Say It Ain’t So BJ…

JANUARY 6, 2012

BJ Penn has apparently not come to terms with the beating he received at the hands of Nick Diaz. Below is his latest posting on his Twitter account:

@nickdiaz209 Look how much bigger you are in this pic..I thought you were gonna scrap from the beginning homie? What was that coward fence holding strategy to tire out the smaller man? Street fighter my ass! I made you fight like glass jaw @jonfitchdotnet poser!
I’ll be ready for that weak bs next time we fight!

At some point it is up to those around you to protect you from yourself. To take you aside and let you know you are wrong and help save you from your folly. Unfortunately for Penn he is surrounded by “Yes Men” that are unwilling to do that. The outcome will be predictable, resulting in a fighter that will never push himself to the fullest and will always have excuses for his losses.

(The “Shaka” is apparently the new “Fingers crossed behind the back.”)

Not that we’re totally surprised by it, considering his history of playing the blame game, but it looks like BJ Penn has switched from feeling sorry for himself after announcing his retirement following his UFC 137 decision loss to Nick Diaz to making excuses why he lost the fight.

Penn randomly today tweeted the following at Diaz, who is preparing for his Super Bowl weekend UFC welterweight interim title fight with Carlos Condit in a few weeks.

“@nickdiaz209 Look how much bigger you are in this pic..” he wrote, referring to the photo above. “I thought you were gonna scrap from the beginning homie? What was that coward fence holding strategy to tire out the smaller man? Street fighter my ass! I made you fight like glass jaw @jonfitchdotnet poser! I’ll be ready for that weak bs next time we fight!”

As co-host of the Opie & Anthony radio show on SiriusXM, comedian Jim Norton has become the designated punching bag for visiting MMA stars. He’s been choked, he’s been kicked, he’s had his foot twisted 180 degrees by Brock Lesnar. And considering what a sick, depraved bastard Norton is, you have to wonder if he enjoys it on some level. Here’s everything we could collect from Jim Norton’s MMA-related body of work. All videos courtesy of opieradio.

Guest: BJ Penn, 4/14/10
Technique: Armbar
In Jim’s words: “That is fuckin’ horrible…Besides the fact that your arm is ready to be ripped out, it puts pressure on your fuckin’ — it stretches you both ways, I didn’t realize it did that.”

(Corissa Furr drinks Blue Moon? I drink Blue Moon! OMFG, #soulmates.)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- More Details Emerge on Mystery MMA Fighter Who Thwarted Chicago Carjacking (MMA Mania)

- BJ Penn Column: The Never-Ending Evolution of Mixed Martial Arts (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Jon Jones: Less Like Jordan, More Like Tebow (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Alistair Overeem Leaves Xtreme Couture (5th Round)

- Tito Ortiz Wants His Last Fight To Be A Rubber Match With Forrest Griffin (FightLine)

- The Top Ten Train Fights in Train Fight History (MiddleEasy)

- Bellator Moving To Friday Nights On MTV2 In 2012 (MMA Convert)

- On Second Thought: Michael Bisping’s Wise U-Turn on Fighting Anderson Silva (Fight Opinion)

- Jon Jones Thinks Rashad Evans Has a Suspect Chin (MMAFighting)

- Check Out This Original UFC 1 Ad From 1993! (The Fight Nerd)

- Anthony Johnson on Vitor Belfort Fight: Somebody’s Getting Carried Out on a Stretcher (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- WWE Network Set For April 1 Launch (MMA Payout)

(Smiling in the presence of a woman? Automatic one-point deduction. / Photo via Sherdog)

As sort-of hazily defined by Nick Diaz back in January 2010, the Unified Rules of Stockton is an alternate MMA scoring system in which the winner of the fight is the guy who would have won if the match had continued indefinitely, and the loser is the guy who looks more fucked up afterwards. Under Stockton Rules, only the final round is scored, and holding onto top position without doing damage actually counts for negative points.

The more commonly used ten-point-must system keeps things nice and uniform, and doesn’t require judges to predict the future. But as we’ve seen time and time again, the fighter who has more points on the scorecards isn’t always who you would call the “winner.” So which notable UFC fights would have different results if the scoring system was a little more gangster? Let’s get an obvious one out of the way first…

DAN HENDERSON vs. MAURICIO “SHOGUN” RUA
UFC 139, 11/19/11

(Video courtesy of IronForgesIron)

Nick Diaz has quickly become one of the most polarizing figures perhaps behind only Chael Sonnen in the sheer even number of fans and haters, but it looks like some facets of the Stockton native’s act may be more calculated than we thought.

While making a rare media appearance on HDNet’s Inside MMA last night Diaz told hosts Kenny Rice and Bas Rutten that his callout of UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre wasn’t a spur of the moment decision he made after beating BJ Penn at UFC 137. He explained that he was pretty sure he’d get his previously promised title shot if he chose his words carefully for his post-fight interview with Joe Rogan and that he was happy that St-Pierre took the bait.

