(Come on Tim, you haven’t even read the column yet. Maybe we wrote nice things about you, okay?)

Today on the CagePotato Roundtable, we’re talking paper champs — the one-and-dones and never-shoulda-beens who weren’t quite worthy of the gold around their waist. To limit our scope a bit, we’re only focusing on major MMA promotions like the UFC (including tournament champions), PRIDE (even though all their champions were awesome), Strikeforce, the WEC, and probably Bellator and DREAM as well if anybody cared enough to mention them. Joining us this week is our dear friend Kelly Crigger, the retired solider and best-selling MMA author who’s currently elevating rugby-awareness at American Sin Bin. Read on for our picks, and please, please, please send your ideas for future Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

Jared Jones

For four months in 2001-2002, Dave Menne — the fighter who Phil Baroni famously steamrolled at UFC 39 — was the UFC’s middleweight champion. That’s right: The belt that Anderson Silva has proudly worn for the last five-and-a-half years used to belong to this guy. Menne won the title in September 2001 by beating 5-0 newcomer Gil Castillo, and went on to compile an overall record of 2-4 in the Octagon. Gentlemen, the floor is yours. Good luck.

Kelly Crigger

The worst major MMA champion of all time has to be Carlos Newton. For starters when you say your fighting style is Dragon Ball Z Jiu Jitsu to pay homage to a Japanese anime character, there’s a screw loose somewhere.

Secondly, when Newton won the UFC welterweight title, there wasn’t exactly a deep talent pool of competition. MMA was still evolving and techniques were as sound as using bubble gum on a car engine. I will admit that he beat a very experienced and talented Pat Miletich to get the strap, but that’s the lone gem in his dreadlocked crown. Today every weight class has a laundry list of accomplished fighters and an alternate list of accomplished fighters waiting in the wings in case they tweet something controversial and Mr. White fires all of them. The point is, he didn’t exactly climb a ladder of giants to get to the belt.

Yeah, if you’re looking for warm fuzzies, you can stop reading now. These two aren’t on the list. (Pic: MMAConvert.com)

Being a father must be one of the most thankless jobs on Earth. I say this not as a dad, but as a son who can only imagine what I put my father through. Sure, there are probably some happy times, like watching your son get his first hit on the baseball court, but largely it’s a never ending torrent of putting up with your son’s immature bullshit, and for that you get thought of one day a year at which time you’re rewarded with an ugly ass tie and a “Free Oil Change” coupon for the truck your son smashed up.

On this special occasion, take a few minutes to grab your old man, have a seat, and enjoy some good old fashioned shadenfreude with some of our sport’s less celebrated father-son moments. You may laugh, you may cry, but hopefully you’ll both realize that things could be a lot worse. Who knows, after a beer or two you may even decide to celebrate your strengthened bond by taking a class together.

To all the dads out there, keep fighting the good fight.

(Update: the embed code turns out to be an empty promise, but here’s the link to the reunion show clip.)

This Saturday, September 13 Spike TV is airing a TUF 1 marathon and special reunion show. As you can see from the clip, some of those old rivalries haven’t been forgotten. Give Joe Rogan some credit, he doesn’t shy away from asking Bobby Southworth whether he felt bad about the whole ‘fatherless bastard’ remark. We don’t get to see his answer in this clip, but let’s hope it’s yes.

Check out Dana White’s closing video blog entry for UFC 88 after the jump. They’ve apparently decided to go with quantity over quality, as this is the longest one yet. For some real fun, skip to the 9:00 mark to see Chuck Liddell‘s pre-fight preparations, which tells you a lot about what kind of fight he was expecting. Afterwards Dana has to corral Rashad Evans‘ wife while simultaneously stopping Chuck Liddell and John Hackleman from jetting out of the Octagon. That’s a hard-working man, right there.

