(A PSP, a Marmaduke book, and fistful of dollars… Man, this cat really knows how to get down!)

By Jason Moles

While our wives and girlfriends are busy maxing out our credit cards in hopes of finding the perfect gift for everyone she knows, we should be reminded that money can’t buy everything — especially in the world of mixed martial arts. Follow us after the jump to discover the irony of the MMA Black Friday. I promise it will be better than the turkey sandwich and leftover pumpkin pie you’ll have for lunch.

1.) Resurrection

In June, Cheick Kongo did what no man has done since the Messiah some 2,000+ years ago — he defeated death. Alright, so maybe I’ve had a few too many turkey day cocktails and that’s not exactly how it went down, but you get the jist. Kongo was knocked unconscious not once but twice in his fight against fellow heavyweight Pat Barry and he still managed to win the fight! By KO nonetheless. No amount of Earthly money could ever buy a second (or third) chance to live again. If it were that easy, Steve Jobs would’ve made certain you increase your credit limit.

What’s the best way to get an ancient boxing promoter to go off on a hilariously offensive rant about MMA?  Send a young whippersnapper like Ariel Helwani to a press conference with a microphone and a shirt without a tie, then have him just mention the UFC and watch the bullshit fly.  Following up on Dana White’s shot at the boxing world this week, Arum comes right back with his own attack on MMA, calling it a sport for skinheads who like to see homosexuals rolling around the mat together.  That he said this to Helwani, an ardent MMA-lover who happens to have a shaved head but who also happens to be Jewish (and married, to some poor woman, no less), is what we’re going to go ahead and call poetic justice.

Arum goes on to level all the usual accusations against MMA.  He says the fighters can’t throw a punch or take one, that the audience is all redneck white guys, that the UFC isn’t selling nearly as many pay-per-views as they claim, and that the Charleston will never go out of style (that last one may have just been implied, but you get the point).  Basically it’s nothing you haven’t heard during Thanksgiving dinner at your grandfather’s house, only Arum stops just short of calling the internet a form of black magic.