If you’re like me, when you see that Joe Rogan or Mike Goldberg are about to launch into one of their interview segments during the Spike prelims, you likely use the opportunity to grab a beer, take a piss, or switch over to Comedy Central to re-watch the end of last week’s Workaholics episode (the exception to this is of course,when Jason Mamoa is around). Because let’s be honest, who wants to listen to Dana White scream over a blaring DMX song about how great the upcoming card that you can’t afford is going to be?

But in the case of last weekend’s ProElite 2-Big Guns event, Michael Schiavello’s interview with B.J. Penn felt like the first breath after awakening from a seven year coma. Penn, who has apparently mastered the technology behind Wolverine’s healing powers, showed few signs of the damage Nick Diaz inflicted upon him just over a week ago. At the event to support his brother Reagan, “The Prodigy” discussed how retiring had been on his mind for some time:

This week’s Ask The Potato is too hot to handle.

Ask the Potato is back and as credible as ever- which is almost an accomplishment worth bragging about. This week, while coming up with the smartass quips that you’ve come to expect from us, we noticed that even some minor celebrities have taken notice of this feature and submitted their own questions. Naturally, we’re handling this development the way you would expect us to. We’re placing their questions before your (somewhat) serious questions in order to address people with more clout than you. Just remember, guys: We didn’t sell out: We bought in.

So let’s get to it, shall we?

(Video courtesy of YouTube/AudreAuditore)

If you’ve seen the latest TV spot for the soon-to-be-released Assassin’s Creed: Revelations game, you may have done a double take when you saw a character that looked an awful lot like BJ Penn.

Don’t worry, you aren’t going nuts. Penn appeared in the commercial sandwiched between Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose and the game’s protagonist, Ezio Auditore da Firenze.

(Chael Sonnen whips Erik Koch’s ass at UFC Undisputed 3, later denies he used cheat codes. / For more photos, visit the “Chael Sonnen, Rampage Jackson and Chuck Liddell Test Out UFC Undisputed 3” gallery on Lowkick.blitzcorner.com)

This week’s featured stories…

- BJ Penn: A Lesson in Greatness (MMA Convert)
“When last we saw BJ Penn, the Hawaiian legend was battered and bloody and seemingly adamant about his UFC 137 appearance – a hard loss to Nick Diaz that left his eye purple and swollen – being his last trip into the Octagon. Then, days later, came the post on Penn’s website, saying he would take some time off and see where it goes from there. Which leaves us with what? A former welterweight and lightweight champ on the cusp of retirement? A warrior in the waning years of his career? Or simply a fighter who needs some time to reassess his place in the sport? I’d say definitely all of the above. Which isn’t to say Penn is washed up; he is, and will always be, one the best MMA has ever seen.”

- Joe Rogan: If NASCAR’s Not a Monopoly, UFC Isn’t Either (And They Should Buy K-1) (Fight Opinion)
“The people who own K-1, they owe a lot of money, man. They want to start fights but they want to not have to pay all the fighters that they owe money to and they owe just fucking untold millions of dollars to fighters that they haven’t paid. So, they’re in a bad financial situation but it’s because they didn’t promote it correctly. If someone like the UFC came along, if Zuffa came along and picked up K-1 — they’re not interested in it, I’ve talked to them about it — but if someone like that did, if Mark Cuban did or someone with balls and a lot of money who loves the sport, God damn that’s a gold mine. It’s a God damn gold mine. Mark Cuban, go do it! You already got Michael Schiavello working for you.”

- Gameplans For Surviving Fights With Movie Monsters (The Fight Nerd)
“Unless you’re UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva, you do not want to be engaged in a stand up battle with a werewolf. The lycanthropic crime against nature may come out overly aggressive and afford you the ability to start dancing around and tagging him. But this thing has a gas tank to rival Clay Guida and one flurry is the difference between looking slick on your feet and a first round loss by technical mauling.”

(Video courtesy of YouTube/ProMMANow)

You would think that Nick Diaz’s camp would cool it with all of the accusations about Georges St-Pierre being scared or faking an injury to get out of fighting their boy now that they got the desired result, but that’s not how they do things in Stockton, evidently.

Dring a media scrum after the UFC 137 presser, Cesar Gracie was asked, in a somewhat baited way if he thought GSP’s injury was legit and he didn’t hold back, although he made about as much sense as his protegee.

“He ran past me earlier. I mean, he literally RAN past me, so… Look, he’s a great guy. He’s a black belt under [my cousin] Renzo Gracie. I don’t know the guy that well, personally, but I’m gonna tell you guys something right now… Nick Diaz missed a press conference and he’s here and [he] fought,” Gracie sort of explained. “The guy that went to the press conference didn’t fight. That’s all I gotta say about it. Nick…Yeah, he got kicked out, he’s this…he’s the bad guy… We didn’t go to what Nick called, ‘the beauty pageant,’ but come fight night you guys saw what he’s made of and he showed up and he did everything he had to and the guys that made the press conference, they weren’t here tonight, so you be the judge. You know what I mean?”

No, we don’t know what you mean since it makes no sense. So let us get this straight, somehow GSP faked an injury to get out of fighting Nick, even though he was scheduled to face Carlos Condit when the injury occurred. Wait, what?!