(Josh Thomson’s just happy to be anywhere right now. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

In yesterday’s interview with Renato “Babalu” Sobral we wrote, “Right now, the only thing that’s certain is that Sobral will be fighting Bobby Southworth on September 20th for Strikeforce’s light-heavyweight championship.” But in this mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, can anything be certain? Not so much, apparently. MMA Junkie is reporting that Southworth has dropped out of “Strikeforce at the Mansion II” due to an undisclosed injury. Sobral will instead face Anthony Ruiz (21-11), who previously defeated Southworth via cut stoppage in a non-title fight last November, then lost a decision to Southworth in June when the belt was actually on the line. A month later, Ruiz fought in the undercard of EliteXC: Unfinished Business, where he defeated Jeremy Freitag for the third time in his career.

Sadly for Babalu, this means that his next fight won’t be for a belt after all. But as with the first meeting between Southworth and Ruiz, Strikeforce doesn’t even guarantee title fights to their reigning champions. In fact, Josh Thomson — who earned Strikeforce’s lightweight title with his five-round pwnage of Gilbert Melendez in June — was recently booked for a non-title fight at the September 20th Playboy Mansion show. He’ll be facing Ashe Bowman, a 6-4 Lion’s Den product who has absolutely no business being in the cage with someone on Thomson’s level. Bowman is coming off a three-fight win-streak, but those three opponents sported a combined record of 0-2 at the time he faced them.

Honestly, it’s one of the most bizarre matchups in recent memory. And it emphasizes the ridiculous nature of Strikeforce’s non-title matches. They’re denying Bowman a title shot to prevent the possibility of a total scrub wearing the belt; so why exactly are they throwing a total scrub at their champion in the first place? If Strikeforce has no other credible lightweights to vie for the championship (a sad state of affairs in itself), can’t they let Thomson take fights elsewhere until they find somebody? It’s a waste of The Punk’s time, and it’ll almost certainly be a lopsided loss for a young fighter who should still be woodshedding in regional shows.

Strikeforce’s “Melendez vs. Thomson” event goes down tomorrow at the HP Pavilion in San Jose. You can watch the main card live on HDNet beginning at 10:30 p.m. ET; here’s what you’ll be seeing…

Gilbert Melendez (14-1) vs. Josh Thomson (14-2) [for lightweight title]
With five straight wins in Strikeforce and an impressive ground game, Josh “The Punk” Thomson would be a credible threat to Gilbert Melendez’s Strikeforce belt, except for two things — he’s still recovering from shoulder surgery, and he and Melendez are longtime training partners, which means the champion already knows his game a little too well. It won’t be a gimme, but El Niño’s relentless aggression will likely win the day, as it usually does; though maybe he’ll go easy on his friend and let it go to a decision.

Bobby Southworth (8-5) vs. Anthony Ruiz (20-10) [for light heavyweight title]
205-pound champion Southworth actually lost his last fight against Anthony Ruiz, via TKO due to cut at “Strikeforce: Four Men Enter, One Man Survives” in November. For unclear reasons — and if you know, please enlighten us — the match was a non-title fight, and it set up tomorrow’s rematch for the championship. Though Southworth hasn’t fought since, Ruiz has scored wins against Jimmy Ambriz and Brad Imes. Submissions are Ruiz’s kryptonite (eight of his ten losses come from chokes and armbars), so Southworth would be wise to get it to the ground before he’s stuffed again by Ruiz’s sharp striking. Still, I see Ruiz taking it by decision and earning the belt he should already be wearing. Fun fact: Southworth picked up a no-contest against James Irvin at “Strikeforce: Revenge,” when both men fell from the cage at the 17-second mark of round 1.

Strikeforce is putting on a way-killer show tonight at San Jose’s HP Pavillion, with a 13-fight card that features kickboxing star Cung Le, PRIDE vet Alistair Overeem, light heavyweight champ Bobby Southworth, and a four-man middleweight tournament that will determine the next contender to challenge Frank Shamrock for his title. The event kicks off at 6 p.m. PT, and will be available to all Internet users located beyond a 150 mile radius of San Jose, via a stream on Yahoo! Sports. Though the fighters in the 185-pound tournament were announced a month ago, the exact brackets were determined by a lottery held yesterday. They are:

Trevor Prangley (185) vs. Falaniko Vitale (185)
Yuki Sasaki (183.3) vs. Jorge Santiago (184)

As for the rest of the evening’s action…